I Think It's Coming Out

I took down every last orc.

"Get out. You bastards."

That last one was a new viewer, but he adapted fast.

"Haa… somehow managed to take them down."

This was the first time I'd ever killed a living thing bigger than a cockroach, but I didn't feel much revulsion. Between how they looked and the simple fact that if I hadn't killed them I would've been the one dying, it just didn't bother me.

Taking down the orcs had been easy, too. Once I landed that first hit, they couldn't get their heads straight. All thanks to the effect on Hephaestus's Club.

It looked like absolute garbage, sure — but the effects alone were outstanding.

…Granted, the target made some weird noises the first time I hit them, but the performance was solid either way.

"Item carry is real, huh."

"Looks like things have settled down, so I'll head to the Association and register as a hunter."

I'd originally started tonight's stream to go to the Hunter Association, get registered, and take the exam. There'd been a little event in the middle, but I still had things to do.

So I set off toward the Hunter Association — and midway there:

"Excuse me, just a moment!"

The woman who'd been evacuating civilians and fighting orcs a little while ago called out to me.

What now?

Had I done something wrong?

"Hello. I'm Han Nami, team leader of Hunter Team 3 at the Hunter Association."

She held out a business card as she introduced herself.

"Ah, yes. Hello."

Someone from the Hunter Association had come looking for me.

The chat was going completely feral, but I was in the middle of a conversation, so the bans could wait.

"It's nothing major — would you mind accompanying us for a bit?"

"Accompanying you?"

Why all of a sudden?

"We're heading back to the Association ourselves, so I was hoping you could come along and answer a few simple questions."

Going by chat, this sounded like they wanted to interrogate me.

"So you're saying you want to interrogate me?"

I asked her straight.

"No, no! Not an interrogation — just a few simple questions as part of a routine inquiry!"

"…Really?"

Honestly, even if it wasn't, there wasn't much I could do about it. Best case I'd club them and run, and I didn't particularly want to become a criminal.

"Yes! You haven't done anything wrong, Hunter… it'll just be a few formal questions and then we're done!"

Her posture was pure civil servant. Meaning she was coming in low. This was the same person who'd been slicing orcs like birthday cake moments ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠ago, and the sudden deference felt weirdly out of place.

Well, she really is a civil servant, I guess.

The Hunter Association was a government agency — I'd seen that online. Something like a military structure, and since hunter-related complaints also went through the Association, yeah, actual civil servants.

Poor thing.

Still, Hunter Team 3 was probably a gate-clearing specialist unit, so dealing with toxic complainants wouldn't be their main job.

…So instead they have to deal with these bastards?

Working at the Hunter Association couldn't be easy.

"Alright, I'll go."

If this were actually serious, they wouldn't have needed to ask — they would've just dragged me off. There was nothing to gain from harassing a civil servant.

"Thank you!"

So I headed to the Association together with Hannam — no, Han Nami.

"Please wait here for a moment."

"Okay!"

A room in the Association building that looked an awful lot like an interrogation chamber. Under Han Nami's guidance I'd gotten a quick tour of the lobby, then been led here.

"Guys. What if they start torturing me or something?"

I hadn't been worried before, but the interrogation-room layout of the place had planted the seed.

"Appreciate the thought, at least."

Come to think of it, I'd completely forgotten to ban those guys.

"Ah, let me clean out the ones who were spouting weird crap earlier first."

I banned every culprit who'd turned the chat into a slaughterhouse.

"Oh, and thank you to everyone who sponsored me during the fight."

A lot of Constellations had donated while I was handling the Sudden Gate. Thanks to them, I'd racked up a full 500 Coins.

"They said it'll take a while before anyone gets here, so I'll do a reaction stream in the meantime."

"I saw some fun features in the shop. I'll use those for the reaction."

A broadcast effect I'd spotted while browsing the shop yesterday. I'd used something like it for reactions in my previous world, too — seeing it here felt oddly nostalgic.

"I've got a plan, just watch."

After purchasing it, I turned on Mirror Mode. Using the center of the broadcast feed as the axis, the left half of the screen became a mirror of the right.

"Ah, just hang on a second like I said."

I centered my face on the screen, moved my arms and legs around to check the effect, then:

"Guys, do you like babies?"

What was ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠that last guy's problem.

"I'll show you me giving birth."

With the chat instantly carpet-bombed in question marks behind me, I pulled a teddy bear out of my inventory and secretly hid it under my skirt. Pressing my body against the mirror line and lifting ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠one leg made it look like I was floating midair with both legs raised — so I lifted one leg and sold the double-leg pose.

I exhaled hard for the performance, cleared my throat, and screamed.

"AAAAAAAGH! The baby's coming out!!!"

Then I clutched my stomach like someone in labor.

"Doctor! It's really coming out now! Doctor!!!"

I sold the performance like the baby was genuinely about to drop — then:

"AAAAAGH! Hah… hah…"

I pulled out the hidden teddy bear and panted like all my strength had left me.

"Waaah~ waaah~"

Finally I held up the teddy bear and did a baby-crying impression.

Watching the chat explode into spam and the donations pour in, I shut off Mirror Mode with deep satisfaction — and then:

"…Ahem."

"A-are you… alright……?"

Han Nami and a handful of Hunter Association staff were standing right in front of me.

"Ah."

Shit.

Maybe I should just kill myself.