The Mine, Red Ginseng Candy, and Heavenly Demon Hitler (4)
—Hah… I worked so hard, and I still failed this year. Maybe I should look for something other than art…
Adolf Hitler.
—This is…!
Having failed to get into art school and forced into another year of cramming, he discovered an ancient kung fu secret manual in a rundown goshiwon.
—Ahyo~!
Filled with hope that he could become a kung fu master, Hitler even gave up his beloved hours of Japanese shunga appreciation to master the manual—never sensing the ominous aura sealed within its name.
—My power’s going wild—aaaaaagh!
The manual, brimming with transcendent and sinister kung fu power, was titled The Fundamentals of the Heavenly Demon.
Deemed far too dangerous, the ancient kung fu masters had sealed it away. Legend held that it was a grimoire created by those who most fanatically worshipped the deep-rooted evil custom of the kung fu world—“the strong eat the weak”—in collusion with yokai!
—This seat shall stand tall above the world.
By the time he learned the truth, it was already far too late. Possessed by demonic energy, Hitler succeeded in mastering the entire Fundamentals of the Heavenly Demon and was reborn as a being beyond all standards of strength.
—The spinning world is changing. It’s your turn to change as well.
Hitler styled himself the “Sixth Heavenly Demon King”—in other words, the “Heavenly Demon”—and gathered the forces that had been slumbering in the darkness.
The ghosts of the past, now reduced to ridiculous third-rate villains who only appeared in children’s fairy tales.
—I reject the existing order! I reject the cycle of reincarnation! I hate this world ruled by dictators who differ only in name! The foolish gods and Buddhas who prop up this rotten world are my enemies! I will cast down that arrogant one! This is the symbol of that will!
The Buddhist swastika, the manji. Hitler took a design that looked like someone had punched one of its corners and made it his flag.
What we know as the Hakenkreuz.
The man who raised a banner of rebellion against Buddha and Buddhism.
The man who dug up the bones of the samurai the ninjas had slain and resurrected them with sorcery.
The man who goaded Heinrich Himmler, leader of the Anti-Buddha Alliance, and the Thule Society into restoring the Armored-Sauruses.
The man who turned the kung fu masters who had lost their jobs to advanced science and were reduced to day labor on construction sites into full-time employees.
The man who hastily gathered every other bastard whose names I can’t even remember.
The face of the son of a bitch I could never forgive appeared in the distance.
Even the way he fiddled with his mustache was revolting.
My heart screamed. Dream or reality, it didn’t matter—I had to kill that bastard.
“….”
I checked the faces of the soldiers attending Hitler one by one.
Just as I was fingering the dagger in my robes, planning to finish them in a single strike before they noticed—
“That’s a ninja.”
A man and woman in hoodies wearing skull masks locked their gazes precisely on the direction where I stood.
“Descendants of the Assassin Order?!”
I recognized them the instant I saw their faces. Among the entire Yokai-Nazi Allied Forces except Hitler himself, the only ones who could possibly detect my Floating Shadow were the assassins of the Assassin Order.
The dark organization Hassan-i Sabbah had founded to assassinate the temple monks—the long-time rivals of the ninjas who had enjoyed centuries of notoriety.
—Stand up straight, Hassan! Why would you do something so lacking in professional ethics?!
Even though we were in the same line of work, they had accepted contracts at lower prices without a shred of sportsmanship, so the ninjas had wiped them out.
So the rumor that they had joined hands with Hitler to rebuild the Order was true after all.
“Enemy of the Order!”
The ghosts of the past drew their assassin blades and charged me.
Movements as sharp and swift as finely honed steel. Assassins of considerable skill.
“You Assassin Order bastards always talk too much.”
But I was a super Runaway Ninja tempered by crushing the bizarre yakuza, samurai, and yokai of a fantasy world.
Their movements? They looked so slow I could yawn.
I flicked the daggers I had been toying with, one into each of their skulls.
“Assassin?!”
“Edge-ot?!”
They flipped through the air and died.
“—Slow. Even at dodging.”
Evading my throwing speed, which approached Mach 3, was impossible for them. The outcome had been decided from the start.
“The enemy is a ninja! Our foe! Fire!”
Cannon—!
At the Nazi officer’s command, the Armored-Sauruses’ Type 9286 100+10 cm cannons belched fire.
Pishung-pushung-pashung!
Sound effects so enormous even a shitty TV channel would flee in terror. Meeting that firepower head-on? Impossible.
“Just you wait!”
I had no choice but to take the thirty-sixth stratagem and run. Fighting a full-scale battle against the Yokai-Nazi Allied Forces at their peak would be pure insanity.
Sasa-sasak—
I slipped into the nearby forest. Perhaps because so many had turned back to protect Heavenly Demon Hitler’s safety, the number of Allied Forces chasing me was small.
They clearly believed there were other ninjas besides me.
“Hey guy!”
A Latina woman who had been hot on my heels with the shrinking-earth technique whistled.
Red martial arts robes and sun-bronzed skin. It was unmistakably the Mount Hua Sect kung fu master, Ancient Red Dragon.
Hwarrrrrrk—!
As if confirming my deduction, she unleashed a fire breath.
“Whoa!”
I dodged by a hair’s breadth and checked the aftermath of destruction the breath had left behind.
Grass, trees, rocks—everything was burned black beyond recognition.
“SORRY. I AM STRONG.”
Ancient Red Dragon grinned proudly. Just as I moved to feed her face the Takoyaki Killing Method—
Whiriririri!
The Zhuge Clan’s poison arts swept over me.
“Oh, for fuck’s sake!”
