Three and a Half People
I just stared quietly at Park Haeun.
How…
How could she be so honest about her own feelings?
Even though it wasn't a positive emotion, she acknowledged it and laid it bare, and there was something admirable in that.
Seems like everyone around me is braver than I am.
If it were me, I would have swallowed it down without saying a word. I'd have decided that venting something unpleasant would only burden the people around me.
But listening to Park Haeun now, I didn't feel burdened at all. If anything, it was a comfort — proof that I wasn't the only one who thought this way.
I see.
So even a negative feeling, shared with someone else, wasn't necessarily a bad thing.
I smiled at her, grateful for one more small lesson learned.
"You're right. Everything's going to change from now on."
"……"
"Regardless of whether Bihyeok debuts, everything has to change. You're going to get busier too. Someday, it might even be hard to find time for a phone call."
I wanted to say no, that we'd stay close for a long, long time — but I couldn't.
Reality was sitting right in front of us, and the further we each grew, the wider our separate worlds would spread.
"It makes me sad too, thinking about us drifting apart."
Nothing would ever be quite the way it used to be.
With that thought, I took her hand.
"But we can try."
"……"
"Let's work harder so we don't drift apart."
Whether that was even possible, no one could say. Whether we'd still have each other to lean on down the road, whether some petty fight might wedge its way between us — there was no knowing now.
The future was always uncertain.
There was no way to tell what waited on the far side of the hazy fog.
"……Let's do that, then."
At that, Park Haeun squeezed the hand she was holding.
There seemed to be a trace of a smile in her clear eyes as they met mine.
"Let's do that, Yeonjae."
The future is always uncertain.
And uncertainty meant nothing had been decided yet.
It's up to me.
Which meant I could simply build it myself.
Whatever version of me the future held.
"Haeun, is this how you stream it?"
"Yeah, set the volume to zero and just keep it playing on loop."
The moment the song dropped at six o'clock, I opened the music app with Park Haeun right beside me.
Jinbae, sitting in the driver's seat, ended up joining in almost by accident.
"How do I do this part?"
"Ah, that's—"
As I walked him through it step by step — the man could barely manage a login — I felt a quiet, private swell of pride, though I didn't let it show.
Good thing I studied up.
It only got better when Jinbae asked, eyes wide with surprise, "Actor, when did you learn all this? You can barely use your phone."
"Oh, it was less of a big deal than I expected."
I kept my tone as flat as I could, but there was no hiding the corners of my mouth creeping upward.
After that, wanting to teach him just one more thing, I chattered away at his side for a good long while.
"Actor, does this work?"
"Yes. If you tap the button next to it, it'll play the same way next time too."
"I see. Then what does this button do?"
Strangely enough, Jinbae was chattier than usual, but I was too busy explaining to pay it any mind.
Then I felt a gaze on me and looked up to find Park Haeun watching the two of us with an odd expression.
"What?"
"Nothing, it's just fascinating…. I had no idea you were this affectionate."
Affectionate? What affection?
While I wore a baffled look, Jinbae smiled faintly to himself.
"What's wrong with that? It's adorable."
"It is adorable, but… Manager, aren't you enjoying this a little too much?"
"Opportunities like this are rare, miss. Please bear with me a moment longer."
What are these two even talking about?
I'd been sitting there blankly listening to their exchange before finally cutting in.
"What are you on about? When did I ever act cute?"
"Don't worry about it, Actor. And this button — what does it do?"
Jinbae smoothly held his phone out toward me, and before I knew it, I'd answered him.
Park Haeun shook her head slowly, then turned her back on us entirely. Out of the corner of my ear, I caught her muttering, "Weird. So weird."
We waited in the car like that, then entered the venue right on schedule.
The second floor, reserved for the members' families and acquaintances, was quiet and sparse; the first floor, packed with fans, was already a sea of people.
"There are so many."
"Tell me about it."
The noise was loud enough to make my ears throb.
We'd timed it well — the moment we took our seats, the lights went down.
And the instant they did, a deafening roar of cheers filled the hall.
I thought of the boy who would be standing backstage right now, wearing a tense expression.
Before I knew it, I was holding my breath.
What lit up the darkened venue was the word NADE blazing across the LED screen.
The moment the letters scrawled across the sand vanished beneath a rolling wave, stage lights flared to life and the members burst out from the wings.
— Let's breathe!
No greetings, no preamble — the stage began at once.
The opening belonged to the main vocal, Noh Bihyeok.
Dressed head to toe in what could only be called a marine look, the boy launched into his first move without a hitch.
— I'm Swimming, swimming toward you, yeah.
A crisp, ringing voice that fit the refreshing concept perfectly.
Noh Bihyeok smiled with his eyes and bobbed his head to the beat.
He's good.
A flicker of nerves had shown through, but for a first-ever stage, his expressions were remarkably natural.
It showed how much they'd practiced — the five members' breathing fell into lockstep without a single stumble.
The choreography is brutal, though.
For all the song's bright, breezy tone, the choreography and formations were punishingly intense.
Smiling that sunny smile while dancing like that.
I should stock him up on more vitamins.
At this rate, his knees would give out before he was even an adult.
The very instant that thought crossed my mind, Lee Euntaek sprang into the center of the stage.
Where Noh Bihyeok had been drenched head to toe in refreshing accessories, Lee Euntaek's styling was pared down to a strict white-and-blue palette — you could practically feel the styling team's struggle with him.
Then again, with those sharp eyes of his, a full marine look probably would have broken the whole concept.
Unlike the others, more lightly adorned, Lee Euntaek flowed through his rap like water.
