7. The Great Loser
-Waaaaaaaaah!! Countless crowds gather in the square, chanting my name.
The plaza, made of jewels and gold, stretches all the way to the horizon, packed with people.
"Tyranno forever! Tyranno forever! Tyranno forever!"
The cutest and greatest being in the world—that's me—stands on a terrace overlooking the entire square. Dressed in majestic, dignified attire, I wave to the crowd, and the cheers grow even louder.
Behind them, the Eiffel Tower of Paris has been demolished, replaced by a haughty statue of the magnificent Tyranno's arrogant little shit self. The shops around the former Eiffel Tower now sell souvenirs with my face engraved on them instead of Eiffel Tower replicas.
It's not just the Eiffel Tower. Starting with it, the Statue of Liberty in LA, Uluru in Australia, the Christ the Redeemer in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, the pyramids in Egypt—they all crumble one by one, replaced by golden statues modeled after my greatness.
These pure gold statues, larger than life, have massive speakers attached that endlessly loop my voice: "Loser♥ Loser♥"
"Arrogant little shit forever! Arrogant little shit forever! Arrogant little shit forever!"
"Heh, losers♥"
-Waaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
-Arrogant little shit! Arrogant little shit!
The crowd goes wild at my every word. Some even faint and get carted off to the hospital.
In the middle of the plaza, where the masses have gathered, Chae Sua—who dared to defy me—is surrounded by three hundred arrogant little shits, subjected to a terrifying barrage of insults. Nailed to a cross, her face looks agonized, but no one pities her. Instead, they're pelting her with rotten tomatoes.
"Loser♥ Loser♥ A loser♥ defying Lord Tyranno♥"
"Boo-hoo, I was wrong. Please spare me."
Emotion chokes me. Finally, finally, my dream has come true! People have finally recognized my greatness and cuteness! It was a bit late, but I'll forgive them! I'm magnanimous like that!
Riding this momentum, I'll spread my greatness across the universe—huh? That new statue in the distance looks off. It's modeled after the ultra-mega-great me, but it's only made of pure gold? For a statue of this Tyranno, shouldn't it be diamonds or platinum at least?
Seeing that, it hits me. Oh, this is a dream.
"Hngnya... Ah."
Huh. My pure gold statue. Where's the crown I had on my cute head? The fluffy red carpet protecting my feet? The height-boosting heels and cool sunglasses that amplified my dignity? Where'd they go, leaving me with this cold white stone floor right in front of my eyes?
"Urgh... What a losery dream."
My lower half's on the bed, but my upper half's on the floor. I'm slumped like a wet rag. Must've rolled off the bed in my sleep—the blanket's down here too.
"What a shitty way to start the day."
Losery dream, falling off the bed—total loser start to the morning. No good. I gotta vent this anger, this grudge on some other losers!
"Time to brush my teeth."
This personal room is too cramped even for me alone. I mean, this is the great Tyranno's private quarters—only 30 pyeong? Who says that's okay? Yeah?
Bed, computer, mini-kitchen, fridge, AC—it's got everything, but it's still way too lacking for this Tyranno to live in. Sigh. What can you do? Our losery Doctor's a total failure at her job.
I guess this me has to put up with it. Heading into the bathroom, I confirm my cute looks once more. Glorious, stylish silver hair. Brilliant blue eyes fit for a ruler. Dignified features. Sure, my height's a tiny, tiny bit short, but no one's perfect, right? A little flaw like this is fine.
Posing majestically in front of the big mirror. Every one is cool and cute!
"Hmph, perfect as always today."
Squirt a ton of toothpaste, brush thoroughly, wash my face clean. Fix my clothes and step out of my room.
A spotless white hallway stretches left and right. This is the Darkness Korea Branch. Built in Fairy Country, this structure commands all villains, robots, mad scientists, anti-commoner radicals, pineapple pizza lovers—every Darkness-affiliated baddie operating in Korea—for the grand goal of Darkness. It's the command center and frontline of Darkness's Earth invasion.
The building has three floors. Floor 1: losers' living quarters. Floor 2: general admin stuff. And the grand prize—where this Tyranno resides—Floor 3 has all the gear and weapons for fighting magical girls, plus Doctor's lab, armory, and other key facilities.
Of course, this Tyranno never goes to floors 1 or 2. Why? Only losers live there. Breathing the same air as losers in the same space? Total no-go♥ I'd catch loser germs♥
-Grrrrrrowl.
Right then, my cute tummy clock starts yelling for food.
