Memory (7)

It seemed that how ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠long a memory had lasted, or how far back it reached, was not what mattered most.

Rather, the kind that burned too intensely to be forgotten, whether positive or negative, and the ones that played a crucial role in a person's life were the hardest to let go of.

To these children, I must have held exactly that sort of place.

The conversation grew long, and staying in the lobby the whole time felt a little awkward, so all of us moved together to the building's dining hall.

Inside, a few other children and adults were eating here and there. Still, the space was large enough that we could claim a corner and sit down without needing to drive anyone else out.

Some people cast curious glances our way, but apparently they understood who we were, because no one tried to force themselves into our business. That meant they had been raised properly, I supposed.

Claire gestured with a hand to stop those people from rising. After exchanging light nods of greeting, we took over a corner of the dining hall and sat.

Even after that, I listened to the children's stories for a while.

As though they had been wanting to tell me everything, the children kept going on about how they had been living since they came here.

At first, they received education at the orphanage. As they grew older, they were sorted to identify those who wished to work for House Grace...... and naturally, not a single one of them, they said, had ever considered leaving the Grace household. Having spent their early years in such a place, they could not easily give up a home where they could live without freezing to death, without starving to death, and without being beaten by anyone.

As they slowly continued their accounts, the children looked at me with eyes that gradually filled with expectation.

Most likely, they wanted to hear my story.

But......

Mm.

I was sorry, but I did not think I could give them that right then. I simply kept my mouth shut and listened in silence to the children speak.

Had my mood felt heavy to them? Or had the children's own stock of stories run dry from drawing on it for so long?

The voices gradually dwindled as time passed, until by the time not a single other diner remained in the hall, the stories that could pass between us had dried up completely as well.

"......."

"......."

Silence hung for a moment.

For some reason, Alice was watching my expression, and Claire also seemed to be hoping I would say something.

But I still did not know what I ought to say.

To these children, who had honestly told me the stories of the lives they had lived up until now, could I offer ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠an honest account in return?

Could I tell them that when I escaped, I had not actually been trying to save them?

Could I say to these children, who saw me as their benefactor, that sharing my food with them had been cheap pity I could afford because I thought they would not live much longer?

.......

No. Of course I could not say that. I was not such an honest or courageous person.

And at the end of that very brief silence, one person opened his mouth.

"Um,"

It was Daniel.

The only sounds in the dining hall were the faint ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠rustling of the children shifting slightly, small breaths, and the occasional clatter drifting from the kitchen. So Daniel's single word sounded very loud, even though it was the sort of small sound that might normally have gone unheard.

When everyone's gaze snapped toward him at once, Daniel looked flustered. His face flushed red in an instant.

It seemed his butler training was still a little lacking. A person of butler caliber ought not to let his expression show so easily.

Then again, Daniel was still young. And the person currently serving as butler did not look as though he would resign any time soon. The boy would have plenty of time to learn.

...... Unless a war broke out and he was dragged to the battlefield as cannon fodder.

"May I ask one question?"

But Daniel soon recovered his courage and asked. His face was still a little red, and his eyes were trembling, yet beyond that, he clearly had something he wanted to know.

The children's gazes shifted from Daniel back to me.

I had not heard the question yet, but their faces showed they were intensely curious whether I would answer.

"Yes, please ask."

If the matter were too sensitive, I would not be able to answer. But if I went back without saying a single word...... that might render my reunion with these children meaningless. That thought prompted my reply.

Still, if it was something I could answer, I wanted to answer it.

"...... Your hair, I mean,"

Daniel swallowed dryly mid-sentence and went on.

"Was it always...... that short, from the beginning?"

I felt the children staring at me.

In their memories, my hair would have been very long. Back at the orphanage, there had been no tool with which to cut hair in the first place. And perhaps that old woman had thought it better for the children's hair to be long. Since, once they were sold off, the new owner could style it however they pleased. According to the owner's wishes.

"When I was young, it was long."

Though I had cut it short not long after I began living at the imperial palace.

"May I ask...... why you cut it?"

"Because it was inconvenient."

It was inconvenient for running around everywhere.

I had considered putting it in a ponytail, but the act of waking up every morning, washing, and then tying up my hair was anything but trivial. And the longer my hair was, the longer it took to dry, too.

"I do a great deal of active work."

"Ah......."

Had he been expecting some deeper story behind it? At my matter-of-fact answer, Daniel's face grew a little redder.

I idly raised a hand and touched my hair. I touched this hair every morning, yet it was so soft I still could hardly believe it was really growing from my own head.

"Do you think...... it would suit me better grown out?"

When I asked Daniel that, his already reddened face flushed even more deeply.

And then, bowing his head deeply, Daniel,

"R-right now, it also......"

mumbled in reply. The last part was so muffled I could not properly make it out.

Well, I would take it as an answer meaning it suited me.

In any case, there were not many people who would tell an imperial princess, "That hairstyle doesn't suit you, so try changing it."

*

Just as the letter had said, Grace territory was a peaceful and pleasant place. That a space like this could exist just a short way inward from the center of a busy city was practically a miracle. It was not that no noise reached us from the distance, but as if there were some sort of barrier in between, the sounds that came through the humid midsummer air felt as distant as things from another world.

Or perhaps it was simply that, once I learned the children I remembered were all living here just as they were, I had allowed myself to relax.

"Your hair."

I had settled into a shaded spot with a view of the lawn and was staring blankly at all that green when Alice, seated beside me, suddenly spoke up.

I turned my eyes her way. Still looking forward, Alice spoke quietly.

"Are you thinking of growing it out?"

"......I'm not sure."

"Long hair would suit you too, Sister."

From the other side of Alice, I heard Claire's voice.

"Someday, growing it out doesn't seem like a bad idea."

I turned my gaze back to the front as I answered.

At the far end of my wide view, several red-brick buildings were visible. Beyond the Grace territory, the city was still clanking along like a factory.

"But not right now."

Yes, not right then.

There were still too many things I had to do before I could grow out my hair.

At the very least, after I had confirmed that the children now beside me—

and all the characters I had loved, were safe at the end of the main story,

and after I had confirmed that the children I had impulsively saved, the ones living here, were all safe as well.

After confirming beyond doubt that I no longer needed to turn back time, slowly growing my hair out did not seem so bad.

I wanted to avoid the misfortune of spending ages growing it long, only to have a time reset force me to start all over from the beginning.

"Whenever you do decide to grow it out, I'll show you ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠how to tie it up prettily."

Claire, who wore a ponytail every day and had become a master at tying hair, said.

"What are you talking about? Sylvia looks better with her hair down. There's no need to tie up such lovely hair and damage it, is there?"

Alice objected.

"Sister has to run around a lot—"

"On the contrary, as an imperial princess, a dignified hairstyle—"

The two of them promptly began bickering back and forth with me in the middle.

...... Arguing over such a trivial thing, exactly like sisters.

Would there come a day, someday, when I remembered this moment and thought, "That was how it was back then"?

......I would have to try to make it so.