The Slickback
KABOOM!
"Hiiik!"
I barely twisted out of the way in time, but the flagstones where his fist struck were gouged out like a crater.
"Y-Young Patriarch! Whatever it is, it's all my fault! Truly! So please, just—"
"ROOOAAAR!"
Bellowing like a ravenous beast that had just watched its cub get swallowed whole, he swung wildly. At this point, it was hard to tell whether a human or a rabid bull was charging at me.
BOOM! CRASH! BANG!
Every time I dodged, paving stones shattered, and courtyard walls crumbled into dust. We weren't even in a training yard. At this rate, the madman was going to level the entire ancestral estate down to the bedrock.
Who in their right mind would ever look at this raging berserker and call him the heir of an intellectual scholar clan?! It made zero sense!
I glanced toward the girl huddled across the courtyard and ground my teeth inwardly. Jegal So-yeong, you just wait. I swear I'm repaying today's mess twofold...!
Yet somehow, she managed to misinterpret my desperate glare entirely. Her doe eyes welled up with shimmering tears, and she cupped her hands around her mouth to cheer me on.
"Sniff... Master! Please don't worry about me! I'm not on my brother's side... I'm on yours, Master...!!"
The emotional damage was instantaneous and critical. Across from me, actual tears of heartbreak streamed down Jegal Hyun's quivering face.
"...Young Patriarch, this really is just a—"
When he glared down at me, his eyes were rolled back in sheer murderous frenzy. He was far beyond the realm of human reasoning.
"H-How dare you... HOW DARE YOU!"
"I swear to Heaven it's a misunderstanding!"
Heavy, earth-shaking footsteps thundered toward me, an ominous, shimmering crimson aura bleeding from his clenched knuckles. Wait, hold on. Manifesting actual fist qi?! Isn't that a bit much?! What did I even do to deserve execution by internal arts?!
Still, running away endlessly wasn't an option. Setting physical stamina aside, the chasm between our internal energy pools meant a war of attrition would inevitably end with my head detached from my neck. If even a glancing graze from those fist waves clipped me, I'd be fast-tracked to an audience with the Jade Emperor himself.
As gears spun furiously inside my brain, an old memory with my bald master suddenly surfaced—a hellish, traumatic training session I had tried my absolute best to repress.
BOOM! WHAM! CRASH!
Thoroughly pulverized by the endless sparring, my past self had collapsed into the dirt, wheezing for breath as I screamed at the heavens.
"Pant... pant... No, seriously! How in the world am I supposed to dodge this and counterattack at the same time?!"
"Because you can't, obviously. Did taking so many hits finally scramble whatever tiny brain you had left?"
"Excuse me? What is that supposed to—"
The bald mountain of muscle hoisted a massive fist before my face, squeezed it tight until the knuckles popped like firecrackers, and barked a hearty laugh.
"Gwahahaha! At your pathetic level, did you honestly think blocking a fist from this glorious Fist King was within the realm of possibility?"
It stung my pride, but every single word was painfully true. For hands the size of cooking pots, they were disgustingly swift. No matter how wildly I contorted my body, evasion remained a pipe dream.
While lying there, pondering how on earth a man could dodge such lightning-fast strikes, I caught sight of a bird soaring lazily across the distant sky.
...Right. That's it.
"Master, I've finally found it. A way to beat you."
"Suit yourself. You're the one getting beaten half to death anyway. Gwahaha!"
To pull off what I needed, I first had to lower his guard by thoroughly provoking him—specifically with the exact things he hated hearing most.
"Master, did you know?"
"If these are your last words before the beating, I'll indulge you. What is it?"
I had no idea what kind of state I'd end up in after uttering the next sentence. I could very well be pummeled straight into an early grave. But if a red-blooded man couldn't take this kind of gamble, what great deeds could he ever hope to achieve?
"Phew. They say there's not a single bad person among the bald. Because... there isn't a hair out of place."
"...What did you say?"
I wasn't done yet.