"Time to grab some grub."
At the cafeteria, villains from floor 3 are eating breakfast in little groups. Living on floor 3 means they're somewhat notable baddies, but still losers.
"Hey, loser! Pikachu pork cutlet and one cup tteokbokki! Hurry up and bring it♥"
Order placed, I glance at the TV on the wall out of boredom.
Arrogant little shit husband, huh. Lucky her. Heh, morning news♥ Total single-mom vibes♥
"Hey, you loser over there! Change the channel already!"
The losery auntie slurping pork soup shoots back.
"Hah, but I got here first... I wanna watch the news..."
"Heh, a loser like you talking back to an exec♥ Should I tell Doctor♥? Whaddya think♥?"
"Guh... Fucking arrogant little shit..."
"Hng? What'd you say♥? Can't hear a thing♥ Loser auntie who can't say shit to a kid smaller than her♥ Single-mom stink♥ Hurry up and switch to Tyrano's Wild Adventures already♥"
Losery auntie changes the channel, and my exclusive channel pops up with Tyrano's Wild Adventures.
"Loser♥ who can't even stand up to a kid♥ Dummy♥ Go eat your soup♥"
"Urgh..."
Mad? What're you gonna do about it♥ Right on cue, pork cutlet and cup tteokbokki arrive. Venting on a loser lifted my sour mood. Pork cutlet skewered on wooden sticks in one hand, tteokbokki skewer in the other—bite of cutlet, bite of tteokbokki. Delicious.
"Kukukuku. Total loser♥"
Watching Tyrano's Wild Adventures when someone plops down across from me.
"Huh?"
"Well, if it isn't our exec Tyranno."
Pale skin, vampire cape—this guy's Arcade, one of Darkness's villains. A loser, but a squinty-eyed one, so kinda watchable loser vampire.
"Sauce all over your mouth—truly oozing exec dignity, right?"
"Right? Even a loser like you has eyes for that much."
Tteokbokki sauce smeared around my mouth? It's my plan to show off vampire-red lips for max terror. Absolutely not from eating too excitedly! Arcade, clueless to my grand scheme, freezes in awe.
"......Anyway, what happened to that whip you always carried?"
"Why do you wanna know?"
"Oh, just curious. It's a powerful, valuable item—didja sell it somewhere~?"
"Nah. Didn't sell it."
"Hng, so where'd the whip go~? Haven't seen you with it these past few days?"
"Yeah. Magical girl took it. How'm I supposed to carry what I don't have, loser♥?"
"....Uh, what?"
I answered your question—why so shocked? Did I say something wrong? Yeah, a magical girl took my whip, but no biggie. My genius brain'll cook up a perfect plan to snag it back from Chae Sua soon. I'll execute it perfectly, get it back—what's the problem?
It's coming back anyway—why fuss over a tiny thing like this? What kinda loser panics over that♥
"Ah... I see? Hahaha. So if some bad guy swipes that whip, no issue? Like... say, me?"
"Mm, sure?"
Whoever it is, even if losery Chae Sua gets robbed of it, it'll end up in my hands. What's the prob? Things go wrong? Not when I do 'em. I went easy on Chae Sua. A losery magical girl getting to hold something this Tyranno cherished? What luck. Light in her worthless life. She's probably indirect-kissing the whip right now, vowing "This hand never gets washed again."
So I cut her some slack. And here Arcade is, worrying extra for no reason. What a nice guy, for a losery vampire♥
"Hahaha. Then I'll head out—got some business."
"Heh, go clock in, loser♥ Poor company slave working hard♥"
"Hahaha. Wonder how long that'll last."
How long? I'm chilling easy today? Unlike you, I'm an "exec" who can eat and play♥ Loser vampire♥ Can't even retort properly♥
That's when Lion walks in.
"Oversleeping losery cat!"
Heading our way, Lion ignores this Tyranno to glare at losery Arcade like a cat, tail wagging. Wagging her tail like a dog, losery Lion♥ Growling mad all you want, what good's it do♥ Hide that tail spilling your true feelings♥
"Whatcha eating?"
"Pork cutlet and tteokbokki. Got yours too♥ Feel honored to eat the same Pikachu pork cutlet as me♥"
"Mm, fine. But first, something to do. Wait here. Arcade, you follow me."
"Ah, yeah.... Shit.... Freezing..."
Losery cat wags her tail leading, slouched Arcade follows. Ah, where you going, Lion? We were gonna eat together... Hmph, have fun with your fellow losers.