[Saintess for You - 18]
[Saintess for You - 18]
If she really wanted to have that kind of relationship with me, I set a condition: wait until I'm an adult.
The Saintess-nim accepted it immediately, as if that had been her plan from the start.
If she took an interest in someone else in the meantime, nothing would be better, but I had a feeling that wouldn't happen.
I knew why she found me attractive, but I couldn't shake the feeling that it wasn't worth being this obsessed over.
But it had already happened.
I'd try to steer her in a different direction, but I figured I should accept that even if it happened, it couldn't be helped.
I sighed at how she moved according to her plan with such thoroughness.
It's strange.
I didn't plan for it to go this far.
My education wasn't wrong, and I took pride in leading the Saintess-nim in the right direction, but I couldn't shake the feeling that something had gone wrong somewhere.
"Little grandson."
"Grandmother."
"I talked with the Saintess-nim."
"I see."
"We have no complaints on our end, so don't use us as an excuse."
"......."
Her words were so simple and straightforward that my cheek twitched involuntarily.
We have no complaints on our end, so don't use us as an excuse.
I wasn't so dull that I didn't understand the meaning, but right now, I wanted to be dull. I wanted to say, "Huh? What was that?" and suddenly develop hearing loss.
Even though I knew that avoiding it wouldn't solve anything and might make it worse, that's how I felt.
"It's fine if you personally refuse, it's your life. I'm not heartless enough to ask for more from you, who has already sacrificed so much for the family."
"It's a path I chose."
"Still, it's true that you've had much taken from you by the family. You could have lived more freely, reached greater heights. Yet, a kid like you went to war and lived each day just being grateful to be alive."
"......."
"No matter if it was for the family, do you think we were comfortable sending a 15-year-old boy to the battlefield? Noel would wail and faint over and over, and every time your letter arrived, she'd trip over herself rushing to get it."
That was just like Mother.
Most people in this house were serious and, dare I say, smart.
Since they were observant, Mother's personality often acted as a mood maker, making the household harmonious.
The letters that arrived often contained stories about Mother making such mistakes and doing such things.
They were letters that seemed to carry a sense of satisfaction, as if she were living a full life despite the trouble.
At least, that's how I felt.
"Therefore, I have no intention of using you as a tool for the family anymore. So, when you refuse the Saintess-nim, don't use our family as an excuse. You choose."
"You've suddenly become an ally of the Saintess-nim?"
"I've been an ally of the Saintess-nim from the start. Having someone from our family connected to the Saintess-nim is a tremendous honor and glory, and at the same time, it creates another path for our family to survive. If I could, I'd want to toast to it and urge you to get engaged right now."
"Is that so?"
"Yes, but as I said earlier, I can't take any more from you, who has already had so much taken away by the family. Everything regarding the Saintess-nim will be left to you, little grandson."
She said that, but I could tell that her wariness toward the Saintess-nim had completely vanished.
There must have been something during their conversation that moved Grandmother's heart.
Since she was more observant than I was, she must have noticed the Saintess-nim the moment she saw her, and naturally, she would have seen right through the Saintess-nim's lies or acting.
"Do as you wish. It's fine to marry the Saintess and live, and it's fine to ultimately reject the Saintess-nim's heart. Even if the aftermath is somewhat harsh, at least our family won't hold you responsible for anything."
"In the worst case, countless people might die because of the Saintess-nim."
"That's a more understandable conclusion than marrying out of such a sense of responsibility, at least."
"......."
"Adrian."
It was rare for Grandmother to call me by my name, Adrian, instead of 'little grandson' unless introducing me to others, so I looked at her quietly, and she seemed to pierce through my eyes.
Sometimes the Saintess-nim says, 'You look at me as if you're observing me,' but I felt like I still had a long way to go compared to Grandmother.
After all, she's older than me, even including my past life.
"You've never had anything of your own in your life. Amidst a crumbling family, you became a holy knight and excelled. You worked without rest, doing everything a holy knight could do just to raise our reputation, even a little. A 10-year-old child, at that."
