The Burden of a Fragile Body
I was already physically exhausted.
No matter how strong my mental fortitude or mana reserves were, if my stamina gave out, everything else would crumble right along with it.
Ash’s words were half right and half wrong. It was true that I needed rest, but I hadn’t pushed myself so hard that I was completely immobile. Not even close.
I simply wanted to maintain peak condition in case we ran into traps or unexpected threats inside the dungeon. That was all.
Those guys were completely unreliable, so someone had to pull the weight of six people. And that someone had to be me.
If I got a proper night’s sleep and spent a couple hours meditating at dawn, I’d be flying again. Literally.
“Look, all finished.”
“Good job.”
Ash spoke as if praising a clever child. He smiled at me with those gentle eyes, like he wanted to reach out and pat my head.
Who the hell do you think you’re—
“Want some?”
“…Of what?”
“Candy.”
My mouth did taste bitter right about then.
Ash knew me pretty well. He was also quick on the uptake, so I didn’t even need to answer.
I barely moved my lips, and he was already carefully unwrapping the candy.
I blinked, watching him.
After waiting obediently, I parted my lips just a little at the perfect moment.
“……”
Huh? Wasn’t he going to feed it to me?
Even in the dim firelight, Ash’s face turned noticeably red. It was far too deep a shade to blame on the campfire.
He stared at me with shaky eyes. When I just looked back at him blankly, wondering what was wrong with him, his hand trembled violently as he finally pushed the candy toward my mouth like he was staking his life on it.
Then he flinched hard when his fingers accidentally brushed my lips.
If I licked them, he’d probably demand I take responsibility.
[Sigh, this is quite the dilemma. I like Ash, but Master doesn’t exactly strike me as empress material… Now, if it were emperor, that would be different.]
[Aren’t you just having fun messing with me?]
[I can literally feel Master’s heart going all fluttery. How am I supposed to stay quiet?]
[…That’s not what’s happening!]
It was just that his nervousness was making me feel a little weird too. Ash and I were strictly friends. If anything, there was only the slightest hint of a master-servant dynamic mixed in.
“Having fun, are we?”
“What are you two doing? Might as well set up house right here.”
“Why not just get married while you’re at it?”
“…Haah.”
The one sighing like the world was ending was Lox. The ones smirking and teasing us were the rest of the guys. As if one Rai wasn’t already more than enough.
“What are you looking at?”
“What are we looking at? Who’s the one making it disgusting to watch?”
“Aha, so you really want to write your last will and testament, huh?”
Killing them all would probably take less energy than clearing the dungeon. Maybe I should go with the more efficient option?
“No, no. Of course not.”
“I’ll cut your nose off.”
“Good night.”
The three who immediately shoved their heads into their sleeping bags to show they had no lingering attachment to life, and Lox—the weakest of the bunch—who still couldn’t let go of his curiosity and kept sneaking peeks at us from inside his bag.
I rubbed my forehead.
“You’re acting weird, so of course they’re teasing you.”
“Weird…?”
“You’re still making that weird face!”
When I snapped a little because the unfamiliar feeling irritated me, Ash stood up, gathering the empty bowl.
“You’re right. I’ll stop. You must be tired, so get some sleep.”
“…Hmph.”
“Good night, Jeanie.”
Ash was on night watch. Instead of sleeping, he sat near the campfire, keeping an eye on our surroundings.
The sight of him sitting there with his sword close by, gazing at the lake, kept me from falling asleep.
I finally lay down, but several things kept bothering me.
The warmth of his fingertips when he fed me the candy. The soft whisper of “sleep well” as he moved away… And that uniquely gentle look in his eyes as he stared at me endlessly.
The harder I tried not to be conscious of it, the clearer it became that I was forcing myself not to think about it.
[Hmm, Master. After giving this some serious thought…]
[Shut your mouth.]
[I don’t speak with a mouth, so I’ll continue. Ash seems more like husband material than boyfriend material! So if you catch him and devour—]
“I said shut up!”
The person who shot upright from her sleeping bag and grabbed a spirit by the throat definitely didn’t look like prime wife material. The top candidate for that role was much closer to Ash than to me.
At least that much was clear.
After ten thousand years of standing in this place, the lake’s morning was as beautiful as a masterpiece an artist had poured his entire life into.
The water’s surface, thick with mist, still held the soft hues of dawn, dyed in gentle purple. Fresh rays of sunlight stretched from beyond the sea, gently piercing the fog and brushing against my cheek.
Everything in existence felt peaceful. Staring at that mesmerizing sight, I muttered quietly.
“Did I screw up…?”
It might not sound like much, but it was a pretty annoying problem.
Even I could tell that I was supposed to play the most important role in this expedition, so I had tried to manage my condition. And I had failed spectacularly.
Whether I’d slept wrong or not, my entire body was creaking.
Rai had been making weird noises beside me all night, and even with my eyes closed, I could feel the man on night watch staring at me.
Even when I tried to ignore it, Rai kept pointing it out, so my nerves stayed on edge the whole time.
Because of that endless cycle, I barely slept. And to make matters worse, my usual dawn mana training ended up sloppy and unsatisfying thanks to exhaustion and distraction.
