The Emperor's Bald Head
Cynthia stood frozen, her face a perfect picture of someone who couldn't tell if she was dreaming or awake. Well… the girl had every right to be shocked, given everything, but we didn't exactly have time for this right now.
"The imperial troops are coming, so hurry up and—huh? What the hell's wrong with your foot?"
"Huh? I must've stepped on some glass while I was running around like a lunatic."
"For fuck's sake. So clumsy..."
Cynthia's soles were covered in blood. There was no way she could run like that. No choice, then.
My little sister had warned me sternly: If you hug a woman, your arm will rot, so be careful. But since I'd eaten the Rune of Immortality, I figured I'd be fine.
"Kyaaah! W-what are you doing, Werther!"
"Stay still. Even if you hate being held by me, don't struggle. We don't have time for that."
"It's not that I hate it... A-anyway, how did you even get here? Weren't you dead? How did you break through the barrier? What business do you have here? Don't tell me you came to rescue me?"
"Too many questions. Just shut up and follow me. We're getting out of this barrier."
"B-before that, Werther... there's something. I really wanted to say this. Um..."
"?"
"You see... the truth is—"
NOT YET! No matter what you say right now, it will only make things worse! You must tell him the whole truth first before you confess your feelings!
"What the—old man? Why are you suddenly yelling like that?"
"It is not yet time, Your Highness! Please retract those words!!"
"Huh...? How do you know what I was about to say?"
"I don't know who that old man is, but he's right. I'll listen to your nonsense later."
Breaking through the barrier was harder than I'd expected. Thanks to the Rune of Immortality, I'd survived even with my blood vessels bursting, but I couldn't expect Cynthia to pull off the same stunt. Now that I'd opened a gap, we had to run. Before it closed again.
"Let's go, Cynthia. No matter what you see outside the barrier, don't freak out. If you start screeching in that shrill voice of yours, my ears will bleed."
"Don't freak out...? What are you—"
I scooped up the princess and leaped.
Right into the area outside the barrier, surrounded by heavily armed soldiers and spectators from various countries who'd come running at the commotion.
"You damn bastard!!! You finally did it! You finally kidnapped my Cynthia! Take your filthy hands off her right now!!"
The emperor, his plucked beard spot swollen bright red, waddled forward and roared. Flanking him were soldiers whose faces had gone rotten with fear of the tongue-lashing that would surely come later. The grand garden connecting the main palace and the detached palace was packed with guests who'd come to enjoy the spectacle.
And they really had. They'd come to watch the execution of a traitor.
More precisely, they were high-ranking figures from various nations who'd been half-forced to attend this political show the emperor had staged to restore his damaged authority after the Hero Party's failure.
In other words, they were there as props to help the emperor save face.
They had been imagining a tedious day of having to thunderously applaud while saying things like As expected of Lydorphia, truly magnificent.
But what was this?
What kind of hilarious circus was this?
This was a spectacle worth paying money to see.
The traitor who should've died with a single slash had instead beaten the hero half to death, ripped out the emperor's beard, and even rescued the princess everyone thought was dead. And there was Princess Cynthia herself, looking perfectly alive and well.
Moreover, they'd clearly witnessed the exact moment the barrier's gate opened and closed.
Their apparent concern for the princess was, in truth, pure mockery aimed at the emperor. Even if Lydorphia's own subjects felt differently, the envoys from other countries held no particular loyalty to him. Many outright resented Lydorphia for using its power to demand burdensome tributes. To them, any scandal involving the emperor was the finest entertainment.
The facts known to everyone here would soon spread across the entire continent until no one remained unaware. The absolute ruler would, in a single moment, become the butt of the world's jokes.
"N-no, everyone! This has nothing to do with me! Ah! C-Cynthia! You're alive! Oh my~!! H-how wonderful! You bastard! So you've been hiding Cynthia this whole time!!"
"……………."
"……………."
"……………."
"……………."
"...Pfft."
Someone in the crowd finally burst out laughing. It was a highborn lady in a robe blanche dress.
"W-who dares to laugh at—"
"Puhaha!"
"Puhahahaha!!"
"Hahahahaha!!!!"
Yawns, laughter, and colds all had one thing in common: they were contagious.
Everyone had been standing there, stunned and unsure how to react to the emperor's painfully obvious acting, when the lady set it off. The dam of suppressed laughter broke all at once.
