Dad Is Awesome! (7)

The moment I crushed Skeleton King Chichi, Chichiking muttered to himself.

—As expected… a human who gained power in exchange for going mad…

A half-finished corpse that never even made it to full skeleton, and he was already talking shit about people.

"Huh? Is that true?"

"No! Sophia! Why are you reacting to that nonsense?! You're going to spoil a corpse's manners!"

"Is this really something to get that angry about?"

Sophia thumped her chest in indignation. When a guy hits his own chest it goes thud thud, but a massive-chested goddess like Sophia made a soft fwump fwump sound.

Good to know. Later I'd have to experiment and see if it made a clapping sound too.

"My lady. No matter how credible a claim may sound, in battle it is only proper to take one's minion's side."

"Mm… I was wrong…"

Look at that. She ignored me when I said something, but the second Cheonsol spoke she was already repenting. Was this how kings got ruined by scheming retainers?

—Chichi was the weakest of my minions… Chwichwi… go forth…

—Krrraaagh

A zombie even bigger than Chichi appeared, and the stench of rot rolled off it in waves.

"That rotting smell is no joke."

—Kheh-hehh

Was that zombie laughing, or was I imagining it?

"Yohan! Zombie Lords have a passive skill that radiates a rotting stench! Stay too long and you'll get poisoned by the miasma, so be careful!"

"Exactly how many minutes?"

"It depends on resistance, so I'm not sure. You should last about ten minutes."

Even with an Iron Man body, I'd get poisoned in ten minutes? What a broken-ass skill.

Even though Sophia was ready, Chichiking just let the clock run.

"Why aren't you starting? Scared?"

—A human who discarded intellect in exchange for a sturdy body… he does not understand strategy…

"That's dirty!"

Sophia erupted in outrage.

"He's trying to poison you during the standby time!"

"Passive skills work even before the battle starts?"

"I heard some skills take effect early, but I never thought that cowardly corpse would pull this!"

—Dirty… the highest of compliments…

To the kind of bastard who played dirty, that was basically a standing ovation. Chichiking waited out the full sixty seconds before finally confirming ready.

"A master's sins are a subordinate's sins. Chichiking pulled a dirty trick, so you're going to pay for it with your body."

—Krrraagh

The moment the battle began, Zombie Lord Chwichwi used a skill. Several half-rotted corpses clawed their way up from the ground.

—Kooooh

—Kouuu

—Kowawa

"Cute little guys."

He'd watched Chichi's skeletons get wiped out without a fight, and he still called out the small fry? Since I had no idea when the poison would kick in, I took the initiative.

I charged and swung my sword. No need to break out the profound techniques I'd picked up from games. I just drew and cut the way a swordsman would while mashing the dash command—and a zombie's head went flying.

Being a corpse, the blood that sprayed out was a murky black.

"Yohan! The monsters a Zombie Lord summons are toxic!"

Why "are" instead of "were"? Had she been looking it up on Namuwiki while I was fighting?

Either way, it was useful advice. I twisted clear so the blood droplets wouldn't hit me—only for the other two zombies to come swinging their arms with that kooooh noise.

Their nails were long and pointed like cheap press-ons, dyed a sickly green.

"Stop being a coward with the poison and fight me fair!"

—Even the mad human… fears poison…

I wasn't that scared. I just said it because martial arts novels always had lines like that.

If zombie blood was toxic, I'd just ignore it. Channeling the feel of playing an overpowered Korean-pride character, I lashed out with a kick.

—Koook!

—Kowak!

One zombie went flying several meters; the other flopped on the ground and flailed.

But there was no room to get cocky. While I was playing with the small fry, Chwichwi had closed the distance and belched a cloud of gas from its mouth.

—Kkeeeugh

"Disgusting as hell!"

I dodged the poison smoke, but the stench was so vile my nose was about to go numb. If I didn't deal with Chwichwi somehow, I was going to go down to the poison.

I closed in on Chwichwi as it prepared another poison attack and swung my sword. I threw a clean horizontal cut—and Chwichwi sneered as it thrust out an arm.

The blade carved halfway through Chwichwi's arm and kept going, but green blood sprayed. I jerked back fast, yet a few drops still landed on my clothes.

Sizzle.

A red haze rose from the blood-smeared blade, and my clothes started dissolving.

"A Zombie Lord's blood is deadly poison!"

"What a pain in the ass."

—Krrraaaagh

I could see Chichiking's angle. He still had minions left to send out, so he was willing to sacrifice Chwichwi just to poison ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠me.

