Festival (6)
“Were you in that much of a hurry?”
“Ghk— kuh— gah—”
Only bloody foam spilled from the woman’s mouth as she bit down on her own spilled entrails. Sirin paid it no mind and continued speaking.
“You, a pillar of the Magic Tower, were so desperate that you tried to lay a curse without even recognizing this body’s power?”
“Gah— ghk—”
“Or…”
The corner of Sirin’s mouth curled upward.
“Did you receive a blessing as well, Firma?”
The neatly folded woman’s body—Firma’s—twitched and shuddered. Sirin’s smile only grew wider.
“How thoroughly wretched. Whether you wished for it or not, I cannot say… but I shall hear your tale, at least once.”
Magic erupted from Sirin’s body and blanketed the alley. The blood that had poured from the townsfolk seeped back into their flesh; color returned to their ashen faces.
“Had even a single resident died… I would not have granted you this chance.”
The same held true for Firma. Her crumpled, folded body creaked and cracked as it straightened; the spilled entrails found their places once more. Her shattered jaw regenerated, and the blood that had burst free soaked back into her flesh.
For a long while Firma sat dazed, then began frantically patting herself down, retching again and again.
“Well? Your answer?”
“Haa… kuh, y-you… just… what the hell are you…?”
“Firma. You will answer only this body’s questions. Did you receive the blessing because you desired it? Or was there another reason?”
“…If I t-tell you—”
“That is fine.”
“What…?”
“I swear upon my heart. No matter what truth you speak, you shall never die.”
The moment Sirin’s oath ended, pitch-black threads bloomed near her heart. They flowed down her arm and sank into Firma’s chest.
“H-heart…? D-don’t tell me you’re a dra—”
“My, how talkative. Do you wish for your jaw to be shattered once more?”
“Ugh… n-no…”
“And your speech is far too short. Shall I stretch your tongue so you may speak properly?”
“I… I’m sorry.”
“Good. Now speak.”
For a long time Firma clawed at her own chest, chewing her lips, before she finally moved them.
“My little sister… is being held in Erden…”
“And?”
“She fell ill… fragments of the End are growing from her body… that kind of…”
“Hmm. Do you know the cause?”
“…Erden.”
“You know well. Then why have you remained buried there all this time without thought of leaving?”
“Because the only ones who can halt the disease are in Erden… so I had no choice—”
Sirin let out a soft sigh, crouched down, and met Firma’s eyes.
“Have you ever killed anyone?”
“…I have never killed with my own hands.”
“And are you prepared to pay for your sins?”
“If my sister lives, I will accept any punishment.”
“Then why is that mouth of yours so filthy?”
“…Th-that’s… I’m s-sor—”
“Well, enough. Do you wish to save your sister?”
“…Yes.”
“The elders are all the same sort, are they not?”
“Yes…”
“And the Tower Master… Ser as well?”
“Yes… the Tower Master too…”
“Is that so…”
Sirin rose with a bitter smile.
“All of it was a lie.”
“Ah… fuck.”
Vanish.
KWA-DEU-DEU-DEUK—
In an instant Firma’s body folded, crumpled, and twisted, seeping into a hole that had opened in the empty air.
“The Magic Tower… the Magic Tower, is it… I must hurry there.”
She reclaimed every scrap of magic that had spread through the surroundings and flicked her fingers.
“Ser… that little one is going to have a terribly hard time.”
Rubia and I could not open our mouths for a long while.
Shock at Sirin’s power was part of it, of course—but I had another reason entirely for remaining silent.
You must never rely on stats alone.
Those final words of Sirin’s had drifted to us just before our bodies were moved to the inn.
Words no one of this world could ever know.
Words one must never learn, and that I had no desire to teach.
Words that woke me once more.
Sirin knew what kind of world this was.
She knew what kind of being I was.
Perhaps she was the same kind of existence as me.
She had known me even before we met.
Rubia, Charlotte, Hepais, Yuria—
She had known them all.
In the game’s story there had never been a tenth Master.
The tenth Master was the player.
It had always been that way.
Which meant… Sirin was a player?
Then… what the hell am I?
A character in this game?
An NPC?
Right.
I had never arrogantly thought of myself as the protagonist.
But neither had I thought of myself as a worthless existence.
I was an outsider, after all.
Someone who had seen the end of this world.
So many things had happened around me.
So many people had died; so many currents had been born.
But.
I was not the only one at the center of those currents.
Rubia had been there too.
Which meant…
That the heart of the incidents, the heart of the flow, was not me—
but Rubia?
Was I an unnecessary existence?
A meaningless NPC who could be found anywhere?
A supporting cast member who existed only to make the protagonist shine?
If Rubia abandoned me.
If Rubia no longer stood at my side.
Would I no longer have any reason to exist?
Then why had Sirin, the player,
offered to become my master?
Why had she said she must become my sky?
Why had she spoken those incomprehensible words?
Because I was currently at Rubia’s side?