"No, but seriously, that's too much! Hahaha!!"
"Would a traitor really hide the princess right next to the imperial palace? Puhaha!"
"And more importantly, isn't the princess being held so tightly by that man?"
"This is seriously the scandal of the century."
Regardless of status, everyone clutched their stomachs in unified laughter.
"Y-you bastards...!! I'll have you all—!!"
The emperor's ears burned crimson as he pointed a trembling finger at the insolent crowd, seemingly about to order an attack. But... everywhere he looked, people were happily laughing. He couldn't decide who to execute first.
Even his own soldiers had joined in the merriment. Half of the people here were foreign royalty, nobles, politicians, and diplomats. No matter how much of an emperor he was, killing them indiscriminately would bring consequences he couldn't handle.
"Hahahahaha!!"
"Kekekekek!!"
"Ah, my stomach hurts from laughing too hard."
"Ahh! Cynthia! You're alive~!!"
"Puhahahaha! It's exactly the same!!"
Helpless against the torrent of ridicule, the emperor's old trauma began to resurface.
"Puhahahaha! You were XXX? Puhuhuhu!"
"My queen... stop laughing. Is it really that funny?"
"Stop! Stop it! Get away from me! I can't hold it in, puhahaha!!"
"...It's not that big of a flaw, is it? It shouldn't affect our relationship..."
"I'm sorry, puhp! I just can't with a man who's XXX... puhuup! Sorry to say this, but right now you really look exactly like..."
The queen's next words had driven a nail straight into the emperor's heart.
Born as the only son of the previous emperor, Charles had been promised absolute power from the moment of his birth. To him—the man before whom no one could raise their head in defiance—there had been one single secret he wanted to hide from the world.
He had mustered the courage to confess it to his queen, only to receive laughter and separation in return.
That trauma flared back to life. The emperor ground his teeth furiously.
Foreign dignitaries? So what.
Aren't I the emperor? Their armies are nothing compared to Lydorphia's. Should I just wipe them all out right here and now?
"That's not it, you idiot."
"Hm?"
"You screwed up and now you're getting mad? Talk about blaming others for your own faults."
"Y-you bastard! When did you get so close—!!"
The emperor had been so worked up that he hadn't even noticed Werther approaching right in front of him.
Now, I will honestly confess what I was about to do.
I had felt a twisted sense of satisfaction watching the emperor suffer this utter humiliation. But when the bastard showed no sign of reflection and instead made gestures as if he would suppress the situation with force, I decided to teach the shameless fool some basic manners.
To be precise, I was planning to make him bow his head and apologize.
"They teach you in kindergarten that you should apologize when you've done something wrong. Come on, say you're sor—huh?"
"G-get away! How dare you touch the emperor's—"
So, I grabbed the top of the emperor's head and applied force. To make him lower his head.
The moment I gripped his hair tightly—
Squelch—
"??"
What? Squelch?
"……………"
"……………"
"……………"
Isn't "squelch" a weird onomatopoeia for this situation? I definitely pulled on his hair, didn't I?
Hm? My hand feels strangely empty. It's not that I'm holding nothing... I can still feel the soft texture of hair. But the weight of that fat emperor—who should weigh at least 0.1 tons—has completely vanished.
Why? I never let go of his hair, so how did he escape? And why have the noisy spectators suddenly gone as quiet as if they'd swallowed honey?
The laughter had stopped too. Why? Were they scared of the emperor? No, it didn't feel like that.
Their expressions held something like... a solemn determination that laughing right now would be an act beyond human decency. Even the ambassador from Grimoire—the nation that hated Lydorphia the most—was desperately maintaining a serious face.
Why? What on earth had happened? What was this silence that made time feel frozen? This stillness where no one spoke or moved—
"Puhahaht!!!"
—was, of course, broken by that tactless bitch.
"Daddy! No, Daddy, puhuup!"
Cynthia, still in my arms, pointed shamelessly at the emperor while laughing so hard she was crying. As she exploded with laughter, I carefully examined the soft object still clutched in my hand.
It was human hair.
No, wait. This was a wig?
"Daddy was bald?! Puhahahahahaha!!!"
The emperor's face, now completely exposed like a barren mountain, had turned bright red all the way up to his shiny scalp.