The Escape Sales Pitch

I listlessly gathered up the rag-like clothes and put them on. Even as I did, curses and bitter resentment hurled in my direction shook the entire Repentance Cave.

“Hey, you crazy bitch! If you’re ugly, at least don’t go insane! Pick one or the other!”

“Ugly and crazy for this long? My only pleasure in this damn life is mealtime, and you’ve ruined even that!”

“Ugly lunatic, you’re definitely going to drop dead while eating shit!”

“Young lady, this is too much. Even if someone is unattractive, proper conduct can still make them a beauty. But if you won’t even manage the basics, how are you any different from a beast?”

Ah… even you, Ok-myeon Eum-ma….

The lecherous middle-aged prisoner had been the only one remotely friendly toward me—though to be fair, the guy was friendly to anything with a pulse. Now even he had joined the chorus of curses. The abuse showed no signs of stopping. I had no defense; I’d brought this on myself. Still, I felt wronged! They’d all heard my tragic story!

“That’s enough. My stomach’s about to cave in.”

Thankfully, my neighbor across the way, the Heavenly Poison Old Man, took my side. Looking at him now, the old coot reminded me more of a loyal dog than a rat. …The phrasing felt off, but that was a compliment, right?

Only then did the uproar slowly die down. Still, after listening to “ugly” and “crazy” for so long, my self-esteem had been ground into dust and scattered to the wind. It wasn’t even my original body, yet it was the one I currently inhabited.

Wait. They couldn’t see me, so how were they so certain I was ugly? It wasn’t as if that bald homicidal maniac had carried me in beaten half to death and announced, “New inmate here! Look at this face! Isn’t it hideous?” while parading me in front of everyone.

Once the cave had fallen completely silent, I cautiously offered an apology.

“I’m sorry… It won’t happen again….”

“Ahem. Please, just don’t.”

The replies came from various cells, their voices noticeably deflated. Judging that their anger had cooled, I seized the moment to ask the question that had been bothering me.

“Um… none of you can actually see me, right? So why do you keep insisting I’m ugly?”

A heavy silence blanketed the cave. Then Gapjil Jijon, my immediate neighbor, spat out an answer as if I’d asked the most obvious thing in the world.

“Tsk, what kind of stupid question is that? We can all see you just fine.”

“……Huh?”

While I sat there stunned, agreeing voices drifted in from the other cells.

“That’s right.”

“Ahem….”

“??”

What kind of nonsense was this? I genuinely doubted my own ears. We can all see you?

The Repentance Cave’s layout was brutally simple: one long, straight tunnel with artificial cells carved into both walls. Think apartment hallway. You could see the unit directly across from yours, but not the one right next door. By that logic, the only person who should have a clear view of me was the Heavenly Poison Old Man living directly opposite—the one who now reminded me of a dog. Even if the others strained their necks, they should only catch a sliver of my cell bars at best.

The only reason I’d been able to watch three of the guards eat was because they’d pressed themselves right against the bars and I’d done the same. Even Gapjil Jijon next door shouldn’t be able to see me. This was common sense! It defied physics!

“Wait, how is that possible?”

The prisoners answered my desperate question with clear annoyance.

“We can see you, I said.”

“Obviously.”

“We saw you strip naked and lie down. Crystal clear.”

“Young lady, I turned my head at the time out of respect. Please believe ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠me.”

My mind went blank. Is this some kind of hidden camera prank? Were they all messing with me? A new form ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠of torture?

Ok-myeon Eum-ma explained it all in that smug tone of his, so of course I didn’t fully understand the principle. He’d apparently learned it from some guy called the “Strange Glutton.” Typical for these prisoners—their acquaintances all had equally villainous nicknames.

But why would such an expensive cultivation facility be installed in a prison meant to hold them? It made no sense. Were they supposed to train hard and help destabilize the murim? After having their dantians and meridians destroyed?

When I pointed out the glaring contradiction, Ok-myeon Eum-ma awkwardly asked if any of the others knew the reason. Also, how could there be “light” to absorb and share in a pitch-black cave with no illumination? His explanation ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠left me speechless. Apparently the darksteel scales and mica crystals generated their own “dark light.”

Every time I heard things like this, it reinforced that this wasn’t the world I knew. Which was actually a relief—it proved I wasn’t simply another personality of the woman whose body I’d stolen.

Yet no matter how hard I stared at the ceiling of the central passage, I couldn’t see the prisoners. They told me to close my eyes and focus on the ceiling. When I did, eight faint cell images appeared directly in front of me. As I turned my head, the view of each prisoner shifted from front to side profile. The image wasn’t bright or crisp, but I could make them out.

