Of Course, Our Couple Will Enjoy It Too?
Public toilet.
What the hell does 'public toilet' even mean? Various images flashed through the Green Tower Master's mind. Public... as in public... something done in the sky? Or since it had "dressing room" in the name, maybe a fancy salon where noble ladies gathered to powder their faces and paint their lips?
Damn... I got my hopes up for nothing. Either way, it didn't sound like a gourmet spot. Her excitement plummeted.
...Still.
If people were lining up that long, there had to be something special about it, right? Wizards were creatures who couldn't resist curiosity! Forgetting all about her stomachache, she hurried back to the merchant and asked,
"Is it a place where women gather to do their makeup?"
"Aigoo, Lady Mage, you haven't been yet? It's a place where anyone—men or women—handles their business, and it's fantastic!"
Aria only grew more puzzled. Fantastic? To her, toilets were just sticky, uncomfortable nuisances.
"No need to wipe with leaves, no smell! And you can even wash your hands with clean water filtered through magic stones!"
"...You're talking about a toilet, right?" Aria asked, her face full of doubt.
"Yep! Even my wife won't use a chamber pot anymore. Those toilet seats are just too comfy. If a monster wave hits next, I'll make a killing and get one for home. Heh heh!"
Toilet seat. No wiping needed? A feast of unfamiliar words. It seemed like she'd have to see it for herself to understand.
Hmm... But doing your business outside, in a place where total strangers gather... gross. Even in the Grand Duke's castle, she held back for fear someone might hear. Doing it where random people passed by? Unthinkable.
Just as Aria wrestled internally and turned toward the comfort of home—
GURRRRRGLE!!
"Gyaaah! Wait, hold on!!"
Her stomach, in a brief truce, launched a full rebellion. It hurt so much. She was beyond picky eating now. The new city's food was too delicious... delicious enough to stuff yourself until your gut rebelled!
GROOOWL!!
"Ugh, aigooo...! Save the Tower Master~!!"
Luckily, the line shrank fast. Most were just gawkers who peeked and left. As soon as the door opened and someone emerged, Aria squeezed her eyes shut and darted inside.
Click. She shut the door and scanned the interior.
Aria forgot her pain and gaped, eyes round as saucers.
"Th-this... is a toilet? I mean, a bathroom?"
The exterior was shocking enough, but the inside was miraculous. Floor and walls gleamed with smooth white tiles like those in noble bathhouses. Despite the parade of recent visitors, no foul stench—just a faint, pleasant herbal aroma. Wind magic stones in the ceiling must suck away odors.
Is that from the famous Lumielra Workshop? How does such a tiny shard work? Aria stared upward, entranced, forgetting why she'd come.
But even a Tower Master couldn't decode a ventilator's structure at a glance. She gave up and hunted for a chamber pot... only to find her usual drab pottery replaced by a massive, expensive-looking magic device.
Water pools inside...
The wall had helpful illustrations and instructions:
[1. Sit comfortably on the toilet seat.]
[2. When finished, firmly push down the silver lever on the right!]
[3. Wash hands at the sink by the entrance using purified magic stone water.]
[4. NEVER flush straw or leaves! The device cleans automatically—no wiping needed!]
Half-doubting, Aria gingerly perched on the cool porcelain.
"Whoa... way comfier than squatting."
But comfort faded as anxiety crept in. Just beyond the door, a crowd awaited. If any noise escaped...
Huh? It had been noisy outside moments ago. Now? Dead silence. No footsteps, no voices. Like sitting on an empty blue meadow.
Here... I can relax without worrying...! Relief melted her tension. And...
Aria gloriously ended her long ordeal.
"Haaaah..."
She felt like she owned the world. "Fantastic" wasn't hype.
Reaching for her cloth as usual, she remembered the wall.
"...Push this, right?"
Water wiping her butt? Half-scared, half-curious, she pressed hard.
Whiiiir.
As Aria fidgeted on the seat—
FWOOOSH!!
"Kyaaaaah!!?!"
A powerful jet hit dead-on.
"H-hngh... hngh?"
Water done, wind followed, drying her fresh and breezy. Shock after shock.
"Ahem! Hm! AHEM!"
Aria fake-coughed. Having experienced it, she cringed at her own scream. A Tower Master scared of something so simple?
Everyone's nervous the first time...