That was how it was back then.
If I didn't do it, it would have collapsed immediately.
I knew better than anyone that a fallen noble couldn't just hold on.
"And at 15, you fought like hell on the battlefield. You actually almost died, didn't you? You must have hovered between life and death several times?"
"Yes."
"For about 10 years, most of the goods and money you earned on the battlefield were sent to the family. You didn't have a life of your own. Being too mature is a problem, too."
"......."
I.
I was an orphan in my past life.
I had no family, and I wasn't particularly close to anyone at the orphanage.
Even after becoming an adult, I didn't know what family was, and I died of overwork before I could find out. That's why I must have been so strongly attached to the family I got for the first time.
Even if this body were to break, I wanted to protect this thing called family.
Having obtained something I never had, the attachment was certainly stronger than I imagined.
I wanted to protect the family, even if it meant my body would break.
I wanted to protect the family and give them happy days.
It's no exaggeration to say that was the only driving force that allowed me to endure the difficult battlefield.
Perhaps because I was starving for family love, I might have been more obsessed with it than anyone else.
"The family has regained stability now. Of course, it's not comparable to its past status, but... it's gotten better. From now on, it depends on us. It's very different from the past when we were struggling because we couldn't even find basic capital or food."
"......."
"Everyone worked hard. I worked hard, and Lucian and Valtus worked hard. My eldest son is the same. ...But you worked the hardest, Adrian."
"That's too much praise."
"From now on, live your own life. If our family were to fail now, it would be because the Goddess abandoned us or because we didn't do our jobs properly."
Don't worry about it, live your life.
"I've said everything I wanted to say, little grandson."
Back to 'little grandson' again.
"Do you have anything you want to say?"
"Well. ...Actually, I've never seen the Saintess-nim as a woman yet. If you ask if I'm favorable towards her, I am, but if you ask if that's romantic interest, it's a bit subtle."
"That's a part the Saintess-nim will have to figure out from now on."
"Yes, I hope she tries her best."
"......."
I remember the goodwill she showed at that time.
The Saintess-nim judged goodness as common sense above all else.
Common sense in the name of goodness permeated my empty interior, which had nothing, and it began to be dyed with the color of goodness.
It might not be perfect yet, just incomplete, but my education was definitely piling up inside the Saintess-nim.
That's why my doubts were eased just a little.
Even if that burning emotion were to go out if she were connected to me.
I felt that she wouldn't act and speak without any consideration for others, using violence as casually as when her eyes were empty.
Somehow, I thought so.
Even if it was just my wishful thinking, I felt like I would be blinded by the light of that hope.
So, I hope she tries her best.
I wanted her to make me feel like it couldn't be helped regarding the Saintess-nim's proposal, rather than me being properly troubled.
Honestly, as it is, even if we became that kind of relationship, it wouldn't be because I loved the Saintess-nim, but because I would end up marrying her out of 'responsibility' due to what would happen if I rejected her.
Surely, the Saintess-nim wouldn't like that either.
To get the 'me' that the Saintess-nim wants, she would have to obtain it through a proper exchange of emotions.
She was a more troublesome woman than I imagined.
I knew it from the moment we first met, but the more I got to know her, the more troublesome she was.
Rather, it was a total minefield that she was a pure and perfect Saintess-nim when seen from afar, but the closer you got, the more you realized she was a troublesome woman.
"Hoho."
Grandmother smiled slightly and said.
"It doesn't look like there's zero possibility."
"Well, let's just say it's not zero. ...From now on, it depends on the Saintess-nim. At least it's true that a lot of anxiety and doubt have disappeared from within me."
It hasn't completely disappeared, but it has settled within me as a very low possibility.
"Hehe."
Grandmother laughed, turned around, and walked down the hallway.
"Do well, little grandson."
"The one who needs to do well is the Saintess-nim."
"Tsk tsk, you have too much to say. You don't have the cute charm of a grandson. Worse than my eldest grandson."
"That's an insult that's hard to react to."