The Scar on Her Throat
"Haa... I just don't know how to make Noah feel better."
I kicked at the hard-packed ground with little taps and let out a long sigh.
"Did something... happen with Noah unni?"
"Well..."
As we walked the streets under a sun that was slowly sinking, I gave Hepais a rough account of what had happened earlier.
"Anyway... she was fidgeting around, saying she was going to wash her face, turning her back to hide as much as she could, and it was just so cute that... before I knew it..."
Of course, there had been a little... spite mixed in as well.
It irritated me, the way she kept thinking about that master of hers who barely even counted as human...
"Mmm... Noah unni almost never gets angry, so you just naturally ended up doing that, right?"
"Yeah, something like that. I think I went too far..."
"I get exactly how that feels. Though not from your side, Rubia unni—from Noah unni's."
"Huh?"
Understanding Noah's position while talking to me... what on earth was that supposed to mean...?
"The reason Noah unni never got angry all this time is because she was afraid of being abandoned by the person she wants to trust... meaning you, Rubia unni."
"Noah... was afraid I'd abandon her...?"
"Because I was the same way. Hehe..."
A faintly wistful smile rose on Hepais's face.
"This is just my experience and my own thoughts, so I'm not saying Noah unni is exactly the same... but I think it's similar enough."
She gazed up at the sunset sky, steadied her breath, and went on.
"I'm happy enough now, so this isn't me trying to play up how miserable I used to be. And it's not so you'll comfort me either. I just... well, I want things to go well between you and Noah unni... that's why I'm saying it."
"Like I told you before, I was abandoned by my parents once. After they sold me off, the slave trader beat me every single day, and the other slaves hit me and tormented me too. So I hated the world... and I hated people."
"Then one day Master Yuria showed up. And she said... 'You'll do nicely,' and bought me."
"I still don't know why it was me. There were plenty of other slaves. Stronger ones... prettier ones, tougher ones... I was probably the ugliest of the lot. So why me?"
"Well... anyway, back then I couldn't trust Master. Someone who bought a slave that easily might just throw me away the moment I stopped being useful... so I scrambled not to fall out of favor."
"Then... one day I made a huge mistake. I broke the flowerpot Master treasured most. So... it's embarrassing to say now, but... rather than be sold off as a slave again, I figured... dying would be better."
Hepais pushed her muffler aside and smiled softly.
"I cut my throat with a shard of the pot."
A thick, ragged little scar ran precisely across her carotid artery.
"But... the funny part is. She was definitely out. She always left around that time and came back in the evening... yet somehow she knew. The second I cut my throat, Master came running."
"And then... heh... with this incredibly... incredibly furious face. She just... poured every curse in the book on me. Right there in front of someone who was practically dying, she was cussing me out, you know?"
"She kept swearing after that too... then she stomped on that flowerpot she'd loved so much, smashed it, threw it around... cursed some more... and once she'd calmed down a little, she started forcing this purple liquid down my throat. And the second I drank it, the wound on my neck healed right up."
"She said normally it shouldn't have left a scar... but it was still unfinished, so a little scarring was unavoidable. Then she went right back to cursing me out."
"I still can't forget it... 'A slave trying to die without her master's permission? I finally got you useful, and you're going to croak over one lousy flowerpot? If you want punishment that badly, then spend the rest of your life stuck in my house working.' ...and she told me never to think about dying again..."
Hepais wiped the tears from the corners of her eyes and slowly steadied her breathing.
"Huu... anyway, after that happened, once I decided I didn't have to worry about being abandoned anymore... I started getting mad at Master, sulking, even running away from home... you know?"
"Before you trust someone, you're terrified they'll hate you, despise you, throw you away... so no matter what they do, you just smile and let it slide."
"But once you feel a little safer... greed shows up. The greed to show them your feelings. The greed for them to know you... to like even your true self, even what's inside..."
"Well! That's how it is! My emotions got all... jumbled up and I went on way too long, but I think Noah unni is similar! Looking at how she is when she hunts, her personality can't be ordinary, yet she walks around so brightly... there's got to be something there."
"Hepais... all this time—"
"Nope. You don't have to comfort me. Really. I'm happy now... right now worrying about Noah unni comes first!"
Looking at Hepais's sunny smile, I lost my words.
I don't do the stupid thing of weighing someone else's misery against my own on a scale.
Judging who had it harder and who had it easier—I quit that a long time ago.
But... when it comes to experience, when it comes to age, I ought to be the more grown-up one compared to Hepais.
So why, right now... does it feel like I've become the younger one?
I don't know everything about Hepais, but the one thing I've never done that she has...
Is l-love, I suppose...
Of course I loved my family.
But... the love Hepais talks about is a different kind of love from that.
Just what is love, that it can turn a person into something like that...?
"Huu..."
I shoved the idle thoughts aside.
Right now, soothing Noah came first.
So...
"Hepais... I'm sorry to ask, but could we get the food to go? For the menu... barbecue would be good. Noah... likes it."
A subtle little smile spread across Hepais's face as she looked at me.
"How about grabbing some sweet drinks and jelly too? Noah unni's probably already finished all the jelly by now."
