Judging by the Circumstances
If there was one thing that scared me most during my military service, it was people you simply couldn't reason with.
With a junior it was one thing, but once it was a senior or an officer, things got messy fast. No matter what you said, they were locked inside their own little world, doing only whatever they felt like—and that was a real headache.
I never thought I'd find one of those in my own family.
Song Haneul could be annoying sometimes, but I didn't think he'd ever been this pigheaded.
I tried acting normal so I wouldn't provoke any pushback, but even that failed. Thinking back to how things went even when I honestly said we shouldn't do it, maybe this was just how it ended no matter what I tried.
The stress was building hard.
Judging by the circumstances, it looked like it had happened at least three times, and the corner of my mouth twisted.
"Mmm."
Come to think of it, Song Haneul used condoms even when he masturbated, so I couldn't be sure.
Maybe my period was just late and I'd mixed it up with his masturbation.
Use them all while Dad's around—and then using them in a situation like this just to confuse people.
My nose was getting tired from staring into the trash can for so long.
I was still hesitating with my head pulled back when I heard someone behind me.
"What are you doing hugging the trash can?"
Should I ask? It wasn't like yelling would change anything.
If it turned into a fight, I'd be the one at a disadvantage.
"How much did I drink yesterday?"
"What, the usual amount."
I didn't think half a bottle used to black me out this badly.
No—wait. That was just because my memory was fuzzy and I'd felt that way.
I definitely had no memory of it. The first time I'd only figured out what happened after waking up, and the second time I'd come to while being penetrated—so no matter how much I drank, it was clear I lost my senses.
Damn this body. Why was it so weak?
Maybe that was why I preferred sweet things more now.
My hesitant hand groped for the texture I'd felt earlier.
I pulled a clump of condoms out of the trash and trembled.
"These… they didn't come from doing it with me, right?"
"No. I used an onahole. I bought it because cleaning up felt awkward with Dad around, remember?"
"Then why does my stomach hurt?"
"Your period probably came. It's not like things are that messed up."
Ah, fuck. Was it really my period?
Haneul's casual reaction only made my thoughts more complicated.
I bit my lip hard at the thought that I'd been suspicious for nothing.
No—wasn't it Haneul's fault for making me suspicious in the first place?
If he hadn't done that stuff before, I never would have thought this.
As my mind grew unsettled, Haneul piled on more words.
"Put that down already."
"But you jerked off three times?"
"I've been holding back since that talk with you."
"…Fine, whatever."
I put the condoms back and closed the lid.
Since the day had supposedly arrived, there was something I needed to do.
It was a bit inconvenient, but if I didn't want things getting messy down there, I had no choice but to wear one. I could take care of it while washing my hands, so it wasn't a big deal.
I carefully tried to recall whether my lower belly had been throbbing like that.
It could just be my imagination. I'd only been through it twice at most, so it was hard to be sure.
"……"
"What are you staring at?"
"I'm allowed to look."
It was still too early to drop my suspicions. Problems always came up on days after drinking.
This wasn't random guessing—it was reasonable doubt. The statistics knew the answer.
"…Ah, then just do it for real. Then you'll know if it feels like that or not."
Seeing the flustered reaction, maybe it really wasn't that.
Or maybe, in the middle of all this, he was just trying to get one in.
I didn't particularly want to. My stomach hurt.
Because of the memory of being forced while sleeping, that pain still came back to me.
Haneul might have enjoyed it, but I had no good memories of it.
"That's not it."
"What, then."
Faced with Haneul's glaring eyes, I tucked my tail between my legs.
The more sensitive I got, the more sensitive the other side got too.
Looking at the reaction, it was time to stop.
"Nothing."
I whipped my head away and avoided his gaze.
Haneul didn't press further or follow me.
Carrying some unnameable discomfort, I climbed onto the bed. With nothing else to do, I flipped around for a long while watching videos on my phone.
I searched for why bodies swap, but nothing useful came up. Most of it was worthless nonsense that didn't help at all.
"Song Hamin!"
"Yeah, what?"
A voice called me from beyond the open door.
I sat up and turned my head toward the sound.
Crossing the living room, Haneul stood in front of the room and grinned.
"Wanna go out?"
"…To do what?"
"To eat."
"Where."
"Just, you know—pizza or chicken is fine, or how about jokbal?"
"We can just order in."
When I looked over with a listless expression, he pouted a little, seemingly displeased.
"Sometimes eating out is better. No cleanup to worry about."
"This isn't exactly a comfortable situation right now."
"Still suspicious?"
"…A little."
"Seriously… well, I guess that's fair."
Surprisingly, he admitted it readily.
Well, given what he'd done, it was understandable that suspicion was inevitable—he seemed to know that.
