Dad Is Awesome! (6)
I had no idea why Sophia had spun the matchmaking. Honestly, hadn't the mood been pretty good? When had the goddess who'd been so thoroughly lost in our kiss finally come to her senses?
Still, she hadn't resisted when I said I'd punish her, so that was a win. Made the fact that we'd only gotten as far as kissing and groping her ass not disappointing at all.
She'd done something wrong, so she'd accept even unreasonable demands. Just like in an erotic doujinshi. And my demands would follow erotic doujinshi rules too.
"Cheonsol!"
"You called."
Cheonsol, holding Lan-lan-i, popped out the moment I called. The instant everyone was gathered, we teleported to the Colosseum.
"What is this all of a sudden? Has today's battle not already ended?"
"Sophia-nim spun the matching."
"Master did? Hmm... I believe I understand how this came about."
The women's gazes crossed. I'd never learned woman-speak, so I had no idea why they were like that. What complicated creatures.
They looked busy, so I ignored them and checked who the opponent was.
A god with a cute name but a disgusting appearance stood across the Colosseum.
Being undead was fine, but why leave flesh on the bones to make it so gross? As a god, he could've cleaned up his appearance.
So-called hardcore corpse cosplay, huh. I'd used a fluorescent purple-stone avatar in my prime, so I got it.
—The undefeated goddess of succession...
Chichiking made a sound like metal scraping. Cheonsol frowned and shook her head.
"What a spine-chilling tone. It torments the ears."
"You hate it that much?"
"Vampirs may not match elves, but we are a race with sensitive hearing. In battle this lady would protect them adequately with internal energy, but now she cannot waste it."
"I'll help."
Cheonsol's hands were sealed because of Lan-lan-i. Like a scene from the masterpiece film Léon, I approached from behind Cheonsol and covered her ears with my hands.
—The mad minion and Absolu's regret... getting along well...
"Mad minion?"
"Absolu's regret?"
Cheonsol and I spoke at the same time. What the hell had that RealMan bastard posted on the community for every god I met to call me crazy?
"Sophia-nim. Can you tell me what RealMan wrote in his post?"
"Pfft. Nope. That's just for me."
"That's mean, so adding one more punishment stack."
"..."
I knocked out Sophia, who'd been acting cocky despite being the one who'd messed up. Even if she made a pitiful face late, I wasn't letting her off.
The pitiful one was my dick, which had gotten nicely warmed up only to be forced into rest. The sadness was so overwhelming it couldn't even cry — just hung its head.
—Arachne posted... said she got countered by a Vampir and was all-killed...
"Sorry, but can you stop trailing off?"
His voice itself was as grating as nails on a chalkboard, and trailing off on top of that made me want to die of frustration.
Was this some advanced tactic to tire us out before the battle started? We couldn't lose either.
"KYAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!"
"What the—!"
"Have you truly gone mad?!"
I'd screamed to intimidate Chichiking, but Sophia and Cheonsol took the splash damage. They converted the splash into direct damage and returned it to me.
My back stung...
—Mad human...
"Mad corpse..."
—I don't want to play word games... just start the battle...
Unlike its master, a pure white skeleton stood tall upon the sand. I quickly scanned it.
Pretty bone structure, wide hips. Must've been a beauty in life.
"Haa... I had my suspicions, and sure enough — an undead. Against Arachne, this lady held the type advantage. This time, it is a hard counter."
"Cheonsol, sit this one out. You already worked hard earlier."
"Understood."
"Yohan."
Sophia called me quietly. Time to shake off the earlier emotions and focus on the battle.
"I'll win it all and come back."
"I trust you."
"If I all-kill, you know what that means, right?"
"Y-yeah."
I could practically hear the ceiling on demandable acts going up. Come to think of it, we'd even kissed — so why hadn't the Bond Rank gone up?
Did we need to go further? Nice. Another excuse to use after the battle.
I stood face-to-face with Skeleton King Chichi. Looking down from above the Colosseum I hadn't noticed, but Chichi was a full head taller than me.
"Hey. You a girl?"
—A madman asking a skeleton its gender.
This Chichi bastard was picking a fight from the jump. I was just about to open my mouth and drop some insults when Sophia's shriek rang out.
"Yohan, you! What gender does a skeleton even have?! I seriously can't live because of you, I swear!"
"Beyond imagination. Fortunate that Lan-lan-i is asleep."
This frustration from getting chewed out — I'd work it off by crushing bones.
The battle had begun, but nobody moved.
—Mad human. Stand right there. I'm coming.
Something that wasn't human moved, but I stayed still and studied Chichi's skeletal frame.
I'd earned plenty of divinity, but before I could even bring up buying an internal energy cultivation method, I'd been dragged into a battle — so I couldn't read mana.
But through the skeleton's stride and the depth of the footprints left in the sand, I gauged Chichi's mobility and weight.
About my level without using Impregnating. Without mana, I wouldn't lose in raw strength. The mobility gap I could cover with footwork.
