The Weight of Yesterday's Memories
To make Eunha live a good life. To make her happier.
It took a long time before I could finally exit onto the road.
Noise flooded in. The sound of tires scraping the pavement. Exhaust fumes. A horn honking somewhere. Laughter from a group at the crosswalk. The sound of a passing motorcycle.
My ears were dizzy.
Normally, I would have turned up the radio loud, adding some sound to drown out the world's noise.
But I couldn't do that now. Because Eunha was sleeping.
Instead, I shifted my focus. Eunha's breathing. Shallow and thin. Yet it continued unbroken.
I clung to that sound. To be sure that this person was alive. Continuously.
Thoughts overlapped with thoughts. My gaze turned toward the foreign car logo embedded in the steering wheel.
'Yeah.'
This is a job.
'To make Eunha live a good life. To make her happier.'
I floored the accelerator.
'After all, we were both orphans.'
If I hadn't done this, I wouldn't have been able to live properly. If I hadn't been a hero, if I hadn't been S-rank, Eunha and I would have been lives at the very bottom. Because this ability was all we had.
I thought that. While thinking, my breathing eased a bit.
We pulled into the underground parking lot. Eunha had not yet woken up.
'She must have been really tired.'
I opened the passenger door. Unbuckled her seatbelt and lifted her into my arms. Her body was heavier than usual. Her limp limbs trailed out beyond my forearms. It was clear that her stamina was still there.
I stood in front of the elevator. Pressed the button.
"Put me down..."
Eunha said in a voice thick with sleep.
Only then did Eunha open her eyes. Her voice was thick with sleep.
"I can walk."
"I'm fine."
I answered as gently as possible.
"You've been through a lot. Just stay like this."
Eunha blinked once. Then she gently closed her eyes again. She buried her head in my chest. She said nothing. That was the answer.
The elevator doors opened.
As the floors rose, the sounds multiplied. Whether it was TV or gunfire, it echoed. Water dripping somewhere. A child's crying. Even though it was night, the city didn't know how to be quiet.
It was annoying. It always was.
I turned my ear toward Eunha. I peeled away the incoming noise one layer at a time. Only Eunha's voice remained.
We arrived at the top floor. The floor where Eunha and I lived. The top floor of a luxury apartment complex. A place I could live because of this job.
We stepped out into the hallway. Thud. Thud. When we reached our door, the neighbor's front door opened.
Through the gap in the door, long silver hair appeared first. The long hair tied low sparkled. Below it, purple eyes looked up at me.
It was Ha-yoon.
She was in disheveled pajamas. Holding the door handle with one hand, she stood half in, half out.
"Senior Si-hoon. Eunha unnie."
Her voice was small. Perhaps because it was early morning, or because she was cautious.
"Are you okay? I couldn't sleep after hearing about the operation."
Ha-yoon took a few steps closer. The eyes that had been alternating between our faces shook for a moment. It seemed she had noticed something different from usual. She wrinkled her nose and tilted her head, asking.
"Senior, are you hurt anywhere...?"
Ah, the smoke smell must have remained.
"I'm fine."
I pulled out the usual smile. I lifted the corners of my mouth gently. I calmed my voice.
"Just a lot of work today, so a bit tired."
A kind senior who had safely completed today's mission. The face I had to perform right now.
"Eunha unnie must have been really tired too."
Only then did Ha-yoon smile brightly, as if relieved.
"You two look really good together."
The purple gaze lingered for a moment on Eunha in my arms.
"I'd love to have a reliable boyfriend like Senior Si-hoon too."
It was a joke. To lighten the heavy atmosphere. But her breathing became slightly faster. Her heart rate also rose a beat.
'Flirting.'
Her ears told me it was half sincere. But I let it pass as is.
Eunha moved in my arms.
"..."
Eunha's face twisted for a moment. Ha-yoon wouldn't have seen it. Because her face was buried in my chest.
Soon, Eunha slowly rested her forehead on my chest. As if showing off.
"Ha-yoon is just... Eunha was really tired today, so Si-hoon helped her."
