Chapter 10
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Translator: penny
Chapter: 10
Chapter Title: No Place Left to Retreat
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May 3rd, Thursday
"Should we meet at the dorm next time?"
"We'll probably end up there for practice before the tour anyway."
"True. Ugh, it's so cold."
6:30 a.m.
An incredibly early morning for us during our hiatus.
Even though Seoul and Pangyo aren't that far apart distance-wise, traffic jams could easily eat up two hours once they hit, so everyone finished preparing to head out before rush hour kicked in.
"Don't drive sleepy. Be careful."
"I'm too scared to even dream of drowsy driving. You know how many foreign luxury cars are on the roads in Yongsan?"
"Serin unnie. We'll be okay... right?"
"Serin, how did you even get here...?"
Fujiwara May, the passenger, was filled with more than a little worry at the sight of driver Kwon Serin, who was showing extreme lack of confidence.
"Driving is all about confidence. Just go with the flow—vroom!"
"Exactly, unnie. Compared to Yongsan, Maipo and Gangnam are nothing for me and Minah. We'll zip right through."
On the other hand, there was self-proclaimed racer Kang Minah (age 20; licensed just three months ago) and self-proclaimed best driver Lee Yerin (age 21; hasn't driven in a year), brimming with inexplicable confidence.
"...Maybe we should call the managers after all."
Looking at this crew, I couldn't shake the feeling we might end up on the evening news.
"Hurry up and get inside to sleep. You got up early to make us breakfast—you must be exhausted."
"Yeah. You stayed up late talking with Serin unnie last night, didn't you? You barely slept."
Kwon Serin and Fujiwara May gestured for me to go in already.
"It's cold—head inside. We can't stick around here much longer either."
"I'm a proper adult who can drive, you know? Just watch. Someday I'll drive you all around in an RV."
Lee Yerin and Kang Minah started walking off first, as if urging me the same.
I uncrossed my arms and waved goodbye.
"Drive safe. Text when you get home."
"Quit yawning and get inside already."
Nodding slowly at Serin's urging, I turned toward the entrance.
When I glanced back on a whim, the members were already gone.
"...Guess I'll sleep first."
I yawned massively and punched in the door code.
"...Chaewon unnie will be okay, right?"
May spoke softly.
Everyone let out quiet sighs of agreement.
"How's unnie doing? Did Chaewon unnie seem okay?"
"That's what I mean. She's acting like nothing's wrong, but you know how she gets. When she tries to hide it, she turns even more emotionally cold. She was smiling today, but it felt exactly like that."
The younger members' gazes turned to one spot.
Serin took it in, lost in thought for a moment before giving a faint smile.
"She'll probably struggle for a few days."
"Huh...?"
"Makes sense. From Chaewon's perspective, we brought up something she didn't need to hear. Telling someone who got dumped, 'Looks like the person who rejected you actually likes you'—who'd believe that? She's only not snapping at us because it's us."
"So what do we do?"
"Unnie, is it okay to just leave her like this?"
"...Maybe we shouldn't have said anything after all."
Serin's face clouded with bitterness at her dongsaengs' worried words and expressions.
Serin was the only one who'd talked with Chaewon late into the night, but that didn't mean the other three had gone to bed early.
Guilt over bringing it up—not once, but twice—kept them awake past 1 a.m.
"Don't worry. She's Ever's leader, the toughest-hearted one among us."
Still, Serin managed a smile.
"She'll shake it off and bounce back eventually. So quit overthinking and head home for some good sleep."
Because my friend is Han Chaewon, after all.
D-8 Until Upload
"Yes. I'll head over next week then, oppa. Really, really sorry for the late reply."
Click.
The tension drained from her body the moment she hung up.
Like valley stream water squeezing through rock crevices, her strength trickled away—but ingrained habit straightened her back into perfect posture soon enough.
Haa.
She sighed out the last remnants of tension.
Staring blankly into space, she killed time vacantly.
"No more place to retreat anymore~."
The Infinite Challenge meme popped into her head.
Alright.
Might as well watch Infinite Challenge instead of editing, since I've got time.
D-7 Until Upload
"No more place to retreat anymore~."
Mimicking the meme, she headed to the study.
Today, she would finish the planned amount of editing no matter what.
With steely resolve, she powered on the MacBook, unlocked it, and brought up the desktop.
"...But why is it such a mess in here?"
But what caught her eye wasn't the two-hour footage—instead, it was the cluttered study distracting her.
"I'll just clean up and then edit."
Intending only to tidy the study somehow snowballed into a full house deep clean.
D-6 Until Upload
Exhausted from the deep clean, she rested.
D-5 Until Upload
Casual alumni gathering.
D-4 Until Upload
Friends meet-up.
D-3 Until Upload
Hangover.
D-2 Until Upload
"...Really no place to retreat."
Late evening.
Tomorrow at 2 p.m.—exactly 17 hours from now—she had to get confirmation from Juhwan Brother.
Tongue clicking at the lightning-fast passage of time and her own laziness, she sat in the chair.
The study was spotless, nothing to distract her.
Phone switched to Do Not Disturb, coffee to fend off sleep, and the ironclad setup born of sloth.
No excuses left—the perfect conditions for editing.
"...Let's do this, Han Chaewon."
She swept her bangs back with a headband for an unobstructed view, settled into the comfiest position in the chair, and placed her hand on the mouse.
Click clack.
Desktop on, folder open.
"———I can't watch it."
