Keeping Distance from Kailo (5)
Vivian stared at the food arranged on the table.
Warm bread, various fruits, light soup, and tender meat that was easy to digest.
Early morning had left her mind still hazy, so she stood frozen in front of the dishes.
She hadn’t noticed anything strange even when Asha pointed it out.
“...Um, Miss Vivian?”
“Ah, eat.”
Vivian gestured for the young ladies to begin their meal.
Normally she would have waited quietly, as she always did when Kailo would grab the bread and start eating noisily.
After just one day, the emptiness of Kailo felt strange to her.
Thinking about it, they had practically been glued together for almost a year.
Especially at meals, they were always together.
No matter who was sick, who came to visit, or who went on an expedition, they were always together.
And the time they had spent together seemed to have seeped deep into Vivian’s life more than she expected.
With Asha and Lani all day from lunch yesterday through dinner and this morning’s breakfast... there was a slight discomfort.
She wanted to eat comfortably like before.
“...”
What was Kailo doing?
He had vanished since yesterday.
She didn’t even know if he was alive or dead.
She was curious about his behavior after just one day.
Vivian chewed the bread, suddenly wondering why she was curious about him.
No matter how much they ate together, after just one day, what was there to be curious about?
Vivian didn’t think deeply and simply concluded.
Just that he was her possession, one of her few resources, so it was only natural to be curious.
Vivian glanced at Asha and Lani.
They were saying that she wouldn’t see Kailo until they left.
...It felt a bit annoying that these two were here.
While thinking all this, Vivian was having a conversation with Asha and Lani.
“...It’s good that you slept well.”
“Sleeping in the castle for the first time... it was quite thrilling. When I woke up, the view outside the window was also impressive...”
“How is the food?”
“Yes. It would be nice if I could thank the chef.”
“I’ll pass it on through the maids. Miss Asha said she was satisfied.”
“That’s really appreciated.”
“Lani-nim is...”
“...”
Vivian turned her gaze to Lani, but Lani looked quite dazed, unlike yesterday.
Unfocused eyes, jaw chewing the bread as usual, slow movements.
“...Lani...!”
Startled by Asha’s whisper and gesture, Lani snapped out of her thoughts.
“Y-yes?”
Vivian smiled again and asked.
“How is the food?”
“Ah...! Yes!”
“You look tired. Didn’t you sleep well?”
“Ah, no, that’s not... yes.”
Lani changed her answer, not saying it wasn’t the case.
“...Sorry. I couldn’t sleep because I was excited.”
“Excited?”
“Ah...! Because the castle is so beautiful.”
Vivian took the opportunity to suggest.
“If you’re too tired, you can leave for the return journey early.”
With a more intense reaction than expected, Lani answered first.
“No! I want to stay here as long as possible!”
“...That’s good.”
With Vivian’s permission, Lani stretched out and sighed.
“Haa...”
Now Asha was just watching Vivian’s expression.
Vivian smiled at Asha as if to say it’s okay, but Lani’s behavior today was hard to understand.
.
.
.
While Vivian was receiving lessons from Linne, she told the Dubos young ladies.
“While I’m taking lessons, rest. Or you can ask the maids to show you around the castle.”
Normally, on a day when guests came, she wouldn’t take lessons.
But being with the Dubos young ladies all day was tiring, and the young ladies would feel the same, so she decided to take lessons as an excuse to have their own time.
Asha nodded.
“Of course. Thank you for your consideration.”
Lani was still dazed.
“...”
Vivian smiled and went into the room.
-Knock.
Linne was already waiting in the room.
Vivian sighed tiredly at her.
Linne said with a composed and understanding expression.
“It’s tough, isn’t it?”
Vivian nodded slightly.
Putting on a mask and making friends wasn’t as easy as it sounded.
Linne gave Vivian some time to rest.
Once Vivian regained her composure in the quiet space, the lesson began as usual.
Linne said.
“Today, we’ll learn about men’s sexual desire.”
“...”
Vivian nodded.
It had been some time since they started learning about sex.
As Vivian’s body was becoming more adult, she was learning knowledge one by one.
Especially a lot about men.
Besides the plan to get a strong husband as an adult, this lesson was essential for Vivian, the lord of Loktana.
As a woman, it was difficult for her to understand the minds of men.
Especially adult men.
And according to Linne, without understanding men’s sexual desire, it would be hard to lead them.
Linne said softly, looking at Vivian’s expression.
“You don’t have to dislike it so much. It’s essential to understand men.”
“I know.”
With a determined answer, Linne started the lesson.
The hot knowledge that made her face blush poured into Vivian.
Just listening made her breathing quicken and her vision dizzy.
