Crossing the Line
It was Thursday, the day she crossed the line—Seol-guk's Thursday.
Maybe it was the effect of that story I'd heard yesterday, but I wasn't feeling well. My whole body ached, and I was dizzy. Fortunately, it didn't seem like a fever. As long as it wasn't something contagious, it was fine. Bearable. I couldn't skip the interview over something like this. It was a crucial opportunity not just for the orphanage, but for me too.
I washed up, popped some painkillers from the stash at home, and headed out. No breakfast. If I ate something and ended up puking, it'd be a disaster.
Since it was an interview, I'd figured it'd be at the TTBS station, but it turned out to be a rented studio. No way they'd use a fancy spot for nobodies like us novelists. If it was just one-on-one, they'd probably do it in some café, but since they were gathering a bunch of us, they must've rented a studio.
When I arrived at the promised studio, I spotted several novelists whose faces I recognized. As expected, we were only on nodding terms, so no proper greetings—just a quick bow to each other.
I sat in my spot, dazed, nursing my pounding head, when someone came over to say hi. It was Senior Han Su-young.
"Hey, Seol-guk. Still got that shit-eating look on your face today, huh."
"...Hello, Senior."
As I'd mentioned before, there were no women in the department I was close to. Muk Ha-neul was the sole exception. But Su-young Senior occasionally chatted with me, probably because she'd dated Kang Hwa-won before.
"Heard you went a few rounds with Hwa-won yesterday. You sure you're up for this interview?"
"Of course. No way something like that slows me down."
Su-young Senior was that kind of woman. For a chick, she was brash and macho. Her speech sounded like she was gearing up for a triathlon. No lingering grudges, cool as hell. But in the end, still a woman. Possessive, self-righteous—and she'd even shown jealousy toward me once. Because I was tight with Hwa-won.
Of course, I wasn't gay or anything, but back then, there were rumors in the department that I was. Who knows, maybe some still believe it. Su-young Senior's personality meant she wouldn't pull any shady shit even if she was jealous, but it was still awkward as hell.
"Hwa-won said you've got a girlfriend now. That true?"
"Misunderstanding."
"Ha-neul? Gotta be Ha-neul, right? Who else sticks to you like that?"
Su-young Senior's guess was spot-on, but it soured my mood anyway, so I stayed silent. Even now, I couldn't understand it. Why the hell had I accepted Ha-neul's offer?
I was a guy too. Separate from my views on women, I had urges, sexual desire, attraction to the opposite sex. In the end, was I just another man who couldn't beat his libido? Shameful, thinking about myself like that.
Still, Muk Ha-neul wasn't a bad woman. Obedient to my words, no weird ideologies. The only problem was that she was a woman. It's not like being a man made it better. Women were just... that. Born from man's rib.
"Anyway, who would've thought you'd show up for something like this."
"You know my situation."
"Sure, but you know TTBS's leanings, right? I don't remember who, but some junior from our department is your reporter, yeah? If she's your junior, no way she writes you a good article."
I stayed silent. Truth was, that worried me. I had no intention of hiding my views on women, but TTBS was hardcore PC. A reporter from there—my junior no less—writing me a positive piece? Fat chance.
Still, I'd shown up because I'd already committed and couldn't back out, and it'd been about five years since we'd met. I figured she'd forgotten me. Even if there was some grudge, college debate-level beef should've faded after five years. Muk Ha-neul had mostly forgotten after three. Yun Su-a apparently hadn't, but damn sparrow had a good memory.
Anyway, over five years later, unless this Jin Seo-hye was directly involved back then, it should be fine. Su-young Senior not mentioning it suggested she probably wasn't. Plus, it was a public gig, so no personal grudges, I thought. Even a woman should have the brains for that. Or so I hoped.
And as always, expecting anything from a woman got you nothing in return.
~
Her first impression was nothing special. A face with moderate makeup, the kind of flashy-not-quite-luxury bag a fresh grad might carry, and a safe pantsuit. That was Jin Seo-hye.
Nothing edgy about her, no open hostility toward me.
"Hello, Writer Seol-guk. I'm Jin Seo-hye."
"Hello. Seol-guk."
"Didn't expect to run into a senior from the same department here."
"Surprised me too."
Jin Seo-hye knew who I was, but luckily, no deep grudge seemed to linger.
The interview flowed smoothly enough. Surprisingly, she said she'd read all my work. Just one short story collection and one novel, but for a last-minute gig, she seemed competent as a reporter.
Seemed.
We covered the usual trivia, standard questions wrapped up. Time to segue into the House of Love stuff, I figured. As I pondered how to bring it up, Jin Seo-hye suddenly asked:
"By the way, your name is quite unique, Writer Seol-guk. Mind sharing how your parents came up with it?"
...Bringing up parents to an orphan like me? Unexpected. Unless she truly knew nothing about me—which she'd know if we were from the same department. But I held back. Had to talk about being an orphan anyway, and promoting the orphanage mattered more. Maybe she really didn't know.
"...Sorry. Truth is, I'm from an orphanage, so I don't know the exact origin. The hanja makes me think of Yasunari Kawabata, though."
Usually, that'd make someone apologize with a stiff face for the insensitive question. But Jin Seo-hye was different. She was smiling.
"Ah, sorry. Guess I forgot since it's been a while."
Meaning she had known all along.
The vibe turned sour.
"Professor Seo contacted me, saying it was about the orphanage, right?"
"...Yes. Since I'm an orphan, I figured it was fitting to share my story at an event like this."
"Mind if I ask one question before that?"
...Bad feeling.
"What is it?"
"Your debut novel, Boy's Womb, got good reviews in literary circles and some popular success. But lately, there's been controversy over the misogynistic expressions in it. What's your take?"
...There it was.
I'd half-expected it. If they thought this would hurt me, big mistake.
"To some extent, it was intentional. Sure, it might offend women, but the expressions in Boy's Womb only point out issues with specific women. The crimes and inhuman acts depicted are all based on real events and stats. There might be some exaggeration or standout characters, but that's an inevitable sacrifice to convey the theme in a novel."
"So you're saying the misogynistic expressions and scenarios in Boy's Womb reflect reality?"
"That's twisting my words a bit."
"Sorry. If it came across that way."
Jin Seo-hye didn't look sorry at all.
Looking back, I should've walked out then, without hearing the backstory.
"Then, the part where the protagonist's abusive mother—who'd rant that trash like you should've been aborted—is that based on a real event too? Say, a 'personal experience'?"
At that moment, Jin Seo-hye's face, which had seemed innocently neutral, twisted in naked hatred toward me. Impressive acting. Hiding that all this time.
Jin Seo-hye had crossed the line.