How to Counter an Elf Who Speaks Kyoto-Style (2)
"As expected of Professor Ismera! How is it that your thoughts shine just as brightly as your noble appearance? Elves truly are something else!"
"No... th-that's not what I meant..."
In the end, Professor Ismera stammered, her pupils shaking. Pretending not to notice, I rounded my eyes and asked,
"Then did you have some other, deeper meaning in mind?"
"Eh...? Ah, well... no... I mean..."
Kirlin tilted her head as she watched Ismera flounder, while I snickered to myself.
Elves consider themselves a noble race, so they never make openly rude remarks to others. At the same time, their sense of being the chosen people runs so deep that they look down on every other race as inferior. That's why you always have to be careful when talking to an elf. Their words sound pleasant on the surface, but lurking underneath is a slimy contempt for anything they deem lowly.
The best way to deal with people like that is to play dumb. When they twist and wring their words, the smartest response is to round your eyes and take everything they say at face value.
The funny part was that while I was pretending not to get it on purpose, Principal Kirlin genuinely seemed not to understand. Dark elves are usually just as underhanded as regular elves, but Kirlin really isn't like a dark elf at all. She's adorable.
Anyway, Ismera must have been about ready to explode from frustration the entire time she'd been in the principal's office. Still, an elf is an elf. She never let her true colors show, right to the end.
Well then — maybe that was enough for today. Now that she knew her little smiling backhanded remarks didn't work, she probably wouldn't try that crap again.
"Anyway, this human Dian has once again been filled with awe for the elven race. To think that a being beautiful both in appearance and in spirit is here at this academy — it is a great honor."
"Th-uh... yes, thank you..."
Ismera opened and closed her mouth, trying to say something, then averted her eyes from mine and mumbled a reply. Kirlin's eyes had gone wide with surprise as she watched her. This was probably the first time she'd ever seen a flustered elf — just like this was the first time I'd ever seen a dark elf this much of a ditz.
"Shall we continue with the report, then?"
"Ah, right."
Kirlin, who'd been sitting there in a daze, hurriedly grabbed her pen, and I continued with the Combat Department report.
"Additionally, the church dispatched a holy priest, which has strengthened the infirmary's capabilities. Thanks to that, we can now conduct more aggressive live combat training."
"Mmhm... and...?"
"We've drawn up maintenance plans for all the outdoor training grounds that have gone unused for a long time, and we'll have them fully restored within a month."
"Mmhm... and then...?"
"I've added an advanced course to the curriculum. We'll need specialized experts for that, so I'm planning to recruit a few from among the active-duty personnel."
"Mmhm... recruiting experts..."
Kirlin kept her eyes fixed on the report, moving her pen as she answered with a continuous stream of mmhms. That was pretty cute, actually...
I snuck a glance and, sure enough, every time Kirlin went "mmhm...", Ismera wrinkled her brow in disgust, then hurriedly put on a smile whenever she caught me looking.
"Also, please request a larger budget allocation. We need to buy a lot of things for practical training — weapons, saddles, and so on."
"You don't need to bring that up with the Imperial Palace. We have plenty of budget ourselves."
Kirlin answered with a fairly confident look. Come to think of it, last time she'd been making her umpteenth tearful plea of the season, she'd told me she'd piled up a lot of budget and I could spend it however I wanted. Just how much had she been saving up to keep saying that?
"How much is there?"
"Enough that we won't run short."
Hmm. So that's how it is...
"If we've got money rotting away like that, Principal, let's start a business."
"A business?"
"We'll build a shopping district at the academy."
"A shopping district? What are you talking about?"
I'd thought about this before. Our academy is large enough to swallow an entire decent-sized village, packed with every kind of facility, and a huge number of people live here permanently — academy students, faculty, facilities staff, security forces, and even their families.
A university of this size back in my old world would normally have several chain stores on campus, but this place has nothing of the sort. At best there's a school-run commissary, but that's already overwhelmed just trying to serve the students. So if the faculty want to do even basic shopping, they have to take a carriage out through the academy gates all the way into the city — a huge hassle. Even I feel a bit guilty asking Olicia every time I want something to eat.
"So we take an unused building and put private businesses in it. Restaurants, bakeries, barbershops, stores, bathhouses, and so on. The academy collects rent and a set commission. We evaluate them every year, kick out the ones with poor quality, and bring in new ones."
"My, what a truly novel idea."
While Kirlin was still looking bewildered, Ismera spoke up.
"Our Combat Chief Professor is remarkably well-versed in business as well. If you were to start a venture, I'm sure you'd achieve great succe...ss..."
I looked at her with a smile, and Ismera flinched and averted her gaze. Don't play at being a two-bit merchant — if you're a professor, act like one. That was what she meant. People really never change their habits. She'd just gotten burned and she was already at it again. Tsk tsk.