She'd been that angry—there was no way she'd eaten all the jelly...
"...No way."
"Ehehe... I bet she really has."
Hepais pointed casually toward a distant window.
The light was on in the room, and a faint shadow flickered behind the curtain.
A shadow that looked like Noah putting something into her mouth.
"...And here I am with no appetite at all. Haa... fine. Let's buy a ton. Enough jelly to choke her to death."
"Yes!"
Hepais laughed and walked on ahead.
I followed after her, turning over the words I'd just heard.
Was it really true that Noah was afraid I'd abandon her?
That would never, ever happen.
Even after we reach Cartia, I'll hold on to her no matter what...
Besides, I told her about the things I went through in the past.
Noah hasn't told me anything at all...
It might be childish of me, but I think it's unfair...
Of course, I didn't tell her expecting something in return.
Still, if she'd heard that... she might have opened her heart just a little...
I'd thought we'd grown closer all this time, but maybe it still wasn't enough.
But then again...
The fact that she got angry like that...
Means we've gotten closer than before, right?
The corners of my mouth, which had been hanging so low, twitched upward a little.
And on the other hand, I found that version of myself ridiculous.
"Haa..."
A deep sigh slipped out before I could stop it.
"Rubia unni."
"Yes?"
When I lifted my head, Hepais was staring straight through me with a sly look on her face.
"What is it...?"
"Hmm..."
She propped her chin on her hand and tilted her head.
"How do you feel about Noah unni?"
She tossed out a line that clearly had some suspicious intent behind it.
"How I feel... I just think of her as a friend. A friend, and also... a little sister I have to look after."
Though when things get dangerous, Noah's the one looking after me.
"Mmm... that's vague..."
Hepais kept tilting her head, and it got so frustrating I spoke first.
"What's vague about it?"
"Sometimes... it looks like Rubia unni likes Noah unni."
"Of course I like her. If I didn't, we wouldn't be traveling together."
"No, not that... love."
"W-what did you just...?"
At Hepais's absurd remark, casual speech slipped out of me before I could catch it.
"But then other times it doesn't seem that way. Mmm... what is this?"
"W-why are you asking me that?"
"Just talking to myself."
With that bright little smile, Hepais turned her back and kept walking.
"Let's hurry up and buy the food! Noah unni's going to be hungry!"
That.
That insane shamelessness... what even is it?
"Ah, and unni. How about just dropping the formal speech like just now? It feels friendlier—I like it..."
"Formal speech is such a habit I probably won't fix it easily... but let's... do that. From now on you can speak casually too, Hepais. Don't think of me as a priestess."
"Really? Then I'm gonna... mess around and tease you a lot, okay?"
"Yeah. It's fine. Just think of me as a close unni."
Hepais's expression melted into pure emotion.
"Got it!"
With a bright smile she strode ahead, and my conflicted footsteps followed after her.
"She really... ate all that jelly?"
"See? I told you."
W-what is this...
I thought they'd take at least an hour to come back.
Why... why did they get here so fast...?
I'd had my Qi Sensing spread out.
Just in case... something like this might happen, I'd kept it wide open.
And of course it had to be the exact moment I'd stuffed my mouth full of jelly.
I felt Rubia and Hepais approaching.
I chewed as hard as I could, trying to swallow it all down...
But I'd put in way too much, so I couldn't even chew properly, let alone swallow.
So... right now my mouth was still packed full of jelly...
"Chew slowly and swallow. You'll choke..."
Rubia said it like she was genuinely worried.
This is so embarrassing...
After chewing the jelly for a long while, I finally managed to gulp it down and carefully opened my mouth.
I'd decided not to talk to Rubia, so I spoke to Hepais instead.
"Y-you got back fast...?"
"Ah, yeah! Rubia unni said we should eat at the inn! And she picked the menu too."
Hepais kept waving the paper bag in her hand.
The smell drifting over was...
"B-barbecue...?"
"Yep. She said you'd like it."
Without turning my head, I checked Rubia's expression with Qi Sensing.
She still... looked like a discarded kitten.
I can't go soft now...
Mmm...
"Come on, let's eat, unnis!"
Right on cue, Hepais grabbed my arm and pulled me down into a seat at the table.
No choice.
It would look like I'd sat down because of Hepais, right?
Yeah.
I didn't sit of my own free will.
As a good un... well, as an adult, I was just granting a little sister's request.
I deliberately put on a sulky face and whipped my head away.
I'd turned my head, but with Qi Sensing I kept watching Rubia the whole time.
The gloomy air around her was obvious.
"Noah..."
A voice thick with apology tugged at my heart.
I wasn't going to talk today...
But she went and bought barbecue just for me... so at least an answer.
"W-what is it...?"
"Later, when we go to bed, can we talk a little—"
"Ah, tonight... I'm going to sleep in Hepais's room. R-Rubia can sleep alo—"
Thud—
Something collapsing cut my words short.
"U-unni...?"
It was Rubia.
With an expression like she'd lost the entire world, she sank down onto the floor.
"In Hepais's... room... just the two of you? At night... sleeping... together?"
Dazed, she kept repeating what I'd said, starting to tremble.
Did I really say something that harsh...?