Let's Learn Martial Arts

The verse echoed through the Repentance Cave like an ancient commandment.

“The Heaven-Shattering Divine Power Art consists of three Gates in total. Each Gate is divided into three Steps, making nine Steps altogether. We’ll begin training at the first Gate. Once I see you’ve gotten the hang of it, we’ll move on.”

At first the old demons treated it like the cute antics of a granddaughter-aged girl, willing to humor her despite their madness. But the moment the profound phrases began, their attention sharpened.

“Mastering just the first Gate properly will restore those rotten bodies of yours. Once your physiques recover, you’ll be able to accumulate Heaven-Shattering Divine Power. It’s on a completely different level from the crude trash you used to practice. Extremely powerful and efficient. Now, I’ll recite it five times. The proper method is three, but since your brains have probably turned to stone from old age, this is a special favor.”

“...You’re the first bitch I’ve ever met who teaches in such a shitty mood,” Gapjil Jijon muttered, unable to hold back.

“Pay attention! Who said you could interrupt?”

My sharp rebuke made his face flush red and purple, but he finally clamped his mouth shut.

Who the hell does he think he is, interrupting the Great Hero’s lesson… how rude.

After that I carefully recited the Heaven-Shattering Divine Power Art formula loud enough for the entire Repentance Cave to hear. We cycled through one full revolution three or four times. By the time we finished, the sun had already passed its zenith and was beginning to slant toward the horizon.

Guyu Majon and I locked eyes once training ended.

“How about it? You can totally feel that this is the greatest divine art under the heavens, right?”

Guyu Majon stared at me with a face like he’d bitten into shit.

“You crazy girl. You’re so damn hateful that even if it really is the greatest divine art, I don’t want to admit it.”

“Aww, don’t be shy~”

When I made a mischievous face he paused for a moment, then finally confessed his true thoughts.

“...I don’t know if it’s truly the greatest, but it certainly deserves to be called a divine art. A martial art that doesn’t use the dantian… this old man has opened his eyes to something new today.”

But of course someone had to pour cold water on the touching moment—Gapjil Jijon, naturally.

“You ugly bitch! If it’s such an amazing art like you claim, why are you still trapped in this prison? You could escape anytime! So why can’t you? Is this martial art really a divine art or not?”

…And here I thought you were too hungry to even speak.

“Hmph. I’m already practicing an art that’s waaay more amazing than the Heaven-Shattering Divine Power Art. That’s why I didn’t bother training this one seriously.”

At that moment, Guyu Majon, who had been listening silently, spoke up.

“What is the name of that ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠art?”

Wait, this guy finally opened his mouth? Why is he suddenly so talkative?

I lifted my chin arrogantly and answered.

“The Supreme Martial Art of Heaven and Earth.”

The instant the words left my mouth, laughter exploded from every direction.

“Puhahaha! The Supreme Martial Art of Heaven and Earth?”

“What a grandiose name! Never heard of it!”

“Even a three-year-old could come up with something better!”

The mood instantly turned chaotic. Guyu Majon stepped in.

“Enough!”

Once the cave fell silent, he cleared his throat and continued.

“Having watched the girl practice today, I don’t believe she’s simply lying. In just half a day of training, my body already feels lighter and internal energy is accumulating… it’s extraordinary. Don’t you all feel the same?”

At his words the demons finally began checking their own conditions.

“Huh? Now that you mention it…”

“My blood circulation definitely feels smoother than before.”

“My ten-year-old frozen shoulder is gone!”

These guys have the attention spans of goldfish.

I sent Guyu Majon a grateful look and spoke sweetly.

“Then it’s time for you to teach me the Dark Heaven-Defying Sword as promised, right?”

Why is he making that constipated face again?

***************

“Just so you know, it’s not the Black-White Cooking Sword. It’s the Dark Heaven-Defying Sword.”

Guyu Majon stood up and scolded me.

Hmm… people make slips of the tongue, no need to be so petty about it.

Whether I grumbled inwardly or not, he continued.

“The Dark Heaven-Defying Sword is the greatest secret technique passed down in my family. Only the family head was permitted to learn it.”

I blinked in surprise.

“Wait a second. A technique that only the family head can learn? That sounds inconvenient. What if someone accuses me of stealing it by saying ‘That sword is only for the head of so-and-so family!’ Or worse, what if I end up inheriting the grudges of the Cheon family along with it?”

My rambling, disorganized words made Guyu Majon chuckle.

“What does it matter when ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠the family has already been destroyed? Besides, our clan was barely known in the martial world, so it’s even less of an issue. We only officially appeared in the murim once, and we only ever displayed the Dark Heaven-Defying Sword that single time.”

