A Fragile Calm

Yeah. Let's take a break. Finish it quickly.

I turned my ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠steps towards the civilians. About ten of them. I walked while scanning their faces.

'These bastards.'

There were also the ones who had attacked Eunha. The one who was terrified. The one who was crying and then shaking his waist excitedly. The one who hit Eunha. The one with something in his mouth. The one who squirted twice. The one who was howling. The one who was regretting.

'These guys...'

And the innocent ones. No, 'still' innocent ones.

It didn't matter anyway. Civilians were all the same. They run from fear, and when they get a chance, they become cruel. All the civilians I've experienced were like that.

'I have to kill them all.'

I lifted the corner of my mouth.

Thud. Thud.

Footsteps behind me. It was Eunha. She was following unsteadily.

"Si-hoon..."

Her voice was cracked.

"What are you trying to do..."

Instead of answering, I raised the gun. Pointed the barrel at the first civilian's head.

Just as I was about to pull the trigger.

"Eunha."

Eunha blocked my front with both arms spread wide. Her legs that had remaining strength were trembling. But she was standing.

Please... These people were all sleeping...

She appealed with a voice close to sobbing, panting for breath.

"You must not have seen... What I did... No, what we did..."

"No."

I answered shortly.

"You know my hearing. You can tell when you hear the heartbeat."

"No..."

Her pupils were shaking. She shook her head as if she couldn't believe it.

"These people are awake. Even if they look asleep, their ears are open."

It was a lie. It was bothersome to decide who to save, so I decided to kill them all.

Eunha shook her head harder. Her hair was flying around.

"No. I know it's not that. Si-hoon. We are heroes. We have to protect civilians..."

"Eunha."

I took one step forward.

"What did these people do to us?"

My Adam's apple bobbed. My words were blocked. In that gap, I pointed the gun again.

She grabbed my arm with both hands. Her hands were numb from medicine, no strength. But she didn't let go.

"No. Please. Because of me... Because I was careless and got caught, that's why..."

"It's not your fault."

"Si-hoon, please...!"

"Move."

"I won't move. This time..."

"Move."

At that moment.

Kiiing-

My eyes became hot. My gaze was dyed red. The smell of ozone pricked my nose tip.

I aimed at Eunha.

Of course, I didn't intend to shoot. It was just an unconscious threat. A habit.

"Si-hoon..."

But Eunha was different. She looked at me with frightened eyes. She tried to step back but her legs tangled and she fell. She hit her butt on the floor. Still, she didn't take her eyes off.

'What did I do?'

My mind flashed. I removed the strength from my eyes. The gaze dyed red regained its color.

Eunha's shoulders were shaking violently.

"Eunha... this is..."

I reached out my hand. I tried to say it was a mistake. But I withdrew my hand. I didn't continue.

I was threatening Eunha.

I bit my lip hard. I adjusted my expression. It's okay. I am calm. What I have to do now is kill the civilians, no, destroy evidence, then go home.

Yeah. Let's take a break. Finish it quickly.

I raised the gun again.

Bang.

The first guy's body jumped shortly.

Bang.

Second. His shoulder twitched.

Bang.

Blood spread widely.

The gunshots only briefly silenced.

By the time the fourth person died, a new sound was added.

"Aaack!!"

Eunha was pulling her hair.

"Aaaaaaaaak!!"

A scream that sounded like it would burst her vocal cords. Sobbing and screaming mixed. She was shouting with all her might as if trying to drive the gunshots away from her ears.

Bang. Bang.

"Aaack!! Aaaaaak!!"

Still, the gunshots didn't disappear. Eunha was crouched, burying her face on her knees. A few strands of hair were pulled out between her fingers.

Bang. Clatter.

The last bullet casing fell.

Now only silence and sobs remained. Eunha occasionally coughed up mixed with vomit. Due to the medicine or blood.

I put down the gun.

"Go back first."

