Signs of Discomfort
I startled and shot up from where I'd been sitting. It hadn't been long at all, but the fact that I'd dozed off even for a moment was enough to make me panic.
I whipped my head around, scanning the room, then jerked my hand up in front of my face. Only after confirming that Song Haneul was lying right beside that oversized hand of mine did I finally let out a sigh of relief.
Since just holding each other was enough to swap our bodies, even being this close put me slightly on edge.
It couldn't be helped. Remembering what Song Haneul had done to me made it hard to take any of this lightly.
I wonder if she has any idea how exhausting it feels to have money saved up and still not be able to do what you actually want.
"…Get up."
"Mmm. Just a little longer."
"Why are you sleeping in my room?"
Something about this picture was getting weirder by the day.
We'd never kept this kind of distance before, and the way things had shifted so drastically over the past two months left me at a complete loss.
Separate from the way my insides were burning, the things we'd done before kept pulling my gaze in that direction all on their own.
I must be out of my mind.
The real problem was that I'd already made up my mind to go through with it.
We hadn't gone all the way, but once I'd put it in, we'd already crossed a river we couldn't go back from.
Things I hadn't thought twice about when I was Song Haneul filled me with complicated feelings the moment I was back in my own body.
I'd just gotten out of the military and was supposed to be taking it easy for a while—so why was my head spinning with so many messy problems?
I couldn't make sense of any of it.
"—Song Hamin, morning wood already?"
Song Haneul, who'd been rustling around like she had no intention of getting up, let out a voice laced with laughter. She turned her buried face just slightly, eyes narrowed in a mischievous expression.
"Get lost."
"Ah, so comfortable."
She laughed slyly—heh—and yanked the blanket into her arms.
The way she looked, like she had zero plans of leaving the bed, made me give up almost immediately.
"—Ah."
A little time passed like that, and then a text came through.
"…Ah, got a text. It's Mom."
"Yeah."
Apparently Haneul had gotten one too, and a bitter taste spread through my mouth.
A single message saying she'd be flying in today. My fingertips hovered, caught between welcome and rejection.
The silver lining was that, unlike last month, our bodies were back to normal, and we at least knew the conditions well enough to avoid any unavoidable disasters. Even if we somehow swapped by accident, there was hope we could switch back.
Compared to before, when we hadn't even had that, this was a definite improvement.
"How long does the flight from Singapore take?"
Even while lounging around, Song Haneul casually checked when Mom might arrive.
"About seven hours, right? Factor in all the procedures and she'll probably get in around night."
Adding the time to clear everything and get home, she'd be here sometime tonight.
I didn't have any particular feelings about Mom coming, but I wasn't exactly thrilled either—it was a little burdensome.
It wasn't that I disliked her. We just hadn't seen each other that often, and recently the only time had been last month, so there was this sense of distance.
"Don't go out drinking while Mom's here. I hate being alone with her."
"…No?"
Why should I?
Just because she found being alone with Mom uncomfortable didn't mean I had to stay home. That was out of the question.
Being together didn't mean we were doing anything special, and I had every right to go out if I wanted to make plans with friends.
"Why."
She pouted, clearly not accepting that answer.
"We don't know how long Mom's staying this time. If she was over there for a whole month, doesn't that mean a ton of work piled up?"
"She could leave again soon, though?"
"Considering she sometimes takes a full break, I don't think so?"
Song Haneul kept saying Mom would leave soon, but I saw it differently.
"She might fly off to Australia because it's cold."
"Does Mom pick countries based on the weather?"
She goes abroad for work and then squeezes in some sightseeing on the side—it's not like she goes to Australia when it's hot and Russia when it's cold.
"Tch."
"You're freeloading off Mom's card and still acting like this."
"That's that, and this is this."
"What a model filial daughter."
"Says you."
I sniped at her, but it didn't land with Song Haneul at all.
"I barely use it, okay?"
"You said you used some while you were in the military."
"That was nothing. Look at your own transaction history."
"…Okay, fair point."
She was smoothly changing the subject.
Fine. I should just shut up.
Comparing how much we'd spent on our parents' cards never led anywhere good.
There'd come a time when one of us spent more, and nothing was more annoying than having your own words thrown back at you.
"Anyway, go to your own room. If you keep hanging around mine, people might start thinking it's weird."
"Ah, I was just getting used to it…"
"Used to what? It's only been a month."
She grumbled from her spot on the bed, reluctant to leave.
