Chapter 13
Chapter 13
Watch Me (4)
The mocking expression on my face as I watched Vivian’s lesson gradually stiffened.
-Smack!
Every time the rod struck Vivian’s forearm, even I found myself clenching my teeth.
Hearing about it and actually seeing it in person truly felt different.
Vivian was getting hit far more than I expected, and the rod looked far more painful than I imagined.
-Smack!
Yet Vivian did not flinch even slightly. She didn’t let out even the faint groans I once heard through the door.
Instead, every so often she merely glanced sideways at me.
As though checking whether I was truly watching properly.
Her expression was complicated.
Part of it looked ashamed.
-Smack!
That made thirty-two strikes.
There was no way bruises wouldn’t form.
I looked toward Lady Linne.
Without any change in expression, she simply listened to Vivian’s reading aloud.
Feeling strangely frustrated, I quietly let out another sigh.
“...Ha.”
I couldn’t understand why watching her get hit felt this unpleasant.
.
.
.
Eventually, after a long time, the lesson ended.
“Lady Vivian, I shall see you later. Go have your meal and return afterward.”
Lady Linne glanced at me while speaking.
Clicking her tongue, she sent me a look of contempt.
“...”
I returned the same disgusted stare.
It made me wish Father had killed a few more people from her family.
Now that the lesson was over, I stood from my seat as well.
I had originally planned to tease Vivian a little as revenge for all the recent torment she put me through... but decided against it.
Not just because of the punishment either.
Vivian’s expression looked terrible.
She stood there looking as though even the slightest touch would make her burst into tears again.
Her ears were red, whether from shame or anger.
So I silently turned to leave the room.
“...Where are you going?”
But then she spoke.
When I looked back, Vivian was rubbing at her eyes with the back of her hand to wipe away tears.
Only after Lady Linne disappeared did the tears she had been holding back finally fall.
“I-I told you... I’d share my life with you.”
“...And what exactly are you planning to do?”
“D-Do you know how many times I got hit?”
“...Forty-one.”
“...”
Vivian, still rubbing her eyes, looked up at me.
Her eyes brimmed with smeared tears.
Without even hiding them, her lips moved slightly.
Her expression clearly asked how I even remembered the exact number.
Then, regaining her senses, she quickly wiped away the rest of her tears.
“Y-You should get hit the same amount too. Then we’ll see if you can still say the same things you said before.”
She walked over to her desk and opened a drawer.
From inside, she pulled out a spare rod identical to Lady Linne’s.
I said to her,
“Even if you hit me, it probably won’t hurt.”
“...”
Vivian froze briefly at my words, then called in one of the maids waiting outside.
“You called for me?”
“Sena. Hit Kylo Allen forty-one times with this. As hard as you can.”
“Pardon...?”
“It’s an order.”
The maid called Sena looked at me with an unwilling expression.
Meanwhile, my own thoughts wavered.
Part of me wondered if coming here had been a mistake, while another part wondered whether letting her do this would ease that expression on her face a little.
The smile she showed while I was doing laundry floated back into my mind.
If I experienced what she experienced too, would it comfort her somehow?
Would sharing the same pain make things better?
Whatever the answer, I didn’t want to run away from the blazing look in Vivian’s eyes.
So while the maid hesitated, I nodded.
Only then did Vivian seem slightly flustered.
As though she never expected me to accept it this easily.
Taking a deep breath, Sena swung the rod against my forearm.
-Smack!!
Sharp pain ran through my arm.
But without changing my expression, I only stared at Vivian.
-Smack!
Vivian watched my reaction while staring back at me.
Neither of us broke eye contact while Sena swung the rod forty-one times.
-Smack!
For a long while, we simply continued staring into each other’s eyes.
.
.
.
By the time it ended, I could see the faintest trace of guilt appearing on Vivian’s face.
I didn’t particularly like that.
I didn’t want to see her looking weak again.
Her life was already difficult enough. What would she accomplish if she stayed this fragile?
“...It’s finished.”
Sweating heavily, Sena finally announced the end.
Vivian glanced once at my forearms and frowned.
“...You...”
She looked like she wanted to say something.
I waited a long time for her to speak first.
After the long silence, she finally whispered,
“...Doesn’t it hurt?”
“...”
I didn’t know how to answer.
I couldn’t tell whether it was pure curiosity or guilt disguised as concern.
Probably not concern.
“...”
It did hurt.
But should I admit that?
Wouldn’t pretending to be strong be better for Vivian?
Or perhaps she wanted sympathy.
Maybe she wanted me to hurt alongside her the same way she hurt.
I didn’t know.
Unable to find an answer, I ultimately chose silence.
“...Forget it.”
Vivian spoke weakly.
After hesitating briefly, I turned and left the room.
I could feel Vivian’s gaze following the back of my head.
As I walked through the castle returning to the Punishment Corps, I heard the maids whispering through the halls.
‘They’re both really pitiful. At first I hated him too... but after watching them for so long...’
‘They’re both still so young, yet because of their families...’
‘...What choice do they have? If they don’t act like this, things could become dangerous for them instantly...’
‘Especially Kylo Allen... He probably used to live being treated like royalty...’
‘Lady Vivian would probably be better off just giving up...’
Continuing around a corner, I spotted the maids cleaning the castle.
The moment they saw me, they startled and scattered in all directions.
I let out a sigh.
Even little things like those whispers irritated me.
Pitiful this, dangerous that...
...Vivian was undoubtedly under pressure from the same sort of talk.