Once I understood the truth, I couldn’t hold back.

“You perverted bastards! So you’ve been secretly watching me this whole time! Hey, Ok-myeon Eum-ma! You’re still looking right now, aren’t you! Stop it! I said stop looking!”

They’d been peeping at a grown woman’s body! It really was a hidden camera!

I have to protect the original owner’s purity and dignity.

I was only borrowing this body temporarily before returning to my own world. If I left it in a terrible state, I’d feel awful for its true owner.

Ok-myeon Eum-ma’s panicked voice rang out immediately.

“No, young lady! You misunderstand! I was only checking whether you were doing it properly!”

“Ugh! You call that an excuse? You bastards, why didn’t you tell me sooner? You were planning to keep watching until the very end!”

As I raged, Gapjil Jijon from the next cell tossed out a nasty remark.

“The lecher’s telling the truth. Who’d bother secretly watching an ugly thing like you? Now you can see your own hideous face, so know your place. Ugh, I’m starving to death, you crazy bitch.”

Only then did I realize my own image was reflected on the ceiling. I carefully searched for it.

Right. How ugly could I possibly be for them to keep carrying on like this?

I stared hard at the blurry image.

“I’m not even that ug—

…Maybe a little ugly?

How are you ever going to get married?

Even with an unattractive face, a kind heart could make someone beautiful. But my behavior had been bad enough to get me scouted by Shaolin’s Repentance Cave….

Eyes like tiny knotholes. Why was my nose so upturned? And those protruding buck teeth… The lighting was too dim to tell, but was my skin at least decent?

“Eh, I’m just average.”

Yes. My skin probably looked good. Most likely. Good skin alone accounted for more than half of one’s appearance. Therefore I wasn’t ugly—I was average. Was I wrong? No, right?

The moment my rationalization ended, Gapjil Jijon’s irritating voice struck like an arrow.

“Ugly and shameless. What a combination.”

“Gapjil, sir, why do you always choose the most annoying way to say things? It’s infuriating.”

“Because I’m starving! You idiot!”

…He had me there. Fine! I’d made up my mind. I would give hope to these poor, despairing souls.

I declared in the most dignified voice I could muster, loud enough for everyone in the cave to hear.

“Everyone, just endure for three months. In three months, I’ll treat you to the highest-quality dumplings until your stomachs burst instead of this disgusting gruel.”

Hyeolbu Mak-ga snorted at my grand proclamation.

“How the hell are you going to treat us to dumplings? What, are you going to strip naked and do a handstand in front of the Shaolin monks again?”

Damn it, did he have to bring up my dark history?

I’m sorry, original owner… I won’t do it again….

I cleared my throat and steadied my voice. I had decided. I would include these pitiful prisoners in my magnificent escape plan. Originally I’d planned to escape alone, but after hearing Ok-myeon Eum-ma’s explanation of the Vision Manifestation Array, I immediately revised my strategy. If I used the array properly…!

I had already given up on any logical, intellectual persuasion for early release—these damn hypocritical monks made that impossible. In a voice full of conviction, I made another declaration.

“Within eight months, I will make sure every one of you eats rice and meat soup at every meal! Dumplings too!”

Only cold silence answered. The entire cave radiated an atmosphere that screamed There she goes again with her crazy talk.

Did they really not understand how big a decision this was? How much grace and benefit I was bestowing upon them? I addressed the pathetic prisoners once more.

“It seems your pathetic brains can’t comprehend it, so let me make it simple. If you follow my words, in eight months you will all be free men. You must trust me completely!”

The mood remained lukewarm. Someone even muttered, “Did that bitch just call us pathetic?”

“Crazy bitch! Stop talking nonsense and just do another naked handstand in front of the monks! I’ll even clap for you!”

Wow… With Gapjil Jijon quiet, Hyeolbu Mak-ga had stepped up as the new villain. Still, at least the jeering meant they were listening.

The dog-like—no, the one who resembled a loyal dog—Heavenly Poison Old Man across from me simply kept his eyes tightly shut, as if I wasn’t worth acknowledging. His expression clearly said, My stomach hurts, so don’t talk to me.

“Attention everyone! If I can get us out of this hellish Repentance Cave in three months, what will you do? I’m betting something incredibly precious—my own pinky finger! What will you wager? An arm or two? Or are you too scared?”

“Young lady, you ask us to bet an arm while you only risk a pinky finger…”

“There’s a method to this! Are ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠you going to listen or not? Are you giving up on escape? Do you want to live as pathetic prisoners in this cave forever instead of tasting glorious freedom?”

Ok-myeon Eum-ma tried to interrupt with a pointless objection, but I ignored him cleanly and continued my speech worthy of humanity’s guide. Finally, the prisoners began to murmur among themselves at my confident boasting.

