This Doesn't Count Because I Didn't Enjoy It!! (7)
From beyond the dark cave, heavy footsteps echoed with mechanical regularity. Had the pursuit already begun? He scrambled to his feet and glared into the darkness. No—if it were a villain pursuit squad, they wouldn’t have sent just one person…?
Then a voice devoid of any emotion drifted from the shadows.
“I am not skilled in combat.”
It was a completely random statement. Yet the voice sounded familiar. Toad frowned and dug through his memories.
“Nor do I wish to commit murder.”
The footsteps drew much closer. The tunnel’s acoustics made it impossible to pinpoint the exact location, but…
“Therefore, will you surrender?”
“What the fuck kind of bullshit is that, you crazy bastard?!”
“I see.”
Thud.
Right behind the faint circle of light, a spiked leather glove emerged from the gloom. The glove creaked as it clenched into a fist. Above it, a pair of blue eyes glinted.
“Then try to dodge appropriately.”
“I’m asking what the hell that even mea—huh?!”
Whoooosh—!
The man’s figure seemed to blur for a split second, and suddenly he was standing right in front of him. When the hell did he—?! Toad panicked and tried to leap backward. Only then did the man’s face become clear. It was a face he knew.
“Iron Colossus!”
Whoooong—!
Kwaaaaaang!!
He barely managed to twist his body out of the way, but the missed punch slammed into the floor and unleashed a deafening roar. Toad rolled across the ground and glanced back. An entire section of the sewer tunnel had collapsed!
You… said you couldn’t fight!!
Toad felt like screaming.
“So how strong is he really, boss? Man, I only worked forty hours and I was already wiped out.”
“Hm? Colossus?”
Inside the Borderland Golems’ hero base—Golem Kingdom—the team was holding a modest celebration banquet now that everything had been wrapped up. The heroes of the Borderland Golems had gathered, and the lineup was worthy of the nation’s top disaster-relief hero team.
S-class hero Onyx Knight. Former S-class, current B-class hero Neodymite. B-class hero Stonekin. And a handful of promising sidekicks and trainees who ranked high in physical reinforcement.
…Which meant, excluding the sidekicks, there were only three active heroes. Still, among disaster-relief teams, the Borderland Golems were the only ones with this much firepower. After all, disaster relief wasn’t exactly a popular field.
Onyx Knight, swirling her dark-brown drink, gave a crooked smile at Stonekin’s question and shook her head.
“Pretty damn strong, actually.”
“But from what I hear, boss, he…”
“Can’t fight?”
“Yeah, yeah.”
“He really, really can’t. All he does is swing with raw power. I told him that if he was just going to do that, he might as well focus on tanking hits and grabbing enemies to smash them instead.”
“Then what did you mean by ‘pretty strong’…?”
“His strength is… on another level.”
Onyx Knight took a swig and continued.
“Remember what they call him at demolition sites?”
“Human excavator?”
“Exactly. His strength is absurd. That’s his actual ability. But here’s the funny part.”
In classical mechanics, net force is proportional to acceleration. Velocity is calculated as distance traveled per unit time when mass outweighs force. To put it simply—
“He’s light but ridiculously strong. So when he actually fights, he’s insanely fast.”
The problem was that he couldn’t control it. Onyx Knight laughed heartily.
Because he couldn’t regulate his power, one wrong move and he’d pulverize his opponent. But Iron Colossus was a ‘completed superhuman.’ No matter what, he always prioritized arrests that avoided killing. The stubborn fool never even considered fighting in the first place.
Which meant he never improved at it.
Which was why he became a disaster-relief hero.
A moron who honestly claimed he couldn’t fight.
Kwaaaaaaaaang!!
“S-stop! Stop! Please stoooop!!”
“Will you surrender?”
“I’ll leave! I was wrong! Just let me go quietly and I’ll live out the rest of my days in some place no one will ever find meee!!”
Kwaaaaaang!!
“Uwaaaaaaaaagh!!”
Killer Toad hopped frantically, barely dodging Iron Colossus’s charges. It was like watching an eight-ton truck barreling down the Autobahn. In other words, the man no longer looked human.
What was even more terrifying was that even while fighting with such destructive force, the man never once glanced at his own woman. And as if by meticulous design, not a single fragment of the destruction reached the spot where the collapsed Botal Rabbit lay.