Explicit and disgusting stories flowed that she wanted to cover her ears.
But Linne, who was speaking, was calm.
Just like basic common sense.
“...It was like a torch soaked in oil. One spark and it would burn instantly, unable to control the sexual desire-”
“-Wait a moment.”
In the end, Vivian couldn’t listen and covered Linne’s mouth.
She couldn’t stop the questions bursting out.
“T-teacher, I still don’t understand sexual desire.”
“...”
“T-that hole where urine comes out... why... if not to make a child...”
When teaching about sex, Linne was also gentle with Vivian.
She even looked at the innocent Vivian cutely sometimes.
Linne didn’t scold Vivian but slowly guided her.
“Miss Vivian, have you ever wanted to hug someone you love?”
Vivian answered recalling her parents.
“...Yes.”
“If you think of it as a natural response, it’s fine. Love between man and woman is a more intense and impulsive emotion than blood love. Not many people can stop themselves in front of that pull. Correct sexual desire isn’t dirty.”
“...But... it seems so disgusting. Not just liking each other and ending, but... pressing the genitals.”
“Even if you say that, if you receive lustful eyes from the person you like, you’ll feel satisfied as a woman.”
“I-it’s not possible...”
“Miss Vivian, you haven’t experienced love yet, so that’s why. If you had more time, you would have learned without me telling. But since you’re learning before experiencing, you’re confused.”
“...”
“You’ll know someday. When you love, you want to hold hands... want to hug... want to smell... want to kiss... and then want to sleep together.”
“...”
“...The most intimate, secret, hottest form of love will be what you crave.”
Vivian shook her head.
“...But if it’s so intimate, why do the boy soldiers have relations with maids? Didn’t they have time to love that deeply?”
“No, that’s the expression of twisted sexual desire. So Miss Vivian must be careful with the boy soldiers. Commoners can’t help it.”
“...”
Boy soldiers and maids.
Vivian was thinking of Kailo again.
If there was a man she was closest to watching, it was Kailo Allen.
Perhaps because of that, Vivian unconsciously kept thinking of Kailo in all these matters.
She knew.
A few months ago, when the maid Serena approached Kailo, he hadn’t done anything wrong.
But the smile he made while receiving cookies, Vivian hated so much that she flipped all the blame on him.
Of course, he hadn’t shown sexual desire.
She hadn’t heard any rumors that Kailo showed interest when other boy soldiers did strange things with maids in the stables.
He was a common gossip.
Thinking that even such a Kailo had sexual desire, it was a bit hard to believe.
Would he want to do such disgusting things?
Vivian asked.
“Do all... men have sexual desire?”
“Yes.”
“H-how about someone without it?”
Linne smiled faintly.
“Ordinary people all have sexual desire. It’s human nature.”
“...But, I saw someone who seemed to have none...”
“That’s just hiding it well.”
...Kailo?
While wondering, Linne approached Vivian.
And whispered as if telling a secret.
“Miss Vivian. Honestly, have you never felt your heart race looking at men?”
“...?”
“There are many knights staying in the castle, and some are even handsome. Among the boy soldiers, there are handsome kids. If you saw them and felt your heart race... wanted to hold in arms... thought of them all day... then you would definitely understand what sexual desire is...”
Suddenly, Vivian recalled the hug from the expedition with Kailo. Herself not wanting to leave his arms.
“N-no!!”
Vivian shouted loudly, denying the thought, and stood up from her seat.
Linne was also surprised and trembled.
Vivian quickly apologized.
“S-sorry... too...”
The elderly woman didn’t get angry at Vivian.
“It’s fine. I went too far.”
“...”
“That’s it for today, Miss Vivian. Rest and see me tomorrow.”
Vivian could only nod at Linne’s words.
****
After locking herself in the room all day, when night came and everyone was asleep, she came out to swing her sword.
The day had been very boring, just thinking without doing anything.
The only thing that could pass the time was the talk of sex between the boy soldiers.
As they grew older, the topic gained interest.
She was the same.
If she had to do something, she thought it would be better to allow the boy soldiers outings.
They should be able to go to brothels to relieve the atmosphere of the Disciplinary Unit at night.
Well, Vivian, who thought sexual desire was disgusting and dirty, wouldn’t allow it.
Anyway, what was Vivian doing?
It was the second day she hadn’t faced her.
Now, she was a bit curious about how she was doing.
Although it was only two days, because she was locked in the room, the period felt long.
She twisted her shoulders to loosen her body.
And was about to go to the empty training ground to grab her sword and swing it...
“...What?”
There was a woman in her sight.
Lani Dubos.
With a slightly furrowed face, she stood far away on the lawn watching her.