Pathetic Magical Girl ♥
"Totally pathetic♥ Loser♥ Loser♥"
"Kyaaak!"
The last magical girl guarding the civilians crumples under my whip.
"Pathetic lady, you're completely useless♥ Idiot♥ Moron♥"
All that talk about protecting the civilians, telling them not to worry now that I'm here, claiming I couldn't even touch them. Why's she gotta be so outdated in this day and age?
"Super outdated♥ Pathetic girl♥"
"Guh...!"
"For a pathetic magical girl who just croaks like a frog, this is perfect♥"
Twice. Thrice. I lash the whip across the magical girl's back. She keeps trying to get up, but each time the black whip cracks against her, she flops back down in dead frog pose.
"Even magical girls way stronger than a loser like you went down like this. There's no way a pathetic nobody like you could win. Right? Hey. If you've got a brain up there, use it for once. What's that on your shoulders? A hat rack?"
Sure enough, five or six defeated magical girls are sprawled pathetically around me. All of them charged at me and lost—total losers. Sure, to someone of my caliber, these losers are all the same no matter how "strong" they think they are. But to think even losers like them have ranks among themselves♥ All losers are equal losers♥
"Hey. Hello? When I ask a question, you answer, don't you? Even if you're a loser, you can't be deaf too, right?"
I nudge the fallen magical girl's head with the tip of my shoe. It doesn't hurt, but it sure feels shitty.
"How's it feel? Huh? What kinda mood you in? Feels great getting tapped around like the loser girl you are after losing, right? Huh? Come on, what're you feeling?"
"S-stop..."
"Hehe♥ No idea what you're telling me to stop♥"
Tap.
"Why don't you say it one more time with that pathetic mouth of yours?"
Tap. Tap.
"A loser female defeated by a kid smaller than you♥ Obsolete bitch♥ Why not just rip off that magical girl sticker already♥"
Tap. Tap. Tap.
"Stop it!"
The loser squeezes out every last bit of strength from her nursing days and grabs my ankle.
"Eek!"
Her grip's stronger than I thought—my body freezes for a second. Reflexively, I raise the hand holding the whip high above my head, ready to kick her off. But true to form, the pathetic magical girl hits her limit and passes out cold.
"Arrogant little shit needs a real lesson, fuck..."
Think I heard her mutter something at the end, but probably just my imagination.
"Scaring people when you're just a loser. As if anyone'd be afraid of trash like you. Losers should just pass out quietly like losers."
Alright, all the magical girls are dealt with now. I've taken down every last one in the area, so reinforcements from elsewhere will take a while. And before any other magical girls show up, I'll grab what I can from these pathetic humans and head out!
After confirming the loser can't move, I lower my hand. But... huh?
My whip. It's not in my hand where it should be. Weird. I was definitely holding it tight. And I've beaten all the other magical girls. Huh?
"Huh? My whip? Where's my whip?"
"Looking for this?"
"What the— which loser pulled this prank... huh...?"
There stood Gold Sun. And I don't mean figuratively—she was Gold Sun incarnate. Golden-yellow hair like pure gold. A high-exposure magical girl battle suit that showed no shame. Tanned copper skin brimming with healthy allure, a tight, sculpted body. A face full of confidence and boldness. Fierce red eyes sharp as a predator on the savanna. She was a blonde tanned delinquent, a man-eating apex female through and through.
"Hey, this thing's pretty good."
"U-uuuh..."
Cr-crap! That's not the issue! Who cares what that loser does! That whip's the source of my power! Without it, I'm just a cute, handsome, strong, humanity's national treasure of a little boy who charms everyone just by existing!
"Of-of course! I'm not an idiot! Give it back! A loser like you shouldn't even touch it! Get your filthy hands off! Loser! Loser! Hand it over now! And for taking it without permission, get on your knees, apologize, and post it on YouTube! Loser!"
With types like this, first impressions are key. I have to show her right away that she's absolutely nothing—a total loser. That I'll never bow to the likes of her.
"You loser!"
"............."
