The Gaze They Exchanged (1)
“Eh? Sis. What brings you here?”
“Ah.... Heh. Just passing by. You’ve been studying hard lately, right? Eat this.”
“It’s 9 p.m. already—eating now might make me gain weight, but... since you brought it, Sis, I have to. Whoa, what’s this?”
“Bread. You like those twisted donuts and hot dogs, don’t you?”
“Whoa, perfect timing. It’s still warm. What about you, Sis?”
“Me?”
“I mean, don’t you have any? I’ll share this with you—take some home for you, Uncle, and Auntie too.”
But Lee Yeon just shook her head.
“Don’t worry about my parents. They don’t eat late anyway. That’d just go stale by tomorrow and taste bad. So you eat it. Oh, right—I should’ve gotten coffee too when I bought it. You like bread with coffee. Want me to run to the convenience store now?”
“Aigoo, no need. I’ve still got that caramel macchiato from yesterday at home. They had a ‘buy two, get one free’ deal, so I stocked up.”
“You still love your super-sweet coffees, huh? Don’t you ever get sick of that combo?”
“Ugh, I hate bitter coffee. Can’t understand why anyone drinks it. Who knows what’ll happen when I’m older, but right now, sweet’s the way to go. Though... this is a bit much for me alone. Mom doesn’t eat late, and Dad stuffs himself at dinner so he skips snacks... Guess I’ll have to share with hyung.”
“....Do you have to? Minhwan oppa isn’t really into bread.”
“Yeah, true.”
Now that I’d just entered my third year of high school and become a full-fledged exam warrior, I was grinding away at the library late into the night to catch up on all the studying I’d neglected. The guy who’d avoided books like the plague was cramming for the CSAT out of sheer desperation, spurred on by Dad’s beatings and the sight of my slacker friends suddenly turning into study machines. It lit a fire under me too—I got pretty serious about it.
But resolve alone doesn’t move the body. Exhaustion hit like a truck every day, pure agony. Still, catching glimpses of Lee Yeon like this made the end of the day feel worthwhile.
“Oh right, Hyun? Give her some too. Does she study hard these days?”
I tossed it out casually, like it was no big deal.
“Hmm... Hyun’s the same as always. Must’ve matured too fast. She didn’t let go of first place even in finals last semester, and now that the year’s changed, she’s studying even harder. Sometimes it’s more pitiful than impressive.”
Her words put me at ease. But I didn’t let it show.
“She’s got a long way to go. High school competition’s brutal. Better study while she can. Solid basics make everything easier later.”
“You saying that, Seonghwan?”
“They say people who lacked education in their youth push it on their kids out of regret. Just looking out for her like she’s my little sister. Puhahaha.”
I felt good. Being with Yeon sis was great, and Hyun’s diligence made me proud. A goofy laugh slipped out before I knew it.
“....Little sister, huh.”
Too buzzed to catch the sigh in her voice.
“Oh yeah. You didn’t give me a doll for White Day this year? You never missed before. Kinda disappointing.”
“Huh? Oh... that.”
Lee Yeon was a girl through and through. She loved flowers and dolls, so Minhwan and I had always given her those on special days since we were kids. I didn’t realize it back then, but when I gifted her a doll from the claw machine hobby of mine and she treasured it, the equation Yeon noona = doll gift locked in. And after picking roadside flowers for her as a kid—scolded for plucking them but secretly delighted—flowers joined the list too.
How can sisters be so different? Bratty Lee Hyun and Yeon noona are like night and day.
Up until last year, I’d blow my allowance at claw machines under the excuse of stress relief, determined to win one for her. Buying one outright was cheaper, but it was my stubborn way of showing heart—and confessing, in a kid’s terms. Remembering her joy the first time.
“Being an exam student’s tight on cash. Next time, for sure. A really big doll.”
My excuse landed; she laughed it off lightly.
“No need to push yourself. And it doesn’t have to be a doll.”
“Huh? But you like dolls, Sis.”
