Chapter 26
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Translator: MadScientist
Chapter: 26
Chapter Title: I Accidentally Pulled Down My Pants in the Police Car... (Not an Accident)
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- Clank... clink.
Cuffed wrists.
No matter how much I tried to move...
All I could hear was the friction of metal scraping against metal.
I couldn't move my hands freely.
"Haa..."
This is my life now.
'I was just saving a woman suffering from dating violence...'
And yet, victims of dating violence get cursed out and no one bats an eye...
'Minsuuu!!! How dare you lay a hand on our Min-su!!!'
Even the victim doesn't see herself as one.
Instead, she screamed and charged at me, the one who saved her...
'Gah!!!'
So I kindly sent her straight back to her boyfriend Min-su's side. (Didn't kill her.)
"Hng... Oppa, now we're getting dragged to the station because of you~? Aww... So scary~"
"..."
Why is she so excited all of a sudden?
She was dead serious earlier, thinking I'd actually killed someone...
"You okay now?"
"Huh? With what?"
She's playing dumb.
"Your face earlier... It looked really serious."
"... Oh, that?"
She grinned slyly, like she'd just remembered.
'... What the hell.'
Why make that smug little brat face and worry me?
"Oppa... You went to the hospital, right?"
"Hospital?"
Oh, right.
I got so caught up with that sunken-faced Min-su that I forgot for a sec.
'I got certified that it's not azoospermia...'
Come to think of it... where'd I put that S-Rank certificate I grabbed from the hospital on the way out...?
- Clink! Click!
Damn... these cuffs are making it hard to pull my pants down...
"Chae-eun."
"Yeah?"
"Pull Oppa's pants down for me."
"... We're in a police car right now?"
Chae-eun's face stiffened a bit.
We were sitting nicely in the back seat of the moving patrol car.
The kind with all the escape-proof barriers you only see in movies.
... And up front were the big sis cops who'd gifted these silver bracelets on my wrists.
'But... it's not like it'll wear out if they see it.'
"Got it."
"..."
She's giving me that cold, dead stare.
'What. Why.'
"If you don't wanna, fine. No more dick for you then."
"Agh... Fine, I'll do it! Ugh... And I'm only hesitating because of who...?"
"Tch... If you're gonna mumble, just stop."
"..."
"Or hurry up and pull my pants down. Oppa has stuff to do."
"... Fine, whatever..."
She's gonna do it anyway, so why the stubborn act...
She kept hesitating, so I shot her a warning glare... and she let out a tiny sigh.
"Hoo... Seriously... Why do I have to show Oppa's dick to those shitty cops...?"
That was the issue?
'No wonder she was dragging her feet more than usual...'
Cute. She's jealous.
"Chae-eun."
"... What."
A slightly pouty tone.
Gotta nip this in the bud.
I carefully met her eyes and started talking.
"Jealous?"
"... A little."
Liar.
Her face screamed, 'I absolutely don't want them seeing it.'
"You know that, right?"
"... What now..."
Her voice softened just looking at my face.
... See? Gotta be handsome.
Unlike my past life, this one's got plot logic...
Now that Chae-eun's mood was easing up.
This was my chance.
"You can suck my dick whenever you want, take my cum in your pussy... But those ladies? They'll just look and go home to jerk off like crazy. And you're jealous?"
"..."
How's that!
They can't have it... but you can!
Feel that superiority complex surging yet??!
"..."
Good... going smooth.
Her lips twitched upward ever so slightly.
A little more push...!
"Where's Oppa headed right now?"
"... Police station."
"Right, got nabbed unfairly just for decking some goblin-ass punk?"
"... Yeah."
Man, Min-su's useless.
I gave that nuisance a two-month forced vacation so he'd stop causing trouble, and he repays me like this?
"... So you gotta pull my pants down."
"... Why and how?"
"Pants. Down."
"Haa..."
Chae-eun sighed deeply, resigned, and grabbed my pants.
- Whoosh.
Thanks to the training pants, they slid down easy.
Pants fully off...
Exposing my massive, proud dic...
"... Paper?"
My glorious 1-trillion S-Rank certificate... covered Chae-eun's face.
"Why the hell do you carry something like this in your pants...?"
"..."
She grumbled under her breath.
- Rustle.
She spotted the 'S-Rank Male Certificate' she'd dismissed as junk paper...
