Daydream
I like good people. Not the simplistic dichotomy of good and evil, devoid of any thrill or emotion. The ones I mean are those who truly feel others' pain as their own, who weep alongside those who sorrow. Just watching such beautiful acts warms the heart and stirs an indescribable itch from deep within. To me, they are the twinkling stars in the night sky. When I've lost my way, they come to me like signposts, showing the path forward. When I'm living in lonely solitude, they become cheerful companions by my side.
That's why. Because they are so cool, so lovable, so wonderful. I wanted them to grow and reach high places. Aren't they far more deserving of those positions than a worthless pile of trash bugs like me? Good people deserve rewards befitting them. But just as a tree needs water and nutrients to grow, growth requires sacrifices.
Yet forcing that miserable fate upon people living their one precious life—being devoured in the end—is too cruel, isn't it? So, this is something only I can do. I'll do my best. Even if it means offering my pathetic life for it. And in the very end, if they grieve for me, weep for me... that would be enough. A single tear, a single flower. That is the worth of my existence.
"...Ah..."
Clink, clink. From afar, a cold, hard ceramic sound pierced through the wall, rousing me from sleep. The irregular rhythm, lacking any steady beat, was enough to wake me fully. Ellie sister must be preparing breakfast. What time is it now? My mind was still foggy from just waking. With my eyes blindfolded, I couldn't tell if it was morning, noon, or evening.
Ellie sister, who always told me the time when I asked, was off in the distance right now. Well, best to go out and see. When you don't know, heading out is the way.
"......"
I pushed aside the blanket covering me and groped around diligently for my target with my hands. Though I was under treatment, my left arm's wound hadn't fully healed, so I relied heavily on my relatively intact right hand. Tap. It wasn't long before I felt the cane's texture. The length and weight adjusted for a child like me. Seemed like the fastest I'd found it in these past few days. After living like this for a while, was I finally getting used to it?
Wobble, wobble.
"...Ugh... urgh..."
Using the cane, I slowly stood. Thud, thud. I walked, tapping the floor in a steady rhythm. Thoughtful Ellie sister had cleared away unnecessary furniture so it wouldn't inconvenience me with the bandages over my eyes—no risk of bumping into anything serious if I just walked forward thoughtlessly. Thanks to that, I could simply head toward the sound of her without worry.
I loved it. A few steps in, the scent of food grew stronger. Tap. My toes felt a curve—probably crossing the threshold. This must be the kitchen now. The clinking sounds were noticeably louder. She was just ahead.
"—Oh, you're already up."
"Ellie sister!"
A clear, polite voice greeted me. Every time I heard it, I thought the same: her voice was so pretty. Saelli—Ellie sister, as I called her—was rushing toward me the moment she saw me up, pausing her tasks. You might ask how I could see that, but it wasn't seeing; it was feeling. I'd been born blind plenty of times. And made blind by others far more often, of course. Losing sight, our most relied-upon sense, was a fresh experience worth trying now and then.
"Oh dear, was I too noisy?"
"Ugh, no."
Swoosh. She took the cane from my hand, leaned it against the wall, and embraced me oh-so-gently, as if I were a fragile glass ornament. A tenderness worrying over my body—something I'd rarely felt in life—enveloped me. My parents didn't hug me much; Remi hugged awkwardly; Anna's technique was top-notch, but... her figure was a bit regrettable. Hmm.
I savored her kindness. Kindness resides in the chest, after all.
"Heehee..."
"I was going to wake you once breakfast was ready... but really, isn't wandering alone dangerous?"
"Uung... I just woke up, and you weren't there, so I got anxious... sorry..."
"...I see."
Stroke, stroke. She patted my head ever so carefully, like a child touching a soap bubble that might pop—her touch so faint you wouldn't notice without focus. But it felt so good that a smile bloomed naturally. Nestled in her warm embrace, the sleep I'd pushed away came creeping back. Ah, but I had to eat... Still, so sleepy. Just a bit longer like this.
"Really... what am I to do with you."
"Hehe..."
I decided to bask in her kindness a little more before breakfast.