“You’re probably the only one who insists on dolls for White Day. Hehe.”
That enigmatic smile and words left me puzzled.
Does she want candy instead? Not hard, but...
Truth was, I hadn’t told her: a doll for her sat on my desk. Not huge, but I’d sunk good money into winning that cute harp seal plush. I’d been counting the days. Until I saw the giant deer doll and roses in hyung’s room.
Through his open door, hyung chattering excitedly on the phone with someone stopped me cold.
“Yeah, dolls are the last one. Yeon and I are grown now. Hahaha. Adulthood Day’s coming soon. Yeon always liked flowers, so roses and perfume. The rest? Puhaha. Can’t rush it. A real man knows how to wait, kid. Hang tight—I’ll knock her up before I ship out to the army, haha.”
His voice stabbed my heart, halting my crush in its tracks.
Should I give her the doll now...?
Standing at our door with her bread, I hesitated. Was I too caught up in hyung’s call?
Then her words echoed.
“No more dolls. I’m an adult now too. Got it? Adulthood Day’s almost here.”
Her words froze me.
“Well, you’re not quite there yet.”
I turned away from her.
Did she hear something from hyung...?
“So don’t stress this year. You’ll be an adult next year too.”
Utterly baffling. I just listened.
“You must be tired. Studying late like that, and I’ve held you up. Go on in. Oh, and you haven’t come over lately. Our house uncomfortable now?”
Snapping to, I waved it off frantically.
“Aigoo, no way. I bump into your parents sometimes, exchange hellos. Auntie even offers to buy me coffee every morning she sees me.”
“Really? Then drop by like old times, hang out. We’re right next door, but you’ve been acting like you don’t see us. It’s not like Romeo and Juliet—you’re too aware of prying eyes.”
Romeo and Juliet? Who’s Juliet?
Romeo aside, Juliet didn’t even register. Hyun or Yeon? Made it worse. Was she calling out me avoiding Hyun, or watching hyung? And R&J actually loved each other—nothing like my mess.
Screw it.
“Sis, I’m heading in. Thanks for the bread, really.”
“Okay, go rest. Shower and sleep—you’re beat.”
The bread’s warmth urged me inside, but parting stung just as much.
Adulthood Day, huh...
The line between high school me and college Yeon suddenly felt stark.
Flowers instead of a doll...?
Couldn’t hit all three Adulthood Day gifts, but one maybe? I googled rose prices, tallied my allowance, and went in.
But in the end, that year—and the next—I never gave Lee Yeon flowers.
Candy? Dolls? Flowers? Perfume? What’s the point.
I’d never know how hyung’s Adulthood Day plans wrapped up. Just that May’s bloom wrapped our house in warmth.
“Aigoo, I was so embarrassed. Suddenly Minhwan shows up with flowers? I wondered what was up. Can’t remember the last time my husband gave me any, so I was flustered—couldn’t even thank him properly.”
“Ahem. Why drag me into it?”
“Hahaha. That kid never thinks to give his own mom a single flower, packs up a bunch, and heads next door? We had no clue. Then boom—flowers! What day is it?”
“Oh, didn’t you know? It’s Adulthood Day. Kids these days keep track of holidays. Our Yeon hit adulthood this year too, so he gave her a huge bouquet. I was a bonus, but it felt nice. Hohoho.”
Squirming in my room, parents’ voices carried over. The house’s cheer didn’t include me.
“They went out for dinner alone, looked like. I was prepping food, but Minhwan said he’d treat Yeon, so off they went. So grateful he looks after her.”
“Aigo, Minhwan’s got that mature side. Haha.”
“Smart, handsome—must feel good having a son like him.”
“Aigoo, you flatter. Yeon graduated from a top uni, and her looks? Could be an idol now. Plus Hyun’s always top of the class. Nearly didn’t recognize her last time—grew up so pretty. Sisters turning out that perfect? Enviable.”
“Aigoo, you’re too kind...”