Her hand wouldn't move toward the video.
Haa.
Sighing, she squeezed her eyes shut.
"I thought I'd be able to handle it by now..."
Frustrated, she drummed the table.
Deadline breathing down her neck, but her emotions were one step ahead.
She knew full well to separate work from personal life, yet it tore at her heart enough to drive her mad.
"What's wrong with you, Han Chaewon? You decided it wouldn't bother you..."
She had to watch it.
That single thought spun in her mind, dragging along the tangled mess of distractions like interlocking gears.
"Likes me? Then you can't just brush it off as a prank confession and dump me..."
The members' words: Yumin likes her.
"Forever's waiting. If I focus now, I can finish editing in under four hours..."
Her promise to Forever.
"You'll know when you see it. What the hell does that even mean...?"
The members' words again.
Mumbling as if on the verge of tears, she cracked her eyes open.
Her weary gaze happened to land on the bookshelf.
Among the gaps, one diary stood out sharply.
Unconsciously, she picked it up.
"...May 3rd, Thursday."
As if compelled, she flipped to the page from 'that day'.
"Such messy handwriting..."
The excitement of finally seeing Yumin after so long had turned the sentences into a disaster.
She chuckled and turned the page.
『Wasn't it you?』
Just that one sentence—and recalling that day drained the amusement from her face.
Flip.
Page after page, but from then until today, the diary was blank.
She couldn't write. Of course not.
She didn't want to remember that day even for a second.
"First time in my life I kept a diary steadily until May."
A self-mocking smile as she stared endlessly at the blank pages.
It's you again, huh.
You teased me so much about my three-day resolutions that I started this diary determined to prove you wrong—even if just one sentence a day.
『January 1st, Sunday』
『Mark my words, Kang Yumin. You'll pay for calling this noona lame—with interest, a year from now.』
See? It's right there, clear as day.
I started writing because of you, and now I can't because of you.
———But I can't say you should take responsibility.
"Feels like my whole life's meaning is you."
A hollow laugh as she swallowed hard.
This sucks.
Can't push you away or pull you in now—what are you even to me anymore?
"So annoying."
She grabbed a pen.
Flipped forward to the first blank page and stopped.
"May 5th, Saturday. Back in Korea. Still don't remember how I got home..."
She wrote.
Dragging out memories she'd avoided facing, accepting the inescapable reality.
To deny it.
Solely to deny the existence of Kang Yumin within her, she revisited that day's emotions.
"...Why did I act like that?"
It was a day of utter collapse.
Dark house.
Dumped her luggage at the entrance, showered in cold water, flailing to escape the dream-or-reality haze.
Stayed up all night, wide-eyed.
Tears overflowing, but keeping eyes open spared the sting.
Because her 15-year companion rejected her.
Because the whole situation felt endlessly bleak.
Wondered if she was the only one feeling that way—empty; hated you for pushing her away...
Yeah. Just endlessly bleak.
"May 10th, Wednesday. Dare dump Han Chaewon? Who do you think you are?"
A day of pure rage.
Wondered if boxing and jiu-jitsu she'd learned could take on a lifetime taekwondo guy like you.
Punching pillows, locking in joint locks amid such fantasies...
Days that were comedy from afar, tragedy up close.
"May 12th, Friday. No thoughts at all. Am I about to reach enlightenment like this?"
A day of profound numbness.
A springtime dream.
The 15 years with you felt like a fleeting spring dream.
You'd always acted like her business was none of yours—amazing back then; now that she felt detached, amusingly, nothing seemed amazing anymore.
Even rejected, their 15-year friendship would continue.
"May 17th, Wednesday. Is staying friends with you really that great...?"
A day of sidelong glances at reality.
The confession's outcome didn't matter anymore.
At least they could stay friends—that was a relief, until doubts crept in.
You might be fine, but she had no confidence she would be.
But.
"May 19th, Friday. Members came over."
So what do you want to do about it?
Serin had asked indifferently, facing the night sky in the pre-dawn chill.
But Serin hadn't wanted an answer then.
She'd said Chaewon would find it by watching the video she'd shot.
She'd know when she saw it.
Serin's confident tone had annoyed her to no end back then.
Chaewon had wanted to snap, *How would you know?*
...Good thing she hadn't said a word.
And so.
"———May 26th, Friday. Two days until vlog upload. Not editing as told, mindlessly writing in diary for an hour straight."
Finally back to today.
'Finally' felt right.
'At last' suited too.
Anyway.
"Time to edit."
Thud.
Exhaling softly, she closed the diary.
Slotted it back in place, eyes now on the MacBook.
「Forever. This is the childhood friend everyone's heard so much about, Yumin~!」
On screen, she was smiling brightly.
D-1 Until Upload
"...What do you think?"
Cheerful office vibe.
Summer-nearing sunlight poured intensely into the room.
Rich coffee aroma mingled sweetly with macarons; she glanced sideways at Juhwan oppa, focused on the single-seater sofa.
Macarons she'd bought in one hand, latest tablet PC in the other.
Juhwan oppa only looked her way once the video fully ended.
Slurp—.
His coffee sip filled the quiet office.
Clink.
Mug set on the glass table, then he finally spoke.
"Chaewon-ah."
"Yeah."
"This is a hit. Guaranteed."
Oppa grinned, nodding in satisfaction.
Thumbs-up—the gesture he only gave when genuinely thrilled—paired with an approving gaze.
"———But is this for real?"
Though his words carried a thorn.