63. Meat Mint Pie

"Branch Manager! We've succeeded in spreading pineapple pizza throughout human society! Now, any human who eats pineapple pizza is expected to die within the next hundred years or so!"

"...Well done."

"But what's this, boss?!"

"A photo of me as a kid. Back then, I was too immature, so I went around with 'loser' stuck to my mouth. Looking back now that I'm grown up... I'm glad I did. If not as a kid, when else can you tease people to your heart's content?"

"Boss, you were a mesugaki back in the day?!"

Smack!

"?"

"A woman with her tits jiggling around isn't tag: mesugaki—it's tag: osugaki. Pay attention to the difference."

"Got it, resending! But boss, if you were a mesugaki—or rather, osugaki—as a kid, doesn't that mean the experimental subject Tyranno, injected with your DNA, will turn into a mesugaki too?"

"Pfft, no way... Huh?"

"...Nngh... Ahh... Ae... Ah?" What was it? I feel like I dreamed I was trapped in some transparent plastic bottle thing, and the Doctor and some stranger were talking in front of it. Like all dreams, though, when I woke up, I remembered nothing. It was definitely an important dream, too.

"But... Huh? Wh-what?"

I clearly opened my eyes, but why can't I see anything? It's like someone dumped a huge bucket of water on the sun and snuffed it out—the whole world is pitch black, nothing visible. Dumb losers would think someone turned off all the lights in the room. But this Tyranno-sama always sleeps with a little nightlight on, just in case a ninja-monster hiding under the bed attacks. So this means... my eyes have gone blind!

‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠

"Eeeek...! My cute eyes! My eyes, like treasures of the sea—they've gone blind! I can't see!"

My pretty blue eyes! My pupils, blue like a mojito river! My eyes! The optical system organ that gathers visible light from the surroundings, regulates intensity via the diaphragm, forms images through adjustable lens assemblies, converts them into electrical signal sets, and transmits them to the visual cortex and other brain regions via complex neural pathways through the optic nerve—it's not functioning!

...What did I just say?

"Eeeek! If I'd known eyes were this important, I would've bought a cool black eyepatch ahead of time!"

Flailing around blindly, I knocked into the cat Tom stand by the bed. Somehow a button got pressed, and yellow light instantly filled the room.

"Phew... Now I can see. My room, my cute cat pillow, my teddy bear. All there."

I just forgot to turn on the light before bed. Freed from the terror of blindness, I calmed down and remembered I skipped the nightlight last night.

"Past Tyranno is total loser♥ Can't even turn on a light properly, loser♥ What if the ninja-monster under the bed attacks?♥"

I get why past me didn't bother with the light, though. Last night, I got dragged to Chae Sua's place and milked so dry my baby-seed pouch was empty. All night long, no sleep, body and soul utterly wrecked ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠from the milking. They say one sex session burns a ton of calories, and that evil magical girl milked me mercilessly, like she was burning up a little girl named Cal...

And this morning. After giving that brain-dead Chae Sua a big lesson from this Tyranno-sama, I finally made it home. Luckily, I got back early enough to sneak into my room without running into anyone. Exhausted to the point of collapse, but I didn't want to dirty my cute teddy bear blanket with filthy grime, so I tossed my clothes in the washer, took a warm shower, and then hit the sack.

"I wanna stay asleep forever..."

I pulled the teddy bear blanket over my head. What a brutal, exhausting night. Not only did hypnosis from that rotten loser magical girl fail, but she milked me like crazy. The worst day in my mesugaki life. No matter how beautiful, cute, lovable, adorable, cool, pretty, huggable, charming, and lovable this Tyranno-sama is, people need to know restraint. Even if resisting my charm ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠is impossible, they should've held back! Sure, Chae Sua's top-tier loser pussy almost beat my third-rate dick, but with my spirit tougher than steel—Kukurupangdas or whatever—I endured. And I scored that shameful secret photo of the loser magical girl!

"Hehehe... Loser Chae Sua is totally done for♥"

Thinking of Chae Sua's photo sleeping prettily in my phone made me grin ear to ear.

"What should ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠I do with it?♥ What to do~♥"

Buy a bunch of expensive ice cream, call Chae Sua out, and make her pay? Or play her my homemade 23-hour mesugaki loser meditation ASMR, saying 'loser' eleven times a second? Or ask the Doctor to curse all mandarins to taste like they've been brushed and eaten? Or threaten to spread the pic and make her massage my shoulders? What terrifying, gruesome punishment for making this Tyranno-sama suffer? As I pondered, my stomach growled gurgle.

