Chapter 244
Translator: Ryuma
Chapter: 244
Chapter Title: The Past I Know
To manifest a new circle, a special catalyst was needed.
At least, that had always been the case.
A will to achieve something no matter what. An intense resolve to overcome challenges with one's own strength would take form.
But this time, there had been nothing of the sort.
He had thought it was merely a process of reorganizing his scattered mana.
'What brought about this change?'
Loan confirmed the presence of the now-stabilized pathways of circulation, the four circles faithfully performing their roles, and the fifth circle, spinning parallel to the first.
He then tried to retrace the steps that had led him to this point.
Just then.
Something strange unfolded from within Loan outward.
He had merely thought to look back on the time that had passed, but a mental image appeared before his eyes.
A colorless, transparent droplet.
That was its exact shape.
Slightly large, remarkably clear and pure, it was no simple crystallization of water-attribute mana.
'A tear?'
Loan's history, memories, emotions—his entire life was contained within that single teardrop.
'Is this... the essence of my spirit?'
Regret and sorrow, fear and anger, hopes and desires—these were the foundations that formed Loan's spirit.
In the natural process of trying to unify his body, mind, and mana.
Without consciously forming an intent, without striving with his will.
His body and mana had resonated with his already fervent spirit, supporting it to take form as a circle.
It was the result of returning to the state he was in when he first saw mana, calmly repeating the process, and observing not just his mana and body, but his spirit as well.
It was not a certainty.
But there was no reason to judge it otherwise.
He felt no need to even form a hypothesis and prove it within himself.
It was perceived as a matter of course.
The greatest change in Loan after gaining five circles.
It went beyond the simple expansion of his thoughts and the deepening of his mind; his thoughts now became propositions.
It seemed his wish to become smarter had been somewhat granted.
Furthermore, he was able to understand himself a little better.
'I thought my essence was a perfect balance and harmony, with nothing added or taken away...'
He never knew that within that pleasant frame lay intimate emotions that even he himself had been ignoring.
And so, feeling a bit relieved and a bit dazed, Loan rose from his seat.
The sun was bright amidst the cold wind, suggesting he had been up all night, yet his body felt as comfortable as if he had slept soundly.
Was this what it felt like to reset everything and re-establish it?
'I have one more thing to report to the Governor-General.'
Feeling both excited and extremely hungry, Loan left his quarters.
He could feel his mana surging and wanted to test the capabilities of his fifth circle, but he decided to grab a bite to eat and see the Governor-General first. However.
"Uh..."
When he stepped outside, he was puzzled to find several administration staff members standing guard in front of his quarters.
When he asked what was going on.
"We were ordered to take special care that no one disturbed you until you came out on your own, Sir Loan."
Came the reply.
"Director Lazarus?"
"The order came directly from the Governor-General."
He was bewildered.
He had been so rude, yet she was showing him such special consideration.
This undeserved treatment made him forget all about finding the dining hall.
He hurried to the main building where the Governor-General was said to be.
As if they had been notified in advance, the guards immediately stepped aside.
"Come in."
Outside the Governor-General's private chambers, she sat alone at the massive round table where the seven commanders held their meetings.
As if she had been waiting for him, she extended a hand and pointed to the seat diagonally across from her.
He politely placed a fist over his chest in a salute, then took his seat.
As he swallowed nervously, the Governor-General spoke.
"Your aura pleases me. You've become refined."
"I made a great mistake yesterday."
"Yesterday? A week has passed."
"Pardon?"
Loan's eyes widened.
Was that even possible?
Seeing Loan's great surprise, the Governor-General smiled brightly, amused.
"If you were so focused on your recovery, it means you have fully understood my wishes. I could ask for nothing more."
A week.
To think he had spent so long in one spot, just cultivating his mana.
Could he really have been that lost in a trance? No wonder he was so incredibly hungry.
It seemed he had another thing to apologize for, but seeing the Governor-General in a good mood, he decided not to add to it.
The Governor-General said.
"Unpack your thoughts. You must have many things to say and ask. Hmm... shall we start with how you felt when you entered the spirit realm through the soul passage?"
Loan immediately began to calmly recount his experiences and feelings.
The Governor-General, seeming to enjoy the sound of Loan's voice, rested her chin lightly on her hand, nodding gently and smiling.
She would purse her lips in a circle, feigning surprise.
At times, she would urge him on, asking, "So what happened next?"
And at others, she would let out a long sigh of relief in admiration.
"To find the starting point of the wind and neutralize it. Truly ingenious."
"The fact that it was a blizzard also helped. So..."
The Governor-General continuously praised Loan's feats, and Loan himself grew more animated as he spoke.
The distance between them had become unusually close, yet it wasn't uncomfortable.
Rather than feeling daunting and cautious, it felt somehow more familiar.
When was it? When had he felt something like this before? Helen? It was as comforting as talking to Pauline's mother.
Eventually, the conversation turned to the incident concerning the 'eye'.
Loan's tone softened considerably in response to the Governor-General's reactions.
"Fortunately, the Guardian of Phenomena guided me. While taking refuge in the mirror, I heard many stories, and I became more curious about the eye and the dream."
Loan mentioned borrowing books from the Tower of Cognition and how he had heard from books and oral traditions whose 'eye' it had originally been.
The Governor-General, a smile on her lips, nodded slightly.