Breakfast was a clear porridge-like soup. Nothing else to call it. I couldn't taste it anyway, and with no sight, that was that. Ellie apologized for not preparing anything better. My organs and body weren't fully healed yet, so harsh foods were off-limits, she said. For someone like me, who grew by consuming the care and love packed into food rather than its flavor or aroma, it didn't matter.
The soup had a thick, sticky texture that clung nicely to my mouth. A few spoonfuls. Clink—the spoon hit the empty plate. All done.
"Ellie! It was sooo good!!"
"Such an inadequate meal."
"Ugh, really!"
"Haha..."
Breakfast ended quickly. The portion was just right—not too much strain on my body—and perfectly warm, making it easy to eat. I liked people who fussed over every little detail like this. You can't do it without genuine interest and affection for others.
After, Ellie carried me back to my room. I felt like a baby koala clinging to her, relishing the short trip. Dangling, dangling.
"~♪"
"You'll get jostled—dangerous."
Passing a few rooms and corners, she gently placed me on the bed once we arrived. The mattress wasn't exactly plush, but it welcomed me. Sigh. A tiny sigh escaped her lips. The routine every morning after breakfast.
"—'Disinfecting' time, right, Ellie sister?"
"...Yes."
"Ugh... it'll hurt, but I'll endure!"
"...Yes."
Her reply was curt, unlike before, drawn out with long pauses. What was she thinking, looking at me? A faint tremor in her clasped hand. Her breaths quickened, grew ragged. Guilt, sorrow, and—excitement. Hard to tell without sight. Faces reveal the truth.
Disinfecting—that's what she called it. I spread my arms as wide as I could manage. Her hands approached, unbuttoning my clothes one by one. With practiced motions, she undressed me, and I felt the cool liberation, the breeze from the open window tickling my skin everywhere. Top came off first, then bottoms. Bandages on my stomach, calves, left hand—all unwound. Finally, her fingers touched the bandage over my eyes, whispering softly.
"...Eyes move together, so to protect the injured one, even if it itches, keep them tightly shut."
"Got it, Ellie sister."
"...Good child. Yes, so obedient."
Slipping off, the eye bandage came free. Eyes still closed, but without the block, light pierced my eyelids to my retinas. Bright. And curious. Sister's always right, of course. But... wasn't the eyeball intact? Did we really need to bind it so tight?
Truly, the more I learned, the more intriguing she became. The "medicine" was just crushed herbs picked nearby. Bandages were ragged, torn cloth. How had she saved me? The secret must lie in this ritual.
I wanted to open my eyes and uncover her mystery, but as the good child, I squeezed them shut. The moment I did, our bond would shatter. I heeded the instincts honed over countless years. Yes. Not yet. Just a bit longer, until she truly cherishes me. Until she bears regret and sorrow for me. Wait until then.
"—Then, let's begin."
"...Mm."
Well, the seed was planted. Sprout soon enough. Endure till then.
Her whisper-like words came right in my ear. The breath tickled, making me want to pull away, but my one free hand—safe to move—was already interlocked with her left. Her arms encircled my back. Like a predator readying to devour prey.
"......"
"......"
Huff, huff. Breathing sounds. Mine? Hers? Warm gusts periodically blew over my eyes. As if breathing life into my corpse. I knew disinfecting prevented secondary infections with antiseptic on wounds. Ellie sister's version seemed... different. Fascinating.
But a 10-year-old palace-raised girl, ignorant even of her own name—how would she know "common sense"? Might think this normal. So I harbored no doubts, obeyed her words meekly. If she said night was day, I'd believe it. Ellie sister. I want to know more and more. What are you hiding, big sis? For now, I'll play dumb.
"....—sorry."
"...???"
Sorry? I must've misheard. Lost in thought, I missed her words. About to ask, but her encircling arms tightened first. Squeeze. And—
Lick.
"—Eek!?"
"........Haa."
A warm, wet something lapped at my eye. I'd braced myself mentally, but resolve crumbled; my mouth wailed on its own. Despite days of this, the sensation never grew familiar—it overwhelmed me. Lick, lick.