Punching Odin and Safe Days
36. We're safe today♡
Goddamn it. Thor's biceps were ridiculously solid. It felt good to snatch Mjolnir, march up to Odin, and clock him hard enough to knock him out. That pent-up frustration finally eased, like downing a fizzy mix of cider, cola, and Fanta all at once. The king, adventurers, warriors—everyone stared at me in utter shock, mouths hanging open as they screamed. Pure bewilderment. Nothing but bewilderment. In the middle of that chaos, I kicked Sleipnir's rear.
"Hihihih!"
Sleipnir reared, then kicked off into the air and galloped straight toward the hole torn in the sky. I was sending Odin back to Valhalla. But then—
"How dare you mock a god!"
"...Oh, for fuck's sake."
"Taste my rebuke!"
"Kek!"
When I opened my eyes, the ceiling above me was all too familiar. The bed didn't creak; it felt soft and comfortable. Of course it would get violent at night, but I liked this quiet calm. Seria and Isabel slept soundly on either side of me. Their gentle breathing told me they'd been waiting for me to wake up again, just like last time.
"Tsk..."
Something... felt like I'd done something wrong. Though Odin had it coming. Still, everyone else worshipped him, so there was no room for doubt. From a modern person's perspective, Odin was...
"...Not worth serving."
[I agree.]
"Aah! You scared me."
[Why so surprised? Your face is far more grotesque.]
"Shut it, Bete."
Did Riana leave this behind? I moved carefully so the girls wouldn't wake and grabbed Bete.
[More importantly, Hero. What are you planning to do now?]
"Obviously, I'm heading out to find Nidhogg."
[You're really going to Niflheim?]
"Yeah. While I'm at it, I'll swing by Jotunheim and pick up Tirgar."
Tirgar. Chieftain of the Jotun tribe. The continent used to be ruled by the uncorrupted Frost Giant Thrym, but now it was divided among various tribes. Thrym had chosen the void and become a legion commander under Hel. Hel ruled Helheim, but she also managed the two hells. Muspelheim was guarded by a slumbering giant, so direct intervention was impossible, but Niflheim was firmly under her control. I was about to walk into that hell. And to top it off, I'd be going toe-to-toe with a ridiculously massive dragon—the one gnawing at the roots of Yggdrasil, the World Tree that connected all realms. Could I even handle that?
—That's where Tirgar comes in. Insurance, basically. Heh.
Then a sudden thought struck me. Bete was clearly dead, so why did his consciousness persist even in weapon form? Thrym had probably become the Shield of Frost through the same principle. I pulled out the Shield of Frost.
"Hey, Bete. Want to see your friend?"
[...Not a friend.]
"You're in the same sorry state right now. Why can't this one talk?"
I was curious. Was Bete a special case? Because I finished him off with the Holy Sword? As for Thrym, I'd borrowed Fina's holy power a year ago—half-forced—and smeared it all over Ragnar's axe before ripping his heart to shreds. Hmm... What was it? It probably wasn't just the method of killing. What the hell was it, really?
While I was lost in thought, Bete broke the silence with a sigh.
[Haa... How did my life end up like this?]
"Puh-heh-heh."
[There are many ways to mock the dead, but I can't understand how someone like you—who uses corpses—can be called a hero.]
"You're no different. How lonely must you have been to become Bete? And the strongest Bete at that."
[...You wouldn't understand. The heart of a man who lived his entire life single.]
Wait, was this bastard trying to play the sympathy card? But why were tears...
Without realizing it, tears streamed down my face, and I hugged Bete tightly.
[Eek! Disgusting. Don't hug me! I don't swing that way!]
"Sorry..."
Truth was, I was pushing thirty and still a virgin until recently. And it was half-forced, at that. In the end, I took Seria and Isabel's virginities, but since we weren't breaking up, it wasn't a problem. It just reminded me of the loser I used to be until not long ago. Pathetic tears flowed. His words were so pitiful and sad. I felt ashamed of myself for always mocking him as a loser.
"Shit... I'm sorry."
[Hic...]
"When I meet Fina, I'll steal her necklace for you."
[Hic... Huh?]
I wiped my tears and held out my trembling hand. The necklace made from the corpse of the Legion Commander of Lust, "the woman whose name I don't know." If it was that, maybe Bete could finally find a partner.
"Yeah... I'll help you."
[...This is madness. That level of insanity!]
"Why act like this between friends?"
[...You've lost your mind. And who said we were friends?!]
Bete's body trembled violently. The vibrations were getting stronger; it would be inconvenient to fight while holding him. Bete, you'd better keep your mouth shut during fights from now on.
"Bete. Don't be sad. An opportunity will come someday."
[Eek! She is beautiful, sure, but... in the end, it's just a necklace!]
"You're an axe too. An axe as long as a person's body."
Honestly, I didn't want to meet Fina. The only connection we had was being in the same party. We weren't close, and we didn't talk much. The only time we exchanged words was during fights. I should just not give her shields properly. What was the point of giving them only to Lunaris? I wasn't as sturdy as Ragnar. Well, in the end, everything was something I'd killed and created myself. I could just take it all back whenever I saw it. If they kept using it without gratitude, that was just being oblivious.
"Got it?"
[Got what?]
"Just wait a little. You can't move anyway, so I'll make sure you meet her someday."
[...I don't feel sexual excitement toward necklaces.]
"You can't even fuck anyway. You're an axe. Pu-hu-hu."
I laughed loudly at Bete. Who was the legion commander now? Was I too much of a bastard? Did couples need to go die? I always said I wasn't trash. I was a hero who "followed" Odin. How could someone kinder than anyone else be called a bastard?