"Uh...?"
And just like that... she broke.
"S... S-Rank...?"
Chae-eun's mouth dropped wide open.
Her pink tongue peeking out in that lewd O-shape, completely zoned out.
"Chae-eun—"
I called out to snap her out of it.
- Screech—
The car jolted forward with a light bump, and a cop spoke up.
"We're here. All arrived."
And just like that, we entered the station.
"Your little sister's pretty quiet, huh? She was talking a bit earlier..."
"... Ah, yeah. Kinda. Haha."
"..."
Chae-eun, still dazed, followed the cop's lead obediently.
That big a shock, huh?
'At least she's holding onto the S-Rank certificate tight...'
Suspiciously tight grip, but...
Whatever. Fine.
That'll solve everything anyway.
That's what S-Rank is.
A law unto itself, top of the food chain.
'Worst case, it'll be another release with a warning...'
The cops were waffling between arrest and release... plenty possible.
"Alright, sir? Have a seat and tell me your name, age, address."
This must be it.
That classic interrogation desk and chair from movies.
Cop and criminal alone in a room, cop pressuring for confession, criminal toying with them.
... Not quite.
Just a regular station interior.
No intense closed-room grilling about my sins.
No detectives tempting with tasty food to confess quick.
Never thought I'd commit a crime and end up in interrogation.
'... Huh, asking for name, age, address... kinda feels erotic?'
Makes me feel like some tragic NTR heroine. Kinda depressing.
"Sir?"
"Ah, yes."
The cop's starting to eye me sharply...
Got too lost in fantasy, now she's suspicious...
Not like that at all.
I'll answer honestly and prove it...
"Kang Jinhyuk... 21 years old... lives at..."
Fuck.
Get out of my head, NTR heroine!
I'm the one doing the stealing, not getting stolen from... and I hate being the one conquered...!
- Tap tap...
"Kang... Jinhyuk... 21 years old..."
The cop diligently typing away.
Watching this makes it real.
'This is actually a police station...'
Coulda been seriously fucked up...
- Tap... tap!
Cop finished typing.
'Aren't proper touch-typists supposed to be faster...?'
Eagle-claw hunt-and-peck took forever...
"Alright! Now explain the incident?"
Here it comes.
"... Yes, first off, I witnessed that Park Min-su guy slapping his girlfriend—dating violence—so I threw myself in to protect her."
"...?"
"Demanded 100 Dubai chewy cookies at 20,000 won a pop... insane. She obviously couldn't buy them, so he slaps her for not buying... He should be the one here, not me... Officer."
"... Thaaat..."
Huh?
She's hesitating or something?
"Is that... bad?"
"... Right?!"
See? Cops are reasonable.
"He deserved way more beating..."
"Kya~ Told ya, sinking his face was saintly mercy?"
"No... Well..."
The cop hemmed and hawed in deep thought, then spat it out clean.
"The reporter... nah, that bitch deserved it...?"
"... Pardon?"
What.
Is the world hidden cam trolling me again?
"Old saying goes... 'Big-titted bitches are fine to suck dick, big-titted rich girls are marriage material. Flat poor bitches? Stay home jerking off to your defeat—no dick or marriage dreams.' Ancestor's wisdom..."
???
No way...
Ancestors into thicc too... kinda like me...
'Not the point.'
So what's the situation now...?
Confusing.
"Knew it, should've arrested that bitch... Anyway, sir, you did wrong too..."
"Hoo... Yes."
"Probationary sentence: 3 years supervised ejaculation, 1 year suspended... Since no rank yet."
"... Pardon?"
Supervised what now.
What the...
"Supervised ejaculation...?"
"Oh, don't know? Means taking ejaculation inducers daily for 3 years, ejaculating required quota monthly."
Ejaculation inducers?
If that existed, why's the world like this...
Like reading my mind, the cop continued.
"Ejaculation inducer... You know? Once you start, lifelong dependency. Stop midway? Azoospermia. Side effects: hair loss, increased lower body fat... 99% higher testicular cancer risk vs normals... Basically terminal."
"... Pardon?"
"Sigh... Shoulda hit her lightly... Why half-cripple a guy... And an A-Rank too..."
Just escaped azoospermia terror... now eunuch risk again...?
Yeah... I'm properly fucked.