“...”
Looking back now, I realized I had been careless.
That night, without fully understanding her situation, I arrogantly pushed her.
Though to be fair, I had been desperate too...
But the more closely I observed, the harsher Vivian’s life seemed.
Simply provoking her competitive spirit and proving I could endure more didn’t seem enough for her to overcome everything.
She needed genuine help.
Would taking punishment alongside her help at all?
“...Ha.”
I shook my head, trying to clear my thoughts.
I didn’t know why I kept worrying about this.
I should have simply stopped caring whether Vivian got beaten, ignored, or died.
So why couldn’t I leave her alone?
Taking care of myself was already difficult enough.
While I stood there lost in thought, someone approached me.
“Kylo Allen!”
A sturdy man raised a hand to signal me.
The red band around his arm marked him as part of the Surveillance Corps.
His name was probably... Coleman.
Vergor’s lieutenant.
“Kylo Allen, Sir Vergor is calling for you.”
Coleman spoke.
“...Me?”
.
.
.
Vergor sat inside his office trimming his nails.
Blowing softly across them, he brushed away the nail dust.
When I entered, he glanced sideways at me and said,
“...Finished the laundry I assigned you?”
“...”
I hadn’t.
The clothes were still abandoned beside the river.
Vergor sneered.
“Looks like you’re having a wonderful time lately. Give you a little freedom and suddenly you do whatever you want.”
If I failed to complete my tasks, Vergor wouldn’t even give me food.
Not wanting to starve, I answered,
“I’ll finish it now. I was almost done before I got interrupted.”
“Forget it. That’s not why I called you.”
“...?”
-Tap.
Vergor set down the tools in his hand and looked directly at me.
A wrinkle formed across his forehead as he spoke.
“Lately your arrogance has been reaching the heavens.”
When I looked confused, he explained.
“I hear you’ve been beating your fellow soldiers with a sword every single day.”
Recently, I had indeed been crushing every sparring opponent they threw at me.
Otherwise, I felt they would look down on me.
I shot back at Vergor,
“You’re the one making us spar every day.”
“I ordered sparring. Did I order assault?”
“Is it my fault they’re all weak?”
“Stop tormenting those ‘weak’ kids.”
His words sparked the anger inside me.
“Tormenting? Have you seen how huge they are compared to me? If anyone’s getting tormented, it’s me. And I’m fighting alone every time.”
Vergor mocked my answer.
“You are tormenting them. The eldest son of a knightly family beating up the baker’s child, the fisherman’s son, the farmer’s kid with a sword.”
For a moment, I couldn’t respond.
“The kids in the Punishment Corps had never even held a sword before coming here. And you think beating them down with a sword isn’t bullying?”
Belatedly swallowing my confusion, I answered,
“...Then they shouldn’t have picked fights with me. Who was it throwing punches at me in the middle of the night?”
“Last time it was only fists. What if next time they come at you with daggers?”
“...”
Shaking his head, Vergor stood up and slowly approached me.
“I thought even if you were from a ruined knightly family, you’d still have at least some sense of chivalry.”
“...If there’s an idiot preaching chivalry in the middle of enemy territory, bring him here so I can meet him.”
“Enemy territory, huh...”
-Thud.
Vergor placed a hand on my shoulder.
Heavy force pressed down.
“Still haven’t realized it? This place is your home now.”
“...”
“The people beside you are your comrades. Not people you should be beating down.”
His words forced me to confront reality.
Part of me even felt he was right, and I blinked while staring at the floor.
-Tap.
Then I brushed his arm off.
His heavy hand moved away with difficulty.
“I’m only giving advice. If you die too easily, we’ll have nothing to say to your father.”
“...Why would I die?”
Even at night, I kept my ears open.
I stayed alert for danger at all times.
I had no intention of dying easily.
Vergor sneered at me again.
“I’m not talking about your comrades. Though it’s possible, unless they want to spend their lives trapped in the Punishment Corps or get executed, they won’t actually try to kill you.”
“...?”
“In case you forgot, we’re still a knight order. Soon we’ll march out to subjugate the monsters surrounding Roktana. Do you think you’ll stay safe during those expeditions? If your comrades abandon you, do you think you’ll return alive?”
“...”
“When that time comes, you’ll desperately want comrades you can trust with your back.”
Afterward, Vergor ignored me and walked toward Coleman, who had been waiting outside the office.
“Coleman, we’re going to see Baellor. Prepare the documents. And—”
Meanwhile, I sank into thought.
I hadn’t even considered deployment.
Come to think of it, didn’t Vivian say she hoped I would naturally die while hunting monsters out there?
“...”
After finishing his conversation with Coleman, Vergor approached me again and said,
“You’ve beaten each other enough. It’s time to make peace now. Who knows? Maybe one day they’ll become comrades who protect you.”
“...”
“The kids in the Punishment Corps are pitiful too. Victims of the war. Many of them lost their fathers without even understanding why and had to become the heads of their households overnight. Balon, Willas, and Martin—the boys sharing your room—are prime examples.”
I answered quietly.
“...I’m a victim of the war too.”
“I know.”
Vergor said.
“If you weren’t, I wouldn’t be giving you advice like this today.”
I looked back at Vergor.
After spending months together, his attitude toward me had definitely changed.
“...Anyway, if dying is your dream, then go somewhere else and do it. I don’t want the responsibility.”
“...”
Vergor looked down at me with pity for a moment... then snorted loudly through his nose and left.