Is This What They Mean?

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I wrapped my arms around myself and stole a glance at him.

Being completely exposed while washing had only been a thing at the very beginning, so it felt strangely unfamiliar now. Having someone right there while I was naked wasn't exactly a pleasant feeling. You'd think I'd get used to it the way people do in the military or at public bathhouses, but knowing the person in front of me was Song Haneul made it different. What my eyes saw was my own body, sure—but people aren't that simple to think about.

"...You only needed to wash my crotch, you know."

Completely drained of strength, I couldn't put up any real resistance—just grumble. Song Haneul tilted his head like he couldn't believe what he was hearing, then brought over the clothes he'd stripped off me earlier and shoved them in my face.

"Look at this."

Looking at the clothes soaked through with sweat, I lost my words. It was like he was saying that if I went back looking like that, I'd just end up needing another wash anyway. I chewed on my lip awkwardly and dropped my gaze.

"I can wash myself."

"And if you slip and fall, who's going to take responsibility for my body?"

"Ugh."

"Just lift your arms."

"Ah... that hurts?"

"Quit whining. I was being gentle."

"You call that gentle?"

I flinched with a straight face, but Song Haneul showed no sign of backing down—just sighed and reached out again. It had really felt like he was grabbing hard, so I couldn't believe him when he said he'd been gentle. I couldn't look away.

"I really was being gentle, okay? I can't go any gentler than that."

"Come on."

"You're doing this on purpose, aren't you?"

"I'd rather just take a bath and get out myself. Shoo. Get out already."

"Argh. Fine, do whatever you want."

With that, Song Haneul switched the water to cold and dumped it over my head.

"Aaaah! Are you insane?!"

"Do it yourself then!"

I flinched at his low shout. Only after the bathroom door slammed shut could I finally let out a breath. Slumping my shoulders, I collapsed against the bathtub, and only then did I start to feel a little more alive. I turned the water a bit warmer, closed my eyes, and surrendered myself to the heat enveloping my whole body.

"My back..."

Whether I'd twisted it or something, that slight creaking sensation wouldn't go away, and it kept nagging at me. Since things had already come to this, resting a bit seemed like the better idea.

◇◇◇◆◇◇◇

I threw a towel around myself and hurried into the room—only to find Song Haneul already inside. He usually lounged around in my room, so why had he suddenly come in here, insisting on using this tiny laptop? Having walked in basically naked, my wariness shot up for no good reason. If this was how it was going to be, he could've at least thrown me some clothes before leaving—instead of just stripping me and walking off.

"...What are you doing?"

"Just grabbing some files."

"Uh—no, keep ‍‍‌‌⁠⁠‌‍‍‌⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠‌‌‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠doing what you were doing."

"Just wear the ones I bought before."

"I know."

By now I was used to it, pulling out clothes and putting them on. I knew where everything was and what I was supposed to wear. Still, fastening a bra by myself remained a hassle. Not only did this body have no muscle to speak of—it'd thrown flexibility out the window too. Having to grunt and stretch my hands all the way around my back was the real problem.

"Ugh, I don't want to hear that."

"Then get out. I'm changing—why are you being like this?"

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"Come here."

Song Haneul beckoned me over, then yanked my chest forward and hooked the clasp. It was a bit uncomfortable, but I'd gotten used to it enough that this level of tightness felt okay in its own way. Once I threw on some loose clothes over it, I felt pretty decent.

"Thanks."

"Yeah."

Those dolphin shorts that had felt so embarrassing at first—once I actually wore them, nothing else quite compared, so I'd taken to using them regularly.

"Come to think of it, have you been working on your portfolio lately?"

"...Trying to."

"Why? Not feeling it?"

"Yeah."

Song Haneul's unexpectedly honest answer made my eyes go wide. Before, it'd been more like the body swap is one thing, but I've still got work to do—but now it seemed like he'd completely let go of the reins. Normally I would've acted like how he lived his life was none of my business, but with our bodies swapped and his life plans getting tangled up because of it, I found myself watching his reactions carefully. It could get a little awkward. It wasn't even my fault, but it still felt like I'd put a stop to what he'd been doing, and that didn't sit well.

For me, I could buy time with a leave of absence until I went back to school—but for a guy who wasn't even in school, prepping for jobs as a high school graduate, time was everything. If none of this had happened, I probably wouldn't have cared which broadcasting company he got into or where he ended up.

"It's a drama script I wrote, but looking at it now, it doesn't seem right somehow. At the time it really seemed like a great idea."

