Chapter 174
Translator: RaidenTL
Chapter 174
Ju Woo-seong, seemingly parched, took the glass I had poured and downed it in one go. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and suddenly let out a short, dry laugh.
“I really thought I’d seen every pathetic thing possible in this industry, but I’ve never met anyone like you.”
Many words seemed to flicker across his face, but after his lips twitched for a long moment, Ju Woo-seong finally asked just one question.
“Are you… okay?”
“I’m perfectly fine.”
“No, I mean your mental state.”
That’s what Ju Woo-seong said.
It was just a question, but having Ju Woo-seong ask it in this situation rubbed me the wrong way. I leaned my chin on one hand and tilted my head, looking at him askance.
“I said I’m fine.”
Ju Woo-seong stared straight into my eyes with an unreadable expression. Then, he suddenly brought up something completely out of left field.
“Do you remember when I told you during Shining Star Season 1 that there were missions and a pre-selected candidate?”
I remembered.
But why bring that up now?
“Back then, you said you owed me one and told me to let you know if I ever needed anything. Do you remember that too?”
“…How long ago was that?”
“I asked if you remember.”
Even though I made it blatantly obvious that he was being annoying, Ju Woo-seong asked with firm determination.
I considered feigning ignorance or dodging the question further, but I just clicked my tongue softly and nodded.
“I’m using that favor now.”
“For what?”
“Hold on.”
He rummaged through his pocket and pulled out his wallet. Not knowing what he was up to, I just watched for the time being.
“Pocket money?”
“Shut up for a second.”
Ju Woo-seong pulled a small piece of paper from the inner fold of his wallet and held it out.
“Here.”
I took it reflexively; it was a small, white business card.
It said ‘Department of Psychiatry and Mental Health.’
“Go there when you have some time.”
Is he crazy?
I flicked the card back and forth.
“It’s a very private place, so you don’t have to worry about news leaking that you’re visiting a clinic. If you need, I’ll tell you how to get there.”
“…Why do you even have this card?”
“Why do you care?”
Ju Woo-seong took a sip of his drink, sounding annoyed.
“Modern medicine has come a long way. Just go when you have time.”
“……”
“It’s obvious your insides are rotting away.”
…Is the guy in front of me really Ju Woo-seong?
Where did the guy who was always missing that crucial two percent go? His intuition was suddenly top-notch.
“Can you really call this ‘repaying a debt’?”
“Of course. I was saving that favor to use when I wanted to screw you over, but I’m using it now out of the goodness of my heart.”
“Why not save it forever? Why use it now?”
“Because I’m damn cool, that’s why.”
“……”
I looked at him with cold, unimpressed eyes, but Ju Woo-seong didn't care and just swept his hair back. It was actually a bit irritating.
“Do your members know you’re the one who leaked it?”
“I don’t think so.”
“Right. I mean… who in their right mind would even think of that?”
He let out a hollow laugh, as if the question he’d asked was absurd even to him.
“Anyway, be good to your members. Those kids were really bawling their eyes out. If it were me, I would’ve been pissed, but they’re so damn nice…”
“I think there’s at least one person who’s pissed.”
“Ah, Yi-chae.”
As I shifted my gaze and sipped my beer, Ju Woo-seong chuckled.
“You should’ve taken better care of them sooner. I told you, you’re a team regardless. You think you can handle everything on your own? You can’t.”
“……”
“The time will come when even you will need help.”
I didn't feel like answering, so I just tapped the table before asking back.
“So, is Chae Jeong-woo the only person you’re close with?”
“…Hey.”
“I heard you’re awkward even within your own group…”
Ju Woo-seong bit his lower lip as if I’d hit a sore spot.
“Where did you hear that?”
“You’re quite famous for it.”
“Ha… shit, people really talk too much. I’m trying to fix that, okay?”
Ju Woo-seong picked up some food with his chopsticks, pouting. Then, with a face that had grown a bit redder, he added one more thing.
“…Let’s both try harder. You and me.”
Before I could respond, Kim Hee-yeong and Im Hyeon-su returned. I quickly shoved the business card into my pocket.
Unaware of the conversation between Ju Woo-seong and me, Im Hyeon-su—who looked a bit more sober after getting some fresh air—looked at me and tucked a pack of cigarettes and a lighter into my chest pocket.
“What are you doing?”
“Smoke them and forget everything.”
Even though I glared at her, Im Hyeon-su acted like it was nothing and started shouting about going for a fourth round.
“I’m heading home first.”
“Aww! Where are you going?!”
“He says he’s busy~. He doesn't want to play with us~.”
“Yes, I’m incredibly busy.”
I felt like I’d be dragged around all night by these drunks if I stayed, so I quickly ditched them and caught a taxi.
