The Uncontrollable Urge
I was in heat. There was no doubt about it; my mental state had become quite twisted lately.
My sexual desire had surged, and it was getting out of hand. What is sexual desire, anyway? It’s one of the three fundamental human drives. Some call it the urge to excrete, and well, isn't releasing semen a form of excretion, too?
Regardless, this desperate need to release my semen had spiked so sharply that I was going insane.
If it were just a matter of wanting to masturbate more often, I wouldn't think my mental state was particularly abnormal. But this was different. What I mean is, every now and then, my sexual desire would explode, and I’d feel an urge to grab whoever was nearby and just get it over with. In other words, I couldn't control myself.
“……”
What was causing this? Is this what they call a sexual impulse? Does that make me some kind of disabled person who can't even control his own urges? Am I... broken?
The moment I truly realized something was wrong was when I suddenly looked at a stray cat and felt a pathetic, twisted lust. I suppose if you watch enough manga or fetish content, those thoughts might cross your mind in passing, but in my case, it was entirely different.
I had genuinely, seriously debated it. Whether or not I should actually go through with it.
'I’m a completely fucked-up piece of shit.'
I felt, with absolute certainty, that I needed to break this ego of mine before I lost my mind completely. I am not a zoophile. I am not the kind of person who would let himself be consumed by such disgusting, fragmented, insane desires.
“Lee Doha! You can come in now.”
I stood up in the waiting room of the psychiatric clinic I had booked.
Yeah, let’s try something. If I kept going like this, it was obvious I’d end up a criminal or do something even worse...
I steadied my breathing and stepped into the consultation room.