Chapter 43
Translator - Zofu
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The center of East Asian magic.
The ultimate foundation that laid the bedrock for magical formulas and spirit-songs.
The Group responsible for a mage's beginning and end, still collaborating with Ije to spread magic across the Nine Continents.
Having already produced over a dozen human weapons worthy of being called 'Archmages'—
The pinnacle of magic, 'Han Seok-ga'.
And I am the son of the head of Han Seok-ga, 'Han Ga-yoon'.
I am Han Seok-ho.
I... hate myself.
I'm a coward.
I'm scared of fire.
I'm scared of water.
I'm scared of animals, people, even a nail lying still.
Everything... scares me.
I'm a coward beyond words, scared of everything.
At least... all I can do now is foolish magic. Nothing more, nothing less.
When others play soccer, I just blankly stare like an idiot. Any effort to change is swallowed by a single thought: 'It's scary.' I don't know anything but locking myself in my room.
I'm a fool.
"Son."
When I lock myself in my room, abandoning everything out of fear, the Group head—no, Mom—approaches.
Mom slowly sits beside me. Ashamed of myself, I foolishly avoid eye contact again.
"It's okay... hmm? No need to be ashamed. Seok-ho."
When that happens, Mom just comforts me, saying it's okay. It was always like this. Mom knows too.
That it's not okay at all.
Whenever I go anywhere, I'm always stuck to Mom's side. Never apart. She says it's okay, but she won't actually mean it. Mom... will find me bothersome.
When I think that, one side of my chest aches. Self-loathing for being unable to do anything rises from the tips of my toes.
Friends... I have none. Well, not exactly none.
A knock sounds.
Mom turns her head and looks at the door.
"Hmm, Seok-ho. Looks like a friend is here?"
Mom smiles and pats my head. Mom gets up and opens the door.
"Hiiii!"
Familiar blue bobbed hair. Lee Ah-rin runs to me.
"Ah, hiiii..."
"Seok-ho! Let's play today too!"
Ah-rin grabs my wrist. My face reddens. I try to say I'm okay, but it's obvious she'll drag me out anyway, so I swallow my words.
My only friend. Lee Ah-rin.
A child extremely bright and energetic, unlike me. Sometimes I'm overwhelmed and shrink back from her vigor, but she's a friend who cares for me that much.
If I want something, she always brings it. If I like something, she likes it with me. If I hate something, she hates it with me.
She never leaves my side, and when I come to my senses, I find myself naturally leaning on Ah-rin.
She just sticks right next to me and ruffles my hair. When she does that, my heart keeps pounding. I'm a boy too, so I feel embarrassed being patted like that. But still... she's my friend. I'm afraid Ah-rin will hate me if I say I don't like it, so I can never refuse.
I saw Ah-rin's expression as she patted my head.
An incredibly happy expression. Impossible... to refuse. I don't want Ah-rin to hate me. For now, I just... want to be loved.
"Let's play this together!"
Ah-rin brings a badminton racket.
I nod. I'm not good at any sports. I enjoy playing, but my confidence plummets every time. But even then, Ah-rin...
"'Ability' badminton!"
accommodates me.
The only thing I'm good at. She weaves 'magic' into badminton. Gives me hope. My gloomy face regains its liveliness. She instills in me the 'possibility' of winning.
"...Yeah!"
I nod. Though she's a confident, energetic, and strong friend, from beginning to end... she accommodates me.
"Here I go!"
Ah-rin levitates the shuttlecock with cold energy. The frozen shuttlecock quietly waits for the start. I need to prepare too.
I levitate the badminton racket at the same time. With a creepy crackling sound, the racket... begins to 'Split'.
In an instant, the racket splits into 13 pieces, floating in the air with a purple aura. I layer dozens of spells onto the rackets: Acceleration, Enhancement, Flame, Lightning, Teleportation, Levitation, Friction...
"Start!"
The moment Ah-rin opens her mouth, the shuttlecock flies in at super speed. One of the dozens of split rackets hits it. But with a crack, the racket breaks helplessly.
If one doesn't work, then two.
One of the remaining rackets barely hits the shuttlecock and sends it back. The broken racket falls helplessly to the floor and disappears with a flash of light.
"I'm going fast!"
Ah-rin quickly hits the flying shuttlecock. I hastily layer more enhancement spells onto the rackets and hit the flying shuttlecock.
Sounds like thud crack begin to emanate from the racket—sounds that can hardly be called badminton.
