019. Because It's All Your Responsibility, Oppa
019. Because It's All Your Responsibility, Oppa
Our lips collided again.
"...."
Then, just a tiny bit.
I pulled back just enough so that our breaths brushed against each other's lips.
Yeonju still had her eyes closed.
Her faintly trembling eyelids.
Her faintly flushed cheeks.
Even her lips, wetter than usual from where mine had been touching them just moments ago.
"...."
I slowly lifted the hand I had placed on her chest.
Instead, I caressed the nape of Yeonju's neck with my fingertips.
From below her ear, trailing along her neckline.
I moved my fingers bit by bit.
"......."
Yeonju's eyelids fluttered.
Yet she didn't pull away.
Without even opening her eyes.
As if she had no intention of checking what I was doing.
Or as if checking at this point would be meaningless anyway.
She just stayed completely still.
"...Ha."
While looking at that sight.
The high school version of Lee Yeonju suddenly came to mind.
How she used to wrap her muffler all the way up to the tip of her chin whenever winter came around.
With both hands shoved deep into her thick coat pockets.
My little sister, trudging to school in pitch-black stockings.
Since we went to the same school, there were times when our departure times overlapped.
Neither of us ever offered to walk together first.
Nor did we deliberately take a detour to avoid each other.
We would walk a few paces apart, and once we reached the subway station, we'd stand side by side with enough distance between us for two or three people to fit.
I would look at my phone.
Yeonju would look at her phone.
Knowing full well the other was right there, yet deliberately paying no attention.
At those times..., I used to get this weird impulse.
The impulse to shove my freezing cold hand straight into that muffler.
If I grabbed the nape of her neck with cold hands, how freaked out would she be?
She'd definitely hike her shoulders up tight, venting her annoyance and asking if I'd lost my mind.
She'd furrow her brows and try to kick me in the shin or something.
I would chuckle to myself just imagining that scene.
However, I had never actually pulled a prank like that.
We weren't close enough for that.
And rather than actually wanting to mess with her,
I was just curious about how Yeonju would react if I did.
And yet.
"...."
It wasn't winter now.
My hands weren't cold, either.
Nor was Yeonju wearing a muffler.
...Above all.
This was no prank.
With what kind of emotion was I touching my little sister's neck?
"...Oppa."
Yeonju blearily opened her eyes.
Our gazes locked right in front of each other's noses.
"What is it."
"...Never mind. It's nothing."
Having initiated the conversation herself, Yeonju clamped her mouth shut again.
Strangely... that felt like permission.
Didn't it mean she'd just wait and see whatever I did?
...Though that was probably just me interpreting it whatever the fuck way I wanted.
"......."
I got up from my chair.
In an awkward crouch, I bent forward and lowered my head again.
This time, Yeonju didn't avoid my eyes either.
The reflections of our faces in each other's pupils drew closer and closer.
At some point, my focus blurred.
Our lips met once more.
A little longer than before.
A little deeper.
"...Ngh."
Despite having no idea what I was doing.
With my eyes closed, I struggled to memorize every single sensation touching me.
The clumsy kiss.
The trembling breaths.
The slight stiffness at the nape of her neck.
Because every single one was so vivid.
It felt as if my mind was turning completely blank instead.
...Why.
Why on earth wasn't my little sister pushing me away?
Because I recovered her money?
Because I said I'd get rid of her stalker?
Because I told her I'd take responsibility for her from now on?
Or if not that.
Could it be.
Did she actually develop some kind of feelings for me without me knowing?
"...."
...Both she and I knew full well that neither of us harbored those kinds of feelings.
Nor had we built the kind of rapport over just a few days to commit such a taboo.
Yet the reason we couldn't push each other away like this was,
...probably because we were the only ones who could comfort and caress one another.
Things were that agonizing until the regression,
and even if wounds had healed a little, the pain we suffered didn't just vanish.
"Nngh.... Haaah...."
After a long while, I pulled my lips away.
Yeonju didn't open her eyes immediately.
Catching my breath, I blearily raised my eyelids.
While gazing at Yeonju's face from up close.
