Chapter 15
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Translator: MadScientist
Chapter: 15
Chapter Title: Good Timing
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Eunuch Bureau Chief's Office.
The air was so heavy it was downright crushing, and at its center sat Jo Chief Eunuch, the true power behind the Eunuch Bureau. Between his bony fingers stretched a thin black strip of fabric, pulled taut.
Riiip.
It stretched elastically before snapping back. It was the "stockings" that Cheonwi had ambitiously prepared for his "business" in the Imperial Palace. On the desk lay not just those, but also a bizarre, streamlined object—the "vibrator"—confiscated and sitting there prominently.
Jo Chief Eunuch held the stockings up to the light and clicked his tongue. The tch-tch sounds struck Cheonwi's ears.
"Cheonwi, you bastard... You've truly lost your mind."
His voice was low, but the killing intent within it was unmistakable. He pinched the stockings between thumb and forefinger as if handling filthy refuse and shook them.
"Daring to bring such indecent items into the sacred Imperial Palace—no, into the Eunuch Bureau dormitories? What the hell are these even for? Lewd shackles to wrap around a woman's legs, aren't they?"
Cheonwi kept his head bowed, but his expression remained calm. Inside, he was furiously calculating.
That old coot's got an eye for quality. How'd he know it's top-grade Denier fabric, stretching it out like that?
"And what the hell is this?"
Jo Chief Eunuch picked up the vibrator. He must have accidentally brushed the switch, because it began to hum faintly—bzzz. Startled, he flung it onto the desk.
"Y-You demonic thing! Moving and buzzing on its own! You're dabbling in sorcery now!"
"Chief, sir, that's a massager for loosening knotted muscles," Cheonwi replied with feigned innocence, but it fell on deaf ears. The man was a tightly wound ball of greed and authoritarianism. Even though Cheonwi was a newcomer, the signs of the Emperor's favor had him grasping for any pretext to crush him.
"Shut your mouth! Before I rip out that snake tongue of yours! Today at court, I'll present these abominations to His Majesty myself and have your head to restore discipline in the Eunuch Bureau and my own dignity."
Jo Chief Eunuch smirked viciously as he swept the confiscated items roughly into a silk cloth. The faintest smile flickered across Cheonwi's lips.
Thanks for making this such a big show. You're doing me a favor.
Imperial Audience Hall, Morning Court.
The morning assembly was nearing its end. Into the solemn space lined with civil and military officials strode Jo Chief Eunuch with a grim expression. Trailing behind, feigning being bound with ropes (though they were loosely held), came Cheonwi with his head bowed.
The Emperor lounged crookedly on the throne with a bored look, but his eyebrows twitched at Jo Chief Eunuch's entrance.
"Jo Chief Eunuch, court's almost over. What is it?"
"Your Majesty! Lamenting how the palace discipline has fallen to the dirt, this old servant risks death to report!"
Jo Chief Eunuch prostrated himself flat on the floor and wailed. Then he flung open the silk cloth he carried, spilling its contents before the Emperor.
Clatter.
Black, apricot, fishnet—various types of "stockings"—along with vibrators of all shapes and sizes scattered across the court floor. The dignified ministers' eyes bulged. Coughs erupted here and there.
"Behold these! The rookie eunuch Cheonwi has corrupted palace morals, smuggling in these lewd items to debase the palace maids! These vile, indecent objects are the proof!"
Drunk on triumph, Jo Chief Eunuch spat as he ranted. Cheonwi knelt like a criminal but sidelong-glanced at the Emperor's face.
The Emperor's gaze fixed on the strewn items. At first flustered, his eyes soon gleamed oddly.
Huh? That's... the legendary leg-beautifying item? And next to it... the magic night wand?
The Emperor swallowed hard inwardly. His nights with the consorts had grown dull lately. Novelty like this would surely inject new life. But face must be saved. He feigned sternness with a cough.
"Ahem! I-In-deed... Utterly repulsive to behold. Cheonwi, was it? You dare turn my palace into a brothel?"
Jo Chief Eunuch's shoulders jumped at the Emperor's bellow.
"Just so, Your Majesty! Imprison him at once and punish severely!"
Now.
With head bowed, Cheonwi slipped a hand into his sleeve. His fingers closed on a cool vial—the secret weapon he'd prepared. With his thumb, he flicked the cap open.
Perfect timing, perfect breeze.
Channeling inner energy, Cheonwi stirred a faint wind in his palm. An invisible current rose from his sleeve, swirling up the "pink powder (hallucinogen)" from the vial.
Whoosh.
A slight twist of the wrist, and the pink powder snaked through the air straight to Jo Chief Eunuch's nose alone. Nearly odorless and colorless top-grade hallucinogen, but with just a faint sweetness teasing his nostrils.
"Sniff...?"
Mid-tirade against Cheonwi, Jo Chief Eunuch paused and flared his nostrils.
"What smell is this..."
That instant. His pupils quivered wildly, focus melting away. The potent drug raced through his nerves, severing reason and flooding in his most primal, filthy desires.