This was revolution. Toilet revolution—no, bathroom revolution. Gone were days of rough leaves and straw chafing commoners. Even pricey cloths seemed barbaric now. Chamber pots? Wiping with rags? How had she survived that filthy era yesterday?
This overwhelming cleanliness. Humanity's evolutionary pinnacle!
Finally, she tried the silver lever on the right.
No change at first, so she pressed harder—
WHOOOOSH!!
Clear water poured in, swirling everything away in seconds.
"Eek!?"
Aria jolted.
"Wh-what?! The waste... it's gone?!"
Her scholarly curiosity exploded. Magic circle? Teleport? Hydraulic physics?
"It's gone. The filth vanished... snff. This is a revolution! Revolution!"
As excited Aria poked the toilet, probing academically—
BANG BANG BANG!!
Someone pounded the door like it might shatter.
"Heyyy!! Miss in there! Constipated or what!? Hurry up, my bladder's about to burst!!"
"Ah! Y-yes, coming!"
She nearly fainted thinking it was a man, but it was a woman. Northern women often had bear-like builds from their diet. Outsiders were popular for that reason.
"Out in a sec~"
She wanted to study more, but the fierce northern auntie's urging sent her scrambling to the sink. Twisting the silver faucet unleashed clear water. Nothing surprising now. She soaped up with fancy suds, fixed her hair in the wall mirror.
"Bathroom... yeah, you could even primp here."
Opening the door, the foot-stomping waiter dashed in.
Out on the street, Aria blankly gazed at the artificial sun.
Feels so refreshed. Who knew pooping could be this easy?
Her hands smelled of herbs, her gut light as air.
Gulp. She swallowed, glancing back. She didn't want to leave. Never again. Southern continent toilets were barbaric now.
Should I relocate the tower...?
Her serious dilemma lasted till dawn.
Grand Duke's Castle, Lord's Office.
"Your Grace, my report."
Viscount Arzen beamed as he reported.
"One month since laying citywide sewers and building toilets. Hygiene-related illnesses have miraculously plummeted!"
"Hm. Good."
Kailan nodded leisurely.
"Not just that. Streets cleaner, no stench—commerce up 30%! Plus, Green Tower Master bragged about our northern toilets even in the south, drawing tourists to see for themselves!"
Kailan's lips curled ear-to-ear.
Perfect! No medical subsidies leaking, no rent worries.
His vassals showered praise.
"Without Your Grace's wisdom, we'd have died of shit poisoning!"
"Capturing orcs to dig sewers? Divine stroke!"
Kailan ended the meeting pleased. Even after retiring far in the future, living here would be comfy.
That night. Kailan ducal couple's bedroom.
"My lovely wife. You worked late—good job."
Bathed and eager, Kailan opened the door. Orc wars, hygiene woes—months of grind. Tonight: sweet intimacy with Eleanor. Approaching the bed—
"...?"
No nightgown. Eleanor sat prim in work mode, round glasses on, bed buried under blueprint mountains.
"E-Eleanor...? Shouldn't you be getting ready? What's all this?"
Kailan panicked. She pushed up her glasses, eyes sparkling, thrusting blueprints.
"Your Grace! Hot springs discovered in the orcs' residential zone!"
"What!? H-hot springs!?"
"Thanks to Your Grace's sewer directive. Your love for your people moved the heavens!"
Sure, maybe. But these blueprints...?
"Your Grace. I have an idea to explode domain revenue!"
"...Idea?"
"Yes! With endless clean water, build commercial facilities around it!"
She unfurled a massive plan.
"...What?"
Resort? Spa?
"Combine groundwater and solar stone boilers for winter-hot massive baths! Entry fees and shop rents alone explode taxes!"
Eleanor briefed nonstop.
"Tomorrow: site selection, budget review, materials order, orc labor rescheduling. Your Grace! Approve, please!"
"..."
Kailan stared blankly at the pile. This meant...
Overtime again!!
Spa resorts? Endless stamps, site supervision spinning.
"Here, Your Grace! Quill ready!"
Her beaming eyes crushed refusal. Kailan knelt, grabbed the quill.
Regular clock-out for the Northern Duke? Still distant.
"Hot springs for vacation... of course, we'll enjoy as a couple too?"
"O-of course, Your Grace."
Eleanor shyly stroked his shoulder. Only then did Kailan muster some motivation.