Frustrating as it was, knowing the scheme didn't make it easy to counter. Dodge and I'd slowly wither to death; attack and I'd get poisoned. What was I supposed to do?

Finish it fast, before I took real damage.

I sheathed my sword and straightened my back. A half-step to the side, and the Zombie Lord's fist whistled past, kicking ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠up a gust of wind.

The fierce pressure set my clothes and hair whipping. If I'd been wearing a bamboo hat, I could've fully recreated a fighting-game ronin swordsman. A little disappointing.

When I got back, I'd buy some bamboo and make one.

"It's been a while…"

Had it?

"No. Not that long. This cool sensation…"

"Yohan's doing it again."

"Still, he is reliable, is he not?"

"Well… yeah."

I pictured the ronin swordsman build—the one who reached first-rate mastery knowing nothing but the Three Calamities Sword Art. There were plenty of other martial-world characters, but the ronin was specialized for ending fights fast.

Given the class fantasy, ronin didn't do one-on-ones so much as free-for-alls, so you had to kill enemies quickly.

—Krrraaaagh!

—Kooo!

—Kowawa!

Chwichwi from ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠the front and the two small fry from the flanks came at me together. Instead of retreating, I slipped past Chwichwi's arm by a paper's thickness and closed the distance.

—Krak!

Bubbles burst from Chwichwi's arm and washed over me. Decent idea—but using a skill had left an opening.

I drew the sheathed sword and cut upward. The opposite arm Chwichwi had extended was sliced open and bled, but it didn't break my stance.

I gripped the raised sword in both hands and called up a form from the Three Calamities Sword Art. A downward strike—from high to low, the kind even a complete beginner could manage.

Simple. But the power changed completely depending on who performed it. Just like before, I trusted the strength of my body in place of internal energy and brought the sword down.

Taishan Crushing Pressure—the arrogant technique that meant crushing a mountain flat—unfolded. Chwichwi tried to block with its arms, and they were simply sheared off. Blood thick with virulent poison splattered across my face, but pain like this was nothing.

That robot bastard's laser had hurt way worse. The blade, still carrying its force after carving through the zombie's soft arm, split Chwichwi from chest to groin in two.

Only after I'd turned Chwichwi into Chwi/Chwi did the realization hit me.

"It was a female zombie…"

If it had been a male, cutting through the groin should've snagged on something. It had sliced ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠through way too cleanly.

—Krr…

Chwichwi's body split apart to either side, but undead vitality kept it from dying. I'd meant to finish it in one go—oh well.

"Self-Healing."

I restored the body I'd wrecked forcing techniques it wasn't built for, then swung again. The fully bisected Chwichwi collapsed, and the message I'd been waiting for finally rang out.

"I cut something pointless."

I slid the sword back into its sheath and delivered a peak-aura one-liner. I might actually look cool right now.

So why wasn't the next minion coming out?

—Heh heh… drenched in toxic blood… it's only a matter of time before the mad human falls…

"That—!"

Sophia trembled with rage. Cheonsol, seething, cheered me on.

"Mad Demon! Thou must never fall! Yield not to a wretch who resorts to poison!"

"Mad Demon can't lose?"

Lan-lan-i was awake too. The adorable little creature rubbed her eyes, then clenched her fists and shook them.

"Go Mad Demon!"

"Hearing Lan-lan-i cheer me on really gets me fired up."

—Even so… he cannot detoxify…

Time ticked by. So why did I feel completely fine?

—Why… won't he fall…

"Yeah, why?"

I had no idea either. Sophia, who'd been furiously working her screen, suddenly shouted in excitement.

"Self-Healing! It's because of Self-Healing!"

The recovery skill had a detox effect too?

"If you'd been fully poisoned, healing wouldn't have cleared it—but you took out Chwichwi before the poison set in, so you never got hit by it!"

Thank you, Sophia-wagon!

—How could this be…

"Tittyking. Stop with the dirty tricks and just send out your next minion."

—So mad he can't even say a name properly…

A corpse with zero humor sense couldn't grasp my premium-grade comedy. That was why even after dying he just played with corpses.

"Go outside and make some friends for once."

—Insolent bastard…

Did he seriously not have any friends? Enraged, Chichiking sent out his next minion.

The Dullahan failed to live up to its reputation. I lopped off its limbs, then kicked its head around like a soccer ball.

—Stop! Stop it! Kyaaaagh!

"What a beautiful dribble from Player Yohan! Beats the defender—and shoots!"

I launched my signature kick, and the Dullahan's head shattered.

—To think he'd force me to send out even my last minion…

Nobody even asked him, and he was already planting his own defeat flag. Bring it on.