Amid the chaotic atmosphere, an unfamiliar voice spoke softly.

“It’s hard to believe, but it wouldn’t hurt to hear what scheme you have in mind.”

The old man who had never spoken a word since I arrived, the one who only ever meditated. This was Guyu Majon, whose introduction Ok-myeon Eum-ma had given in his place.

“Huk! Guyu Majon is speaking…!”

The prisoners couldn’t hide their shock at hearing his voice. Guyu Majon. The oldest, the longest imprisoned, and the one with the highest cultivation before being captured. Most importantly, he came from a golden spoon background. Unlike the other lone-wolf prisoners, he had been a high-ranking elder of the Demonic Cult—the very same cult that topped villain popularity rankings and coolness rankings in murim stories.

According to the others, if he hadn’t been imprisoned, he would have already reached the Profound Realm and lived comfortably as the Supreme Elder of the Cult. At Guyu Majon’s heavy words, the other prisoners finally began paying attention to me. The mood had shifted to Let’s hear her out.

The stage was finally set.

“What if I told you there’s a martial art that lets you accumulate qi even without a dantian? What if you could use your magnificent… well, currently pathetic muscles as a dantian to store qi? And what if that martial art was dozens—no, hundreds of times more efficient than ordinary cultivation methods? What if it could also perfectly heal your damaged meridians! Would you still stay trapped in this Repentance Cave? No matter how worthless you all are, you’d immediately try to break out, right?”

I paused for a moment to savor their reactions.

“And guess what? I have exactly that kind of martial art. What should I do about it?”

“Is that true?!”

“I’ve never even heard of such a divine art!”

Doubts erupted from every direction.

“Of course I showed a rather pathetic side after coming here, but this body is something even the Shaolin Repentance Cave coveted. A person of my caliber wouldn’t have at least one hidden secret art, now would I? I’ve decided to reveal it boldly.”

At that moment, Guyu Majon asked in his characteristically low, calm tone.

“What is the name of this divine art?”

I answered with a triumphant smile.

“Heaven-Shattering Divine Power Art.”

___________________________________________________________

Deep in the night, a tranquil silence enveloped Shaolin Temple. Yet in a small thatched hut far from the main complex, a lamp still burned brightly.

Hye-yul, the sole direct disciple of Hyeon-jung—the greatest genius of Shaolin, the number one expert under heaven, and the temple’s only Profound Realm master. Thanks to his special status, he lived in an independent residence some distance from the main temple grounds. Of course, the fact that Hye-yul was a once-in-a-millennium talent who would succeed Hyeon-jung also played a part.

Well past midnight, Hye-yul sat in meditation with his eyes closed, circulating the Shaolin supreme art, the Muscle Changing Classic. But today, no matter what he did, he couldn’t concentrate.

“…….”

Eventually he let out a small sigh and opened his eyes. He tried to calm his mind by opening the Lotus Sutra that rested on his desk, but the characters refused to register.

“Amitabha….”

The events of that morning kept resurfacing. The Blood Demon Witch’s naked body. The first time he had ever seen a woman’s bare form. Skin white as snow, almost pale. Soft curves completely unlike a man’s. The afterimage refused to leave his mind, disturbing his heart.

Suddenly, he recalled the conversation he’d had with his youngest martial uncle during the day.

His youngest martial uncle, Hyeon-geum. Despite having a perfectly fine Dharma name, he was far more famous in the murim as “Firefighting Master.”

I had cautiously asked Hyeon-geum about the Blood Demon Witch earlier that day. After all, he was one of the people who had personally captured the public enemy of the murim.

“Martial uncle, does the Blood Demon Witch’s appearance match the rumors?”

“You see her every day. Why ask me?”

Hyeon-geum had answered with a puzzled look.

“You saw her too. Eyes like knotholes, a severely upturned nose. Those protruding buck teeth—I’ve never seen anything like them. And that skin. It’s my first time seeing a woman so heavily pockmarked.”

I had simply nodded lightly and withdrawn. But now, no matter how I thought about it, something felt wrong.

The Blood Demon Witch I had seen had eyes as large and round as a doe’s. Her nose was small but straight and elegant. Far from buck teeth, she had small but beautifully curved lips. Heavily pockmarked skin?

If the Blood Demon Witch’s face is pockmarked, is there anyone in this world without pockmarks?

Recalling her skin—so white it bordered on pale—Hye-yul fell into confusion.

Is there something wrong with my eyes?

He shook his head fiercely and tried to steady his troubled mind by focusing on the Lotus Sutra again. But above the characters, her image from that morning kept flickering before him.