At the deep sigh, I found it awkward to say more and shut my mouth.
In the suddenly awkward atmosphere, I whipped my gaze away.
"Go if you want."
"What?"
"Go out or don't. If you want to go, let's go."
"You're really going out? Then put some clothes on. No—I'll pick them out for you."
Saying that, he started rummaging through the drawers in the room, pulling out clothes at random.
Watching him hold various things up against my body as if this were the perfect opportunity, maybe he'd been wanting to see me in these picked-out clothes all along.
"Just pick something reasonable and let's go."
"Hold on, tsk… yeah, denim really suits you best."
"…Are you listening?"
"Yeah, yeah, wait."
When a fluttery skirt was held up against me, I recoiled a bit.
I preferred something soft and fluffy, but that didn't mean I particularly wanted to wear it either.
There was no need to wear something pretty and cute, so I casually picked up the denim that had been offered first.
"Give me this."
Dark denim, almost black. White T-shirt underneath, jacket and pants, and done.
The weather had gotten chilly, but this should be enough.
"Ah, okay."
Haneul, who'd been about to dig through the closet more, pouted with regret and closed the drawer.
"Don't make that face with that face. It's creepy."
"Ah, like this?"
"Ugh."
Watching him deliberately mess up his face more was funny, but I couldn't just laugh, so I only let out a deep sigh.
I shook my head, wondering how someone could be so carefree.
Once outside, Haneul sniffed the air.
With hands stuffed in his jacket pockets, sniffing around like that looked somehow dog-like.
"Mala."
"You want malatang?"
"No, the weird thing is I don't crave malatang at all right now. It's just spicy and kind of… meh. I need something with more umami."
"I don't really get it."
When I tilted my head, he laughed as if feeling the same.
"Let's just wander around."
After wandering for a while, we stepped into a nearby Chinese restaurant.
"It's been a while since I've had jjajangmyeon… should I try jjamppong?"
"I'll have jjajangmyeon."
"Large?"
"I can't eat that much."
"How about tangsuyuk?"
I figured I'd be full just from the jjajangmyeon, so I didn't even look at other menu items.
When I casually held out the menu, Haneul flipped through the pages excitedly.
Having a bigger stomach now seemed to mean more opportunities to try different things, and that was clearly welcome.
"Order whatever if you can eat it."
"The fried dumplings look good. Why didn't we come to a place like this sooner?"
"You only ever ate Western food and malatang and stuff. When you were on leave you ate tanghulu all day. Somehow you never gained weight though."
I tried lightly touching my belly fat—it was definitely smooth.
"Because that was basically my meals? I didn't really eat much else."
"…I think I get why your body is wrecked."
"I know, so don't say anything."
"Fine."
Not long after ordering, the food came out.
A small order of tangsuyuk and fried dumplings came first, then the jjajangmyeon and jjamppong we'd each ordered were set in front of us.
"Let's eat."
"…Dutch pay?"
"No, I'll get it."
"Whoa, you got money?"
"I've got Mom's card."
"Then you're not really paying."
"This is how you save your allowance—by using it for times like this."
While I was carefully saving my allowance, this one was blowing chances like this.
If I'd known it was fine, maybe I should've done the same.
"Eat a lot."
"I'm probably going to leave some anyway with all this variety."
I'd already started feeling full just from a few pieces of tangsuyuk—what was I going to do.
It didn't used to be like this, but looking at it now, even a regular-sized jjajangmyeon looked overwhelming.
Could I finish it?
With that worry, I worked my chopsticks.
"I feel like I'm gonna explode."
"That was good. This place is nice. We should come again."
"My stomach feels a bit off."
"…Really? Too much oil maybe?"
Haneul seemed fine, but I wasn't.
When I ate something too greasy, my stomach churned again.
It had tasted good, but eating too much because of that was the problem.
After stuffing myself with oil, of course my stomach felt weird.
"Your body is seriously garbage…"
The cycle, the suspicions, the stomach—nothing about it was normal. It was frustrating.
How did anyone even live in a body like this.
I really felt like if I kept living the way I used to, I'd be the first one to drop dead.
"Why do you have to put it so harshly?"
"Getting queasy just from a little grease isn't normal."
"That's true."
"If you know, then…"
"Okay, okay. Want me to carry you?"
"No thanks."
When I answered with an irritated look, he waved a hand dismissively.
"Just kidding. Let's go back and rest or something."
"Some cola."
"You want me to buy it?"
"Yeah."
"Fine, whatever."
Maybe because it was on Mom's card, he happily bought the drink too.
At the same time, two more boxes of condoms were added.
"Hey."
"You know by now too."
"I don't, you psycho."