Nero
I never thought having Mom around would feel this stifling. At first I figured I could deal with it, but as the days dragged on, the knowledge that she'd be here another two full months felt like a noose cinching tighter around my throat.
There was still so much I wanted to do, and yet I had to watch myself every second. Everything felt awkward under that kind of scrutiny.
What really got under my skin was the way she kept glancing over with those suspicious eyes—just like Song Hamin had said.
Maybe I shouldn't have gone into that room that day.
I'd only meant to finish quick and get out. Who could have guessed Mom would be sitting in the living room at the crack of dawn?
If I'd never gone in at all, or if Song Hamin had come out first to check the coast before I left, maybe we wouldn't have gotten caught.
Thinking about it now, the regret was crushing.
If we just hadn't gotten caught, it wouldn't feel this suffocating.
"Ugh."
It was all my fault, really.
"What the hell are you buying to put on?"
"Lotion. Where's Mom?"
"Mom went out. Said there's a new café that opened up and she's meeting a friend."
Mom had barely left the house all through November.
Between the tip-toeing and the constant power struggles, we'd ended up cooped up right along with her.
I'd figured she'd brought back a pile of stuff from Singapore to hand out, but apparently the haul was smaller than expected.
Or maybe the year-end rush had all her friends too busy to meet.
"...You're really not going to switch bodies?"
"Nope."
"It really has to be that, or nothing?"
"Yep."
We hadn't talked much after that, so Song Hamin seemed pretty restless in her own way.
November had vanished for nothing, and she clearly wanted to do something—anything—come December.
I'd spent the entire month holding back, and now that she was finally asking, the idea of switching bodies and giving her what she wanted left me feeling oddly unsatisfied.
Even knowing that once we switched, everything I'd been bottling up would simply disappear.
Since I was Song Hamin right now, it wasn't easy to think of any of it as someone else's problem.
"I honestly can't believe this..."
"Then just don't do it?"
"Because you won't switch with me!"
The corner of Song Hamin's mouth twitched.
Beyond disbelief—she looked ready to burst from sheer injustice.
Oral, or from behind. It was my body anyway, so what did it matter?
No, wait—oral would feel like licking her own body, so maybe that wasn't great?
Anyway.
The moments we'd spent since that day—not even daring to go all the way, just stealing glances around the house—lingered with a wistful ache. Some might call it foolish, but I couldn't help hoping for a reward that matched the frustration.
"Nngh."
"Did you come here just to complain?"
The way she clamped her mouth shut and looked away told me everything.
But complaining was all she could do, so she fidgeted restlessly.
Song Hamin's floundering gaze wavered slightly.
"Can't you just switch for a bit...? Honestly, me doing that with my mouth, or whatever—it's kind of weird, right?"
"Then do it from behind."
"That feels weird too."
"How would you know if it feels weird?"
I leaned back in the chair and let out a snort of laughter.
I'd only ever seen it in videos myself, so I couldn't exactly explain it accurately.
I was curious, but I had no idea what it actually felt like.
"There are things you just know without trying, you crazy bitch."
"Was that an insult just now?"
"No, that's not what I—"
The way she scrambled to take back the words she'd blurted out in a rush was adorable.
People say you shouldn't get hung up on appearances, but looks really did seem to matter.
Just from the face being different, there was this inexplicable pull she kept showing.
"Then just live like that. I'll even go to university for you."
"Ah, ah...! Are we really just going to spend this whole month doing nothing?"
"You said you hate all of it. What, you just want to have sex?"
"That should be enough..."
She made a suffering sound and pouted.
Song Hamin said that, but for me it wasn't enough.
There was so much I wanted, and I had no idea how to get any of it.
"That's just convenient for you."
"Honestly, we keep doing things we shouldn't be doing."
"You keep saying we shouldn't, but was I the only one doing it?"
"That's not—!!"
She scrunched up her face and stopped talking.
She looked like she had plenty to say, but she swallowed it all down with a breath.
I'd started it first, sure, but Song Hamin had enjoyed herself plenty too, so she had no room to talk.
But the way she kept calling it something we shouldn't do and trying to pull out—that was just galling.
"Please. Always pulling out and acting like it's not your fault."
"...I just meant, looking at it from a normal perspective, that's how it is."
"Is that so?"
"It's true. I like doing it too, but... not in this body. If you like it that much, we can just do it without switching."
"Ah, so you're not that desperate, then."
"Urgh..."
When I brushed it off so nonchalantly, Song Hamin made a strangled sound.
Then she spat out words laced with irritation.
"Fine, let's do it! Come on! Let's go at it!"
"With what?"
When I shot it back almost like a challenge, the corner of her mouth twitched.
She'd said it in the heat of the moment, but her eyes darted around like she hadn't decided on the method.
