Looks Like a Dick

Golden light burst forth, and in the same instant the box vanished, leaving only its contents behind.

"What the hell is this."

What had come out of the box was a club that looked for all the world like a towering pillar.

…It looked like a dick.

It looked like a dick. I said it twice because it mattered.

I banned that last chat on principle.

"Of all the things that could drop, it had to be something this dickish."

A blunt weapon a little bigger than a baseball bat, with a handle stuck on the end. A thoroughly dickish club. It had this weird quality where it looked like wood and plastic and iron all at once.

"How am I even supposed to throw something like this awa— huh?"

A description appeared above the Ultra-Extra-Large Giant Dick Club.

"What the fuck is this."

Mythic-grade? And why were the options this long?

"Ugh. If you're that old, go take a nap."

I banned the last one. The spaced-out boomer speech made it even more disgusting.

"If he's a total fucking pervert, hit like? Yeah, I'm hitting like first."

Agreeing with FeelGoodPotion, I wrapped my hand around the grip.

"Okay, so as a weapon, this thing is actually broken."

I gave it a few practice swings. The grip itself wasn't bad. No — it was good. It felt like it had been made for me.

"The way it settles into my hand feels amazing and also completely dickish……."

I didn't really understand this world's equipment system, but mythic-grade had to be endgame gear for sure.

"I've still got coins left, right? Gotta spend the rest."

The Constellations kept piling on advice, but I had a plan of my own.

"With 130 coins I can pull about thirteen more times."

"I pulled endgame gear on the first random box, so armor's gotta drop too, right? Let's go!"

Fuck.

"AAAAAARGH! FUUUUUCK!"

After the gacha completely tanked, I spent the next several minutes screaming my head off.

THUD THUD THUD!

"I'm next door — keep it down!"

A voice came through along with the knocking on the door.

Right. This is a studio apartment complex.

Everything I'd been yelling during the stream had probably carried straight through. Honestly, the fact that they'd only just now started knocking meant they'd been pretty patient.

"That's it for today. The neighbors are complaining about the noise."

Those two got banned immediately.

"Ugh, cut the weird crap. It's the first stream anyway, right? I'll be back tomorrow, so just hang on a little."

"Oh, right."

I'd almost forgotten the reaction.

"Alright, end-of-stream reaction — doing it all at once."

I picked up Hephaestus's Club. Then I wedged the handle end between my legs.

It looked pretty pathetic, but the Constellations seemed to be into it.

"Thanks for watching the first stream, everyone! One! Two!"

‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠

I twisted my hips and hit the end stream button in the same motion.

A flood of chat had been pouring in at the end, but once the stream closed the chat window vanished and I couldn't check any of it.

"……."

After the stream ended, a mess of emotions welled up. Maybe it was because I'd become a woman — tears I never used to shed started coming out.

"Sniff."

This sucked.

There was no better way to put it. It just sucked.

Regret for the world I'd left behind, the disorientation of being dropped into a new one — all of it poured out through my eyes.

"Fuck, of all things I had to go craving soup rice……."

If I'd just ordered delivery, I never would've gotten hit by that truck.

"Sniff."

I hugged the teddy bear from the random box and cried.

By the time the tears finally stopped, I wiped my face roughly on my sleeve and stood up.

"Crying is crying. I've still got stuff to do."

Obviously, I knew nothing about this world. The stream I'd just done had given me a shallow scrap of understanding, but shallow was the word. If I wanted to survive here, I needed to learn how this place worked.

I turned on the computer.

"Fuck."

It was password-locked.

"Nothing's going my way."

Growl—

And I was starving on top of everything. I tore through the apartment and found nothing to eat. The fridge was completely empty, and there wasn't even a pack of ramen in sight.

"Haa… food first, I guess."

I grabbed my wallet and phone and stepped outside. The door locked behind me with a cheerful little chime.

"Ah, fuck."

I don't know the door code.

Mercifully, the password was the same as in my original world. If it had been different, I would've been locked out of my own place and living on the street — so I could call this a stroke of pure luck.

Password confirmed, I headed straight for the convenience store.

Jingle—

"Welco— me!"

The convenience store clerk started the greeting on autopilot, then suddenly broke into a smile. I gave a vague nod and grabbed a cup ramen and a cola.

"I'll ring you up!"

The clerk beamed at me. He was supposed to be scanning barcodes, but he was so busy staring that he couldn't even aim the scanner.

What is this? Can he tell I was crying? But if he could see I'd been crying, he wouldn't be grinning at me like that.

I looked down at the cup ramen, and only then did the clerk realize the barcode wasn't scanning and frantically got it done.

"Th-three thousand seven hundred won!"

I handed over my card. The moment he went to process it—

"Any discounts or points?"

"…No."

"Need a bag?"

"No."

"Need a receipt?"

"No."

Why so many questions.

"Oh, right — need a cash receipt?"

"…I'm paying with a card?"

"Ah."

What the fuck is wrong with this guy?

"P-payment complete!"

"Thanks."

Did something good happen to him? Why is he grinning like an idiot?

I said goodbye to the clerk and went home.

"Thank you! Have a nice day!"

Kim Minhyung (25, zero dating experience), currently working a convenience store shift, wore a blissful smile.

"Wow. She's actually gorgeous."

Because the customer who'd just been in was beautiful. No — "beautiful" wasn't enough. She was hands-down the most stunning woman he'd ever seen in his life.

The moment she walked through the door, time itself had slowed. That was how shocking her face was. She looked like someone from an entirely different world (correct), and the second she stepped up to the counter his heart had nearly exploded.

He'd wanted to ask for her number more than anything, but he knew that liking someone could become a wound for them, so he didn't. The truth was he just didn't have the courage — but leftover regret still made him blurt out everything from "need a receipt?" all the way to the cash receipt question without meaning to.

She didn't think I was weird, right?

Holding onto the small ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠hope that she'd come back, he spent the rest of his shift in happy contentment.

…Right up until his relief showed up an hour late.

I poured hot water into the ramen, sipped my drink, and booted up the computer with my toes. The computer password was the same one I'd used before, too.

"The internet's pretty much identical."

Galleries, Nurtube, most of the sites were the same as my old world — but there were no streaming platforms. Nurtube had no live broadcast system and no stream VODs either.

That explained why the Constellations had reacted so well no matter what I did.

I looked up what hunters and Constellations were in this world, then collapsed onto the bed.

And the next day.

"What is this."

The second I went live, chat exploded like it had lost its mind.