"Wh-what? What's with that look? You loser! Hand over the whip already! You wanna get wrecked like that other pathetic magical girl?"
I demonstratively tap one of her fallen comrades' heads with my foot. But Gold Sun doesn't even flinch, just glares at me with those blood-red eyes flashing dangerously.
Uuuuh. This loser's not fazed by my terrifying, Samoyed-level scary yelling! This Gold Sun... she's strong. Pretty decent for a loser. But I'm different from other loser villains. I'm an executive of the fearsome evil organization Darkness—the one that makes kids stop crying! The incarnation of pure evil! The mighty executive of Darkness, named after Earth's ancient ruler: Tyranno!
No choice then. Just one way left. I'll etch my greatness and power directly into this loser's body. With violence, obviously. Sure, getting her blood on my silky-smooth hands is gross, but no helping it. Emergency situation—I'll endure with my Pacific Ocean-sized heart. I can do it without the whip. One punch, and Gold Sun will kneel. Then I'll wipe the blood on her hair and torment her with the whip to my heart's content. Because I'm strong. Because I'm a Darkness executive!
"Hoo... this is on you. Don't regret it in hell. Take this! Dark Magic Punch!"
Like a taekwondo instructor with a white belt, a fearsome straight punch! Once! That destroys the muscles guarding Gold Sun's abs. Twice! That pulverizes her organs protected by those muscles. Thrice! That shatters the spine holding her body together.
Now it's time for Gold Sun to kneel. She has to kneel...
"Huh...?"
Gold Sun... isn't falling? Why? Why the hell not? Did she hide some gadget inside? A robot? Or is this Gold Sun a hologram? No, that's not it. Gold Sun looks totally unfazed, arms crossed under her massive brown tits, looking down at me.
This loser. Not enduring pain or weak damage. No damage got through to Gold Sun at all!
"Ow, did a mosquito bite me? Doesn't even itch."
She scratches her abs demonstratively. Dark Magic Punch doesn't work? Impossible! This is my ultimate technique, sketched out over three sleepless days and nights! And she takes it with zero damage? A mere loser dares!
Loser my ass! Something's wrong here!
"This arrogant little shit kid for real."
"Eek!"
Gold Sun roughly grabs both my cheeks! Handling my jade-like cheeks so brutally! This is humanity's greatest loss! Like touching a Moai statue with Cheeto-dusted hands!
"L-let gooo...!"
"Cute face wasted on that mouth of yours."
"Then let go! Touching my cheeks like this is a massive loss to the world! Get it? A loser bitch like you doesn't get to touch them freely!"
"Fine. Letting go now."
She releases my cheeks roughly, and the recoil sends me staggering backward onto my ass. Getting pushed around by a loser like this—truly the tragedy of the century for all humanity.
"There. Happy now?"
But that little stunt just now taught me something. I hate to admit it! Hate it, but this bitch is strong. Really strong. Untouched by my Dark Magic Punch. The strength in her grip when she squeezed my cheeks, the casual shove... She's leagues above other loser magical girls. The queen of losers, supreme pathetic.
Of course, if we fought, I'd win! I'd win, but... if she's that strong, I might get hit with a super painful, terrifying knuckle flick.
"Shit... no choice. Tactical retreat for today."
Not scared at all! Absolutely not! Just... just happened to be SpongeBob night, that's all.
I press the remote button hidden in my pocket. The space behind me ripples like a puddle. Soon, a dimensional gate linking two worlds opens. I feel the gate pulling my body. A floating sensation as I shift to another world.
I point at the pathetic Gold Sun, reminding her I definitely didn't lose. Obvious fact, but losers can't accept the obvious. Guess that's why they're losers.
"Hey, loser. This isn't me retreating 'cause I'm scared of you. Got it? Don't get the wrong idea, you loser. Take good care of my whip. Feed it three square meals a day. Clean it and keep it safe. I'll come get it for sure. You loser."
"Wow, that punk doesn't quit till the end... Makes me wanna teach him a lesson with my pussy."
Didn't catch the last bit, but whatever. Probably nothing important.