In the end, unable to hold it in, I asked.
"...Why aren't you pushing me away?"
Yeonju slowly opened her eyes.
After staring fixedly at my face for a while.
She carelessly wiped the corner of her mouth with her thumb.
"...Just because."
"What do you mean, 'just because'?"
"Anyway."
Yeonju's hand dropped beneath the dining table.
In contrast to her face, which had been flushed just moments ago.
Her voice was nonchalant, just like usual.
"...It's not like I'm some high-value person anyway."
"What?"
For a moment.
I wondered if I had misheard.
Yeonju got up from her chair and now sat atop the dining table.
Having put just a tiny bit of distance between us while matching my eye level,
she looked up at the ceiling for a second.
"...I'm twenty-six now, too."
"And?"
"Never went to college."
"So what."
"I don't particularly care to date, either. And I'd rather die than get married."
Yeonju's gaze dropped from the ceiling to my face.
"I'll probably just spend my entire life streaming in the corner of my room until I die."
"...."
"If that's how it's gonna be."
Yeonju gave a small shrug.
"...I figured granting oppa's request wouldn't be so bad."
"...Ha."
A hollow laugh escaped me.
Whether it was because I felt offended.
Whether it was out of sheer disbelief.
Or.
Whether it was because I was so pathetic for bursting into laughter on my own after hearing that answer.
Even I couldn't tell.
"Someone like you,"
I said, rubbing my own mouth with my hand.
"would have men lined up around the block wanting to take you."
"Am I some kind of object?"
"I didn't mean it like that."
"Even if they are, I hate it."
Yeonju cut me off.
"Getting to know someone I know nothing about from scratch is a pain in the ass."
"...."
"And I hate finding out what kind of person someone who acted all nice in front of me really is behind my back."
Her tone was flat.
However.
The Yeonju from the day she first brought up the stalker overlapped with her now.
The person who donated a lot.
The person who said he liked her.
The person who, at some point, pushed his way into her private space.
...Was that bastard really the only viewer like that?
Her hating to discover the true nature of someone she thought was decent.
That was probably what she meant.
"...Then what about me?"
Yet, having two different faces—one on the outside and one on the inside...,
was true for me all the same.
"With oppa,"
Hearing my words, Yeonju tilted her head slightly.
She seemed to ponder for a brief moment, then said:
"I never had any expectations from the start."
"...."
It felt like I'd been stabbed in the center of my chest with something sharp.
...And yet.
It didn't feel entirely bad.
With no expectations, there was no disappointment.
Because she already knew what a piece of shit I was.
Meaning there was no need to suddenly doubt my true identity.
Being chosen for a reason like that.
Even though it felt like fucking shit,
...was strangely relieving.
Because it felt like it was fine just the way it was.
"...Sure."
I smiled despite myself.
I grabbed Yeonju's wrist.
"What."
"Get up."
"Why."
"Just because. ...Can't I?"
I threw the exact answer Yeonju had given earlier right back at her.
When I pulled her wrist, Yeonju stood up from her spot without much resistance.
A chair scraped against the floor as it pushed back.
"Ah, wait...."
I wrapped my arms around Yeonju's waist.
As our bodies suddenly drew close, Yeonju's eyes widened slightly.
"Mmph—"
I kissed her again.
This time, it wasn't careful like before.
Her words about having no expectations.
stimulated me to a strange degree.
That it didn't matter what kind of person oppa was.
That she had never thought I was a good person from the start.
And yet, she wouldn't push me away.
Because it sounded like that.
I pulled my little sister even tighter into my embrace.
Our clumsy kiss quickly devolved into a mess.
The scent of mint and the bitter aroma of cold coffee mixed together.
Our breaths quickened without either of us leading the way.
Yeonju grabbed my shoulders.
Whether it was to push me away.
Whether it was to keep from collapsing.
I couldn't tell.
Just that,
even though strength entered the hands gripping me,
I only felt the fact that she ultimately didn't push me off.
"...Nnngh...."
When I pushed my tongue between her parted lips, her rough tongue blocked mine as if that was the one thing she refused.