I said to Eunha. With my back turned. My face now, surely Eunha hated the expression.

"I want to wash up."

Weight was added behind my back.

"Si-hoon..."

It was Eunha. She turned her head. Her face was a mess with tears and snot. Her lips were trembling delicately.

"That... ugh... it hurts a lot..."

This foolish girl, even in this situation, is worrying about me.

"It's okay."

Finally, we made eye contact. My face in her blue eyes was scary. I tried to ignore it.

"..."

Eunha stared at me for a long time. She opened and closed her mouth as if trying to say something, then closed it. She pushed against the wall and stood up. She staggered a couple of times and barely stabilized.

She staggered out to the exit. Her back was swaying.

I opened the oil drum in the corner. It was full.

I tilted the drum. Oil gushed out. It flowed between the corpses. It seeped into the open mouths of the dead guys, and into the bullet holes.

After shaking off the last drop,

Thud.

I threw it. And.

Kiiing-

I fired the beam shortly.

The oil caught fire. The flames spread through the oil in various directions. It swallowed everything around.

Whoosh-

"Keuh..."

"Kuuuaaa..."

The ones still breathing groaned. Soon it turned into a horrific scream.

I stood in the middle of the fire as is.

"..."

The heat covered my whole body. The blood and sweat on my body, the flesh of the guys. Those filth were burning. The sizzling sound came from my body.

The combat suit is flame-resistant material, and my skin endures. I don't burn. I don't die. Only the heat couldn't be helped.

I closed my eyes.

It hurt.

Flames stuck to my whole body. The burning sensation ran through my whole body. But.

'...This is better.'

It felt like the thoughts were being erased. The image of Eunha in the foresight. The image of Eunha pleading. The moment she sat down in fear.

All of it melted in the heat.

The concrete cracked, some rebar ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠somewhere bent. Only the sound of fire and pain remained.

I stood like that for a while.

And.

I walked. Towards the exit. Over the debris, passing through sagging pipes from the heat.

I came out to the exit. I brushed off the ashes. I brushed off the embers too.

"It's quiet..."

The press and internet leakers still hadn't come. It was an outer area, and since this operation was a sudden deployment, that was why.

Good. I didn't have to force a smile.

‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠

I walked to the car.

Eunha was sitting in the passenger seat. She roughly wiped the dirt with water bottles and tissues, but her face was swollen because of crying. Her expression was so messed up that it was hard to describe.

I sat in the driver's seat.

Eunha forced a smile. The corners of both lips were twisted up like a smile but not really.

"Si-hoon, today was really hard, right?"

"..."

I couldn't answer.

"I'll make you feel better before I go home."

Eunha leaned her body towards me. Her soft hand rested on my thigh. Her black hair fell over me.

"Eunha..."

I raised my hand. To push her away.

But.

'What right do I have....'

I killed. All of them. With this hand. The smell of blood and ash still lingered. With this dirty hand, I couldn't push Eunha away.

My hand froze in mid-air.

While hesitating, Eunha's fingertips probed my lower body. Click. The buckle unfastened and the zipper went down with a zzz.

I couldn't push her away to the end.

Silently, I gripped the steering wheel. I turned my gaze out the window. The fire pillar was rising from the abandoned factory. The sirens hadn't come yet.

Eunha brushed her hair behind one ear. A white ear was revealed between the black hair.

And she buried her nose in my crotch.

Chup. Chup.

Once. Again. Every time Eunha nodded her head, the silence got wet.

The sounds filled my ears. The sound of tongue licking the pole. The sound of saliva twisting. The water sound every time the lips stuck and fell.

Every time I breathed, the air coming out from the nostrils. And when the throat was pressed, a short gag with a grunt.

Beyond that, the sound of sparks flying came. The sound of concrete cracking too. The smell of burning seeped faintly through the window gap.

The light spread on the glass, flowing down over Eunha's hair.

"Eunha... ya..."

