Dad Is Awesome! (3)
Among the rankers inside the top one hundred, only two gods had ever posted an undefeated record. Sophia, who'd been bus-carried to glory on the back of my spectacular performances. And Johannes Graham, who'd racked up eighty straight wins and become a living legend of the Newbie League.
Our goddess was a community ghost who dove into the newbie boards whenever she got bored and stirred up pure chaos. She'd drop posts like "Is Johannes Graham stronger, or is Rank 2 Hamuhamu stronger?" and "Met a real man and turns out he's a total beta lol."
Thanks to her showing me every interesting thread and scrap of news, I knew Johannes Graham inside and out. Johannes was the family name, Graham the given one. It sounded delicious, like gratin—but on the battlefield he was no gourmet restaurant.
He was a merciless butcher who carved his opponents apart. The newbie boards were flooded with posts about people hitting a wall against Gratin.
He was the last god I ever wanted to face in battle—and yet here he was in my workshop. The unexpected encounter left me completely flustered.
"You're less polite than I expected."
"Ah. My apologies. The name's Yohan."
He was a rival competing in the same league, but right now he was a customer who'd come to buy a battle axe. What's Korea's motto again? The customer is king.
If we'd met in the Colosseum, I'd have been talking trash about what flavor of gratin Johannes tasted like—but right now I needed to be respectful.
"I was so stunned to meet the renowned Johannes Gratin that I couldn't get my words out properly."
"Hup!"
A startled gasp came from deeper in the workshop. Our busty goddess had clamped a hand over her mouth. I took a brief moment to appreciate the way her chest was pressed against her elbow, then returned my gaze to Gratin.
"It's Graham."
"Pardon?"
"Graham. Not gratin."
"My apologies!"
"Anyone can misremember a name. You're the craftsman who made the battle axe, so I won't reprimand you."
Meaning he would've beaten me up if I weren't a craftsman? Scary bastard, all right.
"I'd like to see the merchandise now."
"Where is the weapon's owner? I'd like to check the information together with the user."
"Is that necessary?"
"That's my craftsman's pride."
"Hoh."
Graham was acting like a company commander… Ah, damn it. PTSD flashbacks. Why did past me ever play a garbage military experience simulator?
This was all because of those old fogeys spouting nonsense like "You softies never even experienced the draft..." Next time I meet an elderly minion, I'm throwing a Confucian punch.
"Then let's look together. Sheet. Come here."
Graham waved his hand, and a one-meter-tall, muscular, bearded dwarf appeared.
"Welcome! This is the Beginner's Village!"
"Master. Shall I punish this mad human?"
That was a welcome greeting, and she answered with violence. A fitting owner for the Battle Axe of Wrath. First impressions: this one had a temper.
"This is the craftsman who made your battle axe."
"A human, you say?"
"Yes. He even left it unappraised because he wanted to show you the equipment options for the first time."
"Hoh."
Like master, like minion. Both of them were "hoh" parrots.
"My apologies, human. I've been rude to a craftsman of your caliber."
"Just check the info."
"I like you even more for being so straightforward."
I don't like you. Looking like a man and having a thin voice made it worse. If you're a dwarf, just be short. Why grow a beard on top of that?
Even on Earth, overflowing with weird fetishes, there wasn't a single psychopath who liked bearded women.
A battle axe forged with the rage of an exceptional human craftsman. Provides reason to berserkers.
When equipped, skill available: Heart Hot, Head Cold
Is this good? Looking at the skill alone, it was a broken OP ability that gave berserkers their sanity back—but unlike the rare items I'd gotten before, there were no stat bonuses attached, so I couldn't tell.
"This is—!!!"
"Hoh."
Seeing the dwarf's eyes go wide and the "hoh" parrot's reaction, it had to be a good option. The dwarf swung the battle axe with trembling hands and fixed me with a burning gaze.
"Human craftsman! I wish to know your name!"
"Sudden formal speech?"
"A craftsman who forged such an outstanding weapon deserves the utmost respect! Please tell me your honorable name!"
"Yohan."
"Master Craftsman Yohan!"
The dwarf grabbed my hand and bowed at the waist. All well and good, but maybe put the battle axe down first? With the height difference, my precious bits might get sliced.
"Thank you so much! I shall treasure this child!"
"Yeah, yeah."
The item had rolled well, so I should get a good price, right? I looked at Gratin with hope, and he held out his hand again.
"Take it."
15,000,000 Faith
"The commission was five million, but there's a regulation that additional payment must be made for high quality. I added more to match my satisfaction."
"Thank you so much!"
Even if he liked it, three times the payment?! Johannes Graham was a true god of this era. A man more than worthy of Rank 1.
"Yohan, buddy. You need to hand over 5.5 million to us."
"Huh?"
"I won't touch the bonus you got for making a great item. I'll just take the commission fee and material costs."
"That's fair."
I said that, but my hand trembled as I handed over the Faith. Thinking about paying over thirty percent in fees made it hurt so bad.
