The Madwoman's Invitation (11)
My utterly absurd action left the entire banquet hall in stunned shock. The chamberlain in charge of protocol and proceedings had lost his usual stoic expression and looked on the verge of fainting.
"Lord Balder! Have you lost your mind...!?"
A nearby cardinal hissed under his breath.
Whatever, fuck it. The Defense Minister and the rest can handle the fallout. I just couldn't hold back anymore unless I did something like this.
I kept smiling as I glared up at Elua on the dais. After holding my gaze for a while, she responded with a smile of her own.
"Mr. Balder. It's an honor that you'd take charge of the toast for this banquet."
She spoke as if she'd just noticed me for the first time, playing it cool.
"Esteemed guests. That gentleman is Bertrand Balder, who once served as a civil servant in the royal palace. He more than qualifies to grace us tonight."
I gave Elua a nod of thanks and cleared my throat. Francois beside me stared at me with her mouth half-open, completely entranced.
"Esteemed guests, good evening. I'm Bertrand Balder. Nice to meet you all."
All eyes turned to me.
"I thank the princess for deeming a wretch like me worthy of this toast, and I propose we raise our glasses."
I glanced back at Elua for a moment. She elegantly lifted her glass just a touch.
Ugh.
"I feel honored to spend this fine evening with fine people in this fine hall. Of course, it's right after the late king's funeral."
A few nodded in agreement with my words—those skeptical of this bizarre event order.
"Even if it bucks tradition or protocol, that doesn't mean the banquet should drown in gloom."
The Defense Minister over there looked utterly baffled by my ravings.
"Times are tough, but with all you distinguished guests gathered, I hope this becomes a meaningful occasion."
I raised my glass, smiling as I scanned the room.
"The Balder family finally has a success story. Even giving a toast here."
The crowd chuckled at my joke. The tension from the snake-eyed princess's entrance had eased a bit.
"Alright, now that the mood's lightened, let's do the chant and toast. I'll make the chant from the first letters of everything I've said so far."
People grinned, eager to hear what chant I'd pull out.
"The chant is Noblesgreatfuckit."
In an instant, the smiles vanished from the nobles' faces. Even the non-nobles looked the same.
"When I shout 'Nobles,' you all shout 'Greatfuckit' after. Got it?"
I bellowed the lead-in regardless.
"Nobles!!"
Silence blanketed the grand banquet hall. I tilted my head.
"Why no response? Nobles means greatfuckit. Once more. Nobles!!"
"Greatfuckit!!"
The one joining my toast was Marquis Kekers. He burst out laughing and yelled at the nobles around him.
"What are you doing?! It's a toast! Follow along!"
"Ah... y-yes... grea... fuck..."
Prodded by the great noble, the young aristocrats mumbled reluctantly.
"Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!"
A chilling laugh that sent shivers down everyone's spines echoed through the hall. Elua on the dais was laughing, her snake eyes curved like crescent moons. She wiped at the corner of her eye with a finger.
"Haha... haa... What a witty chant. Hilarious, Mr. Balder."
I gave Elua a brief bow.
"Thank you, Princess. Once more. Nobles!"
This time, Marquis Kekers and Princess Elua chorused back.
"Greatfuckit!"
"Greatfuckit!"
With a great noble and the princess joining in, the lesser nobles and others grudgingly raised their glasses amid groans.
"Nobles!"
"Greatfuckit...!"
"Nobles!!!!!!"
"Greatfuckit!!"
"Noooobles!!!!!!!!!!!"
"Fuuuuckit!!!!!!!!!!"
The "Noblesgreatfuckit" chant exploded through the banquet hall like thunder. The elderly council elders didn't join, merely lifting their glasses half-heartedly with sour looks.
Once everyone had emptied their glasses, Elua swept her gaze over the room with a fierce yet satisfied smile.
After the raucous toast, the banquet officially began. Elua, trailed by high officials, greeted nobles and influential figures, thanking them for attending the funeral. She ignored me completely, not sparing me a glance.
I reunited happily with old palace acquaintances alongside Francois. Most thought of me as a run-of-the-mill civil servant with frequent assignments. For convenience, I introduced Francois as my wife, and they showered praise on her beauty, practically foaming at the mouth.
Francois responded with her signature elegant smile, but her expression wasn't all that bright.
Surrounded by palace insiders, other nobles hesitated to approach me. Of course, there was a bit of commotion. Zamas's bastard spotted me, freaked out, and fled—knocking over an entire food table in the process.