I had to push her away. Grab her shoulders, sit her down, buckle her seatbelt, give her water. That was right.

But my hands didn't move.

Chup... chup.

"Uuup...!"

Eunha's breath was cut short. The sound leaked from deep in her throat and was suppressed.

"Kuh...!"

Cough, and the remaining breath burst out. Maybe due to the medicine, movements were slow. Still, she kept nodding her head. With slow, clumsy lips.

"Chup... chup...!"

To compensate for that speed, she made the wet sounds more blatantly larger. Saliva flowed thickly down, wetting my lower body.

'Why.'

I tried to ask but the words stuck in my throat. Why. Why like this. I didn't need to ask.

I.

Made this.

"Uuup... chup...!"

Kuk. Eunha's small throat was blocked. Vomit. Still, she desperately probed my thigh. To endure somehow, to make me happy.

'Please stop.'

I couldn't make it a sound. What I could do was just watch.

Kung. Kung. Kung. Kung.

Eunha's heart. It was beating fast. Like it would burst.

A moment later, my lower body twitched.

The held thing poured out. Eunha closed her eyes tightly. She didn't pull her head back. Swallowing with a gulp, she gulped down hurriedly. Gulp. Gulp. Gulp. Not once, but twice, three times. The sound of saliva and semen mixing and going down was imprinted in my ears.

"Eunha..."

Eunha lifted her head.

"Puh... eup..."

She couldn't swallow all. The overflowing one stretched long to her chin. It also seeped near the nostrils. Every time she breathed in, white foam rose with a plop from under the nostrils. Eunha widened her eyes thinly.

Nalm.

She stuck out her tongue and licked under the nose. Just pretending.

'Look at what I did.'

Gulp.

"Huu..."

After swallowing the last, Eunha let out a soft sigh.

The traces of ruined eye makeup were dripping darkly.

Eunha looked at me.

And smiled.

With a big mouth open like an idiot.

"How is it, did your mood get better?"

Her voice was hoarse. But the tone was bright. For me.

The emotions hidden under the lifted mouth corners were read one by one. Servile coquetry. Flattery. Fear. Worry. Pity. Sadness. Yet there was love.

'Eunha...'

I replayed the memories. In the orphanage. In the training academy.

No matter what time's Eunha I pulled out, there was no such smile.

This smile too, I made it.

I couldn't say anything.

Eunha blinked her eyes several times. The smile slowly broke.

"...Are you still not feeling good?"

I couldn't answer.

"Shall I take it off?"

Soft voice. Her fingertips probed behind the bodysuit.

"Shall I do it here?"

The end of the voice cracked. A moan close to pleading was mixed. Under that, the heartbeat was heard. Just like before, fast. Kung. Kung. Kung.

Eunha, not being able to do it, smiled again. To please me.

"Since today is a safe day, I can just cum inside. Okay?"

It was a clumsy smile. Even more than before.

My throat was blocked. My vision blurred.

I put my head on the steering wheel. My forehead touched with a kung.

"Sorry."

I could only say this.

"Sorry, Eunha."

Tears fell.

"Sorry too much. Sorry too much, Eunha."

I forgot how to cry. The timing to cry, the way to cry. But my body cried on its own.

Eunha patted my back.

"It's okay."

One hand wrapped my wrist.

"Today was really hard, right?"

"Sorry."

"I'm here."

"Sorry, Eunha."

"It's okay."

Eunha's hand rested on my hand back. It was wet with cold sweat. I subconsciously grabbed that hand.

"Sorry..."

I repeated it many times. The crying didn't stop. Eunha was quietly listening to that sound. Holding my hand, patting my back with one hand.

After a while, the tears stopped.

Only then did I have the courage to touch Eunha's face.

I pulled out a tissue and wiped her face. I pressed the dripping eye makeup marks. I wiped the white pressed ones too. I pulled out one more tissue, brushed under her nose. ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠Eunha gently closed her eyes.