"Yes. The eye that sees the present and the eye that sees the past. It is true that both eyes originally belonged to me. And that one of them is now with Lazarus."
The Governor-General didn't hesitate or show any sign of difficulty.
It was enough to make Loan, who had been inwardly anxious, feel almost let down.
However, she did not say how she had come to remove them, or if they had been removed from her.
Instead, she went straight to the heart of the matter.
"You must be curious about who has the eye that sees the present."
"Yes."
"That eye was given to the Grafton royal family long ago. Therefore, it would also be correct to say that it currently belongs to King Simon of Grafton."
"Ah..."
Loan let out a low sound, almost a groan.
He had expected it, but having it confirmed in person stirred a strange sense of unease.
Yet the Governor-General, who had just dropped this major secret, seemed completely unfazed.
"The function of the eye that sees the present is limited to just that—seeing. Nothing more is possible. Therefore, what's important is who possesses the eye. The means are singular, but the purpose can differ."
"What might His Majesty the King's purpose be?"
"For a mortal to use the eye, defying the providence given to them, means they are consuming their own life force. It must mean there is something they desperately wish to find, even at the cost of their own life."
"I don't know what that might be, but I'm worried your eye might be used for ill purposes."
"Do you doubt the king's intentions?"
It was a question that required a careful answer.
Normally, that would be the case.
The moment he voiced his thoughts, it could be considered treason.
Loan gathered his thoughts for a moment.
He then laid out for the Governor-General the information he had gathered from the incidents he had experienced so far.
How Crown Prince Denian had been a central figure in the invasion of Versa, and how the mage Virna, who carried out the attack on Ferrara, had referred to King Simon as 'him'.
He had hoped that from these circumstances, they might be able to deduce what the king desired.
After listening silently to Loan's story, the Governor-General slowly nodded.
"The Crown Prince's actions were a personal deviation. Virna's attitude was one-sided."
The Governor-General's attitude seemed to draw a line.
Loan spoke his mind honestly.
"On the surface, yes, but I can't erase my suspicions."
"What suspicions?"
"That His Majesty the King and the Crown Prince might be the masterminds behind the Grave's movements."
"Is that how it is? Reaching a conclusion with insufficient evidence is hardly the attitude of a mage."
"..."
The corners of the Governor-General's mouth drew a subtle arc.
Loan got the impression that her smile held a certain expectation.
"Then what would you have me do?"
"What would I want from the Union's Faith Division? What would I expect from a mage who seeks the truth?"
"I must infiltrate, discern their plans, and find information and evidence. I must form a hypothesis and prove it."
"I trust you will find it yourself."
"Aren't you overestimating me?"
"You surpassed my expectations long ago. Do as you wish."
In other words, it was a mission to infiltrate the sovereign's residence and find evidence to support his suspicions.
Could there have been such a hidden purpose behind the new organization based on Loan's achievements, the cooperative body between the Six Duchies and the Union?
'Was this also part of her arrangements...?'
Of course, Loan himself had intended to use it to enter Grafton Castle and resolve the suspicions he held.
Including his extremely personal suspicions.
"Apart from what you wish for, I have something I'm curious about. May I ask?"
"Ask. This is the time for it."
"The memories I have. The historical records. And..."
Loan held up the necklace the Governor-General had given him and continued.
"The meanings of this crest make me question my birth. Duke Barcino said this was the crest of the Crown Princess's family at the time, who plotted the regicide of the previous king. You, Governor-General, said it was the crest of an ancient elven family. And the Master of the Tower of Cognition said that the one with the eyes of the present and past was a descendant of this family."
Listening quietly to Loan's words, the Governor-General slowly nodded.
"Yes. Everything you have said is correct."
"Before I went to the shelter. I have a memory of fleeing somewhere in the arms of my nanny, Helen. At that time, someone gave this brooch to Helen. This family's crest is on it as well."
Loan placed the scabbard containing Sheville on the table.
His voice trembled slightly as he continued.
"For a time, I wondered if the person who gave me this brooch... if you, Governor-General, were my mother. I even wished it were so, but it wasn't a perfect answer."
"..."
Was it because he had witnessed that the foundation of his inner self was a tear?
A preposterous thought that, not long ago, he would have kept locked inside himself, never letting it pass his lips.
And.
"Who are you to me, Governor-General?"
A strange question followed.
The Governor-General's expression looked incredibly complex.
Was she about to laugh at the absurdity of Loan's question, or was she pleased, flustered, or deeply moved?
It seemed to contain all of those emotions, to the point where any interpretation would have been convincing.
She opened her mouth.
"I am the Governor-General of the Union, the one who assigns you missions, and a pillar for you to lean on."
Even if her answer had stopped there, there was nothing Loan could do.
But the Governor-General, as if having made a decision, continued.
There was a tremor in her voice.
"The night you first came here and showed that crest to Lazarus. He opened his third eye and observed you. However, he could not know your entire history. Because your past was cut off at a certain point."
"My past was cut off...?"
"What the eye of the past cannot see is the place where the eye of the present resides. Likewise, the eye of the present cannot see the place where the eye of the past resides. That is how the Union and the royal family have kept each other in check and complemented each other. In other words, the fact that your past cannot be seen means your past lies with the Grafton royal family."
"..."
The Governor-General took a deep breath.
Then, she took Loan's hand, which was resting on the table.
"But the past that Lazarus could not see, I experienced myself, so I know it well. When my daughter gave birth to a son, I was there."