It was the result of precise calculations honed through countless demolition jobs—knowing exactly which walls to break, which spots to strike, and how far the collapse would spread. Every time Killer Toad positioned himself in a place that could be safely destroyed, Iron Colossus charged.
And when Killer Toad tried to take Botal Rabbit hostage, he simply couldn’t reach her. As a mere E-class villain, he couldn’t tell which areas were ‘safe.’
The gap in their caliber was overwhelming.
‘This… is just A-class…?’
Staring at Iron Colossus’s expressionless face as he clenched his fist, Killer Toad felt a warm trickle run down his leg.
“I’ll do it! I surrender! Put the cuffs on me! No—anything! Just spare me!!”
“I see.”
Iron Colossus nodded and lowered his combat stance. Killer Toad let out a huge sigh of relief. The golem-like bastard seemed to trust people too easily. If he could just trick him and run, he could use the video he’d recorded to blackmail Botal Rabbit again and have some more fun—
“Then stay right there. Moving may result in death.”
“…What?”
The moment Killer Toad relaxed and swallowed nervously, a tearing gust of wind exploded.
Whoooong—!
Iron Colossus was suddenly right in front of him. The fist carrying that exact speed and power slammed squarely into Killer Toad’s stomach.
“Gweeeeeeeegh!!!”
“Fortunate.”
It was fortunate he was still alive.
Iron Colossus looked down at Killer Toad, who was vomiting yellow bile and trembling, then turned to examine the pile of rubble. His junior was lying there. Her breathing was shaky but normal. Her vitals indicated sleep. Her limbs were intact and there were no visible external injuries.
That was what had saved Killer Toad’s life.
He removed his coat and wrapped it around her naked body, then gently lifted her into his arms.
“Think of it as a bad dream, Yeon-ha.”
With steady steps, he left the passage.
—Leak repair pipe at the end of the third fork in Sewer Sector C. Discovered and neutralized escaped villain Killer Toad. Transporting an injured party; dispatch arrest team.
The voice echoed in the darkness, then silence returned.
Tap. Tap. Tap.
Hiss…!
Clatter. Clack.
Yeon-ha groggily tousled her messy hair and finally opened her eyes. Her entire body ached, especially her lower abdomen. She looked around with a dazed expression.
Ah. She was home. Her rabbit burrow.
Her mouth was dry and sticky. She had no energy at all. Staggering, she got up and shuffled toward the source of the noise. With every step, blood flowed back into her foggy mind and the memories slowly resurfaced.
‘S… S-class pussy omakase… I prepared it so diligently for you, E-class villain sir…!! Please enjoy it… And come again…? Y-yooock♡!!!! Oghuuuk♡♡♡!!!’
The pathetic, panting voice of the defeated.
‘So cum oil, lots of it—pump it all out and give my F-class premature-ejaculation pussy a thorough massage!! Train me!! I-I’ll take responsibility… responsibility for the baby!! C-cock sir… Cock sir, I love you! Please pat the baby room with your baby juice…!!’
The absurd, ridiculous, and miserable voice.
‘Even fake-lover sex with the hero…♡’
The fake pretense that even a child would snort at.
And the villain’s face as he looked down at her with a derisive, fishy smile.
Her own figure clinging desperately to that face, using her whole body to act cute and beg for a kiss.
“Hic… Hiccup…”
Trapped in utter misery, Yeon-ha carefully opened the tightly closed bedroom door. The creeeak made her flinch in fear. She had wanted to slip out quietly, but the hinge was loud.
“You’re awake.”
There, steaming hot, was a pot of doenjang jjigae. Beside it sat freshly braised galbi. All of them were her favorite dishes—the ones she usually cooked for Iron Colossus.
“Hic, hiccup… Colossus…”
“I followed an internet recipe. It wasn’t easy.”
As if nothing had happened, he nodded and sat down. A massive, muscular man standing in the kitchen wearing an apron made for a strangely charming sight.
“Eat before it gets cold.”
“I… I…”
“It’s fine.”
“Huh…?”
“I said it’s fine.”
Iron Colossus set a spoon at her place and spoke.
“No matter where you went or what you did, no matter what happened. It’s all fine.”
“But… but…!”
“As long as you can contact me when you need me, that is enough.”
“But… Colossus. Aren’t I… dirty?”