When I arrived at the dorm, it was quiet with all the lights off.
It was already well past midnight.
Even though they must have known I’d arrived, not a single person came out of their room.
I went straight to bed without even changing my clothes.
I was still tired, but I didn't feel too bad.
I massaged my aching left arm and organized my thoughts.
“……Hmm.”
Then, I rummaged through my pocket, pulled out the business card, and looked at it.
I hadn't thought about it at all until Ju Woo-seong mentioned it today, but since I’d received counseling before, I didn't have any aversion to it.
Going to a clinic wasn't a bad idea, but…
‘It’s not a fundamental solution.’
Even if I went, there were too many things I couldn't be honest about during a session.
Well, I’ll go eventually.
I never expected him to ask me to repay the debt this way, but I’m the kind of person who keeps my promises no matter what.
‘As long as it’s not part of the scenario, it doesn't matter….’
I’d been curious for a while now. Why Ju Woo-seong was being so nice to me.
I tucked the card into my wallet and thought about his other words.
Whenever Ju Woo-seong tried to act like a senior, I usually let it go in one ear and out the other, but today, one part particularly bothered me.
The part about being a team.
I looked at the empty bed next to mine.
If I left things like this, it might cause problems during our promotions.
And it wasn't like I could just stay slumped over here forever anyway.
“……Right.”
Having made up my mind, I got up and headed straight to the company.
.
.
.
“So.”
Having stormed into the company in the middle of the night, I decided to confront Kang Yi-chae directly.
“Did you figure it out?”
Kang Yi-chae, who seemed to have been working until now, had his headphones hanging awkwardly around his neck. His eyes widened when he saw me.
“…What are you talking about all of a sudden?”
But seeing him slowly lower his gaze, it seemed this guy had sensed everything.
I plopped down into the chair next to him.
“You’re avoiding me. You know what’s going on, don't you?”
At this rate, we were going to end up with discord rumors.
At my question, which sounded like I’d regained my senses, Kang Yi-chae hesitated for a moment before asking slowly.
“…Did you really leak your own family history, Hyung?”
…As I thought.
When I remained silent, Kang Yi-chae scratched his head vigorously. Then, he set his headphones down and scooted his chair closer to me.
“Sigh….”
He let out a long, deep sigh.
“Uh… well, first of all, that’s not why I was avoiding you. Honestly, it’s not like I didn't know you had a cold side. …But I didn't expect you to just charge headlong into it like that.”
However, after a few words, I found myself surprised.
“…You’re not angry?”
Kang Yi-chae was strangely calm.
The corner of his eyebrow twitched.
“……Hmm, you really don't remember.”
He was silent for a long time, then muttered while brushing his lips with his finger.
“Hyung, I’ve already been angry enough.”
“Huh?”
“I guess it makes sense that you don't remember, since you weren't in your right mind for the past few days.”
He twisted the cap off a water bottle on the corner of the table and took a sip.
“From the moment the leak happened, you didn't sleep a wink for days. And when you did manage to sleep, you were moaning as if you were having a nightmare. You were fine in front of the cameras or the audience, but otherwise, you were walking around like a ghost who’d lost his soul.”
“……”
“Because you were like that, even I started to have doubts. Did this person really do it?”
There was no particular blame toward me in his tone or choice of words.
“Then why aren't you coming back?”
That made me even more curious.
If the things he mentioned weren't the reason, why was he sleeping on a cramped studio sofa instead of his comfortable bed?
“…Maintaining a proper social distance?”
Kang Yi-chae cracked a joke with a playful smirk, but when I crossed my arms and looked at him with narrowed eyes, he quickly returned to a serious expression.
“I just wanted you to rest.”
“……!”
“Everyone’s probably talking about you right now, and it wouldn't be right for those of us closest to you to bother you too. The members already agreed on it.”
This was news to me.
Kang Yi-chae rolled his eyes as if reminiscing about that time, then shuddered.
“Of course, there was some pushback, but Ji-won hyung shut it down completely. The way he tramples over people with that calm, quiet voice… he’s a pro at killing someone’s spirit.”
“Seong Ji-won did?”
“Yeah, that same Seong Ji-won you firmly believe is a soft little marshmallow.”
“I never said that.”
“Ah~, yes, yes. Of course you didn't.”
I also knew that Seong Ji-won wasn't exactly a pushover.
Kang Yi-chae curled the corner of his lip.
“You might not know this, but the company tried to push through with the schedule. Instead of a vacation, they tried to shove a reality program and concert dates down our throats. Seong-hyeon hyung got really angry, and Da-jun was barking right along with him.”
“…Why would they?”