"Hungry. Haven't eaten since dinner yesterday."

I checked the clock on the wall. The long hand with the drooling teddy bear at 5, short hand with the cat at 7... It's already 5:07?! Wait, the long hand just moved from 5 to 6. 6:07.

"Almost 24 hours without food."

This Tyranno-sama skipping meals? My noble belly empty? Unthinkable.

"Gotta eat."

I opened the door and headed out. The cafeteria was packed even this early.

"Why so many people at 5?"

Everyone normally eats at 7. Why eat at 5? Pushing through the crowd.

"Move, you losers! It's Tyranno! Tyranno here! You, don't block me! Yeah, you there! Move, loser! Move it!"

"Ow, my tail! Don't step on my tail!"

"Loser♥ That's why I said move when I told you to♥"

"This... Mom gave me this tail..."

"Uh... Um... S-sorry..."

"Apologize! Say sorry right now!"

"S-s-sor... loser♥ Not sorry at all♥"

Swimming through like a pro, I finally reached the front.

"Hmm. What to eat today? Stomach's starving, so jjajangmyeon?"

This cafeteria, like a highway rest stop, groups food by type: Chinese together, Korean together, Japanese together. Order at the counter, wait, grab your food, find a seat. Like school cafeteria.

"Chinese corner... over there?"

Jjajangmyeon with tangsuyuk mini set to stuff myself♥ Huge line, but this Tyranno-sama is one of only two execs in the Darkness Korea Branch. No loser can stand against my infinite power.

"Move, losers! Outta the way!"

"Cheater cutting in line..."

"Yeah, so what?♥ If you hate cheaters, become an exec too♥ What'cha gonna do, loser? What'cha gonna do, loser?♥"

"Ugh..."

"Heh♥ Don't wanna move? Hit me then♥ But you know what happens if you hit me—Doctor goes beat-beat-beat♥"

"Still, everyone else is waiting in line, you can't cut just 'cause you're an exec..."

"Yeah, don't care♥ Get over it and move, losers♥ Think this noble Tyranno-sama would stand in line?"

"Guh..."

"Know how big my work is?♥ Time wasted on loser stuff like lines is a massive loss for Darkness♥"

This body even consumes oxygen that loser humans breathe, turning it into carbon dioxide. No oxygen, all loser humans die. Plunging through waves of losers, I reached the counter. But... huh? After battling the crowd, it's not the Chinese place I wanted—it's some weird pineapple specialty shop!

"Wha?"

I swore I cut into the Chinese line. How'd I end up here? Pushed around to the wrong spot?

"No one here..."

The Marmite and fish & chips shop next door has a couple people.

"What do they sell... Eeeek..."

I trembled at the unbelievable menu. Psycho foodies eating this stuff exist around us?! Menus straight out of my life's worst nightmare—I nearly pissed myself.

"Gotta go back."

This time, I'll cut into the Chinese line for sure. I turned quietly to flee, but a cheerful voice grabbed my foot.

"Hello! Customer!"

A little kid in a pink bean-shaped apron poked out from the shop, greeting with a bright smile. A bit shorter than me, round chubby cheeks I wanna chomp.

"Uh... H-hi?"

"Whoa, handsome big bro! Bro! Bro, you came for our yummy stuff, right? Right?!"

I couldn't bring myself to say 'I'd never eat loser food like this, loser♥' to that beaming kid face. Clearly younger than me.

"Um... I'm actually full already..."

"Then how about this? Hot-warmed ice mint pineapple moist choco chip frappé! I invented it, and Mom ate it and praised me!"

She made this? What kind of mom lets her kid cook up abominations at home without stopping her? Parenting fail!

"Um... Where's your mom?"

Leaving such a tiny kid to run the shop while she parties? As a Darkness exec, Tyranno-sama can't tolerate this evil act. Time to scold her.

But tears welled up in the kid's eyes, ready to burst.

"Mom's... really sick, so I'm filling in. Doc said she got cancer from fighting on the internet or something. Need hospital bills."

Tears like chicken droppings plopped from her eyes.

"So I came to earn money... but no one's buying... Bro, please buy some...?"

"Guh..."

Seeing her fight back sobs...

"...Just pack me ten meat mint pies."

One for me, rest for Doctor and Lion... 5000 won each, ten is 50,000 won! In Korean currency, that's a whopping 50,000! Unexpected expense...

"Yay! Thank you! Here's ten meat mint pies, steaming hot! Come again!"

Hugging the steaming meat mint pies, I headed for a seat. Ignoring the wafting Marmite cig stink behind me, and the kid counting bills muttering,