“When you walk, sometimes your shoes sink into the mud.”
He poured water into a cup as he continued.
“It happens all the time on construction sites. Does that mean you throw the shoes away? If dust falls on your clothes, do you throw the clothes away? If a water pipe bursts and soaks your clothes, do you get angry at the pipe?”
“…Huh?”
“Just think, ‘So that happened,’ and move on. You are not dirty, Yeon-ha. I have never thought you were dirty, nor will I ever.”
“Coloss…us…”
The tears she had been holding back finally burst from Yeon-ha’s eyes. She collapsed into his arms and sobbed.
“I… in the middle… I got poisoned and…”
“Mm.”
“I clung to that bastard… and even k-kissed him…”
“I see.”
“I even told him… to cum inside…”
“You did.”
“And you still say… I’m not dirty? Even I think I’m filthy and disgusting!!”
Iron Colossus simply held her tight as she rubbed her face against his chest, patting her gently as if she were fragile glass that might shatter at any moment.
“From now on… I’ll definitely tell you. Wherever I go, whatever I do.”
“That is also fine.”
“But… but won’t you get anxious if I don’t contact you?”
“I will be anxious. But I trust you.”
“Ugh… You… That’s cheating. You’re talking so much today. And doing so well.”
“Even if one day you kill me without a word, it would be fine.”
“What kind of nonsense is that!”
“There would be a reason you had to do it. Because you are the hero I admire. Botal Rabbit only ever does what is right. So if you ever do something I cannot understand, it must be because I am too stupid to comprehend it.”
“Ugh…!!”
Yeon-ha’s face flushed bright red as she pulled away. Iron Colossus continued to stare down at her with his usual blank expression.
“Aren’t you embarrassed at all?!”
“A little.”
“Be honest. You practiced, didn’t you?”
“The entire time you were asleep.”
“You… adorable… meticulous… blockhead…!!”
Chu.
She immediately pulled his face close and kissed him. Their bodies pressed together, overlapping deeply, as close as their longing for each other. The kiss grew fiercer. Without thinking, she reached out and the side dishes on the table clattered noisily to the floor.
Slurp.Crash!
They toppled over along with the chair. Lying on the floor, they continued kissing as they began stripping each other’s clothes.
“When did you wash me?”
“…While you were sleeping.”
“Then it’s fine.”
With those words, the two lovers tangled together on the kitchen floor.
It was three hours later when they sat back down at the table. The food had gone stone cold. The side dishes were a chaotic mess. The doenjang jjigae had no seasoning and tasted bland, while the galbi was completely burnt. Yeon-ha laughed brightly as she teased him nonstop, then ate every last bite without leaving anything behind.
She snatched the empty bowls, saying she would wash the dishes, turned the sink faucet on full blast, and cried alone for a very long time.
Supreme Purity (A)
Like Romeo and Juliet, like Tristan and Isolde, like the Cowherd and the Weaver Girl. When love and longing for one’s partner reach the realm of the absolute, they will not waver no matter the trials or circumstances. As it was in the beginning, now and always, forever.
Trauma (B)
Trauma does not refer solely to mental wounds, but in this case it affects only the mental aspect. An intense experience has engraved a deep trauma into her heart. The traumas she currently possesses are as follows:
◎Kissing and having sex with a villain
◎Begging for sex while whispering obscene words to a villain
◎Being treated like a toy and receiving creampie
◎Intense stench
Due to Trait [Herbivore Instinct — Masochism (S)], it has bloomed.
Quirk [Heat Switch — Trauma (B)]
If mental trauma can also be considered a form of injury, then it can become an object of masochism. The scope of masochism is far too broad to be explained merely by hitting and being hit, and the range in which trauma operates is extremely complex. Her trauma stimuli will now arouse her.
Quirk [Always in Heat (S)] has combined with Quirk [Heat Switch — Trauma (B)] and been strengthened.
Always in Heat (S+)
Surprisingly, not every rabbit is in heat all the time. However, heat is akin to a rabbit’s instinct. There are moments when the impulse becomes too strong to suppress with reason. For example, when the heat switch is pressed—or when one is on the verge of having it pressed. With the tightrope-walking tension of just a little more, just a little more, she may end up begging ‘someone.’ Now, even when not in heat, whenever an opening appears she may begin seeking out partners capable of pressing her [Heat Switch].