"Got a rough idea. Your level."
—What an obedient, good little human! Become one of my kind!
"If I become a skeleton, can I do skull sex?"
Chichi suddenly stopped and raised both arms to block the front. The eye sockets were empty, but it felt like it was glaring at me.
—True madness... Chichi... I won't make that human one of us, so kill freely...
—You are within the radius of Chichiking-nim's Death Aura.
—Just turned it off...
I didn't know what Death Aura was, but free win for me. Our ancestors settled a thousand-nyang debt with a single word, and this excellent descendant neutralized a skill with a single word.
"Receive the spirit of Joseon!"
While Chichi was busy yapping with its god, I launched a surprise attack and threw my sword. The blade flew in a clean straight line and lodged between Chichi's ribs.
—You threw away your weapon?
"Yohan! Seriously! Just! Seriously just—!!"
"Blunt weapons are more effective against skeletons."
Sophia-nim wasn't a gaming addict, so she didn't know this. In twenty-second-century VR games, you had to use blunt weapons to deal fifty percent bonus damage to undead.
"Yohan doesn't even have a blunt weapon!"
"My fists are blunt weapons."
A talentless human would crack his knuckles pounding on bone, but an Iron Man's fists crushed bone.
"Female skeleton! Taste Joseon's fist!"
—For the first time since becoming a skeleton, I feel tired. Let's end this quickly.
Chichi summoned a bone club from thin air. I'd thrown my sword thinking we were both barehanded — and it summoned a weapon?
"That's cheating!"
—There's no such thing as cheating in a battle.
Gripping the weapon with both hands, Chichi took a big step forward and swung the club. It was fierce enough to tear the air, but the trajectory was far too honest.
It'd been calling me mad this whole time and must've actually believed I was crazy. I simply ducked my head to dodge, and Chichi stepped right into my range.
When a martial artist fights an armed opponent, the most important thing is closing the distance — and thanks to Chichi's carelessness, that was solved easily.
They say starting is half the battle. The fight against Chichi was already halfway won.
"Fireball!"
—A magic swordsman?
Chichi hastily retracted the club and stepped into an evasion, but nothing happened. In the opening of its broken stance, I kicked its leg with everything I had.
CRACK
A fracture ran through Chichi's shinbone. Tougher than expected, but far too soft to withstand Joseon's fist.
—You tricked me!
"The one who fell for it is the idiot."
—Uwaaah!
An ominous aura rose from the skeleton's body. A buff skill? Or a defensive one?
"It's a skill that restores bone with mana and reinforces durability!"
"Nice coaching!"
Sophia, who'd been nothing but a spectator all this time, was finally earning her keep. Reinforce durability all you want. Something that broke in two hits would just take three now.
"Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee!"
—Grr! Fly already! Stop just running around and fly!
"Braindead undead can't even get a metaphor! Dumb undead!"
—Kraaagh!
Chichi swung the club furiously, but not a single hit landed.
"Slow."
Leaving the club buried in the sand beside me, I cracked Chichi across the skull. A crack ran through the square jaw, but Chichi didn't lose consciousness.
Being undead, there was no brain to rattle. Time to change strategy.
"Head! Chest! Belly! Head!"
The ant's three-segment structure! Dodge every enemy attack while landing only my own!
—Chichi... use a skill...
—Come forth, my subordinates!
Five skeletons burst up through the ground. One shield-bearer, two sword-fighters, and two archers.
A well-balanced composition. But Skeleton King Chichi itself was getting wrecked by me — what were a bunch of underlings going to do?
I vaulted over the shield-bearer trying to block my path. By a paper-thin margin I slipped past the emotionless skeleton sword-fighters' blades, closed the distance, and spread my arms wide to both sides.
"Double Lariat!"
Both sword-fighters' neck bones went flying. The headless bodies kept swinging their swords, but without the range to put power behind them, they only scraped skin.
Likewise, the arrows couldn't pierce my body. They left nothing but scratches on the skin.
—A skin reinforcement skill?
I struck the sword hilt lodged in the startled Chichi's ribs. Like a chisel driven by a hammer, the blade sank deeper and snapped the rib bones.
I caught the sword as it lost its support and started to fall, then swung it to sever Chichi's limbs. For a common-grade item, the edge was pretty sharp.
—It's not over yet!
Chichi's disassembled bones were wrapped in that ominous aura and reassembled. Just break it again — all it did was make me waste energy for nothing.
Crack. Crack. Crack.
"Hello. Today's ASMR is skeleton crushing. Feeling sleepy yet?"
—Shut up! Please just shut up!
"Haaah-aaah. Simple repetitive work is the most boring thing in the world, you know."
I yawned, and Chichi's aura flared out in every direction.
"It's a skill! Don't let it touch you!"
I already knew without the warning.
—For me to go down this easily...
"It was boring, so just die."
I casually dodged, then smashed Chichi's skull to pieces.