Covered in red tomato sauce, Zamas crawled backward on the floor, pleading.
"You still haven't retired?"
"P-plea... forgive me...! I swear I won't set foot in Rosens again...!"
The prick had been assigned as Rosens's administrator last spring, ousted Hildeva, and gotten wrecked by me. The crazy fuck tried slapping massive taxes on the city innkeeper in his old age—without realizing it was me.
With servants helping him up, Zamas slunk out of the banquet hall. I turned to Francois.
"Old civil servant acquaintance. Not on great terms."
"Ah... okay..."
Francois seemed increasingly down. Was it really because I left her alone? But she's not the type to get upset over that... Maybe it was her Audrion family ties being exposed in front of me. Better to talk it out calmly back at the inn. Cleaner resolution for both of us.
The banquet ended without incident. No royal guards bursting in to slit nobles' throats or other madness. I'd wondered if the snake-eyed princess was plotting something, but apparently not. Maybe she just wanted to leave a strong impression on the kingdom's key powers before ascending the throne.
Attendees filed out under the chamberlain's lead toward the castle exit. Top VIPs like me stayed in the inner courtyard, where carriages waited in a line. Lesser nobles and commoner elites had to walk to the drawbridge.
Elua stood at the front of the carriage line, bidding farewell to each boarding guest. Our turn came, and she beamed.
"Mr. Balder. That toast was quite memorable."
"Thank you, Princess."
I bowed, and Francois followed suit.
Elua eyed her.
"Mr. Balder's wife, I presume. What's your name?"
"Fran...cois... no, Balder, Princess."
"I see. Married, so you take Balder's name. Balder..."
Elua murmured meaningfully, extending her hand.
"Until we meet again, Mrs. Balder."
At "meet again," I fixed Elua with a stare. But she noticed and avoided my eyes entirely, scrutinizing Francois's face like a snake during the handshake.
"Let's go, dear."
I pulled Francois away—she was breaking a sweat under the princess's menacing gaze, hand still gripped.
As we boarded, Brione followed to open the dimensional gate.
"Farewell, Mr. Balder. Until we meet aga—"
"Let's not, Princess."
Cutting her off, Brione frowned at me.
"That's not for you to decide, Balder."
Elua pressed against the carriage window, whispering eerily up at me with that creepy smile.
"Gasp...!"
Francois glimpsed the princess's face, inhaled sharply, squeezed her eyes shut, and turned away.
"Got it?"
Elua's voice was chilling, confirming I'd heard.
"Understood, Princess. But next time we meet, you won't be smiling."
"Looking forward to it. Farewell, Balder."
"Goodbye, Princess."
The carriage departed. Francois panted out held breaths, while Brione sighed deeply, wiping sweat from her brow.
"Bertrand... You drew too much attention at the banquet. If you act like that, the nobles will surely..."
"Intelligence will handle it. Like always. Worst case, claim I'm some hidden prince."
Brione just gave me a bitter look.
Still, I didn't leave empty-handed. Intelligence agents and mages siding with Elua. The castle rife with surveillance and eavesdropping threats. The princess's charisma overwhelming nobles on entrance. And why she invited me specifically, sparing other old comrades.
I'd gathered plenty on the palace's currents and where they'd flow next. Enough to gauge responses if her reign post-coronation disrupts inn ops.
Not that I'm too worried. Worst case, grab the Holy Sword and storm the palace. If we meet with it drawn, I'll finally taste if Elua's blood is as metallic as anyone's.
Wonder where Royal Guard Captain Kamei was? She's the king's closest, even tagged along to the inn.
After all VIPs departed, Princess Elua lounged on her bedroom sofa. Legs crossed, she spun the crown on her finger. Rainy skies dimmed the room, candles lit on the candelabra. Gems in the crown sparkled multicolored in the flicker.
Elua stared blankly. She could've tried it on once, but she let the spinning crown fly. It mercifully landed on the bed, not the floor.
A knock sounded.
"Enter."
The chamberlain entered with a tray holding an empty glass.
Elua eyed him.
"That the one?"
"Yes. Retrieved the instant it was set down."
He replied curtly.
"Leave it."
He set the tray on the sofa table and left. Elua stared at the empty glass. A bit of drink pooled at the bottom, fingerprints on the surface.
She picked it up, turning it this way and that. Then stopped.
A clear lipstick mark stained the glass rim.