Chapter 28
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Translator: MadScientist
Chapter: 28
Chapter Title: Get Rid of Her Now
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The morning court assembly in the Imperial Palace was always a battle against boredom.
The solemn air filling the grand hall, the acrid smoke rising from the incense burners, and the rusty voices of the aged ministers. This deadly trio gnawed away at Emperor Hyeonjong's patience in real time.
"Your Majesty, I report: intelligence has come in that the northern barbarians are stirring near the border once more. We must establish countermeasures..."
"No, Your Majesty! With this year's poor harvest leaving the people parched with thirst and hunger, increasing military spending? That would drive the masses to their deaths!"
"Tch! Are you saying a few grains in the treasury matter more than the nation's security?"
"What did you say? Don't make it sound so personal!"
The Minister of War and the Minister of Finance pointed accusingly at each other, spittle flying. Their argument had been going in circles for nearly an hour.
Lounging crookedly on the jade throne, Hyeonjong rested his chin on his hand, staring out with dead fish eyes. He swallowed a yawn, tears prickling at the corners of his eyes.
'Ah, so boring. Maddeningly dull.'
Hyeonjong's mind was filled with stray thoughts.
'When's Cheonwi finishing that waterpark design he mentioned? I wanna go slide down those chutes. Who's gonna complain if I just make a water channel on the palace floors?'
He glanced furtively at Cheonwi, who stood like a shadow by a pillar below the throne.
Cheonwi's face was as stern and expressionless as ever. But Hyeonjong could tell. There was a faint sparkle in his eyes. Like a predator waiting for its prey, or a mischievous kid perking up his ears for some fun spectacle.
'Whenever that guy's got that look, something explodes.'
Hyeonjong felt a spark of anticipation. He needed something to end this tedious assembly.
"Enough. There's no end to this."
Hyeonjong waved his hand irritably, his voice laced with annoyance.
"My head's throbbing. I can't listen anymore, so let's call it a day..."
That was when it happened.
"Kyaaah!"
"M-Ma'am! No! This is the throne room!"
"Crash! Clatter!"
A scream echoed from afar, followed by the sounds of something shattering and tumbling. The silence in the hall shattered instantly. The ministers buzzed, turning toward the noise.
"What is this commotion?"
Hyeonjong frowned and asked.
At that moment, the massive doors of the throne room burst open, and the Chief Eunuch—the head of all palace eunuchs—came stumbling in, panting. His aged face was drained white with terror.
"Y-Your Majesty! Outside, the consorts from the Inner Palace are... Gah!"
The Chief Eunuch couldn't finish, tripping over his own feet and sprawling forward. And behind him came a procession unprecedented in the history of the Imperial Palace.
Bam! Bam!
As the doors flew wide, women in resplendent formal robes appeared. It was four consorts, led by Baek Noble Consort.
But their appearance was a sight to behold.
Their hair was disheveled like ghosts, their expensive silk robes caked in mud and dust. Most shocking was their posture.
They weren't walking on two legs. They were crawling on all fours.
"Grrr..."
"Huff, huff, huff."
Their eyes were completely unfocused, drool dripping from half-open mouths. It was less human and more beastly.
The throne room fell silent as if doused with cold water. The ministers stood frozen, mouths agape in shock.
Baek Noble Consort broke the silence.
"Woof! Woof woof! Arf!"
She barked thunderously and charged into the hall. The four consorts followed, yipping "Woof woof!" as they burrowed into the ranks of ministers.
"Agh! What is this?!"
"M-Ma'am! Pull yourself together!"
Chaos erupted.
Concubine A crawled clumsily and latched onto the Prime Minister's leg. He recoiled in horror, but her grip was surprisingly strong.
"L-Let go! Men and women must keep their distance!"
The Prime Minister shrieked, but Concubine A ignored him. She rubbed her face against his shin, then suddenly hiked up her skirt and thrust her rear at him.
"Nngh..."
"Gasp! M-Marking? She's trying to mark her territory?"
Cheonwi muttered loud enough for others to hear. The Prime Minister's face flushed beet red.
"Shameless! Get away!"
Elsewhere, Concubine B had the Minister of War's petition in her mouth, shaking her head furiously.
"Grrrr! Rrrf!"
The paper tore to shreds. The Minister of War foamed at the mouth, on the verge of collapse at the sight of a state document treated like a chew toy.
"My petition! The northern defense plan!"
From the throne, Hyeonjong stared blankly at the unbelievable scene. He pinched his cheek, thinking it was a dream—but it hurt.
'Cheonwi, you mad bastard. What the hell did you do?'
Hyeonjong's gaze locked onto Cheonwi. Cheonwi smirked faintly and shrugged.
'Now for the highlight.'
His eyes seemed to say.
Then, the lead Baek Noble Consort's eyes flashed as if she'd spotted her target. At the end of her gaze sat Hyeonjong on the throne.
"Woof! (Master!)"
