My Stomach Hurts So Bad
Red.
"Aaaagh!"
I couldn't believe that scream had come out of my own throat. There was no time to dwell on it, though. I gasped for breath, trying to make sense of what was happening.
My eyes darted around frantically. My whole body felt heavy, and my joints were a disaster all their own. My overall condition was racing toward rock bottom. I couldn't imagine feeling any worse than this. I'd somehow failed to notice the decline until I was already at the edge of it, and the realization hit me with a jolt.
But what shocked me even more was the sight of my crotch, soaked red beneath the blanket.
Blood? Why the hell would I be bleeding down there?
My mind went completely blank in the face of this bewildering situation. I tried to recall whether I'd ever experienced anything like this, tried to dredge up every possible explanation that didn't involve personal experience. Even that was nearly impossible with my head in this much chaos.
"What's going on?!"
Song Haneul came running at the sound of my scream, looking just as panicked. When our eyes met, she also looked terrified of whatever I was about to say.
"You didn't do something to me, did you…?"
Given what had happened yesterday, the thought flashed through my mind that something might have gone down while I was drunk.
Haneul blinked, then dragged her gaze downward — to the crotch exposed so pitifully under the lifted blanket.
"It wasn't me. I didn't do anything. Seriously."
"Then what is this?"
"Isn't it your period?"
"Huh?"
"Is it that time already?"
We blinked at each other, then both stared down. So that was why I felt like this — why my stomach suddenly hurt and I was bleeding.
"The bed's a mess. Get up, quick."
"Ah — sorry."
That word made me go quiet without meaning to. I shut my mouth and climbed out of bed as told. Haneul stripped the blankets completely once I was out of the way. Thankfully, the mattress itself hadn't been stained.
I stood there awkwardly, looking down at my uncomfortably wet crotch. At least I hadn't wet the bed, and at least I hadn't been assaulted in my sleep — small mercies. Still, the thought that I'd done this without even realizing it kept my head hanging low. The embarrassment outweighed the guilt, if I was being honest.
"Ugh."
Haneul hauled the heavy blankets off and carried them straight to the bathroom, dumping them there. I watched blankly, biting my lip, not knowing what to do with myself.
If I'd known this was coming, I would've just worn black. Wearing gray had only made the whole thing look even more pathetic.
I snuck a glance at Haneul and felt the weight of her gaze.
"Does your stomach hurt?"
"A little. Just a dull ache."
"…There's no way it only hurts at night."
"My whole body feels heavy, though."
She sniffed the air, then shook her head.
"Go wash up and change. I'll try to rinse the blankets."
"…You sure?"
"It's fine. You're the one stuck dealing with this instead of me, after all."
I'd heard period days were rough, but I still wasn't sure what that actually meant. Whether it was because I'd gone numb to it or not, I had no idea what to do about blood just freely flowing out of me.
"I'll be doing laundry next to you, so tell me when you're done washing. I'll show you what to do when you put on underwear."
"Show me what?"
"You're not going to wear a pad?"
"Uh… uh…"
Hold on. Why did the list of things I had to wear keep getting longer? I'd put on a bra because I was told to, and the panties already clamped tight around my hips. And now I had to wear something called a pad on top of that?
I blinked, but reality didn't change.
"Just wash up first."
At those words, I got up and finished my shower right away. Water dripped steadily off me. It was the kind of process that ate up a ridiculous amount of time.
Haneul, scrubbing the blankets hard under cold water beside me, glanced over.
"Your body's still pretty good, huh? Being able to use this much strength…"
"Sorry."
"I'm not being sarcastic."
She wrung out the blankets with her arm strength, tossed them toward the washing machine, and came back.
"Here. You've got underwear, right?"
"Yeah."
"Put them on halfway."
"Mm."
Standing naked in front of Haneul was mortifying, but I had to take comfort in the fact that this wasn't actually my body. The fact that she'd watched me from the start of my shower — on the grounds that she didn't know what I might do — had at least served as some kind of preventive inoculation. Whether that counted as a good thing, I couldn't say.
"See this? You see here?"
Something white and rectangular.
"You peel off the tape and it opens up. Stick it down here like this, then pull the underwear up."
She laid it out over the panties hanging on my thighs and lifted them into place. My hips jerked in surprise. I ended up in some half-crouched posture, face twisted.
"Is this right…?"
"Yeah, that's right. Feel weird?"
"This is way too strange…"
Even just wearing panties had felt a little too tight. Now there was this padded sensation layered inside, and it felt completely alien. Something thick wedged between my legs made my gait go all wobbly.
"This is weird. Do I have to?"
"Otherwise your underwear becomes disposable. And if you don't wash the blankets, you have to throw those out too."
"…Sorry."
"I didn't tell you, so what are you supposed to do? I stopped paying attention after the swap and completely forgot the day was coming."
Even as I kept apologizing, she didn't seem particularly bothered. She wasn't even accepting the apology so much as not considering it my fault at all, which left me a little puzzled. Was this really the same person who used to be so finicky about her own body and her own things?
