004. Trauma (1)
004. Trauma (1)
I roughly cleaned up the yard and came inside the house.
Haeun had probably already gone in to wash, as the sound of the shower could be heard.
Should I change my clothes first, too?
As I was about to go into the room, Haeun's clothes left outside the bathroom caught my eye.
Why is this kid not going to her own room and washing here again?
"......."
They're going to be washed together anyway.
I thought about putting them in the laundry basket, but stopped.
Come to think of it, Haeun might feel a bit annoyed.
Even assuming it was because of the alcohol last night, wouldn't it be creepy if I suddenly acted too friendly after we had lived apart for so long?
As Haeun said, I wasn't the type to be that kind naturally anyway.
"......."
Still, it would be best to adjust the distance a bit.
Maybe because of the age gap, our senses subtly seemed different, too.
...Getting close to Haeun is so damn hard.
**
After simply washing the dirt off my body with cold water, I changed my clothes, came out, and sat at the dining table.
While brewing a cup of coffee and thinking about what to eat for lunch again, a hollow laugh suddenly escaped.
When living alone, I used to just lazily eat whatever was available, or boil ramen if there was nothing.
It was a bit funny that with just one more mouth to feed, I was even worrying over the menu.
Just then, Haeun came out of the room, tying her hair back.
"...oppa. What are you doing?"
"Worrying about lunch menu. Should I brew you a cup of coffee, too?"
"Yeah."
I held out a container filled with coffee capsules and an instruction manual describing what kind of taste each type had.
"Pick whichever one you want to eat from these."
"...I don't really know what's what. Can't oppa just pick one for me?"
"Hmm... do you like something sour, or something nutty?"
"Nutty."
I took out a capsule coffee packaged in green and red from the container.
"Then this one is worth eating. It's a bit strong, but that's alright, right?"
"Yeah."
As I put the coffee into the machine and pressed the button, a fragrant coffee smell wafted over instantly.
"Here."
Haeun held the handed-over mug with both hands and cautiously brought it to her cheek.
"It's warm."
"......."
I sipped the coffee and looked at the clothes Haeun was wearing.
"...Aren't there any other clothes besides those?"
A loose gray t-shirt with a completely stretched-out neck.
Pink dolphin shorts that showed signs of slight fraying from being worn for so long.
Being comfortable at home was fine,
but it felt a bit much seeing Haeun wearing such worn-out clothes.
Besides, the pants looked too small in size, too.
Her thighs were crammed in way too tight.
Haeun, perhaps noticing my gaze, pulled down the hem of her pants slightly and said,
"It's a bit late since I last bought clothes...."
"......."
...Did she wear only sportswear all the time in Jincheon?
Come to think of it, I hadn't seen Haeun wearing casual clothes very often.
At the funeral home... it was mourning clothes.
And at the hospital, she was only wearing a patient gown.
...Um.
Originally, I thought about eating lunch today and taking a lazy nap or something.
Plan changed.
"Then should we go buy some clothes today?"
"...Suddenly?"
"Yeah. You don't have many clothes worth wearing, do you?"
"Well... yeah, but."
"There's an outlet nearby. If you walk around wearing stretched-neck clothes, your fortune leaks out."
"What is that. ...You sound like an old grandfather."
"Anyway. Let's drink our coffee, rest a bit, and head out. I'll buy you something delicious for lunch, too."
Saying that, I took out my phone and searched my contacts.
Where was it... Choe... Choe...
Ah, found it.
"And while we're at it, there's someone I want to introduce you to."
"...Suddenly?"
"Yeah. Hyeonseo, a friend I got to know after coming here."
"Hyeonseo? ...Is she a girl?"
"Yeah. She's probably... two years older than you?"
"......."
Haeun fiddled with the coffee cup in silence.
"She dresses really well. Since I don't really know women's clothes, I was thinking of asking her to take a look. How about it?"
If called, she'd probably come right out.
It's vacation anyway, so she wouldn't have anything to do.
Wouldn't it be better for Haeun to have someone of the same sex look over clothes rather than wandering around shopping for clothes with just me alone?
Things like underwear..., tampons, and so on, too.
Because there must be a world of women that I don't know about.
Haeun blankly stared at me, let out a small sigh, and answered.
"...Alright."