The way her lips trembled with helplessness was kind of funny.
I stared her down without a single change in expression, and slowly her head dropped.
Even her hands fidgeted, curling into fists to show how cornered she felt.
"Oral is... really not it..."
"Then do the ass, I guess."
"Fuck..."
"Did you just swear?"
"I didn't..."
"You did, though. I heard the whole thing."
Having gotten my answer, I stood up.
As I passed by, I gave Song Hamin's butt a light smack, and she flinched.
"...Hey. Hey. It's your body, so go easy, okay?"
"You're worried about my body, right?"
"Y-yeah."
She nodded awkwardly.
I knew that wasn't it. She was just asking me, in a roundabout way, not to do anything rough to her.
"If you don't want to, say so."
"If I don't...?"
"From there, you'll just have to use your imagination."
"Ah, for fuck's sake. Just don't say anything."
Irritation clearly spiked—she stamped her foot.
I glanced around warily, wondering if someone from downstairs might come looking.
Seeing her lash out like that, it seemed like she was getting hornier by the day too.
"What are you doing?"
"Why are you putting clothes on?"
"We're going out."
"...Where?"
"The adult toy shop."
"Ah, bullshit. Mom's going to come back later."
"Then I'll go buy it myself."
At that, she froze.
After a brief hesitation, she spun on her heel.
"If I leave it to you, who knows what you'll bring back."
She strode into the room, threw on some clothes, and came back out.
That's a dirty hole, isn't it?
Why the hell would anyone want to do it there?
I couldn't understand the psychology of deliberately using that place when there was a perfectly good hole available.
I had no idea why anyone would go to all that extra trouble, so I was dying to know what was going on in Song Haneul's head.
"How about this?"
"...That's over the top."
A dog tail sat there all by itself.
The part that wasn't the tail had a fixture attached—not a strap or wire or tape, but a bumpy rod.
The sight of multiple beads studded along it made my brow furrow on its own.
I'd never dreamed I'd end up buying something like this with Song Haneul, and sweat started beading up.
"You don't like dogs?"
"That's not what I meant."
"A cat?"
A matching animal-ear headband bundled with the set also caught my eye.
There really was every kind of thing in this world. The fact that they sold this stuff meant that somewhere out there, couples who used these things existed.
You'd have to have seen it to know.
No—having seen it would be a whole other problem.
"Get lost."
"What would be good? Oh, there's a rabbit. How about a bunny girl?"
"...You're actually a guy, aren't you?"
"Yep, I'm a guy."
Song Haneul answered casually and scanned the surrounding merchandise.
Between the blatant landscape of dildos and vibrators shaped like penises, the anal section was full of thin, slender items.
That didn't mean there weren't violent sizes, though. From tiny beads to massive ones, and even absurdly long silicone rods—there was everything imaginable.
"What the hell are people doing to their asses in places I don't know about...?"
I'd heard of those kinds of preferences, but facing them properly made me recoil.
My hands wouldn't go near them, probably because I kept picturing a future where all of that was going inside me.
"Oh, how about this one?"
I'd heard that once an ass gets stretched, it doesn't close back up.
It wasn't my body, but even living that life for a little while felt like a barrier.
It felt so wrong that I broke out in a cold sweat.
When I said as much, Song Haneul seemed to already know and picked a smaller one.
"That one's a bit..."
"Ah, you hate everything? Fine, I'll just buy whatever I like."
"...O-okay, okay. Wait, I'll pick properly."
"You should've done that from the start."
Song Haneul stood behind me with his arms crossed.
He sent a burning gaze my way, like he was watching what I chose.
It was so oppressive I felt like I couldn't pick anything at all.
I swallowed hard and wriggled my fingers.
"Th-this one...?"
"I'm curious about the animal ear series."
My lips were going dry.
"This?"
"Cat or rabbit would be cute. Dog's not bad either, but the color's not really doing it for me."
This bastard. He'd already decided on the answer.
"Then just get that one. You never planned on leaving it to me in the first place."
"Then a black cat."
The moment the words left his mouth, he snatched up the item.
He'd clearly had his eye on it from the moment we walked in.
"What's that...?"
"A syringe. Why?"
"Where are you planning to use that?"
"You know."
My eyes went wide.
"What, why?"
"No, nothing."
I felt like I'd seen something I shouldn't have.
No, it was probably normal.
But as the actual supplies came together one by one, my heart started pounding.
"Nero, let's go."
"Nero? ...Hey, you—"
"Did you book a room?"
"No, I didn't."
"Ah, nice sense."
"You could've said we were doing that."
I snapped at Song Haneul as he bumped my shoulder, but he pretended not to hear and walked on.
That look of his felt needlessly annoying.