Shaaaaa—!
Vipers with poison-stained fangs surged forward. I frantically chopped their necks with my ninja blade and managed to defend. Or so I thought.
“By Fire Be Purged!”
Flames erupted from Ancient Red Dragon’s hands.
Sasak—!
I dropped flat in a hurry, but I couldn’t protect my hair. My glossy locks went up in smoke along with my hood.
“You little…!”
My pupils spun for a split second.
No! I couldn’t go berserk here. I forced myself to remember that this was an illusion world created by the Watchman and calmed the boiling rage in my gut.
“—I’ll take your hair as well.”
It’ll grow back when I return to reality, right? If not, I’ll just have to look into wigs.
“Surprise~! Ha ha ha!”
Ancient Red Dragon clutched her belly and laughed, red hair whipping about.
Whiriririri!
From the rear, the Zhuge Clan kung fu master Snake Heart controlled the vipers with a brainwashing recorder.
“Aye, Aye!”
At some point, the Blackbeard Pirate crew had appeared in the sky astride flying heavy-armed sharks.
There were far too many enemies to face.
So the ninjas of the twentieth century had waged war against monsters like these—and won? My hand gripping the ninja blade began to tremble.
Can I win? No—I have to win.
The Neo Yokai-Nazi Allied Forces that dominate the twenty-first-century fantasy world will have built an even mightier power base than this.
No matter how strong they look, these are just has-beens from a hundred years ago.
A third-rate ninja who dies without accomplishing anything against bastards like these can never become a Runaway Ninja.
“Wazabyot~!”
I severed the heads of the Bio-Hydras and dodged Ancient Red Dragon’s fire breath.
Pshuu~ Boom!
Missiles from the flying heavy-armed sharks slammed into the ground where I had just been and exploded.
The forest became a sea of flames.
“Take this!”
While I was dodging the blaze, Ancient Red Dragon closed the distance with mystical footwork and drove a straight punch at my face.
“Come to Daddy’s arms.”
I caught the fist, twisted it, and yanked her toward me.
As expected of a firepower-type kung fu master who just blasted flames everywhere, her close-quarters combat was pitiful compared to mine.
“What~?!”
I drove a jet kick into the abdomen of the flustered Ancient Red Dragon as she was pulled in.
Her abs were rock-hard from training since childhood, no doubt. But the power of my jet kick—sharper and keener than any blade—far surpassed that durability.
A special-grade shield colliding with a legendary-grade spear that pierces all things.
“Comeandgo!”
There was no overcoming the difference in grade. A hole punched through her gut, Ancient Red Dragon’s waist bent like a bow.
The still-scorching corpse of the Mount Hua Sect kung fu master flew straight into Snake Heart.
“Keok!”
The instant Ancient Red Dragon’s ass struck the brainwashing recorder, the philtrum of Snake Heart—who had been holding it in his mouth—caved in.
Pusuk!
Tomato juice sprayed violently.
“Amazing. So there are unicorns with horns on their mouths too.”
I tossed out an appropriate bit of flowery language while dodging the missile barrage from the Blackbeard Pirates.
I had taken down two of them, but there was no room to relax.
Thud-thud!
I could hear the footsteps of the Armored-Sauruses approaching after confirming Hitler’s safety.
Pishung— pishung— pishung—
Atlantis Aqua Missiles from the flying heavy-armed sharks came one after another in regular intervals.
Ta-ta-tat!
I stepped on each of them—arranged like a staircase—and launched myself into the air.
Being an illusion world, the physics engine felt a notch more impressive.
“Nani?!”
I landed on the nearest shark and seized the startled pirate’s head with both hands.
“—Pressing the BTS (Black Tiger Shrimp) chicken nugget set on a waffle iron.”
Flat crunch!
The pirate’s head was beautifully crushed. Being a descendant of the ancient Atlanteans, his blood was transparent.
“Kill that bastard at once!”
Atop the shark plummeting without its master, I saw a Nazi officer screaming at the top of his lungs.
Killing these trash mobs one by one wouldn’t deal any real damage. The one I had to kill first was only one person.
Their leader, the core of their ideology, the key combat strength of the Allied Forces—Heavenly Demon Hitler.
Bang!
I stomped the machine hanging from the shark’s side with my toes and smashed it.
Pajijijik!
The machine spewed electricity and a massive cloud of smoke.
Bang!
The moment the shark crashed to the ground, I unfurled Floating Shadow. The smoke bought me enough time to cast it safely.
Now it was time to find Hitler.
Sasak— sasasak—
I slipped past the Nazi officers staring into the thick smoke and exited the forest.
The ones guarding Hitler were undead samurai. In exchange for immortal bodies, their sensory organs had rotted, so they couldn’t detect my Floating Shadow.
I approached Hitler, who stood stock-still gazing toward the forest.
“...”
Even after I entered within a hundred meters, he showed no sign of noticing me. Agatha of the Seven Sword Kings had sensed something approaching the instant I moved.
Is this bastard weaker than the Seven Sword Kings?
“Young man. Did you know?”
“?!”
Hitler tapped his own head without even glancing my way.
“It’s still steaming.”
Ah, that fucking Ancient Red Dragon bitch…
If I didn’t strike now, there would be no second chance for a surprise attack. I simply charged.
Tudadada—
I ran at full speed with every ounce of strength I had left from suckling at my mother’s breast, yet Hitler never even looked. He merely stretched his right hand straight toward me.
“—Heavenly Demon.”
The immense power carried in those words made the few remaining strands of my hair tremble.
“—Gamma Ray Burst.”
And the illusion world was destroyed.