"Then I'll tell her to come by 11:30."
"...Whatever."
Since the outlet takes about two hours roughly, it would be best to leave before twelve o'clock.
As for Hyeonseo, I could just tell her I'd buy her a meal separately later.
First, go and eat a meal,
buy Haeun's clothes,
and look around to see if there's anything worth browsing.
Then if we eat dinner somewhere delicious and come back,
the timing will be just right.
**
Hyeonseo arrived before it was even 11 o'clock.
"Hello, oppa!"
"What is it, why are you already here?"
"Because I'm bored. You know it too, oppa, there's not much to do here."
"...That's true."
All scattered around are rice paddies, fields, and mountains.
There are small valleys and streams too, and the scenery isn't too bad, though.
It's also true that it's a boring and tedious neighborhood for college students in their prime.
If it weren't for grandmother, I wouldn't have lived here either.
"First come in and wait a bit. My younger sister hasn't finished getting ready yet."
"Is that so? Then excuse meee~"
Hyeonseo greeted playfully and came inside the house.
Sweat was pouring down profusely, as if it was very hot.
Hyeonseo's house is on the opposite side of the neighborhood.
Walking from there to my house in this midsummer heat, it's only natural she'd be like that.
...Should I have just said I'd go pick her up?
"Want something to drink? Coffee? Or water?"
"Water is fine."
Hyeonseo naturally sat on the sofa and turned on the TV.
With a carefree expression, she grabbed the chest area of her t-shirt and flapped it,
and since it was a tight-fitting outfit of all things, it was awkward to know where to rest my eyes.
Does this kid have no sense of shame.
No matter how much she doesn't see me as a man.
I handed the water glass to Hyeonseo, trying as hard as possible not to lower my gaze downward.
"Ah, thank you."
Hyeonseo gulped down the water and put down the glass with a refreshing "Kheu-".
It's just like the generals in Romance of the Three Kingdoms drinking alcohol.
"But oppa."
"Hm?"
"Are you close with your younger sister?"
Hyeonseo asked suddenly.
"...Why is that?"
"No... usually people don't call a female friend to pick clothes for their younger sister. Especially while saying you'll even buy her a meal later."
"Is that so? ...Isn't it just normal?"
If you strictly put it... we didn't seem all that close.
Though we weren't not close either.
I just wanted to treat my younger sister as well as I couldn't until now.
Always hanging around drinking, not contacting, and not going home.
Even though Haeun didn't show it much, I felt a bit sorry for acting like a scoundrel during a time when she was most sensitive.
And besides, it's good to buy pretty clothes if possible.
Because an oppa's perspective and a stranger's perspective are different ways of looking at things.
"Haah..., it would have been nice if the family register mate at my house was just about as good as Haram-oppa...."
"Hyeonmin would be upset if he heard that."
"Him? No way. He still hasn't paid back the fifty thousand won he borrowed the other day. He's a kid full of thoughts on how to fleece me."
"Is that so?"
"I'm telling you. I thought he grew up a bit after coming back from the army, but what kind of younger sister is he, raiding his older sister's wallet to go on a date with his girlfriend? A damned punk."
"......."
So something like that happened.
True, if my younger sister was wandering around all day meeting guys... or putting her hands in my wallet.
...That definitely pisses me off.
I know well enough that Haeun wouldn't do that.
Even just imagining it is a bit...,
unpleasant.
"...I'm all done getting ready."
Just in time, Haeun came out of the room.
"......Oh."
An exclamation involuntarily leaked out of me.
A blouse with flowy ruffles and tight jeans.
Maybe because her legs are long, the boot-cut pant fit suited her well, too.
How did she do it, even the ends of her hair had a slight wave.
What should I say...,
it gives a similar vibe to people who do things like magazine models around college towns.
"......."
Now that I look at it, the lip color is a bit different, too.
...She's my younger sister, but dressed up like this, she's genuinely really pretty.
"Why..., why are you looking at me... like that."
"No..."
I quickly snapped out of it and introduced Hyeonseo.
"...Ahem. This is Hyeonseo, the one I talked about earlier. This is my younger sister, Haeun."
"...Hello."
"...Hi, hello."
Hyeonseo leaned her body toward me and whispered.