“Hmm… if Uncle Cheon says it’s fine, then I guess it doesn’t matter.”

“It doesn’t. In fact, because no one in our family wanted to learn the Dark Heaven-Defying Sword, the head was forced to bear the responsibility of mastering both the scripture and the sword technique.”

Seeing his mischievous smile, I snapped.

“What? Why didn’t anyone want to learn it? Don’t tell me you’re passing me some defective, half-assed sword art?”

“That can’t be. I am not a man without conscience.”

Guyu Majon firmly denied it, but how could I trust a demon’s words?

“The truth is… our family was a scholarly household.”

“Scholarly household?”

“It means a family that produced scholars for generations. What child from such a house would be interested in martial arts? The elders were quite pleased with that tendency. However, someone still had to learn the family’s inherited martial arts. Since no one wanted to, the head naturally took on the duty. It became tradition.”

Guyu Majon swallowed once as if his throat was dry, then continued.

“It’s unclear exactly when the Dark Heaven-Defying Scripture and Dark Heaven-Defying Sword entered our family, but their power is by no means weak. In fact, they rank among the strongest in murim history. There is evidence to support this, but explaining it here would only waste breath…”

He paused briefly.

“…However, due to unavoidable circumstances, I was only able to train the Dark Heaven-Defying Sword for a single year. Therefore, while I cannot pass on the deepest insights, I can teach you the forms and postures. The true profundities will be something you must comprehend yourself.”

What the hell is a scholarly household? Like a family of noble scholars in the Joseon era or something?

“Hold on. Then why did you object first when I offered to trade my precious and amazing Heaven-Shattering Divine Power Art for your techniques? It doesn’t sound like you treasured it that much.”

“That’s not true. It is a family treasure, so of course it’s precious. I simply didn’t want to learn it myself, yet it felt far too wasteful to give it to someone else.”

“Huh?”

“Ahem… though I was forced to pick up the sword instead of the brush, I still lived in the murim for a long time. I had to follow its customs. No one in the murim likes revealing their signature techniques. I was simply acting accordingly.”

“Then why is your nickname Heavenly Poison Old Man instead of Heavenly Sword Old Man?”

“Because I chose poison over the sword.”

I stared at him in disbelief.

“Hem hem. I was simply more confident in poison than in the sword…”

Okay, I’m seriously starting to doubt whether I should learn this. Should I just call the whole thing off?

“Enough chatter. Let’s begin.”

“Brother Cheon Dok, would it be acceptable for us to observe the Dark Heaven-Defying Sword as well?” Ok-myeon Eum-ma suddenly tried to insert himself.

What the hell, dude? This was supposed to be just for me.

“Wasn’t the outcome already decided the moment the girl made her offer? Since she wanted everyone’s signature techniques to be shared, this is only natural.”

Ah! Realization struck me.

Because there was some kind of monitor on the ceiling broadcasting everything live, teaching me martial arts meant teaching the entire Repentance Cave.

So that’s why they were all so reluctant to reveal their techniques.

Guyu Majon cleared his throat and awkwardly added some disclaimers.

“Ahem. Just so you know, girl—this old man currently has no bets riding on this and my body isn’t in normal condition… so I won’t be able to display its full power. Keep that in mind.”

“I get it, I get it already! Geez, I’m trying to concentrate here…”

Guyu Majon looked a bit sheepish, then assumed his starting stance.

“Since we have no real swords or substitutes, imagine a blade in my hand as you watch.”

Ah, the Heart Sword or something like that.

“Yeah, yeah.”

I answered half-heartedly.

Soon Guyu Majon shouted the technique name with as much dignity as he could muster and swung his hand like a blade.

“Black Dark! Defy Heaven!”

…It looked incredibly lame.

How should I put it? Like an old man doing bare-handed exercises at the neighborhood mineral spring? He seemed to be putting in effort, but it was still pathetic.

After swinging a few times he coughed violently.

“Hek, hek…!”

Panting, he continued.

“This is… the basic stance of the Dark Heaven-Defying Sword.”

What the hell is this? Is this even martial arts? Or just some kind of dance?

I wasn’t the only one who thought so. The other demons in the cave began murmuring as well. From every direction came the sound of tongues clicking as they looked up at the ceiling.

“…If I used my martial arts right now, would I look like that too?”

“It seems powerful at a glance, but the posture is…”

“Sigh… I really need to recover my body first.”

Leaving the lamenting demons behind, I felt nothing but disappointment.