"Then you probably didn't know this one either! Bald folks can never walk properly, you know why? Because they don't have two feet—or two hairs!"
"..."
Normally, he would have slapped me halfway across the province by now, yet Master stood there in absolute, petrifying silence. Had it failed? Then I had to double down.
"I finally figured out why a bald man's fist is so fast. It's because your head keeps flashing like lightning! Hahaha! Uh... M-Master?"
Only then did my survival instincts finally kick in, realizing why he had stayed quiet for so long. He wasn't stunned. He was charging up.
Without a single word, he began striding toward me. The aura wafting off his frame was nothing short of apocalyptic. Thinking the bait had worked, I scrambled to scramble away, only to find my feet glued to the earth by an invisible tidal wave of sheer killing intent.
"Huh? Why won't my..."
Towering over me like a wrathful Asura, both fists clenched until his veins threatened to burst, my master whispered with terrifying calm.
"Right. So that's what little Ho-yeon has been thinking every time he looks at his dear master?"
Realizing that doom had arrived, I opened my mouth to offer frantic excuses, but it was far too late. A catastrophic, world-ending power swirled around his knuckles.
"Now then, you were asking why a bald man's fists are so fast, weren't you? Heheheh."
His colossal fist blotted out the midday sun, casting a pitch-black shadow over my terrified face.
"N-No, sir?! How could a bald head ever make you faster! Ahahaha..."
"Today, we're stopping exactly one breath before you die."
WHOOOSH—
BOOOOOOOM!
...Even now, recounting that memory sent cold shivers crawling down my spine. But that brutal ordeal had given birth to a unique footwork technique.
I had calibrated it specifically to match my meager internal reserves, making it surprisingly practical for real combat. Its only glaring weakness was that it was utterly useless unless the opponent's guard was thoroughly dropped.
All right, Jeong Ho-yeon. You can say it! Summon your courage!
"Y-Your little sister...!"
"What?!"
"Your little sister... w-was amazing!"
A dead, suffocating hush fell over the courtyard.
Now!
Recognizing the golden opening, I burst into motion, gliding around him in a tight circle. But this wasn't ordinary movement. Before my leading heel touched the stone, my trailing foot dragged and kicked outward, skimming across the flagstones as smoothly as if I were gliding effortlessly over still water.
It looked utterly ridiculous, but there was no helping it. The sheer absurdity of the dance was meant to bewilder the enemy.
Jegal Hyun's killing intent flared ten times thicker than before, thick enough to choke a draft horse. A wave of regret instantly washed over me. How in the hell was I going to explain this afterward? Still, once his head cooled down, maybe he'd show some merc—
"I will slaughter you. I will tear you limb from limb...!!"
...Yeah, nope. Absolutely no mercy.
Fifth Stance: Heaven Collapses, Earth Rifts
BOOM!
In the razor-thin sliver of a heartbeat before that mountain-crushing fist qi caved my skull in, the formation clicked into place.
The vibrant light flashed beneath his boots, his consciousness snapped like a severed thread, and Jegal Hyun crashed face-first onto the ground.
Thud.
"Pant... pant..."
Behold: the Slickback.
Now, could I have just activated a standard formation without the song and dance? Anyone asking that clearly knew jack-all about the art of tactical formations. Activating a formation required a medium to channel qi through. That goofy, floating glide was my medium.
To an untrained eye, it looked like an idiot sliding in circles, but in truth, each dragging step and overlapping stride carved intricate formation runes into the dust. On top of that, the sheer visual absurdity doubled as an enraged taunt, opening up the exact mental blind spot needed to spring the trap.
Even Master Jegal Sa-hyeong had stared at it with his jaw on the floor before grudgingly admitting its sheer, unhinged genius.
"Phew... Finally, I can breathe..."
My internal energy reserves had dried up minutes ago. Lacking the strength to remain upright, I collapsed backward into the dirt. Out of the corner of my eye, a flutter of silk caught my attention as Jegal So-yeong came sprinting over.
"Master!!"
