Summoning (2)

My knees had been pressed to the floor so long that my legs had gone completely numb. My cheek still stung; when I prodded it with my tongue, a sharp, burning pain flared through it.

"Goddess..."

"Stay still!"

How long was I supposed to keep this up? Feeling had vanished from my feet entirely, so I stacked my left foot on top of my right. I'd heard that helped with the pins and needles. It did absolutely nothing.

Every one of these sensations was proof that this world wasn't a game — it was real. I'd tried shouting logout inside my head. Nothing happened.

"I told you to stay still!"

The goddess snapped at me. What did I even do wrong? She said she'd grant my wish. Is sex really that hard?

Well, okay — it is hard. Earth is a balance-broken garbage game that locked the main content — sex — so thoroughly that ordinary people couldn't touch it. Guys like me were stuck with virtual-channel hookups or the sex-ver.2 known as chicken-and-beer.

Thinking about it made me sad all over again. I hung my head, and the goddess's high-handed attitude softened at once.

"Ahem. Since you're reflecting on your actions, I'll forgive you. Yohan, you are a minion, and I am a goddess. You've got that memorized, right?"

"Yes."

"And..."

Something cool pressed against my cheek. I looked up in surprise to find the goddess holding a cold compress to my face. Her cheeks were faintly flushed with embarrassment, and her wavering eyes were so pretty it almost hurt to look at them.

"I'm sorry I hit you. Did it hurt a lot?"

"A little."

"I'll make it better right away. Pain, pain, fly away."

What a childish little spell. But it made me feel better. One of the reasons I'd always envied kids who had parents was for exactly this kind of silly stuff.

So the goddess had a maman attribute too, huh.

"Maman..."

"W-what are you saying?!"

She smacked my cheek with the compress in a fit of pique. I'd braced for pain, but it didn't hurt at all.

"Huh?"

"It's late, but let me introduce myself. I am Sophia, the sole goddess of Earth. I possess healing-type abilities. I can't resurrect the dead yet — I haven't been around long enough — but something like your injuries? I can fix those easily."

"Ohh."

Until a moment ago she'd looked like any ordinary neighborhood girl. Now she was finally starting to look like a goddess. Encouraged by my reaction, Sophia launched into an explanation I hadn't asked for.

"The reason I summoned you is to participate in the War of the Gods."

"The War of the Gods? Who are you fighting?"

"No. How do I even explain this... First, let me tell you what the War of the Gods actually is."

Sophia started from the history of the War of the Gods, explaining how each god kept minions and pitted them against each other in battle, how even the remote outer cosmos where she lived had its own league, and so on.

When she finished, one thought stuck with me. This is just Pokémon. Gods playing a game with humans — so, Humanmon?

"Do you understand?"

"Yes."

"Yohan, you're such a quick learner!"

Sophia clapped her hands in delight. She's supposed to be in charge of Earth, and she doesn't even know a game ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠that's been running for over half a century?

If she wanted to overestimate me, I wasn't complaining. From the way she talked, she still seemed stuck somewhere between a meta-slave and an affection-first trainer.

Kids usually prioritize affection over performance, and Sophia was probably the same. So I needed to build a bond with her — that way, even if something like a dragon joined the party, I wouldn't get benched.

The surest way for a minion and a goddess to build a bond? Sex.

"Then let's form the contract. Will you become my minion, Yohan?"

I checked Sophia's face, but her expression didn't change ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠at all — so she couldn't see the message. Sex with a goddess? Not passing that up.

"Yes."

"Great. From now on, Yohan is my minion."

Sophia dropped the formal speech, about to show her true colors — but the message beat her to it.

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Sex?"

Sophia frantically covered her chest.

"Sophia. You have to grant my wish."

"U-uuuhh..."

"Are you refusing? That's a contract violation."

I stepped closer, and Sophia landed hard on her butt. She made a teary face and held out her hands.

"W-wait a second!"

"Do you need time to prepare yourself?"

"We only just met today!"

"On Earth, we call this a one-night stand."

"A one-night stand... Still, just give me a little time!"

If I pushed too hard, nothing would get done. In the fable of the North Wind and the Sun, it was the sun that got the traveler to take off his coat.

To get Sophia out of her clothes, I needed to act like the sun.

"Hoo... haaah..."

Sophia took a deep breath and made her decision.

"Right now is impossible."

"Then when?"

"How about unlocking it gradually?"

"Huh?"

What is this, a game achievement?

"You know how humans get performance bonuses based on results? What if this wish worked the same way? So, um, if Yohan subdues wild creatures and makes them my minions, I'll reward you with a kiss, and if we win the league, then, th-th-se... se..."