Delicately, yet quickly. I manipulate each of the 13 rackets by moving my fingers this way and that. My hands are drenched in sweat from the tension. Then Ah-rin...
"Oops."
accidentally drops the shuttlecock. With a smash, the shuttlecock embeds itself in the floor. Ah-rin looks at me sheepishly. Ah-rin's eyes blaze with competitive spirit. I sense it instinctively. Now... it begins.
"Now I'm going for real!"
She's only just turned seven, but Ah-rin has a suspiciously strong competitive drive. Yet, when the game ends, she doesn't hold it against me even if she loses. No hard feelings...
Once again, the shuttlecock... soars into the sky.
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I... lost.
Slightly gloomy, but it wasn't bad.
Since I only lost by a single point, I steel myself, thinking I can win next time. I've beaten Ah-rin before at table tennis or badminton.
There's no pretense in her consideration. She knows I hate it if she goes easy on me, so she always sincerely plays with me.
When that happens, slowly, little by little... 'confidence' fills me.
The confidence that I can do it.
I don't know about other things, but I have the advantage of 'magic.' As time passes... I start having strange thoughts about pushing this advantage to the extreme... to cover up my other shortcomings.
Can I... 'grow'?
Fear still takes precedence. Even though my confidence is filling, for now, it's just... a little.
Fear is stronger than the will to change.
"Sigh..."
Before I know it, it's midnight with the moon rising. The sound of crickets fills the air all around.
Lately, my chest feels strange.
Strangely, when I'm by Ah-rin's side, my quiet heart starts pounding thump-thump. Even if I want to stop it with deep breaths, it never stops.
It's strange, so strange. When I look at Ah-rin, my cheeks redden. When our eyes meet, I foolishly turn my head away.
"Phew..."
A scene comes to mind. After badminton ends. Ah-rin approaches my slightly gloomy self.
Ah-rin says it's okay, pats my head, links arms... holds my hand.
"Hnngh..."
Again, my face reddens. Ah-rin is clearly a friend... just, just a friend.
I can't control this feeling.
I didn't... use to be like this.
Slap-slap I hit my cheeks with both hands and shake my head vigorously side to side.
First... sleep!
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The time has finally come. Mom sits beside me.
"Seok-ho..."
Mom takes my hand. Her soft hand envelops my small, fern-like hand completely.
"It's time to go to school now."
Gloomy.
I'm very shy around strangers, so there's no way I'll adapt properly if I go to school. Just sad thoughts. Dark clouds gather in my head again.
People won't like someone as timid as me.
They'll just... like someone like Hyung. They won't care about someone like me.
"Sigh..."
I sigh. I envy my Hyung, who is three years older. Though he's my only Hyung, everything from his personality to his magic is different from mine.
The only thing I'm better than Hyung at is 'magic.'
I fall short of Hyung in every field except magic. Whenever that fact is confirmed, self-loathing begins to rise from the depths of my chest.
The only emotion that arises is 'envy.'
I don't hate Hyung.
Rather, I like him. I feel stable when I'm by his side. Since there's only a three-year difference, I can see him even if I go to school. The number of people I can rely on increases to two. And yet, I...
Fear takes precedence over going to school.
Everything is scary. Everyone is scary.
That 'gaze' looking at me... might contain disregard and contempt... I'm scared that weak me... will be looked down upon.
I'm just scared.
Fear I cannot overcome.
Fear has taken deep root in my heart. It has put down roots. I simply cannot pull it out. Thinking it's impossible, I shake my head side to side.
Still... people scare me.
Mom's face, though slightly, is tinged with sadness.
Mom. I'm sorry.
"I... I don't think I can..."
Still...
No.
Mom didn't blame me.
She just said she understood, nodded briefly, and told me to let her know when I've sorted out my feelings.
Evening with moonlight streaming down. Cold night air envelops me.
Ten days have passed before I knew it.
Again, self-loathing rises from the depths of my chest.
I... why am I like this?
Guilt strikes my chest. I continue to hate myself more and more, endlessly. My head hurts. My chest hurts, my whole body hurts. I hang my head low under the surging emotions.
"Hng... ugh..."
For a lifetime... continuing, forever. Just like this.
Foolishly. Hating to mix with others. Never leaving the house, just worrying Mom. Not going to school.
Quietly. Am I just going to stay shut in my room?
When I think I should go to school, the thought that it's 'too scary' overtakes that judgment.
I've fallen into a trap. A hole I can't escape from. I'm trapped there.
Footsteps approach from afar. The air is slightly hot. Startled, I lift my head. Before my eyes...
