Chapter 6
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Translator: MadScientist
Chapter: 0.5
Chapter Title: This Is a Crime (4)
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Black history always involves alcohol. Just like how that bastard Mikhail got drunk and confessed to his first love.
"The guyyys are all beeeasts. They only looook at the outsiiide."
"I just wanna hold a swooord!"
"Swordsmanship is preeetty? They just like my cheeest! They were thinkin' of droppin' meeee!"
"No kids around! They live off their own egooo..."
"Buut why haven't you ever dated anyone? At this point, you're exceee—bleeech."
Hmm. Yeah, yeah. For the sake of protecting Lady Lucia's human rights, I'll stop here. Anything more would be tantamount to murder.
Of course, in the process, we had a fashion change due to the vomit issue.
There were too many eyes around to walk around in clothes covered in food.
And I had no idea this would become the root of all evil.
"What the hell have you been doing, you dog bastard?"
"Ah."
If you switched perspectives, it looked like his little sister had come back from eating with some random guy, and both had changed clothes. And she was dead drunk to boot.
"..."
"Mikhail. Hear me out first. There were reeeally a lot of circumstances he— Hey! Don't draw your holy sword!"
It was evidence of something that screamed "uh huh huh" no matter who saw it.
If it were my little sister in this situation, I'd have launched holy magic first too. Modern or medieval, this shit is straight-up scandalous.
Fortunately, the crisis of a former hero slicing a civilian priest with his holy sword—a unicorn horn rarity that doesn't appear even in romance fantasies—was averted.
The unicorn horn in my right hand shone more brilliantly than LED lights. The ultimate cliché detector for virginity and chastity tests.
Of course, it was disheartening that I had to pull this out at twenty-five. A virgin is an unopened lock, but a virgin male is a key that can't open any lock. How is this something to brag about?
"Don't go blabbing about this anywhere."
"I won't. And tell your sister nothing happened."
With that, I bolted from the scene. Lingering in someone's newlywed home would be rude anyway.
Besides, waking up in the morning and locking eyes with Lady Lucia would be a nightmare.
My life's first black history. How embarrassing if someone had witnessed it from start to finish.
"Right now, sir?"
So I took an express teleport straight to the Tristan territory, no layovers.
"District Chief, sort this out in advance. By nation, handle it properly. Got it?"
"...?"
"Alright, work hard."
"Hey, you dog bas—."
In the process, I sent the cube I'd received from that guy (or girl) to the Holy Empire too.
"The capital's famous specialties here! From chocolate, vodka, wine to gold coin allowance sets! Buy an allowance set now and get 10 gold coins for the price of 11!"
"All of this to here."
"Pardon? Oh, yes sir!"
I stocked up on gifts (bribes) for my parents and allowance for my siblings. As expected of the capital—quite satisfactory service.
Of course, the cost matched the service, but time and vacation funds were the only things I had plenty of. Money doesn't leave my wallet otherwise.
Thus, teleporting into the Tristan territory in the dead of night, I caught some shut-eye in a carriage rumbling toward home all night.
And so, as the morning sun rose and I arrived home that moment.
"Isabel. Bro's ho—."
"Waaah!"
"Intruder! Intruder cau— Young master?"
I got a front-row seat to my youngest sister's tears from not recognizing me after four years away from home. This is bittersweet.
◆
The Tristan family is one of only nine marquessates in the Ilysia Empire.
Put another way, we're top 5% among the blue bloods—major nobility.
In that sense, running into the knight captain who knew me among countless knights was next to a miracle.
This mansion had completely separate buildings for work, sleep, and eating.
In other words, the servants numbered like a mid-sized company. Even just the maids easily topped three digits, not to mention the knights maintaining the territory's security.
"A-Are you really Young Master Daniel, sir?"
"Yes, Captain Kruger. It's nostalgic. Have I changed that much?"
"Yes. Not just your build, but you've grown taller too."
Thanks to the veteran knight captain, I survived. If it had been newbie knights or maids only, I might've had to use holy magic against family territory knights—a gruesome affair.
"You've trained diligently. Your aura's exceptional; the family head will be pleased."
"You nearly had me fooled too, Captain. Did you break through the wall?"
"How did you know? I recently grasped a fragment of Aura Mastery."
"Congratulations. We've got an irreplaceable treasure in the family now."
"Haha. Nothing compared to you, young master."
After lightly gilding each other's faces, we got to the point.
"By the way, Captain Kruger. One thing I'd like to ask."
"Yes."
"Do you know why Mother is holding a banquet?"
From our last call, it seemed the banquet was real—the mansion was buzzing unusually. Medieval banquets are a display of wealth, so families hold them casually, but...
"This feels too big for a regular one."
This was huge. You could feel it wasn't just any banquet.
The line of carriages outside the window was ominous, and laborers bustled in droves.
'This is scary.'
What the hell was going on? Was "bring anyone" just a declaration of war?
"Ah. That is..."
The knight captain trailed off awkwardly, as if reluctant to say it himself.
"It's fine. Speak freely."
"It's Lady Cecilia's vice-family head appointment ceremony."
His awkward attitude made sense now. The Tristan bloodline was a bit tangled currently.
About seventeen years ago, the Tristans adopted some nameless orphan. In this romance-fantasy world with 100% clichés, that didn't fly easily.
In a world where talents like stamina, strength, and mana depend on bloodline, adopting a non-branch mongrel was pure madness.
For reference, that adoptee was me. Even now, it's kinda wild looking back. Two orphans in a row? Feels like the romance god rigged it late-game.
'Why's everyone tiptoeing?'
But two years after my adoption, a new life was born: Cecilia. Then Theodor and Isabel followed, solidifying the Tristan marquessate's succession.
One lingering issue: if I went full "King of Chaos!", the imperial family could split the house in half on a whim.
Of course, as a non-beast, I wouldn't, and there was no reason to. Feed and raise an animal, it follows you. Betraying kindness is for lunatics.
"Ah, I see."
"Yes. The Marchioness insisted you attend."
So no big thoughts stirred. I'd made enough money in the Holy Empire; nothing I needed.
A half-assed baronet or barony title would be more headache. Already on the brink of overwork death—if work piled on, even I'd go chaos king.
"Then, since I'm here, time to put in some effort."
If the adopted eldest son showed up smiling at the vice-head ceremony and personally blessed his sister? Good sibling rumors would flood high society.
'Might as well do it right.'
Priest robes. Crucifix. Holy relics. Everything representing a priest, pulled from my subspace artifact. The full set I wear once a year if that.
Plus a staff symbolizing good governance, instantly blessed on-site and handed over.
Anyone seeing it would think loving siblings. If gossip persisted, I'd don a black cloak and switch to heresy inquisitor.
"Wow. Have you ever exorcised a real demon?"
"Of course. Didn't you see the blessing earlier? Even academy priests can't do it like that."
"Can I hold your hand then?"
Kirrr-kirrr. Girls that age giggling at falling leaves. Me at the center.
'I let my guard down.'
Right before the ceremony, time with family made me careless.
Reasonable nagging like, "You haven't been home in four years, missed the ceremony. Makes sense? Come more often." Or bonding with youngest Isabel via chocolate power, etc.
After the smooth vice-head ceremony, at the ensuing banquet hall.
I figured eyes would be on today's star, sister Cecilia.
"Ordained at fifteen? Wow, Cecilia mentioned it, but..."
"If it's not rude, would you dance with me?"
But now, anyone would think I was the star.
- This isn't right, Mother?
- Then why didn't you bring a partner, Daniel?
Fell for Mother's scheme.