My physical state was clearly worse than usual. Far from optimal for an important job.
Well, even in this condition I could probably raze an entire village if I wanted to.
Because I’m Jeanie Crowell. Ahem.
“Ugh…”
I unconsciously patted my aching lower back like some old grandma.
My shoulders were stiff too, and I had a slight feverish feeling from the fatigue. But if I admitted that out loud, those complainers might start crying from anxiety, so I kept the sense of crisis to myself.
At least the recovery potion I’d drunk yesterday was keeping me going.
For a brief moment, I even considered telling the party to rest longer and leave in the afternoon.
But that would just make me look like a stereotypical spoiled noble lady causing trouble, and I absolutely refused to say it.
I didn’t mind being a nuisance, but I didn’t want my own weakness to be the reason.
There was an uncontrollable desire deep inside me to appear as a strong person. Even though I was armed with spirit magic and a foul personality, I wanted to keep the fact that I actually had a frail constitution a secret.
[Huh? You actually thought that? You look obviously frail, though? Since when was it a secret?]
[Hey! I told you to stop eavesdropping!]
[Well, you’re so tired that your stream of consciousness has zero defenses. It’s all leaking out. What am I supposed to do about it?]
[This damn stamina.]
Damn it. I should exercise, but that sounds like too much hassle.
I’m already busy with mana training, developing new techniques, and working toward defeating Robenin! Anything more would shake my very identity.
“Jeanie! We’re all packed. When should we set out?”
“Ah…”
“What’s wrong?”
When Enk approached and spoke to me, I forced myself to straighten my back and rolled my neck side to side. Ouch. Everything hurt.
“You guys… still want to write those wills?”
“…Can you please stop saying scary things?”
“I’m joking. I’ll try not to kill you.”
“When you say it, I genuinely can’t tell if you’re joking or serious.”
“It’s always half sincere and half a joke.”
“So half of you is seriously considering killing us. Got it.”
I massaged my shoulder while listening to the familiar retort.
When I turned around, I saw the men standing in a neat line, fully prepared to head into the dungeon.
The problem was the four large horses standing with them. I immediately waved my hands in refusal.
“Ah, no horses. Leave them behind.”
“What? Then what are we supposed to do with them!”
“Just tie them up somewhere. Taking them with us will drain too much mental strength and mana. Plus, it’s dark and damp inside. The horses might get scared and refuse to move. It’s a pretty terrifying environment even for humans. And most importantly, the dungeon entrance we saw yesterday… horses can’t get through it.”
They might fit if you shoved them in, but they’d die.
That entrance had some nasty quirks. Maybe the reason my back hurt so much was because I’d fallen there…
“What if monsters show up while we’re gone?”
“That’s right! These are borrowed horses. If they get eaten, we’re in huge trouble!”
“That’s not even the worst part. Without horses, we won’t make it back to the capital in time! We have to see the duel!”
“Then why don’t one of you stay behind to watch the horses?”
There was no way anyone would want to stay behind when the dungeon we’d been searching for nearly two years was right in front of us.
The one speaking with an unnecessarily determined expression was Chad.
“We’re adventurers. I’d rather write a will and follow you than stay behind watching horses.”
“What would you even write?”
“…I wasn’t actually going to write one…”
“Don’t try to look cool in front of me. It’s annoying.”
I wonder if he understands the concept of self-hatred.
“Fine! What if we leave your yellow one behind? It looks like it would eat monsters instead of getting eaten!”
[How rude, human!]
“That’s not a bad idea… but I need to bring Rai this time. He might be useful.”
[Indeed!]
We had only found the entrance. We had no idea what the dungeon looked like inside or what we might need once we were there.
I couldn’t possibly leave behind my all-purpose lockpick and mana external battery.
The men argued a lot about what to do with the horses. They were one of those indispensable parts of travel, after all.
“When we checked the empty houses yesterday, there were signs that monsters had been through them. There are definitely some around here.”
“This doesn’t seem like a very safe area. The fact that the village is abandoned probably means it’s too dangerous to live here.”
“If the horses get attacked while we’re gone… the ones who will suffer the most will be Lox and Jeanie.”
“Jeanie, leaving the horses here like this is dangerous.”
I hadn’t given the horses any thought at all, but it seemed wiser to listen to the people with more travel experience.
It wasn’t because Ash spoke up at the end. It was because I didn’t want to end up having to walk all the way back to the capital.
“Fine, fine. I wanted to save mana, but I guess there’s no choice. I’ll leave Undine here to guard them.”
In the end, the number of things I had to do just kept increasing.
I was only a temporary member, yet somehow I was doing all the heavy lifting. Unpaid labor wasn’t exactly my thing.
Although I was a bit displeased, I called both Undine and Undain.
One to guard the horses, the other to open a path across the lake. Maintaining two at the same time really was horribly inefficient in terms of mana.
It looked easy because I was doing it, but even Iel wouldn’t be able to pull this off. I wondered if I could barely maintain it for a short while.
“Everyone got your weapons?”
“Of course!”
“Food and emergency medicine?”
“Packed.”
“Wills?”
“Hey!”
“Then let’s really get going!”