"I've shown you now, so just change it yourself when you need to."
"Yeah. Okay. Thanks."
It was so embarrassing. Being dressed in underwear like a baby didn't feel good at all. My body already felt terrible, and now my spirits were sinking too — I couldn't take much more of this.
With her help, I got fully into my underwear and pulled on clothes. The reason I insisted on black this time was simple: I never wanted to go through this again.
"Ah — uh?"
I'd been lying on the bed, trying to zone out and kill time, when the signals in my stomach started building.
"Ugh."
It felt like thorns had sprouted inside my belly. The slightest movement made everything stab from every direction. Every time it hurt, I'd shift a little — which only made it hurt again. An endless vicious cycle.
I normally preferred lying flat on my back, but right now I had no choice but to curl around my stomach. Both hands pressed to my belly, I rolled onto my side like a shrimp. In moments like this, keeping your stomach warm and holding the most bearable position seemed important — pure instinctive posturing.
But it still hurt. Just because I tried to stay still didn't mean my insides would do the same, and that was the agony of it.
"Nnngh…"
A groan slipped out on its own. My face went pale, and my body — strained from enduring the pain — eventually broke out in a cold sweat. My mouth hung open as I wheezed and forced out each breath.
I'd been fine just a little while ago. Why was this happening all of a sudden?
"Does it hurt?"
"Mm."
Hearing the sounds of suffering, Haneul slipped in, sat on the edge of the bed, and glanced at my condition.
"I told you it'd be rough. Take it easy today."
"…I didn't feel anything coming."
It wasn't supposed to just slam into you on the day itself — there should have been warning signs. The complete absence of any made it even more disorienting. Whether I'd been too out of it or my senses had gone dull, I hadn't had any chance to brace myself, and that made it worse. There might not have been anything special to prepare, but I should at least have had a chance to steel myself.
"Want some porridge?"
"No. I don't really want to eat…"
"Alright. Rest."
"Ugh."
Even the word "rest" was easier said than done.
"I feel like I'm dying."
I met the evening with hollow eyes. Just yesterday I'd been full of thoughts about all the things I wanted to eat. Now I didn't want any of it. I was too worried that eating too much would only aggravate my lower belly.
"Everyone lives through this."
"Why me, though."
"…Yeah, good question."
Even Haneul had nothing to say to that, and just glanced sideways.
I go to the military. I get periods. What exactly had I done to deserve suffering both sides of this?
"It smells bad, too."
"Don't go around saying that."
"Got it."
So what was I even supposed to be able to do?
"It's uncomfortable."
"Yeah, it would be."
"How long does it hurt?"
"All day today? Maybe into tomorrow, too."
"Ah. Once a month?"
"About that."
Ugh. Unbelievable. The idea that I'd have to go through this on a regular monthly cycle made no sense. Fine, this time was this time — but I hoped next month I wouldn't have to experience it again.
"We need to find a way to switch back… I can't live like this forever."
"You were planning to live like this forever? Of course we have to switch our bodies back."
Haneul recoiled and agreed immediately. What each of us wanted was laid out clearly. We were aligned. No objections. Which meant the only option was to find a way.
"So, drinking again today?"
"…You're enjoying this now?"
Watching someone who used to not be able to handle alcohol suddenly try to knock it back like her tolerance had skyrocketed was absurd. Meanwhile, I was the one who'd been able to drink fine and now couldn't, and it was killing me. Alcohol wasn't exactly a good thing, but it was decent at creating a buzz and a mood. Just pouring it down indiscriminately wasn't a virtue. Haneul, who only knew how to chug without any atmosphere, was almost funny.
"Today's kind of rough. My stomach hurts too much."
I tilted my waist and groaned, and Haneul smacked her lips with clear disappointment.
"Then tomorrow or the day after, I guess."
"Whatever."
"Hey. I'm sorry."
Haneul's sudden apology made my eyes go wide. I scowled and asked what she meant.
"What did you do?"
"No — I mean I'm sorry about today. You kept saying sorry over and over and looking so lost, and I didn't know what to do about it, so I figured I should just tell you it wasn't your fault."
"……"
"It's already been a few days somehow. Normally I'd have been wearing one by now, but I was in a comfortable body so I just… forgot. Anyway, don't feel bad even if we have to throw out the blankets."
Whether it was a lie meant to ease my guilt or something else, I found myself looking at her differently over this. I'd only ever known her as someone who dug in her heels — I never expected her to apologize and explain things like this.
"Yeah."
Still, the fact that we could lean on each other and help each other out was what made this bearable. Without that, I probably would have already broken under the hardship.
"If anything else comes up, just tell me."
The day grew dark again. The living room lights went out, and I lay down in Haneul's room. The house felt stifling. At the same time, after going through something like this, I was reluctant to go outside — who knew what might happen. Going out together after getting permission and talking it through was one thing. Alone was absolutely impossible.
I blinked a few times, then squeezed my eyes shut. The lingering pain still rolled around my stomach like a ball of thorns. As I groaned through it, my consciousness slowly drifted away.