Still, the remaining 9.5 million was mine! I was way richer than that broke Sophia!
I couldn't make a scene in front of a potential VIP customer like Gratin, so I crushed down my joy. I was holding it in with Iron Man-worthy self-control when Graham spoke up again.
"Do you have a master?"
"Pardon?"
"I asked if you have a master."
"W-wait!"
Before I could answer, Sophia came barreling over in a panic. She was so frantic she didn't even hold her chest as she ran, and those breasts bigger than a human head bounced every which way.
That moving performance left the human, the dwarf, and the god all speechless. Sophia panted as she leaned against my back.
"Yohan is my minion!"
"Won't you transfer him to me? I'll give you three hundred million."
"Three hundred million!"
The bearded woman watching from the side gasped.
"Three hundred million is half a year's net profit for our forge…!"
"I'm not selling!"
"Was three hundred million not enough? I'll give you five hundred million. As you well know, that's an excessive sum for a Level 1 minion. You'd need a dragon species to command that kind of price. A human doesn't even come close."
I couldn't believe this situation—my head was spinning. Even Cheonsol had only been worth ten million Faith, and my value was five hundred million?
Well, that made sense. I was a five-hundred-million man!
"E-even so, I'm absolutely not selling!"
"Have you considered your minion's wishes? Looking at the clothes you're wearing, you seem financially destitute. I've never seen you at any exchange gatherings, so you're not from a prestigious house either. You won't be able to raise a minion properly."
"Ugh…"
"You'd be better off taking the transfer fee, furnishing your Divine Realm, and hiring a new minion. With five hundred million, you could purchase every facility and still have Faith left over."
"Kh…"
Sophia staggered under the barrage of facts. Me? I was loving it. Sophia was hugging me, so her chest was pressing hard against me.
My back became as sensitive as a hand, savoring every bit of Sophia's massive soft flesh. This was pure paradise.
"Yohan. Just one word. Will you become my minion?"
"Yohan…"
Unlike the imposing Gratin, Sophia looked pitiful. Cheonsol and Lan-lan-i, who hadn't dared to insert themselves between us, were staring holes through me.
The answer was already decided, so why the long faces?
"I am Lady Sophia's minion. No matter how good the terms you offer, I will never leave her."
Becoming Johannes Graham's minion would be nice. As a god from a prestigious house, the support would be stacked. He'd stock my personal workshop with top-tier equipment.
There'd probably be plenty of minions who stayed in the Divine Realm without going to battle. I could dream of a harem life having sex with pretty minions.
But Sophia and I had a promise. In exchange for becoming her minion, we have sex. And on top of that, my dream.
Whether it works or not—impregnate Sophia. Drink her breast milk while getting a nursing handjob, fellatio, anal sex, and so on.
Anyway, I had so many wishes I wanted to fulfill.
"Yohan…!"
An emotional Sophia tightened her arms. It was a back-hug strong enough to choke me if I weren't Iron Man, but having her chest crushed against my back and her nipples rubbing against me made it pure pleasure.
"I see. If you change your mind later, contact me separately."
How is a minion supposed to contact someone separately? He's just saying nonsense because he's disappointed.
Once Gratin left, the dwarves and the Vampir who'd been watching approached.
"Rejecting Johannes Graham's recruitment offer! What were you thinking, friend!"
"A man keeps his loyalty."
"Indeed!!"
"Loyalty! You have the heart of a dwarf!"
The dwarves were spouting nonsense again. I appreciated them liking me, but they were a species too burdensome to get close to.
I'd prefer not to take on any dwarf minions if possible. Even if I became a crafting slave, I couldn't live with dwarves.
"Anyway, work's done, so we're leaving. Now it's time for us to part ways. See you next time."
"Next time when—"
"Ba-ba-ba ba-ba-ba ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba!!!"
I grabbed my party and fled the workshop like we were escaping. After running for a while and confirming no dwarves were chasing us, I caught my breath.
"We barely got out of there."
"Yohan…"
"Mad Demon…"
"Mad Demon!"
Two emotional women pulled me into a hug. Lan-lan-i, who didn't really understand the ways of the world, giggled and copied her mother.
"This lady feared you might leave in a flash. I wished to stop you, but it was such a fine opportunity that I found it difficult to intervene."
"You could've just stopped me like the master did. With Lan-lan-i here, where would I even go?"
"Mad Demon…"
Cheonsol slipped into my arms, filling them with the scent of her flesh. The mood was good, so I should lock in some action for tonight. The problem was Lan-lan-i…
"Lan-lan-i. Daddy made a lot of money—is there anything you want to eat?"
"Cotton candy."
"I'll buy you a hundred cotton candies."
"Really?!!"
Stars sparkled in Lan-lan-i's eyes.
"For real? You're not lying?"
"Really really. Let's promise."
"Waaah! Mad Demon is the best!!"
Nighttime is for adults, so good little Lan-lan-i should eat well and go to bed early.