He muttered to himself, then snapped the laptop shut. He yanked out all the various cables that had been plugged in, tucked the laptop under his arm, and started gathering up his other things. With the tangle of cables that had cluttered the desk suddenly gone, the space felt empty in an instant.

"Going to work in your room?"

"Wanna go to a cafe?"

"...Sure, whatever."

Something about the atmosphere had shifted. Whether it was because of what happened earlier or something else, the mood felt off. It was always weird how the one on the receiving end ended up fretting more. Then again, if people actually cared about that sort of thing, nobody would do it in the first place. Usually the one who frets is the careful one. Still, completely ignoring what he'd said earlier felt awkward, so I decided to just keep it in mind for now.

"Let's go."

"You're going like that?"

"Ah, I'll change."

After changing into something decent, we headed outside. Being stuck at home all the time—and rarely having any reason to go out for drinks or even to a PC Bang—meant that breathing outside air was always a pleasant thing. It was a little inconvenient, but living itself wasn't really a problem, so I was managing somehow. Even the hassles—once you fold them into your routine, you just end up putting up with them. I was starting to understand what it felt like to get used to something, for better or worse.

"Hah, hah. Hey, walk a little slower."

"Why are you so slow?"

"Walking is the same, you know? You're striding along with those long legs. How am I supposed to keep up? This body's heavy enough as it is."

Even trying to match his pace, for every two steps Song Haneul took, I needed three or four. The bra held things in place, sure, but straps alone couldn't stop the bouncing. Every time I took a big step, that jostling motion forced me to be careful. And if I moved too vigorously, I couldn't avoid that feeling of my whole body swaying—it was uncomfortable. Sweating in weather like this—was that even reasonable?

"...Hurry up."

"—Argh. You inconsiderate bastard."

"I am walking slowly."

"You call that slow?"

"Want me to walk even slower?"

"Yeah, at that pace. Ah, I can live with this."

Spitting out words laced with irritation, I barely managed to keep up. We never usually went out together, so I'd never even thought about this—and it was killing me.

When we arrived at the cafe, a pleasant coolness welcomed me. Right after feeling like a sparrow chasing after a stork, I was craving something sweet. Ever since ending up in this body, I kept seeking out sweet flavors I never used to care about.

"What do you want?"

"Vanilla latte for me."

"Should I get the same?"

"Whatever you want."

I was about to pull out my wallet when Song Haneul casually reached over, took out his card, and held it out. Whether it was out of guilt for acting like an asshole earlier or something else, freeloading like this worked just fine for me. The more you save, the more you accumulate—that's always a good thing.

Sitting down, I stared blankly at my cup.

"Should I have ordered a large?"

Faced with a size that felt somehow lacking, I just blinked. Song Haneul had ordered the same size as me, but he waved it off like it was no big deal.

"Nah, this is more than enough."

"Yeah?"

But after drinking for a while, our opinions diverged.

"No, I should've ordered a large."

"Mine's just right."

"...Guess it's because we eat different amounts. I'm gonna hit the bathroom. Want anything else?"

"No, just get something for yourself."

"Ah, okay."

With that, Song Haneul abruptly left his seat. And he hadn't even opened the laptop he'd brought along. Whatever stickers and decorations he'd plastered all over the laptop—I just couldn't understand girls' sensibilities. Being a guy, he'd be back soon enough—but I couldn't stand my curiosity, so I quickly pulled the laptop over and opened it.

Powering it on and peeking around, I could see he did play games—there was all sorts of stuff installed. A farming game, plus a bunch of simple little things you might play once or twice. Beyond that, nothing particularly noteworthy.

"Oh, is this it?"

A folder labeled Portfolio Scenarios. Clearly this was the main thing he worked on, but whether I should open it was another question—I hesitated a little. Was this what it felt like to stand in front of Pandora's box? I wanted to open it, but whether I could handle the consequences was a separate issue entirely. My hand froze.

Deciding to just do something else, I opened the internet and started searching around. This month's new songs, game videos, that sort of thing. As I was clicking around, someone casually approached.

"Excuse me, this might be because you're so pretty, but could I get your number?"

"......"

"Hello?"

"Huh?"

I hadn't even realized he was talking to me and completely ignored him—then an arm waving at the edge of my vision made me jump back in surprise. It wasn't Song Haneul messing around—some complete stranger of a man was standing there, carefully cradling his phone in both hands. The sight was shocking.

What the hell is this.

Faced with something I'd never experienced before, I had no idea how to react. My body just froze. The man didn't seem to care, casually holding out his phone as if asking me to type in my number.