I stared at her, waiting for her to get up, but she paid my gaze no mind.
"A month's long enough to get used to something, don't you think?"
"Your room's too messy. I don't like it."
"What am I supposed to do about it being small?"
"Your room is actually pretty big, you know?"
"You left out 'relative to how much stuff you own.'"
"You're the one who buys too much. Clean it up."
After enough nagging, Song Haneul seemed to get tired of listening and finally squirmed her way up.
She barely managed to sit, then groaned as she climbed down from the bed.
"Ugh, if I stay here any longer my ears are gonna bleed."
"Shoo."
"I'm going, I'm going."
Song Haneul clicked her tongue and stormed out of the room.
That was exactly what I'd been waiting for, so I sent her off without a shred of regret.
Night fell. Mom didn't get back until nearly midnight, dragging her suitcase through the front door.
"I'm home."
"Welcome back."
I'd spent the day without incident waiting for her, and greeted her naturally.
I was reminded all over again how comfortable it was to deal with people as myself, without imitating anyone else.
Especially when I thought about Song Haneul shamelessly fawning over Mom and Dad—it gave me chills.
"Hamin, you seem taller every time I see you."
"How much could I have changed since last time?"
"Really? You look more solid, though."
Was it just the effect of not seeing each other for a while?
This was only the second time since I'd gotten out of the military, so maybe she just hadn't had time to get used to me.
"Mom, you're back?"
"Haneul, you've gotten even prettier."
Mom laughed warmly, looking at the two of us with what seemed like a sense of fulfillment.
Even after living abroad for so long, she could still smile at the fact that we were growing up just fine—she really was a mother. It felt distant after so much time apart, and yet no matter how hard you tried to pull away, the parent-child bond just wouldn't break.
On her way into the master bedroom, Mom's footsteps paused for a moment.
"Oh, right—I've decided to take time off until January. Maybe even February, if things go well."
"—What?"
"I guess I'm getting older. Running around all over the place, the jet lag is killing me. I think it's worse because I used to just stay a day or two and take off again. So I'm going to take some leave and rest for a while."
I'd considered the possibility that Mom might take a break, but hearing she was going to rest for three whole months made my eyes go wide.
I was so flustered I lost my words. Fortunately, Mom went into the master bedroom without seeing my expression.
In the brief moment the door closed, Song Haneul came and stood beside me.
"Three months is a bit much, don't you think? Not even a month—three."
"I don't know either. Mom wants to, so…"
"Wow, what a filial son."
Whether he'd been in the military or not, Song Haneul hadn't seen Mom and Dad much either, so her affection wasn't particularly deep. That was probably why she couldn't hide her discomfort, even if it didn't quite rise to dislike.
"…What can we do? We'll just have to deal with it."
I agreed with Haneul's thoughts, but there wasn't much we could do about it right now, so I resigned myself.
It was already decided—saying no wouldn't change anything.
"Ugh, why does it have to be now of all times."
Song Haneul chewed her lip, clearly unhappy about something.
Well, she'd shown up right when things were complicated, so I couldn't really argue.
Between the body-swapping situation and the fact that she'd just decided to scrap her entire old portfolio and start over—Mom arriving at a time like this would be hard to handle.
The body-swapping part would stop mattering once we went back to being ordinary siblings, and as for the portfolio, if she just fixed her usual freeloading habits she could make up the ground with some diligence. It'd work out somehow.
Though I didn't know enough about how long writing a drama script actually took to say anything for sure.
"……"
My thoughts deepened.
I was going to re-enroll either way, and to attend school I had to maintain this situation for now.
If our bodies kept swapping back and forth, it could cause all kinds of hassles, and being awkwardly stuck with Mom going out to eat together and getting dragged around would be way worse than living separately.
And the solution to that was simple: just get a place of our own.
I'd done freshman year, I'd done the military—if I locked in a three-year lease, I wouldn't have to struggle later. Thinking about the hassle of packing and moving, a longer term was better.
This was the perfect time to bring it up.
If I quietly looked around and secured a place, moving out would be easy.
Plus, while Mom was here, I could use plans with friends as an excuse to go out a lot.
You just stay home and hold down the fort.
I glanced at Song Haneul and let the corner of my mouth curl up slightly.
A light flick of her hand smacked me right in the crotch.
"Ah, fuck. Why there…"
"You were smiling all smugly."
"Are you a mind reader…? This psycho…"
It hurt a little.