Their polite hype and laughter echoed from the living room.
No even empty praise for raising brothers well?
Who to blame? Romeo and Juliet’s tragedy ended beautifully. Blessed by all.
I stared at the roses on my bed. Twenty stems.
No returns? Fifty thousand won down the drain. Fuck.
While their play wrapped, I faced reality.
Then Lee Yeon’s mom’s voice from the living room.
“Still, I think Hyun buckled down because of Seonghwan.”
“What do you mean?”
Dad’s retort got a firm reply.
“That day. Hyun saw Seonghwan get chewed out right in front of her—must’ve shocked her. After, she quit the academy she hated, signed up for online lectures... Dove into studying hard.”
“Haha, coincidence. Hyun’s smart and switches on when she wants—no need to credit Seonghwan.”
“No.”
Her voice rose, like for me to hear.
“Parents know their kids better than they know themselves. I see it—Hyun changed thanks to Seonghwan.”
“......”
Her words hit home. Adulthood Day gifts don’t make you grown. I felt it, a little.
I need to grow up. Nagging kids while I stagnate? Adulthood’s bullshit.
I plugged my ears to the ongoing chatter outside. Opened a book. Focused.
But first, pictured someone.
Good girl. Growing up pretty. Yeah, that’s my cute little sis. Guess I’ll grow a bit too.
Even if results sucked, I wanted to do what I should now.
Time passed. I retook exams, repeated. Tried avoiding Lee Yeon, like with Lee Hyun.
She’d bring snacks, coffee—I’d thank her formally, ask after Hyun sometimes.
Not adult enough yet. Unworthy of give-and-take.
Hyung’s shadow hid not just her, but me. Wanted out.
“I was never actually dating Minhwan oppa?”
Her words during a chance meet in my third retry year shocked me.
It started post-retake, diving straight into third round at academy. Loneliness crushed me. Then she appeared with snacks, like waiting.
My grown-up resolve crumbled; that day’s isolation welcomed her.
“Whoa... thanks so much? It’s warm—wanna grab coffee at that cafe and eat together?”
Just talking would ease it. I asked her, the one I’d dodged.
“....Heh. Sure.”
Her eyes widened, then a bright smile and nod.
With a soft murmur: “Finally asking to eat together?”
Cafe chat blurred—ordered coffee, caught up on life, reminisced.
“You’re on lattes now? Hot ones too?”
“Huh? Yeah... saw others ordering Americano or latte, tried it. Not bad. Tastes changing with age?”
“You’ll be hooked on lattes forever. Once you latch on, it sticks. Americano phase incoming maybe.”
“Could be? Or someday I’ll try everything.”
Memories included hyung... and Hyun.
“How’s Hyun? High school now—still studying hard?”
“Still? Or fiercer. Once she decides, she’s obsessed.”
“Smart girl fixated on studies. Jealous of that focus.”
“Well...”
Rare for her to trail off; felt off, but cafe closing soon. Little time to catch up.
So I asked.
“You and hyung exchange letters? No visits? Last leave, he returned alone—didn’t see you much.”
His lonely shuffle back tugged at me. Expected her to see him off at the station at least.
“Huh? Saw him once... but I’m busy. Soldiers use phones—no letters needed. We’re neighbors, see plenty now and later. Sent snacks a few times. He said noona and little sis spoil him.”
Her words threw me. Focus off.
“Little sis? You mean you’re hyung’s little sis?”
“Huh? What else?”
“No...... You and hyung, that.... girlfriend thing’s more like... wait, I mean—”
“........Heh.”
Her laugh was different. Sad smile glued my eyes.
“Hyun had an oppa too. You had a little sis. Now I have an oppa. That’s how our four lived from past to now. Even if ties shift, I want to leave things with Minhwan oppa as is.”
“Uh....?”
“No idea what you misunderstood, but...”
Her final words shocked me, who thought I’d tasted adult bitterness a bit.
“I was never actually dating Minhwan oppa?”