Baek Noble Consort panted as she started crawling up the stairs. Her form on all fours was surprisingly agile.
"N-No! Stay away! Stop!"
Hyeonjong shouted desperately, but to the mindless Baek Noble Consort, imperial edicts meant nothing. To her, Hyeonjong wasn't the emperor—he was her adoring "Master."
In an instant, she crawled right up to the throne and stopped at his feet. She looked up at him with pleading eyes, wagging her hips like a tail. The picture of a puppy.
"Whine... Yelp..."
Baek Noble Consort stuck out her tongue, trying to lick the hem of Hyeonjong's dragon robe. As her hot, wet breath touched his foot, he jerked back in revulsion.
"Agh! Get away! I said get away!"
But Baek Noble Consort didn't give up. When her master ignored her, she unleashed her ultimate move.
Flop.
Right before the throne, she rolled onto her back. Belly up, limbs flailing in the air—a sign of submission and affection.
The problem was her outfit: a voluminous skirt.
As she flipped, the layered fabric couldn't defy gravity and flipped up entirely. Her white undergarments and the intimate clothing beneath were exposed brazenly to all under heaven.
"Gasp!"
"Suck!"
The ministers below inhaled sharply in unison.
"Indecent!"
"Don't look! My eyes!"
They cried, covering their faces with wide sleeves—but their fingers gaped like the Pacific Ocean. Their old eyes gleamed greedily.
Hyeonjong screamed.
"Agh! My eyes! My eyes!"
He covered his eyes with both hands and retreated behind the throne. Horror, disgust, and nausea crashed over him at once. He'd witnessed the ugliest side of the woman he'd once favored (or thought he did), in the most graphic way possible.
"W-What the hell is she doing?! Get her out! Right now!"
Mistaking his scream for joyful cheers, Baek Noble Consort twisted her hips more fiercely, barking away.
"Huff huff! Woof! Woof woof!" (Scratch my belly quick! Here! Here!)
The palace's dignity didn't just hit rock bottom—it burrowed underground. The sacred throne room had become a dog park, no—a canine carnival.
At that moment, Cheonwi, who had been watching, stepped forward.
He put on a grave expression and clicked his tongue.
"Tsk tsk. What a calamity. It seems the consorts have all come down with rabies... no, lost their minds en masse. We can't leave them like this; it might harm Your Majesty's health."
Cheonwi's voice was calm, but it boomed through the hall.
Hyeonjong reached out to him like a savior.
"Yes! Cheonwi, do something! I can't even look!"
"As you command."
Cheonwi bowed respectfully, then snapped his fingers.
Snap!
The crisp sound was the signal. Imperial Guards waiting outside rushed in. They paused briefly at the scene but sprang into action under Cheonwi's piercing glare.
"Drag them all out! The consorts have gone mad! Protect His Majesty!"
The guards charged, grabbing the crawling consorts' limbs.
"Yelp! Arf! Arf!"
"Grrrr! Rrrf!"
The consorts resisted fiercely even as they were hauled away. Concubine A, clinging to the Prime Minister's leg, was dragged off, nearly yanking his pants down with her.
Baek Noble Consort, arms held by two guards, twisted her head toward Hyeonjong on the throne, barking plaintively.
"Woof! Woof woof woof!! Nngh!!" (Master! Don't abandon me! What did I do wrong?!)
Tears like chicken droppings streamed from her eyes. But it evoked grotesquery, not pity.
Hyeonjong covered his mouth with his sleeve and turned away.
"Make sure they never appear before me again! Cold Palace... no, lock them all in some remote annex! Bar the doors so they can't get out!"
It was tantamount to a declaration of deposition.
"We obey Your Majesty's command!"
Cheonwi intoned solemnly.
The guards dragged the barking women out like dogs. Fading "Woof woof!" and "Arf arf!" echoes resounded through the palace.
The storm-swept throne room was a wreck. The floor was littered with torn petitions, mud stains, and unidentifiable fluids. The ministers stared at each other in a daze. No one spoke.
Hyeonjong slumped exhausted onto the throne.
"...Court is dismissed for today. Everyone, out. I need to rest."
His voice held no strength. The ministers fled like refugees. They'd need ages to erase what they'd seen.
The empty throne room.
Even Hyeonjong staggered off to his chambers, leaving Cheonwi alone.
He looked down at the mess and chuckled softly.
"A perfect show."
Dark Heaven's secret art, the Beast Human Incense, had exceeded expectations. In the emperor's mind, Baek Noble Consort was no longer a "beautiful woman" but a "rabid bitch who can't control her bowels." He'd never summon her again.
Thus, the biggest threat to Snowflower Princess and the stagnant rot in the palace were swept away in one blow. Social burial at its finest.
Cheonwi pulled a handkerchief from his sleeve and made a show of wiping up Baek Noble Consort's drool.
After the chaos, gazing at the empty consorts' quarters, he murmured contentedly.
"Cleanup done. Now, shall we welcome a new mistress to the vacant rooms?"