Jo Chief Eunuch's vision warped.
The solemn court became a dazzlingly lit "glamorous stage." The stern Emperor appeared not as a robed sovereign, but a muscled, bare-chested "feral stud" craving him. The lined officials were ecstatic fans awaiting his dance.
"Ahh..."
A grotesque moan escaped Jo Chief Eunuch's lips.
"Your Majesty... No, darling..."
Silence blanketed the hall. The Emperor doubted his ears.
"Wh-what? What did you just say?"
But Jo Chief Eunuch was in another world. The horrific "perversion"—dormant within or conjured by hallucination—erupted.
"Ahn~ Your Majesty, you tease. So shy in front of everyone... If you want it..."
With a coquettish lilt, he writhed. Then he began untying his official robes.
Shhh.
His Eunuch Bureau hat, symbol of his office, tumbled to the floor. His outer robe followed. Ministers gaped in horror; escort warriors froze, too shocked to draw swords.
"Th-that mad...!"
As the Emperor nearly screamed, Jo Chief Eunuch's full infernal striptease began.
He flaunted his wrinkled, sagging torso shamelessly. Ribs stark against his gaunt frame, he swayed seductively toward the red pillar at the hall's center.
Thud!
He grabbed it. Wrapped his legs around it.
"Let go! My body's burning up!"
Jo Chief Eunuch pole-danced, thrusting his hips back, grinding against it—a vision straight from hell. Tongue flicking, he winked at the Emperor.
"Tonight, I'll give you my hot night~♥ Ahn!"
Urk.
Vomiting echoed somewhere. A civil official retched from the shock. The Emperor ducked behind the throne, shrieking.
"Aaaah! My eyes! My eyes!! Get that lunatic out! Now!"
His face pale with terror and disgust. The escort warriors finally snapped to and charged.
Prostrated on the floor, Cheonwi's shoulders shook. Barely holding back laughter that threatened to split his gut, he summoned superhuman restraint to lift his head with a grave expression.
"Oh dear, it seems Chief Eunuch... succumbed to dementia from work stress. He'd always leer at those stockings with a creepy smile..."
Cheonwi's words poured oil on the fire. The Emperor trembled with rage.
"Th-that pervert was Eunuch Bureau Chief?! Drag him out! Dump him far away!"
Imperial Guards rushed in, subduing the half-naked Jo Chief Eunuch like luggage.
"Let go! My man's calling me! Honey! I'm here! I love you!"
Dragged away, he stretched toward the Emperor, wailing. His wrinkled buttocks scraped the floor—a sight of pure shock and awe. Even crossing the threshold, his cries persisted.
"Your Majesty! I love you! Take me tonight!"
Bang!
Only after the doors shut did heavy silence settle. Left behind: scattered stockings and vibrators, and trauma etched deep in the Emperor's and ministers' minds. Jo Chief Eunuch was utterly, miserably socially buried.
The Emperor panted raggedly, clutching his chest. The wink still haunted his vision, churning his stomach. Trembling, he pressed his forehead and looked down at Cheonwi.
"Cheonwi..."
"Yes, Your Majesty."
Cheonwi replied calmly.
"You... Clean up those monstrosities and stabilize the Eunuch Bureau. I never want to see such a sight again."
The Emperor gestured at the items. But his eyes signaled not "dispose," but "bring discreetly to my chambers." Cheonwi, quick on the uptake, got it.
Cheonwi bowed deeply.
"I shall cleanse Your Majesty's eyes and ensure no further distress. These items... I'll 'handle' them separately, keeping Your Majesty's peace undisturbed."
Emphasizing "handle," the Emperor's face relaxed.
"Good. I trust you. Do it now."
"Your grace humbles me."
Cheonwi gathered the scattered items. Glancing at the door where Jo Chief Eunuch vanished, he inwardly cheered.
What a flamboyant retirement party. No need to thank me, Chief.
The next morning.
By dawn, crowds of eunuchs and maids buzzed around the Eunuch Bureau bulletin board. Word of "Jo Chief Eunuch's Mad Striptease at Court" had spread faster than gossip across the palace.
But it wasn't just rumors drawing eyes. Two large notices dominated the board's center.
Name: Jo [Redacted] (Former Eunuch Bureau Chief)
Reason: Insult to the Imperial Family, moral corruption, incapacity due to dementia symptoms.
Disposition: Immediate dismissal and permanent ban from palace grounds.
Name: Cheonwi
Position: Eunuch Bureau Vice Chief (Acting Chief Duties)
Special Note: Full authority over "palace maid selection and training" delegated effective immediately.
Awe and curiosity filled the onlookers' gazes. A rookie eunuch, barely entered the palace, rocketing to Vice Chief and seizing prime power over maid selection—an unprecedented express promotion.
Amid the murmurs of the watching eunuchs, winds heralding Cheonwi's era began to blow. The Eunuch Bureau's air was changing, sweeping out rot and carrying the scent of Cheonwi's wildly innovative "new customs."