"If we win the league, we have sex. Got it. Deal."

Clear criteria meant she couldn't weasel out later. And there wasn't even a condition that I had to participate myself. Sophia was a young goddess, so she'd bring in other minions as she aged — and if they hard-carried a league win, I still got to claim Sophia.

"Then it's a promise."

"Yeah!!"

Sophia looked purely happy. If she'd been born human, someone would've scammed her eventually. I firmly took the hand she was still holding out.

"Eek?!"

"This much skinship is fine, right?"

"Mmh..."

Sophia stood up, flustered and embarrassed. Even after getting up she avoided my eyes, then cleared her throat with a loud ahem.

"Anyway, now that you're my minion, you should have received your starting skills. Check them."

"I get skills too?"

"Without them, races that can't handle mana would be way too disadvantaged. It's a balance benefit."

Please let it be a broken skill.

"How do I check skills? Do I just shout 'status window'?"

"How did you know?"

Isekai reincarnation, status windows, and cheat skills — it's the golden rule.

"Status window!"

"What skills did you get? Since you're my minion, you got a healing skill, right? What rank? And how many? Talented minions supposedly start with two skills. Do you have two?"

"Two for now. One is A-rank Self-Healing."

"Yahoo!"

Sophia bounced up and down with excitement. Every time she hopped in place, those massive breasts bounced and stole my full attention.

As expected of a goddess. Her chest was divine.

"And the other skill?"

"Let me cover the talents first."

Impregnating was not a skill I could reveal with a straight face. No — why the hell was that even S-rank? Did the system punish me for wishing for sex?

"Dynamic Vision, Craftsmanship, and Iron Man — three of them."

"Wow! Three talents too? I knew using the summon ticket was the right call! Humans are considered average with just one talent! Dynamic Vision and Iron Man are both useful in battle! If you only had mana, you'd be an S-rank human. What a waste."

"I get Dynamic Vision, but what's Iron Man?"

‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠

"It's a really rare talent! Your physical abilities are better than most people's, your body is tough so you don't get hurt easily, your recovery is great, and your stamina is high! It pairs perfectly with Self-Healing!"

No wonder I never gained weight even without working out, and kept a decent amount of muscle. That stamina that let me go three rounds in a row without tiring — that was thanks to Iron Man.

"And Craftsmanship?"

"That's a talent crafting-type minions usually have. Items made by a crafter with Craftsmanship get better options attached! Even dwarf minions don't always have it. Hehe, I'm so happy! I have to post this on the community!"

Community? I snuck a look at the giant screen Sophia pulled up.

"Hehehe. I'm so happy."

"Flex."

"Call it a flex all you want! My Yohan is the best!"

Sophia pulled me into a tight hug. A scent no virtual-reality female character could ever match washed over me.

Her hair tickled my chin, and those heavy baby-milk dispensers pressed hard against my stomach. So goddesses don't wear bras. The soft sensation transferred straight through bare skin.

Naturally, things got tight down below. I poked Sophia with it, and she jumped back in a panic.

"Umm. Uuuum."

"It's a physiological response. Can't help it."

"R-really? Anyway, our Yohan is a genius!"

First time anyone's ever called me a genius. I never understood the saying that praise makes even whales dance — but this must be that feeling.

"So can I get a reward?"

"Re...ward? Umm. Yohan hasn't done anything yet..."

"You called me a genius. It's not sex, so don't be like that."

"Then... just a little?"

"Just a kiss, please."

"Mmh..."

After careful deliberation, Sophia squeezed her eyes shut.

"That much! Fine!"

Better finish this before she changes her mind. I naturally pulled Sophia into my arms and slowly brought my face closer. When we were close enough to feel each other's breath, Sophia opened her eyes and shoved me away.

"W-wait. We still don't know what the other skill is. Tell me that first, then I'll do it."

"Ah."

This is bad.

"Why can't you say it? Did you lie to me?"

"That's not it..."

"I don't trust you. I'm checking myself!"

Sophia pulled up my information on the same screen she'd just been flexing on — and froze solid like a statue. Her eyes wandered helplessly, lost.

Those trembling eyes squeezed shut. She rubbed them and muttered.

"That's weird. I must have misread it. Impregnating? Something like that... Hyaaak!"

Sophia collapsed onto the floor. She kept muttering things like "S-rank... impregnating... this can't be real..."

This atmosphere did not scream "I'm about to get a kiss." Better try before she fully recovered.

"Sophia, be a good girl? Kiss."

"You pervert! You beast! Stay away!"

Ah. I'm fucked.