Wow. This is not what I imagined martial arts would look like when I read wuxia novels…

Despite that, Guyu Majon declared today’s lesson over.

“Let’s stop here after the basic stance. It would be too much for you to learn everything at once.”

Then he immediately told me to try it myself.

Huh? You want me to copy that complicated earthworm-crawling movement after seeing it once? Even though I was once humanity’s hero, that’s still…

Thinking it was impossible, I reluctantly moved my hands.

But.

…Huh?

It worked? I could actually follow it roughly?

What the—am I a genius after all?

…I thought that for about three seconds before realizing the truth.

This wasn’t my own talent. It was thanks to the insane athletic ability of the girl whose body I’d taken—the madwoman.

Since the Heaven-Shattering Divine Power Art had already restored her body to at least an ordinary person’s level, I could tell clearly.

Wow, look at these movements.

Unbelievable flexibility. Speed difficult to follow with the eyes. The body even automatically adjusted which parts needed power and which needed to relax.

Could it be… this girl learned other martial arts before, so her body instinctively connects and predicts forms after seeing them once?

Yes, I am someone who maintains excellent self-objectivity through rational judgment. Of course I am.

Sure enough, Guyu Majon’s eyes were wide as saucers and his mouth hung open.

Surprised, are you? Hehe. Even I was surprised by how I moved, old man.

Anyway, the conclusion was obvious.

Even after ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠taking this body, I’m still a genius…?

The Dark Heaven-Defying Sword was divided into a first half and second half. The first half consisted of twelve basic stances, while the second half contained twelve linked continuous techniques.

The first stance, Heugam-dol (Black Dark Charge), was a thrust that condensed darkness like a spear and stabbed forward sharply. It was essentially a lightning-fast draw-and-stab technique—pulling the sword from its sheath with maximum speed while closing in on the opponent and piercing with full power.

Starting with Heugam-dol, then Reverse Heaven Slash, Phantom Strike, Underworld Breaker, Shadow Curtain Sword, ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠Life-Severing Star, Abyss Blade, Principle-Breaking Sword, Dark Night Dance, Reverse Scale Strike, Heaven-Reversing Force, and finally the twelfth stance, Narakchu (Fall into the Abyss).

I mastered all twelve basic sword forms in a single day.

I completed them in a far more stylish manner than Guyu Majon’s sloppy, half-hearted swings. Achieving this after only three repetitions made the feat even more impressive.

Of course Guyu Majon had chattered advice or criticism while demonstrating, but since I had already perfected them, what could he do?

So I confidently asked him to teach me the twelve advanced stances tomorrow, but he said I needed to repeat and master the basics for at least several months before moving on.

Several months?

Like hell I have several months. Don’t we need to escape? Who’s going to protect Earth? Is he seriously suggesting I rot away in this damn cave?

I don’t understand. Why do they keep measuring me by their own standards? Can a genius and an ordinary person, a great hero and common folk, be compared on the same scale?

I need to leave this place as quickly as possible. And I need to learn as many martial arts as I can while I’m here.

When I eventually return to my original world, I should teach those foolish awakened bastards everything I’ve learned, right? Since this is a murim world, its martial arts should be far superior to Earth’s pathetic modern techniques.

Those monster bastards—I’ll wipe them all out! Earth belongs to humans! How dare those filthy creatures set their eyes on it?

Ah, I’m tired.

After a fulfilling day of work, I lay down on my “bed”—if you could even call the bumpy stone floor that.

Thinking back, it really had been a rewarding day. I now had a solid escape plan, I’d tricked those foolish demons into teaching me martial arts, and I hadn’t skipped dinner…

…Wait. Why had I skipped breakfast again?

Breakfast… breakfast… fuck!

The memory suddenly resurfaced with vivid clarity. I had stripped completely naked in front of that fake monk and suffered humiliation!

Shame crashed over me like a nuclear bomb.

“Fuck! Blanket kick!!”

I couldn’t stay still. I shot upright while shouting “ibul kick.”

An unbearable sense of humiliation exploded within me.

“Crazy bitch! Can’t we just sleep?! Haah… how did someone like her end up moving in next door…”

Gapjil Jijon’s grumbling finally helped me calm down enough to lie back on the floor.

“Hoo… hoo…”

I worked to steady my mind and body. An unstable heart would prevent me from sleeping. I needed proper rest so tomorrow’s martial arts training wouldn’t be affected. I tried to fall asle——

Snore. Zzz. Snore.

“That girl… tsk tsk. She wakes up everyone else and then passes out immediately.”

In my half-asleep state, I thought I could hear Gapjil Jijon’s voice.