I Deserted the Hero's Party Because It Was Full of Idiots

The moment I saw that bastard's face, I knew it was over.

Why the hell did I ever think teaming ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠up with these morons was a good idea?

I'd been summoned to this fantasy world as the so-called hero, but the party they stuck me with was a complete dumpster fire. The saintess spent all day preaching about "divine love" while secretly trying to drug me with aphrodisiacs. The archmage was a perverted old coot who kept "accidentally" walking in on me while I bathed. And the warrior? Don't even get me started on that muscle-brained idiot.

So I ran. I deserted the hero's party without a second thought.

That was three months ago.

Now I was living my best life in a quiet little village on the edge of the kingdom, far away from all that destined savior bullshit. I'd bought a modest house with the gold I'd swiped from the royal treasury during my escape, started a small farm, and was finally enjoying the peaceful retirement I'd always dreamed of. No more saving the world. No more listening to those self-righteous pricks lecture me about "fate" and "duty."

Life was good. Really good.

Until they ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠showed up.

"Taesik-oppa!"

The voice hit me like a truck as I was tending to my tomato plants. I froze, hoe still raised in mid-air. That voice... I knew that voice. It belonged to someone who should absolutely not be here.

I slowly turned around.

There she was. Elena. The saintess I'd ditched back at the capital. But she looked... different. Her usual pristine white robes were gone, replaced by a simple village dress that somehow made her look even more dangerous. Her golden hair was tied back in a messy ponytail, and her eyes—those eyes that used to sparkle with fake piety—now burned with something far more terrifying.

Obsession.

"I finally found you," she whispered, clutching a basket of what looked like homemade cookies. Her smile was ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠sweet. Too sweet. The kind of sweet that made my survival instincts scream. "You left without saying goodbye. That wasn't very nice."

Oh shit.

I took a careful step backward. "Elena. How did you—"

"The goddess told me where you were." She tilted her head, that eerie smile never wavering. "She said ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠my beloved needed me. That we were destined to be together. Forever."

Before I could respond, another voice cut through the air like thunder.

"YOU BASTARD!"

The ground shook as a massive figure crashed down from the sky, cracking the earth where he landed. Thor. The God of Thunder himself, looking pissed as hell with his signature hammer Mjolnir gripped tightly in one hand. His red hair was practically standing on end with static electricity, and his eyes blazed with divine fury.

"You dare insult Father Odin and then run away like a coward?!" he roared, pointing his hammer directly at me. "I should smash your skull right here and now!"

I sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose. Of course. Not only was the yandere saintess here, but now I had a literal Norse god crashing my peaceful retirement party. This world really hated me.

"Look, big guy," I said, trying to sound calm. "I didn't insult Odin. I just said his whole 'all-father knows best' thing was a load of bull—"

That's as far as I got before Thor's fist connected with my face.

The world spun. I flew backward, crashing through my carefully tended vegetable garden and slamming into the side of my house. Pain exploded across my jaw as I slid down the wall, tasting blood.

"TAESIK-OPPA!" Elena shrieked, dropping her basket and rushing toward me. Her hands glowed with healing magic as she knelt beside me, but the look in her eyes wasn't one of concern. It was possession. "Don't worry, my love. I'll make it all better. And then we'll never be apart again. Ever."

Thor stood over us, cracking his knuckles. "Pathetic. Is this the so-called hero who deserted his party? I expected more from someone Father chose."

I spat out a mouthful of blood and glared up at both of them.

This is exactly why I left.

The saintess with her creepy obsession. The gods with their arrogant bullshit. The entire "hero's destiny" farce that everyone kept trying to force down my throat.

I was done. Done with all of it.

Pushing myself up despite the pain, I wiped the blood from my mouth and met Thor's gaze head-on. "You want to fight? Fine. But not here. I just fixed up this house, and I'm not letting you two destroy my retirement plans."

Elena's eyes widened with something like delight. "Oppa... you're so cool when you're angry. But you don't need to fight. Just come home with me. We can start our family. I... I might already be..."

She placed a hand on her stomach meaningfully.

My blood ran cold.

"Wait. What?"

She smiled that terrifying smile again. "The goddess blessed us. Our child will be the next savior of this world. Isn't it wonderful?"

Oh hell no.

Thor burst out laughing. "A child? With this coward? The Norns must be laughing their asses off."

I looked between the yandere saintess claiming to be pregnant with my kid (which was impossible since we'd never even slept together) and the hot-tempered god who apparently wanted to use my face as hammer practice.

This was bad. Really bad.

"You know what?" I said, cracking my neck as I felt power surge through my body. The system that had been dormant since I deserted the party finally woke up again. "Screw this. If you two won't leave me alone, I'll just have to make you."

A blue status window materialized in front of me.

I grinned, feeling the familiar rush of power that had made me the strongest hero candidate in the first place. The one they'd tried to chain down with "destiny" and "responsibility."

"Let's dance, you crazy bastards."

Elena's eyes sparkled with twisted love as divine light began to swirl around her.

Thor's hammer crackled with lightning as he let out a booming laugh.

And somewhere in the distance, I could have sworn I heard the sound of more footsteps approaching. More women with that same dangerous look in their eyes.

Just how many of them did I accidentally charm while trying to escape?

This was going to be a long day.