"Anyway, what do you think, Principal? My idea? Nobody loses out, right?"
"It's not a bad idea, but... this has nothing to do with education or training, so what if the Imperial Palace says something about it?"
"How does it have nothing to do with it? It's student welfare. You eat well, dress well, and play well — that's how grades go up."
"Hahh... well..."
"If you're that chicken about it, just write it next to it. Proposer: Dian. Like this."
"Write your name? I can't do that!"
Kirlin cried out.
"What if you fall out of favor with the Director of the National Security Office?!"
"Then would you rather fall out of favor yourself, Principal?"
"Eek!"
"Hurry up and write it. Living here is way too inconvenient. If we can't make a shopping district, I'm quitting."
Kirlin hurriedly wrote in my name. I grinned openly at that, while Ismera secretly twisted her face into a grimace.
After that, Ismera reported on the Theory Department matters, and Kirlin wrote everything down and neatly organized the report.
"Mmhm, this is fine... this looks good too... everything checks out."
Kirlin went through each item with her pen, checking for typos and omissions, then finally smiled.
"That's everything. Good work, both of you."
I'd only just realized it, but Kirlin's smile was actually kind of cute. To think the word cute would suit a dark elf — now that was a funny thought.
After the meeting ended and they left the principal's office, Ismera greeted Professor Dian.
"Thank you for your hard work, Professor Dian. I was deeply moved by the way you sacrifice yourself for the academy's development." (What? Write your name as the proposer? Beating your own drum and tooting your own horn, you little show-off.)
"Don't mention it." (Yeah, so what?) "By the way, I'll be sure to ask Professor Waiver to make some jerky for you. It's really delicious. You didn't throw away the jerky I gave you earlier, did you?" (I know you're going to toss it the second you turn around, you two-faced bitch.)
Ismera, who had been planning to throw it in the trash the moment she got back to her office, flinched and patted the pocket of her robe.
"I'm keeping it quite safely." (Fuck you.) "But Professor Dian."
Ismera held up the bags in both hands. These were the packets of tea leaves Kirlin had earlier told the chief of administration to set aside for her.
"I don't suppose you have a hobby of enjoying tea?" (I have absolutely no intention of drinking this beggar-grade garbage, so you eat it yourself.)
"Haha, a guy like me? The Principal specially gave that to you, Professor Ismera, so please enjoy it at your leisure." (Don't even try that shit.)
When Professor Dian politely pushed the bags back, Ismera had no choice but to gather them in her arms, putting on an elegant smile.
"Well then, I'll be going. Do drop by my office sometime for a cup of tea." (You know this means get the hell out of my sight right now, right?)
"Oh? Really?" (Well now, look at this.) "I'd love that. I'll be sure to stop by." (That's not just a courtesy. I mean it. You'd better be ready.)
"I'll be waiting." (As if you'd actually come.)
After parting with Professor Dian, Ismera stopped, turned around, and ground her teeth as she glared at his receding back.
Originally, Ismera's primary target had been Kirlin, and Dian hadn't ranked that high. But through today's regular report meeting, Dian had rapidly risen to become her new primary target.
The way he meddled in everything and stuck his hands in as if he actually amounted to something — when he'd only gotten into the academy through connections he'd lucked into — was so infuriating she could barely stand it. On top of that, the way he didn't understand a single thing she said and kept responding with something completely different was enough to drive her insane.
She really... really hated him enough to want him dead...
Leaving the main building, Ismera walked with a blank expression, pulled the jerky from her pocket, and threw it into a flower bed.
"Hello, Professor."
"Yes, hello. The weather is quite lovely today."
Ismera, who had just been about to tear open the tea packets as well, put on a warm smile for the students greeting her. This stuff would scatter too much if she just dumped it, so she'd take it to her office for now. Clutching the half-torn packets in a death grip, she stormed off, her steps filled with rage.
"Professor. Good day to you."
"Hello. You work so hard. Hoho."
What? Building a shopping district inside the academy? A man who was never even cut out to be a professor becomes one, and now it was the end of days. As if it weren't already not enough to pour every ounce of attention into teaching students, now he wanted to collect stall fees from merchants? He was insane.
The Imperial Palace would surely fly into a rage and order the person who proposed this lunatic idea to be held accountable. And the principal responsible for it, too. He'd thought it was so great that he'd told her to write his name as the proposer so he could hog all the credit, but apparently he didn't even have the brains to foresee that it would come back to bite him.
And that stupid dark-skinned bitch was grinning away, not even realizing they were both sliding into a pit together.
If only they'd both just disappear with this opportunity.
And then, a few days later, Ismera heard news that nearly made her faint.
The Imperial Palace had reacted extremely positively to the proposal, and had said they would spare no support in advancing the project.
What...? What the hell was this, really...?
It had been the same with the duke's visit last time. Why did things keep turning out like this...?
What the hell was going on...?!