Then Bete asked me,
[More importantly, Hero. How did it feel to punch a god?]
"It was fucking satisfying."
Proof that even gods were no different from humans.
*
"Crazy bastard."
"...I didn't do anything wrong."
Kandel pressed a hand to his forehead and sighed. The way he kept sighing made it seem like he had some huge worry.
"In all my life, I've never seen someone mock a god like that. What are we supposed to do now! The gods' wrath will soon... descend upon Banaheim."
The problem was that worry was because of me. Thinking about it, I thought it was justified. Odin had seen the future and stirred things up for no reason, starting Loki's rage. Was I supposed to just watch? But I couldn't exactly beat him up in front of everyone. Odin should be grateful I only smashed my thick, solid fist into his arm.
"Come on, Odin's not an idiot. He got punished for his own mistakes. You think he'd do that?"
There was a saying that "what if" could kill people, but...
"Taesik. Have you forgotten calling Odin an idiot? Hah! You're truly carefree."
"Kandel, don't be like that. He's already been punished by Thor."
Rumble—
The sensation of being struck by Thor's biceps still lingered. It was surprising there wasn't even a bump. Did I have internal bleeding or a concussion? Suddenly I felt scared.
"...Eek! Everything's fine, so let's move on!"
"His Majesty is also worried—"
"No, why are you old men so full of worries!"
I grabbed the glass of water in front of me and chugged it down. The refreshing sensation cleared away my gloomy mood.
"More importantly, why did you call me?"
"...It's nothing much."
"Don't beat around the bush."
"Ahem!"
Kandel Lionblood's cough was intense. At the same time, he looked at me with trembling eyes. Seria, who had been silently eating, also looked at Kandel. Why was he hesitating so much? Just as I was about to chug water down my throat in frustration—
"So, did you do it with my daughter?"
"Glug glug..."
The water I'd spat out flowed back into the cup. The glass of water rippled as if time had been reversed. More importantly, how could he ask so boldly?
"...W-what do you mean all of a sudden... sir?"
For some reason, I felt like I had to use formal speech. Should I call him father? Had Seria already told him? I'd already declared I'd marry both Isabel and Seria, but that was after everything was over. As expected... three kids would be good, right? One son and two daughters? No, three daughters would be fine too. Boys never listened. Just like I didn't. Countless possibilities flashed through my mind. It wasn't like some pathetic loser imagining the future just because a girl talked to him once. This was an imagination I could have because we'd already intertwined our bodies.
Kandel's lips curled up to his ears.
"When's the wedding? Grandchildren. What will the grandchildren's names be!"
"Ah, Father?"
Seria blushed in embarrassment. Isabel also pouted slightly and stroked her belly.
...Huh? Why was she stroking it? We weren't supposed to have premarital pregnancy. If a child was born, it would become a weakness in battle against enemies. At least until everything was over, we had to hold out. ...Unless it was a safe day. Above all, in anime or movies, characters who got pregnant always died on the battlefield.
Isabel smiled with her eyes. Then she chuckled. Phew. It was just a joke. Seeing her disappointed expression, maybe she'd get pregnant soon? Seria was the same. She licked her lips seductively at me.
...Damn. I couldn't tell if it was a gift or a punishment. Odin, is this a trial you're giving me? First, I should just bow my head and start.
"...Father!"
"Taesik. Hearing it from your mouth makes me feel sick. So, grandchildren?"
"Eing, do you like it or hate it? Can't you just answer one thing?"
"So, grandchildren?"
He really liked grandchildren. Kandel placed a hand on his chest to calm himself. He was definitely senile. I knew well that he'd married late. Compared to Seria's appearance, her father was too old. So maybe... it wasn't incomprehensible that he wanted to see his grandchildren.
"...Later."
"Hmm?"
"Old man. I'll show you grandchildren before you kick the bucket, so relax."
Before that.
"I have to stop Ragnarok."
Before the gods clash. Eliminate all possibilities. That was my plan.
*
""Hero-nim""
Isabel whispered from the left, Seria from the right. They weren't wearing a single thread. If it were the old me, I would've been shocked with my mouth hanging open, but now I was just suppressing my fighting spirit. Recently, Seria's jealousy toward Isabel had decreased. She had probably accepted reality. To stay with me, she'd chosen the wisest method. Fighting each other would only trouble me. Everyone was precious, so losing even one was unacceptable. Knowing my heart, Seria had allowed Isabel.
"Hehe... This is the first time we've been together like this, all three of us."
Seria's breath tickled my ear. It was sticky and dark, almost pitch-black. A seductive voice. The girl slowly sent a breath mixed with coquetry.
"I-it's not like... I'm doing this because I like it."
That was rich, considering how excited she was?
"It's just... I was wondering what it would be like if there was a child... so... you know..."
"Hero-nim. She means she wants to have a child♡"
Hoo... She nibbled on my earlobe and blew air. My body twisted at the ticklish sensation. ...I wanted to just sleep normally today, but—
"Today, let's do it without contraception."
"...What?"
Was that the right choice? We hadn't even had the ceremony yet.
"We're safe today♡"
AH...! Seria's whisper was too powerful. Yeah, it was irresistible. Isabel whispered.
"...A-anyway, you can't move too roughly because of Thor's aftereffects, right?"
"Hehe... We'll make the Hero who can't move as messy as we want..."
Seria showed a madness-like obsession.
"You can't get away."
No.
"You can't escape."
"...I won't finish easily either♡"
Her calm, sweet voice made me feel like I was melting. Still, this might be the only time she could be honest with her emotions. Yeah, if I just held on. 'Hold on, me.' Please endure today too, Big Shot. I sent encouragement to my lifelong partner.