I added a laugh to my voice. Pretending to be shy, pretending to be lazy.
But Eunha's heart also beat a beat faster. Her breathing was shallow. She forced her twisted expression to calm, but the corners of her mouth twitched.
It seemed Ha-yoon's words had not been pleasant.
"Yeah. Eunha had a hard time because of me today."
I put a little more strength in my arms. Eunha buried her head deeper.
Ha-yoon smiled. Stepping back one step.
"Both of you should wash up and rest well."
"Thanks."
I pressed our apartment's door lock.
"Good night, Ha-yoon."
Ha-yoon bowed her head. The smile on her lips was a bit bitter.
"Yes. Senior and unnie, sleep well."
I opened the front door. Carrying Eunha, I entered the house. Before the door closed, I turned my head.
Through the gap in the door, Ha-yoon was visible. Her purple pupils were still staring at us intently.
I closed the door. Carrying Eunha as is, I headed to the bedroom. I laid Eunha on the bed. I took off her shoes and covered her with the blanket.
"Sleep well."
No answer.
I left the room. Closed the door and returned to the living room. I sat on the sofa. I leaned my back against the backrest. The fatigue hit all at once.
The house was quiet.
It was because of the soundproofing construction. The outside noise was 'relatively' less audible. I hadn't captured it as well as I wanted, but this was enough to endure.
"Hah..."
I rubbed my eyes with my palms. Over and over.
The heat that swept my eyes without rest. No pain remained. But when I removed my palms, afterimages kept appearing.
At the moment I gathered the beams. When my vision was dyed red. Eunha's face, sitting and looking up at me.
I lowered my palms. It was still visible.
From the bedroom, Eunha's breathing was heard. It was irregular. Whether she was asleep or not. Probably the latter.
I closed my eyes.
Beyond the soundproofing, the morning noise seeped in.
A distant horn sound. The sound of cold wind scratching the windows. A dog barking briefly somewhere. One by one, it persistently knocked on my ears.
I desperately chased it from my head.
I didn't sleep all night.
Morning came. Footsteps beyond the door greeted me first.
"Are you awake?"
Through the door gap, Eunha peeked her head. Her eyelids were swollen, and her hair was messy. Her forced voice was cracked.
"Want some coffee?"
"Yeah."
Soon, sounds came from the kitchen. I continued sitting on the sofa and listened to those sounds.
Clink. The sound of a cup being placed. Uung- the sound of espresso being poured. Clatter, ice rolling. Tap. Tap. The sound of syrup being added. "Hah..." and Eunha's breathing.
The morning sounds clashed awkwardly.
"Here."
"Thanks."
I drank a few sips and set it down. Eunha also stopped drinking. Neither of us said anything. It was the start of today.
My smartphone rang. Association irregular report. Abandoned factory fire. Civilian death case. It said a report was needed.
Eunha's side didn't ring. But she saw the notification. The coffee cup she was about to drink paused for a moment. She closed her mouth after trying to say something.
"I'll go."
I tried to stand up and leave the door. A voice followed from behind my back.
"I'll go with you."
"I'm fine."
"I'll go with you."
I didn't turn my back. A short silence.
"...Yeah."
I got in the car. Eunha sat in the passenger seat.
Whenever we stopped at a traffic light, Eunha looked out the window. Her hair swayed. Occasionally she took a breath, her shoulders twitched, and then she settled again. In the end, Eunha couldn't sleep.
At the headquarters parking lot, Eunha lightly held my hand and let go.
"Expression management."
"Yeah."
I nodded briefly. Her soft fingertips tried to chase my hand but stopped.
Hero Association Seoul Headquarters.
I passed through the hallway. The passing employees lowered their heads. I received them with the familiar expression. Kind, humble, yet also dignified.
I took the elevator up. As the floors rose, Eunha's breathing quickened by half a beat.
In front of the Seoul branch director's office. Sounds from inside the door. The sound of papers being flipped. The chair creaking. And breathing. Relaxed, leisurely. I knocked.
"Come in."
I opened the door. Jin Seo-ran was sitting on the sofa in one corner of the office.