Completely bypassing her unconscious, dirt-eating elder brother, she dropped to her knees beside me, wearing an expression of pure, frantic devotion. Something about this family dynamic was twisted beyond repair.
"Haah... Yeah, I'm fine. But—"
Plop.
Before I could finish, she slipped her soft hands under my neck, lifted my head, and settled it squarely onto her lap.
"W-What are you doing?"
"I-I thought your head might hurt from the fall... Is this... not allowed?"
Seeing how she never listened to a word I said and just did whatever crossed her mind, the siblings truly were cut from the exact same cloth. Still, her thighs were delightfully pillowy, and a certain pair of colossal assets conveniently blocked out the blinding glare of the midday sun. It wasn't the worst spot to recover.
...Hey, don't look at me like that! I'm merely stating objective, scientific facts here! Ahem.
"Sigh. More importantly, what on earth am I supposed to tell your brother? The second he wakes up, he's going to hunt me down for round two."
"Hehehe."
"Are you seriously giggling right now? Your only master is about to get slaughtered by your own kin!"
"What you said earlier... Eheheh."
She buried her flushed cheeks in her sleeves, muttering blissfully to herself. I was utterly dumbfounded. A part of me wanted to rap her on the forehead, but I didn't even have the energy to lift a finger, so I simply closed my eyes and stayed put.
Whatever. When he wakes up, I'll figure out some lie to save my skin. Surely it can't get any worse.
Little did I know just how massive of a ripple today's absurd spectacle was about to trigger.
Meanwhile, an unannounced guest had arrived at Clan Head Jegal Yeo-ryong's study.
"Yu Cheon-ryong, Young Bureau Head of the Black Sky Escort Agency, greets the esteemed Patriarch of the great Jegal Clan."
"Oh? What brings you all the way here, Young Master Yu?"
It was the very same silk-robed youth who had cornered So-yeong the previous day.
"There is no grave matter pressing upon us; I merely wished to pay my respects and greet the Clan Head in person."
Jegal Yeo-ryong, however, saw straight through the honeyed pleasantries.
"Could it be that you have come seeking a favor regarding my daughter, So-yeong?"
A momentary pause flickered behind Yu Cheon-ryong's suave mask before he smoothed it over with a polished chuckle.
"...Haha. Truly, nothing escapes the Clan Head's penetrating gaze. The reason for my visit is simple: four days from now, our bureau embarks on an escort convoy, and I would be honored if So-yeong could accompany us on the road."
Jegal Yeo-ryong's demeanor hardened, his gaze turning solemn.
"Escort missions remain far too perilous for So-yeong's level of experience."
"Please, set your mind at ease. This journey is merely a ceremonial escort along heavily secured trade routes; there is no danger to speak of. If you still harbor concerns, you are more than welcome to send her newly appointed master alongside her."
"...Above all else, I will not grant permission unless the child herself desires it."
"Haha, naturally! I would never dream of forcing her if she is unwilling. In that case, I shall take my leave for today."
"Take care on your way, Young Bureau Head."
The following morning.
With the grand hall packed full of clan retainers and elders, Jegal So-yeong and I were inexplicably called up to stand before the dais.
The Clan Head addressed his daughter first.
"The Young Bureau Head of the Black Sky Escort Agency has requested your presence on an upcoming escort journey. What are your thoughts on participating?"
"I obviously refu—"
"Of course, your master would accompany you as well."
"...fuse to miss it! I'd love to go."
H-Huh? What just happened?
Before my brain could process the whiplash, Jegal Yeo-ryong turned his piercing gaze upon me.
"And what does Master Jeong think of this proposal?"
It smelled like an absolute royal nuisance from a mile away. There was no way I was getting dragged into some rich kid's escort parade. I opened my mouth to flatly decline—
"Should you agree to accompany her and ensure her safety, I shall grant you two gold ingots."
"Understood, Clan Head! Where the disciple goes, how could the master ever dare stay behind?!"
Alas, the sheer weight of the gold was far too heavy for my humble conscience to resist.