The more she did, the tighter I wound my arms around her waist,
caressing her hips with my fingertips,
stroking the nape of her neck, then pinching and tickling her earlobe, until—
"H-mmph..., ngh...."
before long, my sister was panting for breath and ended up accepting my tongue.
...Now, beyond any shadow of a doubt,
we had crossed a line that should never be crossed.
"...Pfha, haahp...."
Our lips parted,
then met again without either of us needing an invitation, and now we began holding each other close.
However, because my lust was stronger, my sister, who had been tilting off-balance, leaned her hips completely against the dining table and accepted me.
Tangling tongues, pushing away, licking again.
...Feeling the breasts that had become all the more irresistible now that I knew the flesh beneath,
having experienced them in an erased timeline.
Tormenting her burning hot ears.
I....
shared a deep French kiss with the little sister I had lived with for more than half my life.
And yet.
...It didn't feel bad at all.
"...Haaah. Whew...."
By the time we kissed to the point where my stomach tightened and I barely managed to pull my tongue away, Yeonju's hair was slightly disheveled.
Panting for breath, I carefully brushed away the strands of hair clinging to her sweat with my fingers.
And as I naturally caressed her ear again, Yeonju looked up at me with dazed eyes.
"...Satisfied?"
...She tried to act curt like usual, but her voice was trembling delicately.
A face that had looked no different from ordinary just a little while ago.
was completely undone because of what I had done.
Seeing that sight.
Only now did it sink in that I was crossing a truly irreversible line.
"Yeonju-ya."
"...Yeah."
I had to let go of her hand.
Say that we should stop.
Say that we should go to our own rooms right now.
...However.
I grabbed Yeonju's wrist again.
"...."
I moved my steps toward the bedroom.
Knowing full well where we were going, Yeonju didn't ask.
She didn't pull her captured wrist away.
Nor did she stop her footsteps.
Just half a step behind me.
She quietly followed along as I led her.
Dalkak.
I opened the bedroom door.
Last night.
The bed where I had fallen asleep while drunkenly hugging Yeonju against her will.
Onto it.
This time, with both of us completely awake, I laid Yeonju down.
...No,
understanding my intention, Yeonju laid down upon it herself.
"...How far do you plan to go?"
After Yeonju shifted her body up near the pillow.
She swept back her messy hair once and looked up at me.
"......."
I couldn't answer.
How far was I supposed to go?
How far was I allowed to go?
...I didn't know either.
Just a moment ago, the kiss alone made my conscience ache so sharply I felt like dying.
Even supposing I were to regress,
wouldn't it be impossible to return to before the line had already been crossed?
Yeonju remembers the events of the previous loop like a dream.
If it was a light kiss, she might be able to brush it off as a slightly hazy, weird dream like last time.
But..., what if we go further from here?
What if the memory remains too vivid?
We haven't even had any alcohol this time.
If Yeonju is reminded of tonight every time she sees my face.
Would I really be able to play dumb and insist nothing happened?
"...."
I swallowed my saliva.
I looked down into Yeonju's eyes as she waited for an answer.
"What about you."
"Huh?"
"...How far can I go without you pushing me away?"
Yeonju's eyebrow rose slightly.
And then.
She chuckled softly, as if dumbfounded.
"...Oppa said you'd take all the responsibility."
"...."
"Why are you asking me that?"
Yeonju adjusted her posture slightly on the pillow.
"Within the bounds of what you can take responsibility for."
Looking straight at me.
"...Do as you like."
A nonchalant voice, as if scolding me.
However.
She made no attempt to push me away.
Nor did she avoid my eyes.
...No matter what I did.
Because it was all my responsibility.
"...Ha."
My throat felt completely parched.
I swallowed dryly once more.
The bounds of what could be taken responsibility for.
Just where those bounds lay.
Neither I.
Nor Yeonju.
knew yet.
Only.
It seemed identical for both of us that neither had any intention of backing down at this point.
...We might not be able to cross every taboo all at once,
but like a burst dam,
neither of us would likely ever be able to hold back these erupted feelings for the rest of our lives.