She only turned her head this way. Her light brown hair flowed over her shoulders. Mature face. Neat semi-casual attire. Black stockings. Elegantly crossed legs.
"You're here. Our Si-hoon and Eunha."
Her tone was flirtatious. Eunha awkwardly lowered her head.
"Have a seat. Ah, want a cup of coffee? We just got some good beans in."
"I'm fine."
Eunha answered officially. I just shook my head.
"Oh? I went to the trouble of picking it to your taste, Si-hoon."
She received it with a sing-song laugh. The harder I acted, the more flirtatious she became. She always was. This woman.
"Well then. First, I need to look at yesterday's scene for a moment."
The document folder was pushed over the table. Photos were attached. Completely charred bones. Soot-covered floor. Things that were unrecognizable. Next to them, an estimated thirty dead.
Of which about twenty were civilians.
"From the conclusion, all civilian deaths were caused by villains."
I looked far away. I only heard her voice.
"The fire caused by ammunition explosion during the operation spread to flammable materials."
She knew it too. That I did it. The people who cleaned up the fire scene, the ones who manipulated the report. All of them.
A title of another document hidden under the folder was slightly visible. Police cooperation notice. Deliberately like that. To inform of existence, not the content.
"Si-hoon."
Jin Seo-ran rested her elbow on the armrest.
"If I hadn't been there, you would have been eating kimbap in the detention center by now."
"Isn't it the same for you?"
A chuckle came out. It was the familiar conversation.
"The Association would be in trouble without me, and I would be tired without the Association."
Her eyes narrowed. As if enjoying my sarcasm.
"So we can't let each other go. We've been together for a long time."
She chuckled and crossed her legs. Deliberately slowly. Leisurely.
The hem of her skirt rolled up over her thighs. She subtly spread her legs a little. The gap facing Eunha and me.
Black stockings. And inside.
No panties.
It was whitish wet. The fluids were visible between the stockings.
At the same time, my ears caught the sound. The sound of thighs sticking and separating with fluids. Unlike her calm expression, her heart was beating fast. Her breathing was heated. This woman was excited.
I forced my expression to harden.
The sound was not heard by Eunha. But the action was visible.
Eunha's gaze followed my gaze. In an instant. Her face crumpled. The corners of her mouth twitched briefly. Soon she returned to her original expression.
Jin Seo-ran looked at Eunha. And smiled leisurely.
"Eunha, you didn't sleep well last night, did you? You look really tired."
It was deliberate. The honorific and tone. Reminding of distance and dominance.
Eunha's heart quickened. She breathed shallowly as if forcing it down.
"I'm fine."
"But you should sleep well, Eunha. Want me to give you some herbal tea?"
"I'm fine."
Short exchange. Jin Seo-ran turned her gaze back to me. The corners of her mouth rose leisurely.
"Si-hoon has really improved in skill? You were really clumsy back then."
My expression hardened unconsciously.
She continued, trailing off.
"Human memory is really strange. Bad memories from the first time can't be forgotten for life. Unnie's memories are good, so even harder to forget?"
First.
Eunha's fingertips trembled. Jin Seo-ran looked at Eunha as if confirming. And smiled faintly.
"Report up to here is fine."
She folded the document folder and pushed it to one side.
"Si-hoon has some separate reports to make. Come to the usual place this evening."
Eunha flinched. Her breathing quickened. This time, it would have been heard by Jin Seoran's ears too.
"If you're tired, just rest here and go together? Ah, Eunha can go first."
I shook my head. Eunha bit her lip and stood up from her seat. The steps to the door were short and fast. I was about to stand too.
"Ah, by the way."
A voice followed from behind.
"Our Si-hoon. Don't be late. Like that 'first' day."
Without answering, the door closed.
I stood in front of Eunha and the elevator.
As I approached, Eunha turned and forced a smile. The corners of her mouth twisted up, an unnatural smile. Her eyes didn't smile.
"I'm fine. I'll report well."
Before I could say anything, the elevator opened. Eunha got on first. The heart sounds still followed me in my ears.