"Are you alright?"
The Head of the Ije Group. Lee Cheon-hwa was there.
"Y-yes!?"
I stumble over my words in confusion. No. I can't. I can't show him this broken side of me.
Lee Cheon-hwa—no. Ah-rin's dad. He's one of the people I respect most. I respect him second only to my own dad. But to show him such a foolish appearance... My cheeks flush with embarrassment and self-loathing.
"I-I'm... fine."
I nod briefly. Ah-rin's dad sits next to me.
"I heard something happened recently."
Ah-rin's dad pats my head. Warm heat passes over my head. Our eyes meet.
"Is it true that you said you won't go to school?"
He hits the nail on the head with a smile. Confusion floods my expression. I avoid eye contact and nod slightly.
"Um..."
My body flinches. A slight sense of fear arises. That he'll blame me. That he'll 'hate' me for not going to school. My head bows involuntarily.
"It's alright."
The Head of the Ije Group pats my head again. Wasn't he disliking this? A slight sense of relief arises.
"By the way, I see you've been sticking close to my Ah-rin lately."
"Ah, th-that, yes..."
Since I don't go to school, it's natural that I spend more time with Ah-rin. The memory surfaces again. My face flushes hot. My heart begins to pound.
As I fidget with my legs, the head stops his patting hand.
"Do you like my Ah-rin?"
My eyes widen wide. My hot face now burns red as if on fire.
"Wh-what!? No no, th-that, that, tha-"
In my confusion, I wave my hands in the air, saying no. The head looks at me.
"Kwahaha!"
He laughs extremely brightly, as if the world is leaving. My cheeks turn even more crimson.
"As if! You really can't hide your feelings."
The head pats my back with his large palm. My back is slightly hot.
"I can see it all. That you like my daughter."
"Th-that, tha-that..."
"You don't need to be embarrassed."
The head smiles at me. Even if I turn my head to hide my crimson face, the head's face keeps following beside me. I-It's not like I like her. But hearing that... my heart pounds thump-thump.
"It's natural. When two people stick together like that, it would be strange if love didn't bloom."
"..."
"So, have you confessed?"
"Ugh, tha... ugh..."
My head hangs low.
"There's... no way I could..."
I know too. Right now, Ah-rin just... doesn't see me as more than a friend. She doesn't... love me. Of course.
I'm weak. Timid. Unimpressive. Because I'm a coward.
A bright child like Ah-rin... could never like a coward like me.
"Hmm? Why can't you?"
I avoid eye contact. I hesitate. I open my mouth.
"B-because I'm... a coward. Ah-rin... wouldn't like me..."
I speak in a crawling voice. I don't suit Ah-rin. A weak man like me. Not at all.
"That's strange."
My body flinches. Once again, my head... droops down.
Right. I... am strange. A coward. I am a fool.
"The head looks at me and smiles. Ch-change?
It's a worry as natural as breathing. Changing... can't be easy.
It's... too hard... I have to work hard..."
"Right, I see. Then..."
The Head of the Ije Group. Lee Cheon-hwa looks at me with firm eyes.
"Later, if there's another man by Ah-rin's side. Would that be okay?"
My expression, though slightly, turns pale.
"Th-that, tha..."
"You don't need to say it."
The head nods slightly. Again, our eyes meet.
"You wouldn't like it. It's natural. Because you love my daughter."
My cheeks redden. Now, I can't deny it either. This feeling I feel. It's love. I nod.
"Now, let me ask you once more."
Our eyes meet.
"If you love my daughter that much—if you want to be more than friends."
"Shouldn't you change yourself?"
For the first time. From the depths of my heart. 'Will' begins to surpass 'fear.'
A brief meeting of eyes. Exchanging glances with the head.
"...Yes."
If I change... it'll be fine. It's nothing else. For Lee Ah-rin. If I become a 'strong man' who suits her... that's the end of it.
"To do that, you must first take the first step."
With a firm face, the head looks at me.
"Go to school. Before you learn about my daughter, first learn about 'people.'"
"Learn and learn, grow on your own. If you become confident in yourself."
"Approach my daughter."
Though slightly, determination is made.
Let's change. For her.
It'll be fine.
Right now, my daughter... likes weak men.
After all, that's just a phase. Later, she'll come to like reliable men.
My wife was... the same.
In elementary school, she dated some weird, skinny guy... then dated me in middle school... and eventually made it to marriage.
It's just, uh, building a foundation. It's fine.
...It'll be fine.
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