I Should Go Back
Body swapping had become something I utterly despised by now.
Over a month and a half, there had been things I couldn't do and plenty that had been done to me, so I simply couldn't brush any of it off lightly.
Even if it was your own body, how many people could just casually fuck it like that?
Even granting a hundred times over that you were fucking yourself, the moment you knew another family member was inside, the normal response would be to stop right away.
But normalcy had long since gone out the window.
Why would a kid with a face that pretty end up like this? What was she lacking?
If she could get her number asked for on the street at the drop of a hat, shouldn't she be overflowing with confidence?
Looking at Song Haneul objectively, that was the most fitting assessment.
There was no reason for her to struggle so much with people, and I even wondered if it wasn't normal for her to go out and play like those social butterflies dying to leave the house.
Well, it probably differed depending on personality and environment.
"—Did all the genes go to that side or what?"
I stared intently at my face in selfie mode for no good reason.
I flicked my just-growing hair this way and that, trying to give a different impression, but my efforts felt like they were spinning their wheels—maybe because the direction was wrong.
Come to think of it, Song Haneul had been applying all sorts of things back then.
…Ah, whatever.
"Song Hamin, you gaming today?"
While I was briefly lost in thought, someone cracked the door open a little and stared right at me.
Who else would be in the house besides me, but right now she was also the one I needed to avoid the most.
"Gonna play a bit then head out."
"Where to?"
"Drinking."
"When you drink, when are you coming back?"
Did she have something to say?
The atmosphere didn't seem like the questions would end anytime soon.
"Probably come back as usual."
"In the morning?"
"Yeah."
"…Hmm."
"Why? What are you asking for?"
I leaned back in the chair and glanced over. Song Haneul took that as permission and opened the door a bit more.
"Nah, just. If you ever feel like it, tell me anytime."
I paused a little at her hesitant attitude as she came in.
Hearing "if you feel like it" from Song Haneul made my head go numb.
I pressed my lips tight and sank into thought for a moment. I let out a groan and frowned.
Objectively speaking, it was hard to find a girl as pretty as Song Haneul, or one with a body that good.
I just hadn't looked because she was family, but she was right nearby.
Of course there were still difficult parts to treating her as a target, but she kept throwing out these not-quite-temptations, and I felt like I was going weird.
The way Song Haneul approached so matter-of-factly and boldly made me feel like I was the one in the wrong.
"Am I that ugly?"
A sudden question arose.
Thinking about it, there was that one time when we were together and I briefly left for the bathroom.
Someone outside the cafe might not have known, but for people inside, it was the same as me being right next to her, yet they still tried to get her number.
Maybe to others she didn't look like she had a boyfriend, or maybe we looked alike like siblings… but the latter clearly wasn't it. Song Haneul had quite a violent image.
"I, well. Think you're fine?"
"Huh."
"It's not a lie, okay? You think I'm just spouting lip service?"
I never expected to hear that from Song Haneul, so a hollow laugh came out.
"Whatever, man. Go on, get out."
I waved my hand to shoo her away, but Song Haneul came closer instead.
It was a time when I needed some distance, but with her approaching like this, my body stiffened on its own.
"—Lots of girls at the drinking party?"
"No, sometimes there are. Usually not many."
"Hmm. Oh, I thought."
"Thought what?"
Song Haneul let out a snicker.
"It's just funny how you go drinking at the drop of a hat like there's honey smeared on it or something. Got lots of money? Drinking with just guys."
"With friends we just drink to chat and hang out. What does it matter if there are girls or not."
"True, it's not like you can do anything anyway."
"Your personality's changed, you."
We hadn't talked that much when we were in school, so I couldn't really say this or that.
"Maybe because I've been in your body for so long, I'm getting some influence."
"You've got a talent for making people laugh."
Come on, no way. It wasn't like I was desperate to fuck Song Haneul right now.
No matter how crazy a guy's libido was, it wasn't to this extent. Not knowing how to control it was just being a beast.
I'd been through a lot, but since it was stuff done to my own body, I decided to think of it as karma.
Though for that, she didn't show any particular dislike, which left me with a subtle feeling.
"Hmm."
"Don't come too close."
She stuck right up next to me sitting in the chair and thrust her chest forward.
When her chest bumped against my cheek, I let out a slight moan.
"Don't be so cold. Don't you want to touch them once?"
"I touched them before."
"Properly."
"That's enough, right?"
I grabbed her breast firmly.
Even if it was a breast, once you grabbed it, it was just the feel of a bra.
And even if the texture was nice, it didn't leave that much of a lingering feeling.
Maybe because I'd seen and touched them so much I was sick of it.
Or maybe because I rubbed them thoughtlessly every time I washed, it had become nothing special now.