Because I was building affection and getting along with her?
Or…
Because I was like a burned-out heap of ash,
with nothing left around me,
someone who could die at any moment without it being strange,
someone no one would search for if I vanished,
someone no one would care about if I died—
because she wanted to use this piece of trash that was me, then throw me away?
Or if not that…
Because she needed “me,” not me?
Because she had no need for my self,
and only wanted my strength?
No.
I don’t want that.
I don’t want to be abandoned.
I don’t want to be left alone again.
Even if I die, I want to die at Rubia’s side.
I want to exist.
I want to live.
So—
“Please don’t throw me away…”
“…What?”
“I… I’ll work hard. No… no. I’ll do well. I-I can do better than I am now.”
“Noah?”
“Anything… anything, I’ll do anything for Rubia. I… I can even throw my life away. If you tell me to crawl on the ground, I’ll crawl. If you tell me to lick your feet, I’ll lick them. Anything, I can do anything. I can do it well… so, so please. Please.”
My trembling legs could no longer support me and gave way. My body hit the floor. I no longer even had the strength to grip the greatsword. All I could do was crawl pathetically across the ground.
I clawed my way forward and seized Rubia’s foot. I pressed my cheek against it. I bowed my head.
Afraid that my filthy fluids might soil Rubia’s shoe—
the body of the protagonist—
I forced myself to swallow my saliva, pressed my face into the floor, and carefully, slowly begged.
I begged.
I begged and begged and begged.
“Please don’t leave me alone… please, please… please.”
You can curse me.
You can hit me.
You can hurt me.
You can make me miserable and shameful.
You can put a collar on me and make me crawl on the ground.
You can cut off my arms and legs and carry me around—I don’t care.
Just please don’t ignore me.
I don’t want to experience that hell again.
Please, please.
I’m begging you like this.
“…Noah.”
Rubia’s trembling voice reached me.
Is she angry?
Why? For what reason?
Because I’m dirty?
Because I’m crawling on the ground like this, so filthy?
I don’t know.
I can’t see what’s in front of me.
I can’t see anything.
I can’t picture it.
I don’t know.
“I-I’m sorry. I’m sorry…”
The foot I had barely managed to hold slipped from my grasp. My sweat-soaked hands were clammy.
“Lift your head.”
Her voice was harsh.
I must have been dirty after all.
I hurriedly wiped the sweat away. Rubbed it against the floor. Again and again and again.
Rubia’s hand seized my wrist. Her other hand cupped my chin. She forced me upward. My face rose.
“Noah, it’s all right. It’s all right, so calm down.”
Rubia roughly pulled my body against hers. Her arms clamped around me with fierce strength.
“I’m s-sorry… Ru-Rubia… I’ll d-do well…”
“Open your mouth.”
“Y-yes…?”
“Open your mouth.”
“Ah… aah…”
Something lukewarm and slippery landed on my tongue.
Peach-flavored jelly.
“Chew.”
I chewed slowly, just as I was told.
“Good girl.”
The rough movements, the fierce arms, softened into something gentle and kind.
“Again. Ah.”
“Nngh… hhk… ah… ah…”
“What flavor is it this time?”
“Mmnh, kuh… s-strawberry…”
“That’s right. Chew it thoroughly and swallow.”
I barely managed to hold my hiccupping body still and swallowed the jelly. All the while Rubia wiped the filthy things from my face.
“Have you calmed down a little?”
“Hic… u-uhh…”
“Not quite yet…”
The hand that had been gently stroking me firmly drew my head closer.
Softness enveloped my face.
“I don’t understand why Noah would say something like that.”
Her voice trembled.
“I don’t understand why you would act that way either.”
Beyond the softness, a strong heartbeat reached me.
“But there is one thing I can tell you with certainty.”
The hand stroking my hair slowly slid down and cupped the back of my neck.
“That will never happen.”
Rubia’s voice drew nearer.
“No matter what happens, I will never leave Noah alone.”
The breath she exhaled grew denser.
“Even if you try to leave, I’ll grab you and never let go. As long as I’m alive, you have to stay by my side for the rest of your life.”
Our foreheads touched.
“Don’t go anywhere, don’t look away, don’t even think of anything else.”
Then our noses.
“You have to stay only by my side, look only at me, think only of me.”
And then everything else fell away—
“H-how… how, kuh… how am I supposed to believe that… that Rubia would abandon m— mmph…?!”
Our lips met.
She forced her way past my tightly closed lips. Knocked on the door I had locked shut. Strength gathered in the hand supporting the back of my neck. The arm around my waist tightened further.
As if ordering me to open my mouth, she bit my lower lip.
Under the mounting pressure my lips parted against my will. Through the thin gap her tongue pushed inside.
Forceful, yet gentle. It traced my gums, pressed against the roof of my mouth—
as if telling me never to forget this moment for the rest of my life.
as if declaring that everything of mine belonged to her.
She coiled around my tongue.
Without giving me room to breathe.
Deeply.