“……”
Kang Yi-chae’s exasperated gaze fixed on me.
“Good grief…….”
I could read countless emotions in his sigh.
I felt a bit offended because I could sense him swallowing back words while looking at me with pity.
“Anyway, we’re also responsible for you doing that. I don't know why you’re so obsessed with getting first place, though.”
“How is that your fault?”
Is he delusional because he’s swayed by guilt?
Because I spoke with that implication, Kang Yi-chae caught on instantly and retorted.
“Being emotional…. No, wait. You’re right. I can’t deny it.”
Coolly acknowledging his own point, Kang Yi-chae took another sip of water to moisten his throat.
“Anyway, we’re a team, Hyung. Objectively speaking, if we had done better, you wouldn't have felt the need to do something like that.”
The reason I was obsessed with first place was obvious.
To avoid leaking any potential secrets, and to clear this scenario and get out of here as quickly as possible.
It wasn't that I thought the members lacked talent.
“If I hadn't thrown a tantrum about not wanting to compose back then, if Jeong Da-jun hadn't made that mistake, if Ji-won hyung had practiced more, if Seong-hyeon hyung had flashed his abs… and so on.”
“What was that last one?”
“Honestly, don't you think that accounts for the biggest portion of our responsibility?”
Kang Yi-chae spoke playfully with a chuckle, then closed the water bottle and spun it with his fingertips.
“I know our group isn't your number one priority, Hyung.”
“……”
“I’ve always wondered why you go this far. But after watching you, I think I get it. You have some other goal you’re aiming for.”
He pushed off the floor with his feet, rolled his chair toward the desk he’d been working at, and repeatedly hit the save button on his composition program.
“Then we should run together.”
Then he gave a bright smile.
“Are you hurting?”
“No.”
“Can you breathe okay?”
“Of course.”
I lied shamelessly, using the acting skills that strangely never seemed to work on the members.
My arm throbbed occasionally, so I slightly turned my body away from him, but Kang Yi-chae just watched me silently without saying much.
“Right, that’s a relief.”
He only muttered that much, and silence drifted between us. After a moment, Kang Yi-chae stretched and stood up.
“But stop running away when you’re about to hurl, okay?”
“……”
Does he really have to use rhymes at a time like this?
Kang Yi-chae patted my back and gestured for us to leave, and we returned to the dorm together.
Even though it was late into the night, unlike before, all the members were gathered in the living room. They were talking quietly amongst themselves, but their eyes went wide when they saw us.
“Ah!”
“You’re back?”
“Yeah. Hey, since we have nothing to do…”
I naturally sat on the sofa and wondered how to start, when I suddenly remembered Jeong Da-jun constantly singing about wanting to drink once he became an adult.
At the time, I’d scoffed, thinking a kid with a fresh liver was being fearless.
“…Do you guys want to have a drink for an after-party?”
“What kind of sudden…”
Even Jeong Da-jun looked at me as if I’d said something completely random.
“If you don't want to, then never mind.”
“Wait! No, let’s drink, let’s drink!”
Seong Ji-won, seemingly thinking it was a good opportunity to lighten the mood, agreed with my suggestion and jumped up to set things up.
I followed Kim Seong-hyeon, who volunteered to go buy the alcohol.
“What do you want to drink?”
“Sol-ui-nun.”
“I’m so sick of that…”
You wouldn't say that if you’d tried mixing Sol-ui-nun with soju. As we were sweeping up beer and soju and I was eyeing the hard liquor section, Kim Seong-hyeon asked from beside me.
“But surprisingly, you didn't come back after fighting with Kang Yi-chae?”
“Is there a reason to fight…?”
I scratched the bridge of my nose awkwardly.
“Yi-chae was quite mature.”
“……Whaaat?”
“He was very calm.”
The bottle of Sol-ui-nun in Kim Seong-hyeon’s hand dropped to the floor with a thud.
“Hey. You really don't remember, do you…? Don't you know he was the one who was the most pissed off when you were in bad shape?”
“……??”
And from the mouth of a very bewildered Kim Seong-hyeon came a new story I hadn't known.
“Remember when we were talking with the company about whether to leave you be or pull you from the stage? Kang Yi-chae and Seong Ji-won fought so viciously. Seeing the look in his eyes, I thought for sure we were going to disband right then and there.”
“……”
“Da-jun and I were caught in the middle of it all. I never imagined I’d be the shrimp in that proverb.”
Kim Seong-hyeon glanced at my face and grumbled as he picked up the drink rolling on the floor.
“The reason he’s been staying out is because we sent him away until he calmed down.”
Only then did I realize.
‘Kang Yi-chae, that brat!’
He’d conveniently left out all the parts that made him look bad.