Song Haneul didn't seem to care and looked elsewhere.
She spotted the Onahole box in the corner of the computer desk and reached out.
"Ah, this is still here."
"…You bought it."
"True."
"What for?"
"Gonna throw it out."
So that was why she barged into the room all of a sudden—to throw it away.
"I still haven't used it even once."
"What would you use it for?"
"—Why, you didn't have one originally?"
"I've got hands, and I've got you. What else do I need."
Hands, and Song Haneul?
My stiffened hand started moving again with a sigh.
"Hey, you… I don't know either."
I clutched my throbbing head and groaned.
"Go, go. Come back after drinking a ton."
I tensed a little thinking she might do more, but Song Haneul took a step back.
Since I'd experienced something like this before, I decided to hurry up and grab my stuff and leave.
"I'm going."
"Yeah~."
Song Haneul waved her hand as she saw me off.
Standing at the front door, I glanced back at Song Haneul.
"Aren't you going out?"
"What for if I go out? Just a hassle. Nothing to do."
"So you just stay home every day?"
"Yeah, why. You gonna take me out with you?"
"…I'll think about it."
She made a "tch" sound, like she hadn't expected it.
I should get a studio and move out.
Anyway, while going to school, it'd be convenient to get a place nearby.
The night I came back after drinking with friends.
The day had been spectacular. In the morning I'd had sex with Song Haneul and collapsed, then at night I was out wandering around saying I was going to drink again—thinking about it was kind of funny.
If my body hadn't come back even after doing everything, it might have been hard, but now I definitely knew the method, so I just had to be careful.
If the condition was getting drunk and hugging, there was no real reason I couldn't avoid it, but I wasn't sure if alcohol was really the problem, so I hesitated a bit.
Quiet, huh?
The dark living room and room.
It could just be because I came back late.
When I went into my room and turned on the light, I saw Song Haneul asleep hugging the blanket. Being used to sleeping in my room, the sight of her sleeping here wasn't even funny anymore.
Well, I'd almost naturally gone to Song Haneul's room myself, so I had to think of it as an unavoidable habit.
"Hey, go sleep in your room."
I shook her awake.
"Uung."
She just whined at my words, sounding sleepy.
She didn't seem to have any intention of giving up the bed.
"I need to sleep too."
I was planning to wash up and sleep, so it was a problem if she was occupying the spot.
I approached closer to check if she was really sleeping or just playing around.
When I got somewhat close, she suddenly stretched out her arm and pulled me in.
My upper body was dragged over, leaving me in an awkward half-crouched posture.
"Ah, smell of alcohol."
"You weren't sleeping. Get up."
"Ow! That hurts!"
I flicked her forehead, and she rubbed it as much as it stung.
Even the slightly teary face was part of cunning Song Haneul's tactics, I thought.
When I lifted the blanket, she was somewhat half-naked.
The half-dressed look wasn't even funny.
"Mom's supposed to come soon, right?"
I should return to a proper daily life.
I was about to say that, but Song Haneul pouted like it was no big deal.
"Even if she stops by the house, she'll just wander around here and there and leave the country again."
"That's true, but even for that short while."
"Mom doesn't know. She's kinda dense, right?"
"That."
But still.
"Can't refute it, huh?"
"I know, me too. Just get up first."
I already knew Mom was that kind of person, so there was nothing to say.
Song Haneul grinned and sluggishly got up from her spot.
She yawned once then lightly fixed her clothes. Then she jiggled her chest a little.
She nodded once then flopped back down again.
Had she only gotten up to fix her clothes?
"I said get up?"
"Aaaah, so comfy. Song Hamin's room is nice and pleasant, right?"
"…Don't tell me you're here because your room is dirty?"
"Not dirty so much as full of junk."
Same difference.
"That is dirty. Messy."
"Hmph. When you get lots of cosmetics and clothes, there's no storage space. Then it naturally ends up like that."
"It's not like you're even going out, so why buy so many clothes and cosmetics?"
"Just dressing up itself is fun. Showing off to others is nice too, but too many people approach so it's a hassle."
Song Haneul spat out something like a complaint about her lot in life.
Right now I was a bit tired myself, so I didn't have the leeway to listen.
I just squeezed onto the bed as if telling her to get out quickly.
"Ah, tight."
"Then move over."
Song Haneul was pushed against the wall by my body.
Even while moaning, she stubbornly tried not to get up from her spot.
"No, I just wanna stay."
"……"
Afraid of the body swap, I tried to pull away again, but Song Haneul grabbed me tightly and wouldn't let go.
"Don't go."
"Don't hug me."
"If you just don't drink, it's fine, right?"
"That's not for sure."
"You know from trying it."
"I don't know."
I let out a deep breath listening to her grumbling voice.