"...Haram-oppa. ...For some reason, I think I understand fathers' feelings."
"...What feelings."
"The feeling of not wanting to marry off their daughter."
"......."
...I think I know what that is, too.
**
When we arrived at the outlet, it was already getting close to 2 o'clock.
"Let's eat first."
"Yeeesㅡ."
We grabbed a suitable spot in the food court and went to order menu items.
Hyeonseo ordered pasta, and Haeun hesitated for a long time before eventually ordering the pork cutlet set that I chose together.
"But um, can I speak comfortably? We're only two years apart."
"...Ah, yes. Go ahead and speak comfortably."
"Yeah. Then you speak comfortably too."
"Pardon? ...Yes. I will."
"No, I told you to drop honorifics. If you keep using polite speech, only I become the weird person. Try calling me eonni, eonni. I've always wanted a younger sister."
"Pardon...?"
Haeun looked at me with an awkward smile, looking slightly flustered.
...Sorry, but I can't help you either.
That Hyeonseo, she's that kind of kid to begin with.
Haeun hesitated for a moment and said in a small voice:
"...Eonni."
"Aww...! Haeun, you're really cute. What is this? How are both siblings good-looking? At my house, only I'm pretty."
"......."
Thanks to Hyeonseo exercising her sociability, the two quickly became close while sharing various stories.
"Oh right, I heard you did gymnastics. I heard it from oppa."
"Yes. A long time ago..."
"I'm totally envious. I'm stiff-bodied so I'm really bad at stuff like that."
"It's not... to that extent."
As Haeun leaned her body slightly toward me as if shy, a sweet cosmetic-like scent drifted over.
...When did she even spray perfume?
After finishing lunch, we began walking around the clothing stores in earnest.
Hyeonseo grabbed Haeun's wrist and dragged her around here and there, picking up clothes.
"Try on this blouse. I think the waistline will come out pretty."
"......."
"This skirt too... since your legs are long, it'll probably suit you really well?"
Hyeonseo said while picking out clothes adeptly.
"Since your shoulder line is pretty, an off-shoulder would probably suit you well, too..."
"......."
"Maybe because you exercised for a long time, your figure is great so anything you wear looks pretty. Your waist is thin, too...."
Hyeonseo playfully wrapped both hands around Haeun's waist and pretended to measure it.
"Ugh...!"
At that, Haeun suddenly flinched and slapped that hand away sharply.
"...Sorry. Were you startled because I touched you suddenly?"
"...No, it's not that..."
Haeun avoided gaze with a pale, blue-ish face.
"Just..., it tickled a bit...."
"......."
That face just now, anyone could tell it wasn't just that.
Hyeonseo seemed to try and laugh it off casually, but it couldn't be helped that the atmosphere became slightly awkward.
"...If we're done picking clothes, should we pay and head out?"
I deliberately changed the subject, pretending not to mind.
Haeun didn't say a single word with a white, drained face.
"......."
I wanted to ask why she was startled to that extent, but held it in.
Because if I did that now, my younger sister, who was already trembling with a pale face, would likely shrink in even more.
We returned home just like that, skipping even the dinner we originally planned to eat.
Dropping Hyeonseo off and coming into the house, outside was turning dusky.
"...oppa."
"Yeah."
"...I want to drink alcohol."
"......."
I put the luggage in the room and took out a small table that had been cleared to one side of the living room.
Then I took out beer from the refrigerator and handed it to my younger sister.
"...Aren't you going to ask?"
"Ask what."
Why I... did that earlier.
"If I ask. Will you tell me?"
"......."
Of course I wanted to hear.
Why it was. What kind of thing happened.
However....
Things like this won't be solved by prying.
Haeun and I had lived apart for over 6 years,
and my younger sister had never once contacted me first during all that time.
Not when she was sick, not when she lost a match, not when she was eliminated from the national team selection trials.
How untrustworthy must her oppa have been for her to do that.
So all I could do was just quietly stay by her side.
Until she wanted to open up and confess it herself.
"......."
Haeun tapped the beer can with the tip of her fingernail, and slowly opened her mouth.
"I..., actually didn't quit being an athlete because I got hurt."
"...What?"
"It's true that I couldn't do sports because of the injury... but I was trying to quit even before that."
"......."
What kind of nonsense is that.