— Breathe, take a breath wherever you want, like swimming.
This side of Lee Euntaek was completely new to me.
I'd been watching Noh Bihyeok sing for years, had even practiced dance with him, so it all felt reasonably familiar.
But I'd worried about what it would be like to hear Lee Euntaek sing — whether it would feel strange somehow.
Worrying about a performer — what a waste of time that was.
If anything, he carried his expressions with even more ease than Noh Bihyeok, and a helpless little laugh escaped me.
He's really something.
The two of them on that stage simply glowed.
It felt like only seconds had passed, and yet the first song was already over.
The members, drenched in sweat, huddled together and bowed as one.
"Hello! I'm Bihyeok, NADE's main vocal, the refreshing maknae and the visual of the group!"
The moment Noh Bihyeok winked at the fans, Lee Euntaek's expression curdled in real time.
And the funny part was, when his own turn came, he did exactly the same thing.
"Nice to meet you all. I'm Euntaek, NADE's main rapper — and the real visual of the group."
"Whoa, hyung, where's your conscience—"
The moment Noh Bihyeok raised his mic in protest, the leader hurriedly dragged it back down, insisting the introductions be finished first.
That leader's in for a rough ride.
Herding a pack of dogs that don't listen is no small task.
The leader finished his introduction with a face already worn thin, while the members barked and yapped around him, grinning with mischief.
Just watching made me tired.
The vitamins should go to that one instead.
After a short interview segment, the stage resumed.
Changing outfits again and again as they swept across the stage, the members looked for all the world like a pack of overexcited puppies.
The way they never stopped playing cute for the fans, shouting that they loved them over and over — it was, admittedly, a nice thing to watch.
But maybe because I knew them, an unshakable gloominess settled over my mood.
I glanced sideways and found Park Haeun with her eyes squeezed shut. You're struggling with this too, huh.
"Ugh…. I really wish Noh Bi would stop with the winking."
"You can't throw up in here, Haeun."
She stared at Noh Bihyeok with eyes full of disillusionment.
And just like that, hours of showcase melted away in a blink.
The moment we stepped into the waiting room the staff had guided us to, Noh Bihyeok came bounding over like a dog off its leash.
"Lee Yeonjae!"
"Ugh."
He reeks of sweat.
The boy who'd thrown his arms around me practically vibrated in place, stamping his feet.
"How was I? Park Ha, did you watch too? I did well, right?"
His face was still flushed bright, endorphins clearly still running wild.
Park Haeun thrust her thumb into the air and delivered exactly what he wanted to hear.
"I realized it all over again — our Noh Bi is the absolute best. Doesn't even compare to other people's Noh Bis. Ours is number one!"
At her over-the-top praise, Noh Bihyeok snickered with delight.
I patted the back of the boy who couldn't hold still for even a second, then pressed the bouquet I'd bought in advance into his arms. No matter how I looked around the room, there wasn't a single soul who could pass as his acquaintance.
"Where are your parents?"
"Ah, neither of them is in the country. Said they had some conference in the States, I think."
He answered like it was nothing at all.
I watched him for a moment as he grinned and cooed over how pretty the flowers were.
"Don't let it get you down."
"Huh? It hasn't."
"I know. I'm just saying it, just in case."
I poked him in the cheek.
"The best anyone else here managed was two parents. You've got three."
Given Jinbae's height, counting him as one and a half seemed only fair.
Which made three and a half — meaning Noh Bihyeok had the biggest crowd of anyone here.
The boy froze for a beat, then cracked a smile.
"That's so you. Thanks."
Then, leaning in: "But did I really do well? Was there anything lacking? Tell me honestly."
"Honestly, it looked like you were born for it. I'd just lay off the aegyo a little."
"Agreed! I nearly threw up halfway through! Stop it, please."
Park Haeun cut in immediately, her face utterly sincere.
"You two are so mean. Jinbae, you enjoyed it too, right? How was it?"
"It was wonderful."
"And my aegyo?"
Jinbae answered with nothing but a smile.
Noh Bihyeok grumbled that everyone around him was heartless, but the face he made while complaining about the unfairness of it all was brimming with laughter.
We were still chatting and laughing together like that when I felt a gaze land on me and turned my head.
It was Lee Euntaek.
And the two people standing before him were looking at me too.
……So the time has come.
After a brief word that I'd go say hello to Euntaek, I started walking, slowly.
All the while, I kept my smiling face perfectly steady.
I'd made my peace with this a long time ago.
And yet here I was, this wound up. It was strange, even to myself.
With every step I took, my clenched fist tightened a little more.
Get a grip. You can do this.
There's no avoiding it.
This wasn't something I could keep shoving into a drawer forever.
If I wanted to keep standing beside Lee Euntaek, this was a wall I'd have to face at least once.
"Congratulations on your debut, hyung."
Smiling, I held out the bouquet I'd prepared for him.
"Thank you, kiddo…"
Lee Euntaek hesitated, uncharacteristically.
I could feel him glancing uneasily between the two people in front of him and me.
My smile still in place, I let my gaze drift over, unhurried.
My eyes locked with a middle-aged man and woman, rigid as stone. For an instant, I couldn't breathe.
"It's been a long time."
Maybe all that acting practice hadn't gone to waste — however white my mind had gone, the words I'd rehearsed a thousand times came out smooth as silk.
"……Yes. It has."
It took the man a long moment to manage even that much.
The woman averted her eyes from mine.
I quietly checked that the corners of my mouth were holding firm.
Wondering, the whole time, what expression one was supposed to wear for adoptive parents met again after eight years.